BBC Somerset & Falcon School (+ TGI Friday's!)

Good King Hal showing some delighted children how to push two attacking dwarfs away, should they come at you unexpectedly.

When all the excitement of the Royal Wedding finally abated, life got back to normal. Except if you're called Osama Bin Laden, but then I suppose he was the only Bin taken out over the bank holiday weekend (Ba-doom-tish! I thank you, I am here all week folks). My first port of call after the long weekend was back to Taunton and a visit to the studios of BBC Somerset for another appearance on Emma Britton's show. I was a little "ahem" delicate after a ferocious struggle with a bottle of Shiraz the night before, so I reckon I must have cut something of an Oliver Reed figure as I lumbered in through their front door. I was on the panel this morning with the manager of the Octagon Theatre in Yeovil, who seemed like a very nice chap, and even took one of my cards, so you never know. Our main discussions were about the Yes and No campaign for the AV voting system, and the death of Bin Laden and was it now time for Allied forces to return from Afghanistan. So a real laugh a minute as you can guess.

After finishing on the show I then drove up to Essex to spend the evening with Amanda and James, before my Henry show on the Wednesday at Falcon Junior School in Sprouston in the suburbs of Norwich. It was lovely to see Amanda and James, I offered to take them out for a meal - James' idea of culinary excellence is Pizza Hut, but I have to admit Mummy and I were completely Hutted out by now and so we told him a little white lie and said it was closed for decoration. We didn't travel that much further up the food chain to be honest and chose instead to take James to TGI Friday's at Festival Leisure Park in Basildon, or Bas Vegas as it is affectionately referred to by the locals. We actually had a superb meal, but you could honestly hear your arteries hardening as you ate. On the table behind us, a family of well tattooed parents were settling their child in a high chair. She must only have been about a year old at most - and already with double pierced ears. Classy. James and Amanda finished off with massive ice creams in Knickerbocker glory glasses! Smashing.

I was up at the crack of dawn for the drive up to Norfolk. It was really pleasant - a bright, sunny, piercingly cold morning. The dazzling early morning sun soon raised the temperatures, but there was enough northerly wind to cool things down a little. Falcon School is a marvellous place - I love visiting there. You always get really cool children and lovely teachers. It was the last time I shall see a couple of the lovely ladies I usually see - they are both retiring in the summer, it really won't be the same without them. The group of children, about 75 of them, started off quietly, but as the morning wore on they got more and more excited and the afternoon was a riot - loads of laughs all round and everyone seemed to really enjoy it! The jousting was a cracker, two very good teams, but as ever it seems, the ladies stormed to a fantastic and well deserved victory. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 21 - 27 LADIES

They are really starting to get away again. Come along gents! Do it for all mankind!

I had a nice evening with Amanda and James, being thrashed on Mario Kart by my son, who returned from school this day to announce he had won a long jump competition in his year. This must be in his genes as his (and my) cousin is none other than Lynn "The Leap" Davies who won Olympic Gold in the long jump in Tokyo in 1964. We then blew James' mind a bit further by letting him know his other distant cousin through me (Lily Cole) was appearing in Doctor Who this weekend. This was almost too much information for an 8 year-old brain to handle, but I think he will enjoy the episode when he sees it!

I drove back to Somerset this morning. The only two things of note to happen on the journey was a 20 minute hold up on the M3 after a particularly nasty looking pile up that necessitated the attendance of the air ambulance. Then when I stopped for fuel on the A303 I had to endure one of my pet hates - when you are paying for your stuff you get the next customer behind you coming up and standing next to you at the counter. That really pisses me off when people do this - can't they just step a couple of paces back? Give you a bit of room? This is one of the few times I am glad I am large enough to appear on ordnance survey maps. You wait till they are particularly close, then step back, crushing your heel onto their big toe. They don't half move a bit sharpish then! Of course you can then say "Oh, sorry mate, didn't realise you were standing so STUPIDLY close to me!" Leaving out the STUPIDLY bit of course, much as I would love to leave it in.

Next stop? Tomorrow a return visit to the splendidly named Hugh Sexey Middle School at Wedmore in Somerset. Fun!

Britain's Next Top Model

In my extended family we have a supermodel. It’s true! Her name is Lily Cole and she looks like a little china doll (as you can see right) – a typical supermodel. From a distance she looks like a spoon with a ginger wig on. Closer examination makes her look like one of the aliens from Close Encounters – also in a ginger wig. But now my family might suddenly have a new supermodel in it’s midst as I did my first ever photo shoot as a professional model! It’s true – stop laughing. I had been contacted by the Royal Parks Society for a promotional shoot advertising their forthcoming Half Marathon in Hyde Park.
I rose at the crack of dawn and headed up to Crewkerne Station to catch the 6.42 to London Waterloo. I pilfered a seat and settled down with my John O’Farrell book and promptly fell asleep. The sleeping was a good idea as it made the journey a lot shorter (or just seemed shorter) – perhaps I should try that next time I am driving a long distance? During my lucid moments it was nice to see the English summer countryside rushing by, with one small complaint – too much foliage. You’d get a glimpse in the distance of some interesting looking building and it would then just be swallowed up by greenery. Chop it all down! On entering central London it was nice to see the Houses of Parliament, the London Eye and even the MI5 building as we swept into Waterloo. I trundled the ridiculously heavy Henry costume in it’s suitcase on wheels out of the front of the building and over to the Taxi rank. A very nice driver took me up to Hyde Park and to the Royal Parks office at the Old Police House which is a bit of a misnomer as the place is still used by loads of Police! I was greeted by some lovely ladies from the Royal Parks people and, after quickly getting into the Henry gear we were soon driving over to Kensington Gardens for the photo shoot near the Round Pond. The photographer was a nice guy called Andy Lane, and there was, among others, Sophie Rivett-Carnac from Forster plus Hannah Cottrill and Sally Barney from the Royal Parks, plus Sarah Igglesden who was to be our “jogger” for the photo shoot. The set up was me as Henry, armed with shears, with a topiary figure of a runner which I am supposed to be trimming, while Sarah runs past behind me, causing me to cast a glance over my shoulder. We did this over and over, all slightly different positions, poses etc, with lots of bizarre glances being chucked our way by bemused passers by. We tried almost every permutation you could imagine, and then moved on to having Henry sitting at a park bench reading a newspaper as Sarah jogs by – these produced some of the funniest shots of the day, and masses of interest from various tourists walking past.
With the photo shoot complete myself and one of the lovely ladies from Royal Parks (sorry I forgot your name!) walked the topiary figure back towards the Serpentine Art Gallery balanced on a glorified wheelbarrow. The sight of England’s greatest post medieval monarch walking a wheelbarrow across Kensington Gardens with a topiary figure balanced on the top was almost too much for some tourists and we became a target for many a camera lens. We paused briefly to rest as the whole thing was very heavy, and a very nice lady taking her dog for a walk came over to see this bizarre site and ask what the heck was going on. It was Jenny Seagrove! The gorgeous actress from Judge John Reed and Local Hero and A Woman of Substance. I explained my job as Henry VIIIth and what we had been up to today; she thought it sounded a hoot. I kissed her hand and thanked her for Local Hero as it is still one of my all time favourite movies. She was just lovely.
After a quick cup of tea at the Old Police House I was driven down to Hyde Park Corner where I hailed a cab and was soon on my way to Waterloo. Another lovely driver, we had a good chat and I was soon on the concourse. Sadly my train wasn’t due for 40 minutes, so I grabbed a sandwich from M&S and sat on my case waiting for the time to arrive. I was one of the first on and got myself a seat. By the time we got to Salisbury the train split in two with only the first three carriages going on towards Crewkerne where I wanted to go. Of course everyone from the back three carriages came forward and packed though we already were, we were soon even MORE packed. A little old lady staggered on, so I offered her my seat. She accepted less than graciously, but I refrained from my desire to punch her teeth down her throat and throw her off the train as we thundered through Tisbury. I stood all the way from Salisbury in the corridor by the loo. Very nice. So glad I paid £78 for this privilege. I was forced to look on as a very smug young couple sat being smug, young and in love in one of the comfy looking seats, the particularly smug looking young lady with her ickle wickle doggy woggy in her arms, feeding it ickle wickle treatsy weatsies. Another two doomed for a quick exit near Tisbury methinks.
Home for cuddles with the cat and a bottle of Aussie Shiraz to celebrate. Watch yer back Lily Cole – I could be the next “willowy one” in the family…