Wedding 'Em at Hedingham! Plus Nonsuch Awareness...

Good King Hal and his Mother discussing the current rocketing price of rhubarb in the Yemen.

Ah, a late summer wedding - how nice!  Louise, a fine Tudor Lady who I have walked around some of the best stately homes in Britain with, was getting married to her fiance Jason, with the wedding taking place in the august surrounds of Hedingham Castle, followed by a reception at a lovely hotel in Old Harlow Town.  I drove up to Hedingham from Amanda's house in Basildon, and this time I wasn't chased round Chelmsford by the Police Interceptors team, so there goes my chances of appearing on Channel 5 in the next few months.  It was a scorching hot day on the Saturday and I wasn't sure how I would last in the full Henry gear.  I was joined in being costumed by the Tudor Roses who arrived very shortly after I did.  There was Lady Emma, Lady Erica and Lady Katherine, who seemed fully recovered from her recent visit to Barrington Court.  They were as ever accompanied by the splendid "Lord" Darren Wilkins and his ever present camera.

We were supposed to get changed on the top floor of the keep at Hedingham, but to be honest I wasn't sure my knees could manage to drag me and the enormous costume up that many stairs, so as the Roses disappeared off to their lofty perch, I chickened out and went into the deserted cafe on the 1st floor and got changed in there instead.  We were soon all Tudored-Up and ready for action, and just in time as well as the first guests were already arriving.  We greeted them outside the keep and ushered them up to the cafe where soft drinks were being served.  Some of the Tudor Roses got a little over-excited by the extremely muscular and buff paramedics on duty that day, but I blame the heat personally.  The groom and best man arrived and looked fine in their Tudor costumes, so we positioned ourselves in the main hall on the 2nd floor and awaited the arrival of the bride.  The hall was darkened and lit purely by candle-light and looked stunningly atmospheric.  With everyone seated news filtered up that the bride was here.  I was positioned at the front of the hall and armed with my Tudor recorder as I had been requested to serenade the bride in.  She seemed a bit taken aback by my rendition of the "Hawaii Five-O" theme, but perked up a little when I launched into a growl cornet version of "It Must Be Jelly 'Cause Jam Don't Shake Like That".  Of course I didn't, I had been asked to play "Greensleeves", so I did and it was either bloody awful or lovely as it reduced Louise to tears.  I also played during the signing of the register, and then it was time for photos outside the castle.  Myself and the Tudor Roses then made a run for it as we had to drive the 30+ miles to Harlow and the reception hotel, to be there ready for when the guests arrived.  This involved not getting changed out of the Tudor clothes and driving fully Henry'd up, which garnered me one or two odd looks from other drivers.

The Reception meal was delightful, and there were little gifts for all the Tudor Roses and myself.  I did my announcements for the arrival of the Bride and Groom, and then also did the announcement for the speeches. That was the end of the meal and tables were soon being moved as it was time for the evening dance to begin.  But I had an early start in the morning for an appearance at the Nonsuch Awareness Day near Epsom in Surrey in the morning.  So after getting changed and making my many goodbyes I drove down to Kent and an evening with my lovely Shelley.  Heaven!  Louise and Jason's wedding was really memorable and great fun - I wish them a long and happy marriage!

The King at the Nonsuch Awareness Day with a piece of impressive machinery in his hands.

Shelley very kindly offered to drive me and Sir Owen over to the Nonsuch Awareness Day, which was lovely!  I was going to go into great detail about Nonsuch Palace and it's history, but I would be here all day - the best I can suggest is you click on this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonsuch_Palace and read all about it there!  Better still go out and buy one of XTC's finest albums which is called "Nonsuch" and has a very nice wood carving of the palace on the cover.  Andy Partridge's bank manager will thank you profusely.

I was once more joined by the Tudor Roses, this time Lady Emma and Lady Erica, and the inevitable Lord Wilkins.  We had a fine time walking round the stalls and chatting to the various stall holders.  There was a fine mixture of craftsmen, associations, armed forces, BMX riders and charities there, and in the scorching weather there was a very good turn out - estimates put it at about 2,000 people, which was magnificent.  Shelley, Owen and I took great delight in watching the BMX riders doing their stunts and then laughing like drains when they fell off.  Very childish but tremendous fun. Lady Erica enjoyed herself enormously with the soldiers from the local TA, with their great big transporter - saucy thing.  All in all it was a fun day, a little too warm for my liking, but fun to be with the Roses and a delight to be with my Shelley.  It was also good to see the Tudor Roses showing the historical dancers there how to do it properly.  A big shout out to Leanne Pickard who organised the whole thing and did a fabulous job.  Well done!

St Francis Junior, Ventnor, Isle of Wight

Good King Hal firing a tranquilising dart at restless pupils during his fourteen hour presentation on the Pilgrimage of Grace. My how they laughed.

On Wednesday evening I had popped over to Martock to see my friend Judy who is making me a new Henry costume. She was also renovating my hat as it was looking a bit tired. The evening was a perfect example of what winter can be - clear, bright and crisply cold. Lovely. I knew that in the morning I was up with the lark to drive down to Lymington to catch the ferry over to the Isle of Wight for a visit to St Francis Junior School in Ventnor, and a clear crisp morning would make the drive down to the New Forest port a delight. The alarm went off at "OH MY GOD IT'S EARLY" O'clock and I was horrified to look out the window and see heavy rain spattering against the pane and the loud moan of a strong wind. I think the word rhymes with "rugger".

The drive down, despite the weather and lots of patches of water gathering on the road, was remarkably easy. It was so nice to see the roads so clear. As I got down to Lymington I was rewarded with the site of a ferry waiting in the port. I popped in to pick up my ticket and was soon on board. My car was warm and inviting, and the thought of staggering up the stairs to the passenger lounge as the ferry tossed around on the wind blasted Solent didn't exactly make the heart beat any faster. So I simply snuggled down in my drivers seat and nodded off.

My journey from Yarmouth to Ventnor was via Freshwater and along the old military road. This was like something out of the Bible - the sky was black as Lemmy's leather jacket, the wind was hammering against the car and frequently jerking it to one side, and the rain was screaming in horizontally. My mood was lifted enormously when Aled Jones (the wonderful replacement for thirsty DJ Sharah (sic) Kennedy) announced that their celebrity "Birthday Wishes" for today, November 11th were going out to Andy Partridge, lead singer and guitarist with XTC! He even announced he was going to play an XTC track to celebrate! Now this would normally get me excited, but I know the BBC Radio playlist for XTC consists of "Making Plans For Nigel", "Senses Working Overtime", and usually something lamentably awful like "Generals and Majors" or "Science Friction". And then he played...wait for it... "The Mayor of Simpleton", one of my all time favourite XTC tracks, and suddenly that Bible black morning didn't seem quite so horrible!

St Francis School in Ventor is an odd place, honestly. It is a mixed Catholic and C of E School. I wondered if they had half the children down one end of the playground brandishing pictures of Pope Benedict XVI and waving Irish tricolours above their heads, whilst the other half marched around in bowler hats and orange sashes screaming about "NO SURRENDARRR!" But they didn't, it was a lovely place. I was warmly welcomed by Emily Ridett who I had previously seen at Haylands School in Ryde on a previous Vectis visit, and was soon set up in the hall. We had a great morning, lots of laughs and some really sparky smart children. We had a break at 11am to mark the two minute silence for Armistice Day. After a lovely lunch we were back in the hall quite early for some fun with the stocks and then a storming, noisy and memorable jousting tournament that went right to the wire. This time the Gents finally broke away and won the final. This now makes our score:

GENTLEMEN 8 - 7 LADIES

I packed up and was on my way, and was soon at Yarmouth, just as a ferry was coming into port. I thought I'd soon be on board and on my way. But we sat there, and sat there, and sat there. Occasionally a member of staff would walk down the gang plank, scratch their arse, puff on their fag and (probably) blow off, before wandering back on board again. After about 45 minutes we were finally let on board. Again I waited in the car, though my sleep was somewhat disturbed this time by various idiots on board leaving their car alarms on before going up to the passenger deck. As soon as the ferry hit open water outside the port, and the strong winds and waves hit us every single car alarm seemed to go off in unison. My how we laughed. Of course by the time I got back to the mainland it was about 4.30pm and of course the rush hour had started. It took me some time, to fight my way through the heavy traffic and the terrible weather, but I was finally back in Crewkerne. I treated myself to a Chinese meal and am even now, girding my loins for another long drive tomorrow up to Wales.

Knights in Shining Karma

Meanwhile, back on the shelf, demon plasterer, Hank Corkpopper suddenly devised a whole new version of "University Challenge" for use in zero-g situations. Erroneous society hostess, Hortence Mouth-Breather is on the far right of the photo, brandishing the all leather boil lancing kit she won at the Hay-on-Wye literary festival. When suddenly...

I must definitely still be in a post-Andy Partridge interview fog, as for some reason at the end of the last blog entry I stated I was going to a banquet in Awford in Hampshire. What a coad of lobblers, as the Rev Spooner might have put it. There is no such place, as far as I know. I was actually going to Awbridge, near Romsey. I left with plenty of time to spare, but I got stuck in that famous bottle neck known to all and sundry as Salisbury. So as it was I actually arrived about five minutes late at the school, but it was OK, they all seemed very laid back about it! I got changed and was ushered into the hall where I was confronted by a big group of teachers, school children AND their parents! I was heralded in by two trumpeters and then greeted all the children in their Tudor finery. Next, after taking my seat at the head of the table I was treated to a fine example of Tudor dancing. We then ate a fine Tudor meal of pottage, ladies fingers, marzipan treats and lashings of home made ginger ale, which unfortunately tasted rather a lot like cold lemsip made up with cat urine, however everything else was delicious. I did a small Henry talky bit about the six wives, was then serenaded by a recorder trio, then a flautist, then a violinist, and then we had some study of a big painting of the Field of the Cloth of Gold, and almost as soon as it had started, it was over! It was a lovely little interlude at a truly wonderful school.

Early on the Saturday I drove to Wales to spend the weekend with my parents at their lovely new home in Newcastle Emlyn. The weather was mostly awful, but it was lovely to see them both and I ate and drank far too much, so Henry is back on his diet with a vengeance today! We had dinner on the Saturday night at The Daffodil Pub in a village I can't even spell, let alone pronounce. And then on the Sunday, after a nice bracing walk in the morning we drove to Cenarth and the Three Horseshoes Pub where we had a gorgeous roast beef dinner in wonderfully old world surroundings, and all with good beer, bizarrely Christmas carols on the sound system, and a gigantically chested waitress. What more could you ask for?

I drove back to Somerset on the Monday morning, and took the day relatively easily, before meeting up with Matthew Applegate from Barrington Court at the Duke of York pub in Shepton Beauchamp for a wee beer or two. Today, Tuesday I have been back to Trull School just outside Taunton for my fifth annual visit to this lovely school. We had yet another fantastic day, a very small group, only about 28 children, but in superb costumes and all very knowledgeable and excited about the day. Just before lunch we de-camped to the ancient church opposite the school for some suitably silly posed photos of Henry with the children. After lunch we whipped through a fine, fun afternoon that culminated in a very exciting jousting tournament that went to a sudden death race off in the final, which resulted in that rarest of things this year - a win for the gentlemen! This now makes our score:

GENTLEMEN 14 - 23 LADIES

Not quite respectable for the gents yet, but it is slowly getting better. Just watching Wolves take poor old West Ham to the cleaners tonight, then later this week I am back off to Little Parndon School in Harlow on Friday and then back to Wickford Junior in...er...Wickford on Monday. All should be fun. We are also editing the Andy Partridge interview (keeping everything crossed) next Tuesday.

Andy Partridge interview

Skylarking by XTC from 1986. The single most wonderful record in the history of the Universe. (Possible slight exaggeration, but it is jolly good anyway).

This was a day I thought would never happen. I have been a fan of XTC for so long now. Well over 20 years I have listened to their clever, intelligent, catchy, melodic, annoying, heart-rending, beautiful, wistful music. To me Andy Partridge, main songwriter and singer with the group, has been this icon - a genius of God-like stature, unapproachable, untouchable, almost unreal. A short while ago I got involved with helping with the formation of a local community based radio station in Crewkerne called United FM. They have asked me to present a late night radio show at weekends playing music of all sorts into the wee small hours. I asked if I could have a regular evening slot called "Sheer XTC" where I can play a fine sweep of the works of Swindon's finest product since the Great Western Railway. The management of the station agreed. I then wondered if there was any chance I could sort out an interview or appearance by Mr Partridge at the station, but how to get hold of him? Andy has his own record label now called "Ape House Records" and on hunting down their website (http://www.ape.uk.net/) I sent a rather hopeful email and didn't really expect much to happen. But, boy did it ever happen! I got an email from Andy's assistant saying that he was very happy to do an interview, but it would have to be over the phone as he didn't drive and getting to Crewkerne could be a bit of a "pain in the..." (well, you work it out!).

After much umming and ahhing it was finally settled that the interview would take place at 1.30pm on Thursday March 18th. After various technical difficulties were sorted out by Greg the brilliant techie at United FM, I tentatively phoned Andy on the number I had been given by the record label. And suddenly I was on the phone with Andy Partridge. He was real. He was friendly, and he was laughing at some of my very lame jokes. What a nice chap. I had been booked to speak to Andy for 20 minutes - we ended up talking for over an hour. When the recording had finished Andy wanted to continue the conversation, so we then talked for another 20 minutes, off the record, so to speak which was equally friendly and enlightening. We finally parted with Andy inviting me to Swindon for dinner at a very nice Spanish restaurant that he highly recommended. How fantastic was that? The interview could not have gone better and I am delighted to announce that Andy Partridge is now definitely not a God. No, he seems for more like a close friend, which is truly wonderful.

I am back to being Henry on Friday with a banquet to do at Awford in Hampshire in the afternoon. Should be fun.

Apple Venus from 1999. Another pretty good XTC album. (Alright, it's totally bloody brilliant, but don't take my word for it - buy it!).