Whoever is Holding Spring Hostage, Can You Release It? Please!

Spring last year - you remember?  Sunny and warm.  Dry.  No wind.  Ring any bells?

With winter showing no sign of abating for the time being, we plod on through what must be the longest season in the history of humanity.  According to my records winter started on June 6th 2012 and is still going.  So that's global warming that is...  Climate change?  Yeah, that as well.  All I know is that I have icicles on all of my exposed areas and permafrost in my codpiece.

My latest Henry shenanigans saw me last Saturday (the 16th) bowling up at BBC Somerset in Taunton for an appearance on the Emma Britton Show.  This was a bit different to my previous appearances as it wasn't as just one of her panel commenting on certain news items.  This time I was to be interviewed as one of her "Somerset Lives" series.  I was following in the footsteps of Michael Eavis and Tara Newley, so in my own warped little mind I was hugely famous for a day.  I got to Taunton early and had a nice wander round the shops - it is a fine town for shopping, but as I was virtually skint it was more a case of pressing my face against the glass and looking longingly in at the goodies inside until I was chased off by irate shop girls.  I walked up to the BBC studio in Park Street and was greeted by Emma with a big hug, which was nice. I sat in the Green Room sipping tea and receiving messages of good luck from various friends around the globe who would be tuning in, including Amanda and James in Essex, and Shelley and Sir Owen in Maidstone.  And then I was on!  It was a nice relaxed interview, lasting about half an hour and lots of laughs.  If you got a chance to hear it I hope you enjoyed it and if you didn't........ what the HELL were you doing???  Emma successfully grilled me about all aspects of my life and I did my best to answer the questions and be entertaining, so hopefully that worked!

On the Sunday I popped over to Barrington Court to see Matthew Applegate and drink more tea.  We had a nice relaxed chat and I offered some ideas to him for various Henry walkabouts over the summer, should it ever decide to put in an appearance, and the possibility of a one day "Tudor Festival" - watch this space for more...

Monday I was back on the road, driving up to Essex ready for a Henry Day at a new school for me - Woodham Ley Junior in Benfleet near Southend.  As I drove into the car park, the lady who had just driven in in front of me saw me parking and shouted "You MUST be Henry!" which I took as a compliment.  What a lovely school!  It was a fabulous day - great fun.  A nice group of about 60 children, mixed across years 3, 4 and 5.  I did my opening bellow ass Henry to the group and one little girl immediately dissolved into tears and threw herself at her nearest teacher, before being lead sobbing from the room.  And that was the last I saw of her for the day.  I hope I haven't damaged her permanently.  The rest were a really lively group, ready to laugh and join in with everything.  After lunch we had more fun and nonsense and ended up with a joust that was absolutely deafening.  Inevitably the ladies romped to an easy victory that now moves our score on to:

GENTLEMEN 12 - 20 LADIES

This is like England v San Marino.  Or England v Wales at rugby if you follow my drift.  I can almost declare this contest over already.  Come on Gents!

I had an evening with Amanda and James, my lovely son watching old Doctor Who episodes with him - yes, I am truly slowly turning him into an anorak.  The next day I drove down to Kent to spend the day with my lovely Shelley, before heading back to Somerset that night.  It was a nice little trip but over too soon.

And so the Easter Holidays are virtually upon us.  You can tell this by looking out the window and seeing elderly people being mauled in the streets by muderous gangs of rabid starving Polar Bears.  When IS spring going to start?  It must be soon.  Even Carol Kirkwood has disappeared from BBC Breakfast.  She's probably frozen in her dressing room.  My next Henry appearances are next weekend when jousting returns (ice storms permitting) at Knebworth House in Hertfordshire, and then I shall be back at Bourne Hall Museum in Epsom after that for a day of Henry's Horrid History on April 3rd.  Book early to avoid frost bite.

Now Is the Winter of Our Discontent... and it shows no sign of stopping.

Good King Hal and his Mother, doing the hokey cokey in anticipation of the end of winter.  They were wrong.

Ice and snow?  More of it?  Oh come on!  It was nearly spring the other week.  I even went into Crewkerne in just t-shirt and jeans.  If I tried that today I'd be ripped to pieces by a pack of wolves as soon as I stepped out of my front door.  And then to add insult to injury, a UN Hercules transporter would probably drop a large wooden crate full of high energy biscuits on me as a "humanitarian gesture".  I dare suggest they might get something similar back from me.

So another week goes past and they STILL haven't formerly asked me to be the Pope, so I shall carry on being Henry VIII until they do.  My latest port of call was a return to Leeds Castle for an evening corporate do on Friday March 8th.  I drove up from Somerset on the morning of the 8th and spent some of the day with my lovely Shelley in Maidstone.  Then it was up to the Castle - and as usual with an evening "do" an air of mild confusion seemed to reign.  First they had no idea where they wanted me to get changed - I couldn't use my usual room as it was full of "shop stuff" apparently.  Finally they decided I should get changed in the Triangle Room.  The next problem was no one seemed to know where it was.  By now time was flying and my chance to be changed and ready for when the guests arrived was a rapidly diminishing prospect.  Finally, we found the room and I got changed.

By the time I came downstairs some of the guests were already in the Library for their welcoming drinks. Everyone from the company had come dressed in fancy dress - lots of the ladies as saucy wenches, which was fine with me, plus loads of Knights, elegant Royalty, one man dressed as a Castle (don't ask, but he was obviously very proud) and even two dragons, one of whom was the lady who had booked me.  I felt quite sorry for her as she looked longingly at all the other ladies in their elegant and sexy outfits, and there was her with a big green head and floppy paws.  Bless.  One lady in particular was very striking - about six feet tall, in stripey black and white basque, fishnets and stilettos.  Trust me, it would have been rude NOT to stare.  She was the perfect comic foil for me though - while I was halfway through my pre-dinner routine about the six wives, she suddenly walked in through the door behind me, then stopped, standing right next to me, frozen it seemed by the glare of the audience.  I looked her up and down and then said "I told you to wait in the car" which brought the house down.

After processing the group down to the main banqueting hall, that was me done for the evening.  So I went back to the Triangle Room, got changed and was on my way.  I had dinner with Shelley and then had an early night.  On the Saturday I met up with the lovely Annie Lucas, late of Rochester Cathedral, but now living in Cornwall and running her own bespoke wedding dress making business.  We met up at Tunbridge Wells railway station in a small cafe next to it and discussed possible future plans for world domination in the wedding market.  Some good plans were hatched, and it was lovely to see the wonderful Annie again!

I was due to stay with Shelley for a few days but the weather forecast for the Monday morning was bleak and biblical, with promises of very heavy falls of snow across Kent and Sussex - so being the wimp I was I decided to make a run for it on the Sunday.  And so I headed back to Somerset.

It is still ridiculously cold, and there seems little let up in the weather continuing in the same vein for a while, even according to Carole Kirkwood again this morning.  I'm starting to go off her, you know.  My next Henry engagement is this weekend when I am appearing on Emma Britton's Saturday Morning Show on BBC Somerset  from about 10am as one of her Somerset Lives interviews.  I am following in the footsteps of Michael Eavis and Tara Newley, so I reckon I should wear slingbacks so I get noticed.  Tune in if you can folks!  After that it is back to being a King at schools again with a visit too Woodham Ley School in Essex.

A Bit of a Pickle

Good King Hal and Natalie Dormer show you how "that" scene in The Tudors would have looked like if it had taken place indoors, on a boat, and with clothes on.

Sometimes life goes past so fast that if you blink, you can miss some of it.  That is how this last week has felt to be brutally honest.  No sooner had the two days in Bristol gone last week, then I was getting ready for a visit down to my place from the lovely Shelley, and Sir Owen of Leeds Castle.  They arrived on the Friday afternoon, mainly to see me, but also to come along to the annual Chut Fest at Barrington Court, to which I had been invited again by the splendid Matthew Applegate.  As ever the whole of Chut Fest was a roaring success - very busy with plenty of interested punters wandering around sampling Chutneys, Jams and Pickles, and much fun to be had with Matthew, Rachel Brewer and everyone else.  Shelley and Owen stayed over until Monday morning when we went on our separate ways with me heading off to Romford in Essex for an afternoon at a school, and Shelley and Owen off back home to Maidstone.

My afternoon was at Broadford School in Harold Hill, which is the Latin quarter of Romford.  I had previously visited this school in 2009 for a full day, but I had managed to remember where the site was, so I felt quietly confident when I arrived.  Nope, confidence might have been a bit misplaced - the reception area was partially boarded up and visitors were encouraged to go to the new building.  I couldn't find the new building and it was hammering down with rain.  This was beginning to be a bit of a pain.  I saw a lady with a push chair and asked her where the new school was, and she patiently pointed out the obvious and massive new build behind the old school house.  Oh, THAT school.  I drove round to a big side entrance to the car park on the side of the new school building.  I got out in the pouring rain and pushed the buzzer entry on the gates.  There was no reply, so I pressed it again.  Still no reply.  By now I was virtually soaked to the skin, so I had one last hopeless go with the bell and was delighted to get a reply.  Soon I was in and drying off in a very welcoming staff room, along with a warming cup of tea.  It was a fun afternoon with a combined group of years 3 and 4, with just an opening talk and music from Henry and then a loud and exciting jousting tournament.  It was a very closely fought final between two very good teams, but I had to disqualify the Gents team in the final as one of their riders only collected three quoits before returning to base and handing on to the next team member.  This brought out score back to:

GENTLEMEN 3 - 3 LADIES

So any advantage the gents had has already slipped away.  Normal service now resumed?  We shall see.  I spent the Monday night with my lovely son James in Basildon, desperately trying to convince him of the positives and advantages of an early night.  He didn't seem to get the message.  I personally had to go to bed early as I was up and out of the front door at the crack of dawn the next day.

So the Tuesday dawned with me heading back to dear old St Cecillia's School in North Cheam in Surrey - this was my 10th year of visiting this lovely school and it was, as ever as pleasure and delight to be back there.  The journey down was hard work, with the M25 being in an absolute pig of a mood with stacked up cars and drizzly lousy weather.  I eventually arrived at St Cecillia's and was warmly welcomed by the caretaker (with yet ANOTHER new car) and all the other staff members, nearly all of whom said "is it another year already?"  It was a group of about 60+ children, all of whom were in fantastic costumes, as were the teachers.  What can I say about St Cecillia's which I haven't already said in previous blog entries about this school?  It was a superb day as ever, plenty of laughs and warm friendliness from all the staff and children.  The final joust was predictably loud and exciting and, with one poor little lad having a bit of a melt down in the final, it was left to a ladies team to walk away unopposed with the title.  The score clicks inexorably on to:

GENTLEMEN 3 - 4 LADIES

So there is something faintly familiar about how the scores are starting to turn.  I drove from North Cheam back down to Maidstone to spend another evening with Shelley.  We had a lovely day out in Maidstone (it is possible, honest) on the Wednesday, before I drove back to Somerset that evening.  I was home just after 11pm, but I had to be up early again as I was back on BBC Somerset the following morning as they were broadcasting live from Montacute House near Yeovil and I was on their tour bus as a special guest.  Emma Britton wasn't available as she was on leave and so the show was run by Vernon Harfield instead, who obviously has designs on being the next Jeremy Paxman.  And he is ALMOST there, he just needs to get his nose and sense of moral outrage a bit more pronounced.

I am now full of cold and considering an early night, or death.  To be honest, the way I feel at the moment, either would do.

1,000 Umbrellas & Attack of the Morphs

Tony Hart's latest attempt at World domination. This is what a plague of Morph's looks like.  And it's art. 

After some months away, I had been invited back to appear on Emma Britton's show on BBC Somerset, being broadcast this particular morning "live" from the BBC bus at Barrington Court. As it is the middle of flaming June, I naturally woke up to the sound of heavy rain smashing against my bedroom window and a strong wind howling round the eaves.  Looking out across the streets and rooftops of Crewkerne it was a vista of wet misery and countless umbrellas.  Ah, it must be nearly Wimbledon fortnight.

I drove down to Barrington Court and arrived just after 8.30am.  The bus was parked up behind the court house and I was soon inside chatting to Emma and her team.  It was nice to be back with them again.  I was on the show with a lovely lady who worked as a fundraiser for Marie Curie Cancer Fund called Amy Llewellyn from Yeovil.  Our first burning topic of the day was do you throw your rubbish out the car window, or take it home with you.  Just like Question Time... Our second topic was as it is nearly Father's Day how do you feel about your father.  Well obviously my Dad is an absolute hero of mine, so I bigged him up tremendously - I hope he appreciates just how famous he is in Somerset now.  I also managed to get in a plug for my lovely friends The Tudor Roses, which they were very grateful for later.  My pleasure ladies!

When the broadcast had finished I bumped into Barrington potter Paul Jessop who very kindly invited me to his birthday party this evening (Saturday) and was then taken into the Court house to have a sneaky peak at the art installation you see in the picture above - Antony Gormley's "Field for the British Isles" that at first glance appears to be a massive convention of Morph characters from "Take Hart".  But on closer inspection it really works on so many levels - tens of thousands of these figures in three different rooms in Barrington Court, each with a beady pair of blank eyes staring at you, and each one subtly different from the one next to it.  They also gently change colour as well, so you get swathes of terracotta, then a deeper rustier colour cuts through, then slightly greyer etc.  And in the large kitchen, the sun cut through briefly and dazzled on the little army of figures.  Well worth a visit - particularly if you like Morph and being stared at.

The rain and horrible weather continues - will summer never come?  "And just when I thought that my vista was golden in hue - 1,000 umbrellas opened to spoil the view..."

A busy week next week - Newberries School in Radlett, Herts on Monday, then back to West Pennard near Glastonbury on Wednesday and Paulton Junior near Bristol on Thursday.

BBC Somerset, Yetminster, Somerset Museum and TIGHTS!

Good King Hal attempting to hide his four and a half ton body behind a painfully thin quintaine pole. It didn't work.

YETMINSTER! Home to Yeti's. It is! Honest. Well, the Yetties actually, who if you're not entirely sure who they are, they're actually a sort of Happy Shopper version of The Wurzels, which is no great recommendation if you're a music lover. Well I was back at St Andrew's Junior School in this delightful little town/big village just over the border from Somerset into Dorset. I was last here back in September 2008 (see this blog for my rave review of the place!) and it was good to be back and welcomed by such lovely kind and friendly teachers. It was a biggish group - years 3, 4 and 5 combined for a total of about 90 kids, and they were fantastic! All but one of them had dressed up in brilliant Tudor costumes, some of which you could tell had been lovingly made by a member of their family. Great stuff. We had a fine morning, but stiflingly hot! This is supposed to be September for heaven's sake! I suppose it is God's way of letting us know that the cricket season is over. I was very grateful for a fan being supplied for me for the day which I constantly had running trying to stop me spontaneously combusting. I had a school dinner, and whilst waiting for this one of the dinner ladies came up and said "'Ere, is that padding or all you?" pointing at my stomach. Without waiting for an answer she poked me. I pretended to grab for her ample bosom saying "My turn!" I was talking to some of the other dinner ladies about my recent gall bladder health problems and my low fat diet, when they brought my dinner out - a burger, salad... and chips. Oh well. The original dinner lady who wanted to poke my midriff snorted at the sight of my dinner. "I spose you're gonna tell us them chips is low fat, eh?" Now I don't mind ultra skinny people making derogatory remarks about my ample size, but this woman could easily have worked as a body-double for the R101, so she was on no moral high ground I can tell you. "Probably not" I said, looked her up and down and said "So what's your excuse?"

The afternoon was great fun - but even hotter, and we then had the wee ones from year 2 come and join us for the final joust. It was another rollicking affair with some very closely fought contests, but finished with a win for... the Gentlemen again! This year it seems they're inseparable. Current score is:

GENTLEMEN 3 - 3 LADIES

Next Henry show in a school is on Friday at St Edward's Junior in Cheltenham. Watch this blog for the latest score and results.

Today I was in Taunton bright and early for an appearance on the BBC Somerset Emma Britton Show, except that Emma is currently off on holiday, so it was actually the Vernon Harfield Show. Vernon is a very professional presenter, but like a lot of BBC presenters seems to think that he is actually the natural heir apparent to Jeremy Paxman. Anyone he interviews he plays the Devil's Advocate and keeps asking them probing annoying questions. We were doing an interview about new electricity pylons being build across Somerset and what people felt about them, and a couple of times Vernon kept asking protesters questions like "how much extra would you be prepared to pay for no pylons and all the electrical work done in tunnels?" to which the protester would begin to answer and Vernon would leap back with "You're dodging the question - HOW MUCH??" as though he was trying to skewer a slippery Michael Howard. Chill, Vernon! After the show I walked round to Taunton Castle and the new Museum of Somerset which is reopening this week after a multi-million pound three year re-fit. I met Steve Minnitt, County Head of Museums outside, it was good to see him. And Carrie Blogg, the project manager for the whole thing was there too - hadn't seen them in ages. Inside - wow. The Museum is STUNNING. The money has been well spent and it is breath taking. I shall give a proper report of it on Saturday when I am appearing there for a couple of shows. Great stuff. It was nice to see the original scroll that I signed at the launch of the project there on display with all it's signatures. It was partially unrolled at the top so that all you could really see was the signatures of Mick Aston, Tony Robinson and Helen Geake from Time Team - and ME! Fame at last. In the afternoon I nipped over to Yeovil for some new tights - a King's outfit is not complete without fresh tights!

Even now this evening it is still sweltering here. After Cheltenham, I am at the Museum of Somerset on Saturday, and then at Barrington Court for the Chut Fest 2011 on Sunday. Hope to see lots of people there, especially if this weather continues.

The Hever Ending Story...

Good King Hal suffering a severe attack of the gall bladders during a particularly violent jousting tournament earlier this year.

I had a few days back in Somerset trying to dry out after the downpour at Hever the previous weekend. Someone had said we were going to get an Indian summer, I had no idea it would be a bloody monsoon. I had also noticed that I was in pain. Shortly after my show at the Somerton Festival earlier in July, I was aware of a certain uncomfortable pain in my side - sort of in the liver area. I was hoping, as most men do, that it would just go away and there would be no need to go and see something as terrifying as a Doctor. On the Monday after the previous Hever weekend I woke up at about 6am thinking that I had just been stabbed in the side. I had a sharp jabbing pain in my side running right the way round almost to my back. Classic signs of a gall bladder either packed full of stones, or just grumbling. Time to do something I should have done months ago - EAT HEALTHILY! It was time to go on to a fat free diet. Goodbye butter, cheese and anything else that might contain saturated fats, and welcome to dry bread, skimmed milk and water. Well, it's not as bad as that and I am actually quite enjoying the healthy eating option. Who knows, next time you see Henry VIII he might bear a striking resemblance to Twiggy, or Lily Cole.

Two days after the gall bladder shenanigans I was back at BBC Somerset for another appearance on Emma Britton's show. It was another good programme - our discussion topic was "Is suicide a selfish act?" - which seemed to get little reaction from the callers of Somerset. Our secondary topic was about should you have to pay to use your local civic amenity site (formerly known as a "DUMP"). The phones simply rang off the hook with outraged callers. Hey-ho. It was nice to see the lovely Emma again - such a good presenter. From the BBC Studio I drove up to Essex to spend a couple of days with Amanda and James in lush tropical Basildon. It was great to see my lovely son and he got such a glowing school report for his end of term - so, so proud of my little man. He has really pulled himself up by the bootlaces this year and shown everyone what he is capable of - we always knew he was a smart little cookie. Now the school can show the evidence as well. Nice one, Monkey!

Saturday it was time to drive back down to Hever Castle for another show with the Knights of Royal England. This time for a change I was to be Master of Ceremonies for the shows on both days. This was a daunting thought and was even more worrying when I sat and read the script that Jeremy had sent me from the jousting team. However, I have seen the show on so many occasions when compered by the brilliant Roland Bearne, so I simply went along with his style and chucked in a few jokes of my own. I was accompanied again by the delightful Michelle Coda as my Anne Boleyn. Both the Saturday and Sunday were a triumph for me - great shows, good turn outs and warm on Saturday and boiling on the Sunday. It was also nice to see my dear old friends Viv and John Rich at Hever on the Sunday! I drove back to Somerset on the Sunday evening a very tired, but happy King. I didn't even worry about the Doctor's appointment I had this morning about my gall bladder. But even that went OK - I am back next week for some blood tests. Probably to ascertain that I am actually a homo sapien and not some neanderthal left over, but I shall keep you posted. Hever again next weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday this time. Come and say hello!

Oh, by the way, the smashing picture above, taken at the jousting at Leeds Castle earlier this year is now on Flickr and is by Blindluckphotos who are brilliant! Check out their piccies!

BBC Somerset & Falcon School (+ TGI Friday's!)

Good King Hal showing some delighted children how to push two attacking dwarfs away, should they come at you unexpectedly.

When all the excitement of the Royal Wedding finally abated, life got back to normal. Except if you're called Osama Bin Laden, but then I suppose he was the only Bin taken out over the bank holiday weekend (Ba-doom-tish! I thank you, I am here all week folks). My first port of call after the long weekend was back to Taunton and a visit to the studios of BBC Somerset for another appearance on Emma Britton's show. I was a little "ahem" delicate after a ferocious struggle with a bottle of Shiraz the night before, so I reckon I must have cut something of an Oliver Reed figure as I lumbered in through their front door. I was on the panel this morning with the manager of the Octagon Theatre in Yeovil, who seemed like a very nice chap, and even took one of my cards, so you never know. Our main discussions were about the Yes and No campaign for the AV voting system, and the death of Bin Laden and was it now time for Allied forces to return from Afghanistan. So a real laugh a minute as you can guess.

After finishing on the show I then drove up to Essex to spend the evening with Amanda and James, before my Henry show on the Wednesday at Falcon Junior School in Sprouston in the suburbs of Norwich. It was lovely to see Amanda and James, I offered to take them out for a meal - James' idea of culinary excellence is Pizza Hut, but I have to admit Mummy and I were completely Hutted out by now and so we told him a little white lie and said it was closed for decoration. We didn't travel that much further up the food chain to be honest and chose instead to take James to TGI Friday's at Festival Leisure Park in Basildon, or Bas Vegas as it is affectionately referred to by the locals. We actually had a superb meal, but you could honestly hear your arteries hardening as you ate. On the table behind us, a family of well tattooed parents were settling their child in a high chair. She must only have been about a year old at most - and already with double pierced ears. Classy. James and Amanda finished off with massive ice creams in Knickerbocker glory glasses! Smashing.

I was up at the crack of dawn for the drive up to Norfolk. It was really pleasant - a bright, sunny, piercingly cold morning. The dazzling early morning sun soon raised the temperatures, but there was enough northerly wind to cool things down a little. Falcon School is a marvellous place - I love visiting there. You always get really cool children and lovely teachers. It was the last time I shall see a couple of the lovely ladies I usually see - they are both retiring in the summer, it really won't be the same without them. The group of children, about 75 of them, started off quietly, but as the morning wore on they got more and more excited and the afternoon was a riot - loads of laughs all round and everyone seemed to really enjoy it! The jousting was a cracker, two very good teams, but as ever it seems, the ladies stormed to a fantastic and well deserved victory. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 21 - 27 LADIES

They are really starting to get away again. Come along gents! Do it for all mankind!

I had a nice evening with Amanda and James, being thrashed on Mario Kart by my son, who returned from school this day to announce he had won a long jump competition in his year. This must be in his genes as his (and my) cousin is none other than Lynn "The Leap" Davies who won Olympic Gold in the long jump in Tokyo in 1964. We then blew James' mind a bit further by letting him know his other distant cousin through me (Lily Cole) was appearing in Doctor Who this weekend. This was almost too much information for an 8 year-old brain to handle, but I think he will enjoy the episode when he sees it!

I drove back to Somerset this morning. The only two things of note to happen on the journey was a 20 minute hold up on the M3 after a particularly nasty looking pile up that necessitated the attendance of the air ambulance. Then when I stopped for fuel on the A303 I had to endure one of my pet hates - when you are paying for your stuff you get the next customer behind you coming up and standing next to you at the counter. That really pisses me off when people do this - can't they just step a couple of paces back? Give you a bit of room? This is one of the few times I am glad I am large enough to appear on ordnance survey maps. You wait till they are particularly close, then step back, crushing your heel onto their big toe. They don't half move a bit sharpish then! Of course you can then say "Oh, sorry mate, didn't realise you were standing so STUPIDLY close to me!" Leaving out the STUPIDLY bit of course, much as I would love to leave it in.

Next stop? Tomorrow a return visit to the splendidly named Hugh Sexey Middle School at Wedmore in Somerset. Fun!

Somerton Infants

Good King Hal on his way home from the stock exchange. (Geddit???)

I never ever do infant school visits as most of the Key Stage 1 pupils just won't get the talky bits I do as Henry. However, I was contacted by Somerton Infants a while back, I explained my situation with being a talky show, but the teachers insisted they wanted Henry VIII at their school! So I worked out a day for the little 'uns with as little of the lengthy wordy sections as possible. I drove up to this delightful Somerset town through fantastic spring sunshine - it seems to have been a long time coming, but it was welcome anyway. I wasn't due to start at the school until about 11am anyway, so it was a nice lie in and lazy-ish morning for me. The drive up was great only partially spoilt by what seemed to be a larger than normal amount of road-kill about. Wherever I went there was squashed this, flattened that - all just about intact enough to see what they had originally been in the first place. It sent my strange mind wandering. How about a children's TV show and series of books all about these mangled remains? We could have great fun thinking up characters names! Splatty Squirrel! Phlattened Pheasant! Bloaty Badger! Hammered Hedgehog! Exploded Rook! Crunched Crow! Oh the fun! Imagine what the jigsaws would be like?

But enough of this repulsiveness. The school itself was a delight - very bright and friendly, lovely teachers (the single dark haired lady in particular got my vote!) and very, VERY excitable young children! I did a walk around first to the classrooms, meeting each of the years as I went. Some of the questions in these early sections were hilarious - one little girl wanted to know if the costume I was wearing was the sort of thing Henry wore when he went to a "bank account" (sic). It suddenly dawned on me that she meant "banquet" - how sweet. I finished the morning session with a talk in the hall, taking little snippets here and there from my normal talk. I ended up with some music and the children seemed to really enjoy it.

Lunch was yummy again - more pasta and bolognese sauce as I got the other day from Noremarsh Junior. This was equally tasty and very filling. The afternoon was spent with yet another jousting tournament. Some of the really little ones struggled with the lance and horse, but they soldiered on, mostly with huge grins spread across their faces! And guess what? The ladies won AGAIN! Unbelievable. The score now goes to:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 26 LADIES

It really is as one sided as Spurs' lame efforts in the Champions League against Real Madrid last night (snigger, snigger). All that and a nice drive home through beautiful Somerset countryside, in bright sunshine and with a cheque in my pocket from the school. Marvellous. Tomorrow I am off to Wales to pick up my father for our "Stranraer Sojourn!" Keep reading this blog in the next few days to find out what happened.

Henry's Horrid History Part 1, plus lots of other things...

Lots of things have occurred since I last updated this blog, and though I am tired and aching for bed, I cannot let this opportunity go to get things "back on track" so to speak.

Last weekend I was in Wales spending a few precious restful days with my parents out in Newcastle Emlyn. We had a nice, brief couple of days, but managed to fit in a trip to the wonderful Harrison's Cafe in town and a trip to see my old friend Carole Evans (nee Davey) at her lovely pub/restaurant The Daffodil. I drove back to Somerset on the Monday. By Tuesday I was back up the A303 and M3 route back to Essex. I was to stay with my wife and son for a couple of days while I did a couple of shows in the south east. But not before a brief early morning appearance on Emma Britton's show on BBC Somerset. It was good fun to be back in the studio with her and we had a lively if predictable debate about dog mess... (Enough said really). From Taunton I headed straight up to Essex.

On the Wednesday it was a 5th return visit for me to Wickford Junior School in South Essex. This is a fabulous school, full of bright sparky children and some very cool teachers indeed! We had a fabulous day marred only by the grotty weather. A simply deafening jousting tournament finished the day off a treat with the inevitable victory for an excellent ladies team. This brings the score at the end of this day to:

GENTLEMEN 14 - 19 LADIES

My son James went to his karate class on Wednesday evening and, despite this only being his third visit, he came away with his first badge for his kit. Amanda and I were so proud of him, and he was rather pleased with himself! I drove down to Kent on the Wednesday evening to stay with my sister Cathy near Sittingbourne.

Thursday I was back down to the Isle of Sheppey and Queenborough School. I had last visited here back in 2008, but it was so nice to be back. The staff and children at this school could literally not do enough for me. They were all so kind and helpful, and we had a really fun day all together as well, which makes life a bit easier! The final of the jousting in the afternoon was, as predicted, deafeningly loud and boisterous and resulted in the narrowest of victories for a very good gents team. Which finally brings us to half term and the score standing at:

GENTLEMEN 15 - 19 LADIES

All still to play for.

On the Friday I had a meeting over lunch at Leeds Castle with Darlene Cavill and her assistant Becky Lander with everything set up and ready for the off on the Saturday for Henry's Horrid History Show. Saturday morning dawned grey and miserable - the rain poured and the wind howled. My venue this time around is a very nice posh marquee erected near the maze and the Wykeham Martin Centre (if you know Leeds Castle!). It is heated, has a stage and seats about 170 people comfortably. My shows are at 11am, 1pm and 2.30pm each day. Today at 11am , there was not a soul to be seen as the rain hammered down and the wind moaned like Robert Smith with his finger caught in his guitar strap. So after an extended and unexpected bonus lunch break the show finally started at 1pm. We had about 50 people in, including my old friends Adam and Lisa Hudson, late of The Hoop Cricket Club with their two fine sons in tow. They seemed to really enjoy the show, especially when I "executed" Lisa in the Anne Boleyn section of the talk! It was great to see them all. The final show of the day only garnered about 25-30 people, but the forecast is a little better for tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

And now, finally, at long last...bed...

A Quickie... (ooh er!)

Just a quick note to anyone who was considering tuning in to Emma Britton's show on Wednesday this week on BBC Somerset in the hope of hearing my dulcet tones... Well, my appearance has been postponed. They are doing a special, very serious sounding show tomorrow now, and don't need a mock Tudor Monarch camping it up a storm in the studio. I have now been re-booked to appear on Emma's show on the morning of 25th November. Tune in then!

And now, here's Daniel Corbett with the weather. Daniel?

Archbishop Cranmer School, Taunton

Good King Hal attempting to write crude graffiti on the ceiling in the main hall at Barrington Court using a lance. He got as far as "Gertrude Jekyll is a..." before he was shot with a tranquiliser dart. He was later released back into the wild in the Serengeti Safari Park.

I only get to visit Archbishop Cranmer School (or ABC as it is known locally) every other year as I do years 3 and 4 combined. However, this was my fourth visit in the past seven years and it was a delight to be back. I was warmly welcomed by Sally Westney again, and got to see dear Tracy Crossman, who is now Tracy Owens as she has recently got spliced. But she works with a different year now, so was not in for the full day.

It was about 50 children for the day, and they were as ever at this wonderful school, great fun. Knowledgeable, fun, sparky and ready to laugh. There seems to be a hell of a lot of upgrading going on at ABC, some of which might be finished, and some of which my not. It was hard to tell! The main hall was distinctly nippy for the most part of the day, so I guess the heating is on the "to do" list! The morning session went down a storm, but I did make a bit of a boo-boo during the question and answer session just before lunch. I was taking various questions from the children when I went to one boy with his hand up. He said:

"How long he be King?" In a high pitched, almost helium influenced sing song voice. I told him to repeat the question in a sensible way and in his own voice. Sally Westney called to me that the child had only recently started at the school, was Portuguese and really did talk like that. Oops. Sorry!

I had some sandwiches for lunch, before we were back in the hall for a fun stocks session, followed by yet another brilliant joust. This one was really close, but it was the Ladies who triumphed again! They have now closed the gap on the gents to make the score:

GENTLEMEN 7 - 7 LADIES

Wonderful stuff! I am back on Emma Britton's show on BBC Somerset on Wednesday morning between 9 and 10am, and then on Thursday (which according to the current weather forecast looks fairly apocalyptic) I am off to Ventnor on the Isle of Wight for a show there. Should be fun!

Back in the BBC.

The gigantic studio at BBC Somerset where Emma Britton spreads forth the love, good feelings and Charles & Eddie records.

So it was up bright and early for another return visit to BBC Somerset in Taunton and an appearance on the panel of Emma Britton's show and the section called "Have Your Say". You could really tell that the schools were back in Somerset today. The roads into Taunton were unbelievably bad! I was really worried at one point that I was going to be late late late. But as it happened I managed to arrive at the studio almost smack on time. Emma and her producer Will were as welcoming as ever and I was on the show with a lovely chap who owns/runs/is Curry Mallet village shop and post office. Have a look at their website http://www.currymalletstores.co.uk/ and check out the incredible cakes they make and sell! Well worth a visit.

The show itself was great fun. Lots of laughs and jokes, the conversation kept flowing and there was some great interaction with the listeners of BBC Somerset. If you missed the show or would like to hear it again then go to www.bbc.co.uk/somerset click on the listen again button on the radio page and select the Emma Britton Show for this Monday. And then you might also understand the Charles and Eddie reference above!

Wednesday I am at John Rankin School in Newbury, Berkshire for the first Henry of the academic year. I am also back at Dillington House this Friday evening for a talk at a private party. Should be fun.

Also, have you noticed how the hit counter on the blog has got to nearly 30,000? Thanks to all of you who have made this possible.

Paulton Junior, World Cup Exits and The Emma Britton Show.

Good King Hal about to try the Cambridge Diet. When he's finished that he'll try and eat Oxford.

A hectic few days began with me driving down to Southampton again (I had only just been down to see some old friends from Skandia the previous couple of days) but this time to pick up my parents on their return from their Queen Mary 2 voyage up to the Norwegian fjords. It was a glorious day and we stopped at the Angel Pub in Hinton on the way back for a very nice lunch. I spent the following Saturday not really doing much apart from occasionally opening the window, turning my fan up to full blast and then going "corr" with buckets of sweat falling off me. Now this WAS global warming and it was happening in my front room.

On the Sunday morning I got up extra early and headed over to Ilchester to the car boot fair held over there. I found a few bargains and also found that Greg Stephens, late of United FM in Crewkerne had a stall there, so I had a quick chat with him when I had finished having a potter about. But I was getting myself ready for the afternoon and England's impending match in the World Cup against Germany. Surely we could raise ourselves for this match? Well if you saw the debacles then you'll know we most certainly couldn't. England played like a bunch of pub footballers who had never set eyes on each other before and were deservedly thrashed 4-1 by a far superior German side. When England did get home today there was a nice message waiting for them at Heathrow from David Blaine, the illusionist. He congratulated Wayne Rooney for breaking his world record for doing absolutely nothing in a box for several weeks.

I took my mind off the awful World Cup drubbing by appearing on the delightful Emma Britton's latest "Have Your Say" show on BBC Somerset on Monday morning. I was on with a very pretty young lady called Kathryn who ran a horse riding holiday company in the Quantocks. We had a real laugh and a good show, which you can hear for the next seven days if you go to the BBC Somerset website and click listen again for the Monday morning show. I was on for the first hour.

Tuesday I was back at one of my favourite schools in the south west - Paulton Junior in Paulton, near Bath. This is such a fabulous place to come and do a show - the children are so well behaved, the teachers are very friendly and chatty and the whole atmosphere of the place lifts your heart while you are there. We had a typically fun day, lots of laughs, some great costumes for the children and some very good examples of Tudor knowledge. The afternoon session was particularly insane and entertaining and ended with another desperately close jousting tournament that really did go down to the wire. This time the Gents just stole victory with literally the last half second of the contest. It was incredibly close and very exciting. This now brings our score to:

GENTLEMEN 22 - 27 LADIES

Wonderful.

Tonight I have been to Barrington Court for their annual volunteer's barbecue. There was a wonderful hog roast, some live music from a cool trio and lots of old friends. Not just Matthew Applegate and his lovely wife Sue and children, Hannah and Isobel, but there was the wonderful Rachel Brewer, her nice chap, Anthony, the indefatigable Trotts, and everyone else at this lovely National Trust house that have become such good friends of mine over the years. I am back at Barrington Court tomorrow for the first of our special Henry Days at the Court House with the combined children of Barrington, Ilton and Shepton Beauchamp schools. Should be fun! Watch this space...

West Pennard School & The Emma Britton Show

Good King Hal, demon topiarist, peruses the small ads while a lady hops past on one leg. Again.

I did my latest Mike Farley Show on United FM on Sunday evening, however it may prove to be my last, so watch this space for any more news. Then after a very nice Bank Holiday Monday spent not doing very much at all, I was off on the Tuesday morning back to one of my favourite schools to visit - West Pennard near Glastonbury. I was first invited to this school some years back by the sainted, slightly insane and eccentric gentleman that is Ian Gouge. Ian is still at the school but has moved up with his class year on year and is now with a year six group. Alex Wheat had booked me for his Year 4 class today and it was a wonderful day all round. It was a bright sunny morning, but with a surprisingly cold wind that bit into you. My sat nav yet again decided to go a bit Tonto and for some reason took me to a small back road in the village of Baltonsborough and announced happily that I had arrived. No I hadn't. I needed to be in West Pennard about three miles up the road. But I got there in the end.

We had a fine morning, lots of fun and laughs and, despite the children only just starting the subject, they displayed remarkable amounts of Tudor knowledge. After a very pleasant lunch of pasta bolognese, a green salad and a nice crisp apple, I was back with the group in the hall for the afternoon. The jousting was very exciting and lively, with the gentlemen continuing their recent very fine form with another spectacular win. This now brings the overall score to:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 24 LADIES

This is getting very very close indeed and is almost too difficult to call which way it is going to go now. I will next be Henry-ing on the 17th May at St Michael's School in Twerton.

This morning I was in on the Emma Britton Show on BBC Somerset again for the Have Your Say panel. I was on with a lovely eccentric lady from Corfe near Taunton. It was a fun show and Emma was, as ever, a delightful host and very professional as well. We particularly enjoyed one of the people who phoned in as one of our topics was when were you last up all night - the lady in question reckoned she was always up when the moon was full. I asked her if she turned very hairy and attacked sheep. She didn't laugh. Ah, well.

Back on the Radio!

Just a quickie! I was back on the "Have Your Say" panel for BBC Somerset this morning. This was on the Emma Britton show even though Emma was not in today as she is having a well deserved rest and apparently going through her wardrobes. Well, whatever cranks your handle. Her place was taken by a very nice lady called Charlie Crocker, who usually works for BBC Solent, but she has been allowed out of Southampton on special permission to fill in for Emma. I was on the panel with a lovely lady called Margaret and a splendid time was seemed to be had by all. If you want to hear it again, then please check out www.bbc.co.uk/somerset then click on the "Listen Again" icon and choose the Emma Britton show for Friday. I am on for the first hour. You can obviously just spool through that and enjoy the rest of the show!

Next week I am in Billericay in Essex for a couple of days and then at Falcon Junior in Drayton in Norfolk. Hopefully after that I have the interview with Andy Partridge of XTC to do before finishing with a banquet at Awbridge in Hampshire on Friday. No rest for the wicked Tudor monarch, obviously.

BBC Somerset 2010

Good King Hal explaining all about cup and ball games. He told the two young ladies he had to get his ball in their cup to win. He was arrested shortly afterwards.

New Year and a return visit to dear old BBC Somerset in Taunton for another appearance on the wonderful Emma Britton's "Have Your Say" panel on her morning show. I was on with a lovely lady from Taunton called Maggie who was an alternative therapist. The main discussion was dominated naturally by the recent horrific earthquake in Haiti and asked the question should we donate aid to foreign disaster funds. My stance was: of course we should. This to me is a no-brainer. At times like this nationalism and petty prejudices should go by the wayside and we should just all try to "be a mensch" (to paraphrase the wonderful Dr Dreyfuss in Billy Wilder's "The Apartment") - that is, be a human being. You can hear the discussion again if you go to the BBC Somerset website and click on "listen again" to the Emma Britton show for last Friday 15th January. I stopped off at Ilminster on the way back to get some gloves for the cold evening to come at Barrington Court and the Wassail. I also treated myself to a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea at Bilby's. Tris was on fine form, but then so would you be if you were off to Mauritius on Sunday for yet another holiday.

So tomorrow night is the long awaited Barrington Court Wassail. It all starts at 5.30pm, entrance is £3.50 for adults and free to children. There will be drumming, morris dancing, a mummers play, poetry, carol singing, plus lots of cider to drink and food to be had, all round a big roaring fire. My costume has now been picked up from the brilliant Judy Picton in Martock and looks fantastic. I shall try and post some pics on here when I get a chance to. Come and join us!

BBC Somerset - Have Your Say

Good King Hal studies the situations vacant in the Tudor Times as a brazen young alcoholic indulges in some serious turps-nudging.

Ah, a delightful rain filled gale blowing morning of greyness almost unparalleled. And here I was up bright and early and off to Taunton for yet another appearance on Emma Britton's wonderful Have Your Say show on BBC Somerset. I sailed through the rain flecked streets and parked behind my old workplace of Debenhams' head office. I was to be on with a very nice young lady from a PR company based in West Lambrook near Shepton Beauchamp. While we were sitting in the green room waiting to be called down to the studio I heard the on air show mention that Steve Minnit from Somerset County Museum was on right now, talking about the gold finds from the Priddy Treasure as it is known - a stunning collection of bronze age gold jewellery discovered by a metal detectorist in the Somerset village of Priddy. I wandered down to the studio, and as he came out I said a big hello to Steve. He showed me some of the collection that he had brought with him - it was stunning and very humbling to be that close to something so old and precious - and I don't mean Steve.

The show itself was fun and we discussed how people should deal with anti-social behaviour. Some of the suggestions from frothing at the mouth Daily Mail readers who phoned in, included sending them all over to Afghanistan to help clear mine fields, birching them, and one very hard line lady even suggested they should all be "shot in the face" - I kid you not. Anyway, the rest of the show was fun and can still be listened to for the next week on the BBC Somerset listen again button on their website. (www.bbc.co.uk/somerset)

I stopped off in Ilminster on the way back for a late breakfast at Bilby's, which was very nice and I am now having a lazy day with the old 1960 version of "The Time Machine" on TCM Channel, Rod Taylor being frequently grabbed by the Morlocks, which would bring tears to any one's eyes. He also seems to spend an inordinate amount of time running around with Yvette Mimieux and shouting the word "Wiener!" at the top of his voice. Dirty boy.

BBC Somerset

BBC Somerset's Emma Britton enjoying the hors d'ouerve before the main course of pinot grigot turns up.

And so, for the first time in what felt like a longtime, I was back in good old Taunton and on BBC Somerset with the lovely Emma Britton on her morning show. I was on with a chap I had appeared on the show before with, possibly back when Jo Phillips was doing the show. His name was Jamie and he was a fund raiser with Secret World which is a wildlife sanctuary in mid Somerset. He was great company and the show seemed to go pretty well. Our main talking point was the fact that the Little Chef which has been tarted up by Heston Blumenthal on the A303 is now going to be in the next Good Food Guide. It was lovely to work with the delightful Emma again. She is such a bubbly character and brings such a sense of fun to the whole show. The hour seemed to go past very quickly. If you wish to hear it again, go to the www.bbc.co.uk/somerset page and click on the "listen again" section. Choose Emma Britton's "Have Your Say" show and choose Friday. I am on for the first hour, but the whole show is definitely worth a listen. I was on to plug the two shows I am doing this weekend in Glastonbury at the Rural Life Museum. Come and join me! I stopped briefly on the way home to see Matthew Applegate at Barrington Court and discuss future projects including the already near legendary Chutfest '09 - watch this space for more! So, Rural Life Museum in Glastonbury tomorrow and on Bank Holiday Monday.

Thorncombe Village Fete

When I appeared at the Barrington Court Mistletoe Festival last November little did I know it would lead to this day! On one of the various stalls that day, there was a lovely lady called Heather Upham and she had connections with the village of Thorncombe, which is in Dorset so ignore all the rubbish I said before when I said it was in Devon! She had contacted me and wanted to know if I could come and open the fete, which I was more than happy to do. It was a lovely day today and Thorncombe is a delightful little village. The main event was happening in the school and next to the village hall. It was quite a set up, with a big hog roast (which was delicious), lots of very professional looking stalls selling bric-a-brac and second hand books, a raffle, tombola, fighting medieval knights (the same group who I met at the Ilminster Experience last year), face painting, bowling, archery and even horse rides on little ponies for the kids.

I declared the fete open and had a good wander round the site. A couple of people came up who had seen me at previous events and there was one very nice lady who knew me from listening to my various appearances on the BBC Somerset programmes. Next I was judging the craft competition which the children from the school had taken part in. There was a performance by the Merriott Majorettes who's music was louder than Concorde at take off, followed by a demonstration of line dancing which personally I found a perfect advert of why you should go and find something else to do with your life. Anything. Taxidermy, golf, strangling invertebrates - anything is preferable to line dancing. Finally I drew and called out the results of the raffle and was then finished. It had been a hot busy day but very much worth it. A lovely day and hopefully lots of money raised for the church and school. And a big "HELLO" to the lovely lady who had seen me previously at Dillington House and has promised to come and see my show at Barrington Court in September.

BBC Somerset, West Pennard & Wedmore

Tuesday morning had me up and about and into Taunton for another appearance on the BBC Somerset Have Your Say show. Emma Britton was on holiday so the show was hosted by Elise Raynor, and she was pretty good! I was on with Wendy Hellowell who runs a support group for people who have children with Downs Syndrome. Her group is called Ups And Downs. We had a good show and had some interesting phone ins as well.

After finishing at Taunton I drove to Yeovil as the King needed some new tights! The parking was a bit iffy, but the nice people at the Mad Hatter Shop (who supply my tights) were their usual friendly selves.

Wednesday I was back up to West Pennard School near Glastonbury. My old friend Ian Gouge was still there, only this year he is looking after the year six group. Year five were under the auspices of David Wheat - and a great group they were! The journey up was odd with a big hold up at one point down a small country lane as a big herd of cows was led across the road in front of me by a very disinterested looking cow hand. However they were soon gone and I was on my way. We have a fabulous day at the school, with much laughter and a good time truly seemed to be had by all. The early morning rain soon gave way to bright and warm sunshine. The afternoon was boisterous fun and ended with the gentlemen winning the jousting. The evening was spent at leisure watching England tonk Andorra by 6-0. It was the rugby equivalent of watching Sale Sharks play a Little Pink Pussycat. No contest.

Today I have been to Wedmore and the Hugh Sexey Middle School. As I recalled from previous years sometimes the old Sat Nav's have problems finding this address as the school really is in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough I found myself not at the right place at all but with the Sat Nav squawking away and telling me I had arrived. Computerised buffoon. I finally found the school and we had another simply superb day. It was a big group - over 160 children, but there were so many fabulous costumes you didn't know where to look first. We also had quite a cosmopolitan collection of teachers - one from Germany and another lovely lady from Canada. Fun was had by all and the afternoon was particularly good and yet again the gents came away with the win in the jousting. I am now sitting here watching England struggling against South Africa in the World Twenty 20 Cricket tournament. It is not cheering me up much.

Tomorrow I am back at St John's Junior at Highbridge. Should be fun.