It's the End... But The Moment Has Been Prepared For...

The Maiden's Tower at Leeds Castle, built by King Henry VIII of England to house the Ladies in Waiting of Catherine of Aragon.  Next used in 2013 as part of a monster p*** up when Darlene retired.

Time passes.  It is the one thing you can be sure of...  Nothing lasts forever, even Bruce Forsyth will eventually at some point stop, and that I find a tremendous comfort, don't you?  So from the balmy sun drenched days of jousting at Castle Hedingham, the Knights of Royal England, and yours truly, sauntered on down the M25 and M20 and back into Kent for a week of jousting at Leeds Castle.  It was actually six days of jousting, of which I was to commentate and host the first three days, and then Roland Bearne was to tackle the final three days.  My lovely son James was still in tow and keen for more involvement in the shows.  We arrived at Leeds Castle on the 28th May to weather far removed from that we had experienced at Hedingham.  It was cold, grey and there was a devilish wind whipping across the tilt yard.  We got a smallish turn out for the first show, but they were at least enthusiastic, however shortly after our lunch break the heavens opened and the rain it didst fall mainly downwards and violently sideways.  It bucketed down and in the end Jeremy (from Knights of Royal England) was forced to cancel the second show as it was just too dangerous and slippery for the horses in the yard.  James and I drove back to my sister Cathy's place in Stockbury and settled down for the evening.

The following morning the weather looked a little more promising as we made our way into the Castle.  WRONG!  It began raining again, James and I got soaked before we even started the show.  Halfway through the first show Frank (one of the Knights) had his horse slip underneath him, nearly throw him and then crash through the middle of the tilt.  Following this show the rain fell even more heavily and once more the second show had to be pulled for safety reasons.  Finally, on the third day we managed to get through both shows, yes we all got soaked again and frozen to the marrow, but hell, this is English summertime, what were you expecting?  Of course as soon as James and I packed up and left Leeds and Roland turned up to commentate, the sun broke through, birds sang, cherubim and seraphim did burst forth into song and, yes, dammit all, even Bruce Forsyth was silenced for five minutes.  Yes, the lucky swines roasted for the final three days.  But I wasn't jealous - I just sat in a darkened room sticking pins in a wax effigy of Michael Fish and cackling quietly to myself.

I was back at Leeds Castle by myself on the evening of Friday 31st May for the retirement and farewell party for Darlene Cavill.  Darlene has worked at Leeds Castle in various guises for the previous 26 years, and it was she who first booked me as Henry VIII in 2005 - and did much to help the fledgling Good King Hal business to survive those early years.  It was through her encouragement that my "Henry's Horrid History" shows developed and she also gave me the chance to be Father Christmas at Leeds for eight years!  And I still remember with such pride it was she who asked me to be narrator at the Leeds Castle Junior Prom concert in 2006 alongside the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra, Carl Davis and the beautiful soprano Kathryn Rudge, and all in front of about 6,000 people.  Wonderful.  Through Darlene, and her initial assistant Helen Pomorski (nee Budd) and later Becky Lander, I made a lot of friends, had tremendous fun and learnt a lot about my trade and performances.  On the evening it was so nice to see so many old friends from my years at Leeds, but particularly the lady I think who summed up the early years of fun at the Castle - the lovely Jeanne Beaton.  I simply adore this woman, and I am so sad she has been unwell in recent years.  I have so missed her presence at Leeds but it was great to see her and her husband Malcolm at the party on Friday.  Wonderful.  The finale of the evening was a video made by Darlene's son, the very talented Doug Bolton who had made a pop video of the Dolly Parton song "9 to 5" with various different Leeds Castle employees (myself included) miming along to the song.  You can catch it on You Tube if you click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ig0Zfippy8 .  You have been warned!

I was back in Somerset by the end of the weekend and got myself ready for heading back to being Henry VIII in schools again.  My first show back was today (Wednesday) with an eighth return visit to West Pennard School near Glastonbury.  The sun had been shining all week, but then I have always seemed to have visited West Pennard in bright sunshine!  It was good to see Tony Wheat the year 4 teacher who books me each year and as ever it was marvellous to see the wonderful Ian Gouge the original booker of Good King Hal all those years ago.  It was a nice group, about 30 children and all wonderful fun and good listeners.  In fact I can honestly say I don't think I have ever had a duff group at West Pennard, and this lot were no different.  After a fun morning we then launched into the afternoon, which was very hot in the hall, but marvellously entertaining.  The joust was very loud and popular and ended with that rarest of things - a win for the Gentlemen.  Our score goes to:

GENTLEMEN 18 - 24 LADIES

Can they catch them?  Who knows!  Who cares?  Stay tuned for more vagueness and indecision.  Or maybe not?  Pass the Merlot...

West Pennard and Paulton Junior

Good King Hal, belting out an eye watering version of "Don't Fence Me In" on Tudor Britain's Got Plague on Ye TV1.  Lord Callow of the High Slung Slacks called it staggeringly bad, before being hung drawn and quartered, which gave him a chance for a bit of a re-think.  His brutal execution certainly perked up the music charts.

After the early week visit to Newberries in Hertfordshire, it was nice to be back in Somerset and visiting two of my favourite schools in my home county.  First up was Wednesday and a seventh visit to West Pennard School near Glastonbury.  I first ever went to this school on the invite of Ian Gouge, a wonderfully insane teacher and one of the nicest blokes you could ever meet.  He has since moved up a year and now looks after the year six group, so for the previous few years the year five group I entertain are looked after by Tony Wheat - another absolutely lovely chap. 

The morning drive over to West Pennard was very nice - the situation of the school has to be one of the most idyllic you can imagine.  It is tucked away in a back lane of this lovely little village nestling in next to the beautifully Gothic tower of the village church and it's Westminster Chimes clock.  Once inside the school, the staff room has to have the finest view of any school I visit throughout the country.  It has sliding doors leading out onto a sun trap of a patio area, with views across the fields to the striking silhouette of Glastonbury Tor and the tower of St Michael's at it's peak on the not too distant horizon.  Just magical!

It was a fun group on this day - about 30 children and all very enthusiastic.  A whole barrel of laughs all round and lots of good Tudor knowledge.  We began in the brand new library that they have had built (which had been opened by Michael Eavis of Glastonbury Festival fame!) which was particularly nice as, with it being such a hot day we were in the only large room in the school with air conditioning.  Superb.  Another fine lunch of yet more sausages - you can't escape them this week!  We were then back to the main hall for stocks and jousting.  The tournament was very good - virtually everyone who took part was talented and showed a good natural affinity for it, but as it was it was the Gentlemen who streaked away in the final for a relatively comfortable win.  Our score after West Pennard moves on to:

GENTLEMEN 19 - 27 LADIES

Is the comeback growing in momentum??  Watch this space, or simply scroll down to the bottom of this report for the next result!

Thursday morning was a different weathered beast all together.  Heavy over night rain had subsided and instead I awoke to a murky, misty, almost foggy morning.  I was driving up to almost all the way to Bristol for another return visit to another lovely school - Paulton Junior in.... er.... Paulton.  I was warmly welcomed by the two teachers for the day - new people who hadn't been in with the show before, so it would be nice for them (I hope).  It was a big turn out of over 60 children, all of them in fabulous Tudor costumes.  Well, we had a truly wonderful day, the children began the day a little on the quiet side, but by the time they warmed up it was like trying to stop an express train.  Lunch was a pasta and meatball explosion of taste (and not sausages!) and then we were in the main hall for the stocks and jousting.  What a final we had in the jousting. It was so close - all the teams that took part were good.  But it was almost inevitable that it would be the ladies who claimed the win to keep the distance between them and the boys back to how it was again.  Our score ticks over to:

GENTLEMEN 19 - 28 LADIES

The evening was spent with Matthew Applegate from Barrington Court, where we met up at the Rose and Crown at East Lambrook for a spot of beer, or several.  It was nice to see the pub full and with some atmosphere for a change, rather than the somewhat sombre, morgue like place it can be when certain people are behind the bar....

Right, driving up to Essex now for an overnight stay with my lovely son James, then off to the Guildhall in London tomorrow to hopefully keep the Lord Mayor entertained.

West Pennard

My son James after asking me for an ice cream at Cilgerran Castle. Treat 'em mean, folks...

Easter holidays had been fun. I had been up to Essex for a few days with Amanda and James, taking James to see "Gnomeo and Juliet" which he loved! Next he and I headed down to Wales for a few days with my parents at Newcastle Emlyn. Again, we had a fine time including another cinema trip to see "Rio" and also to a place called Clerkenhill Adventure Farm where you can take part in Frisbee golf, amongst other things, and the beautiful Cilgerran Castle as you can see above. Finally it was time for me to head back to Somerset and face the stark reality of dressing up as a Tudor despot for a living... And if you can find a more contradictory end to a sentence I will pay you!

West Pennard was my first port of call after Easter. I love West Pennard - it is a fantastic school and it is always good to see Alex Wheat, the class teacher I deal with, and the slightly insane but wonderfully friendly Ian Gouge. My drive over wasn't very good - everything that could possibly slow me down did! Tractors, lorries, caravans - you name it, I copped it. By the time I got to the school the children were already arriving and the small parking area for staff cars was packed. I had nowhere else to go other than park in one of the two disabled parking bays. I left a note on the dashboard to the effect that there was nowhere else for me to put the car and I couldn't eat it, so therefore here I was parked and if anyone objected and wanted me to move I would be happy to.

The day went quite well - it was a bit difficult as the group this day, this was their first of the Tudor curriculum, so some of my jokes and asides did fly over their heads and splat on the walls behind them. The morning finished with a funny question and answer session in the classroom. Lunch was an oddity called a Beany Blast, or something and was a pie made with baked beans and cheese, and was surprisingly delicious. The afternoon session was typically rumbustious and we had great fun dragging Ian Gouge out of his year 6 class and putting him in the stocks! The jousting ended with a win for the Gentlemen - at last! This now makes the ongoing score:

GENTLEMEN 21 - 26 LADIES

Wonderful stuff.

Now, unless you have been living under a rock you might just have noticed that there is a Royal Wedding going on this Friday. Therefore to help celebrate this tomorrow I am off to Preston Junior School in Yeovil for a morning appearance at their school to help the children celebrate the day. Should be fun. All this fuss over one Royal Wedding - I had SIX! Beat that! (Oh, and six Mother in Laws...)

West Pennard School & The Emma Britton Show

Good King Hal, demon topiarist, peruses the small ads while a lady hops past on one leg. Again.

I did my latest Mike Farley Show on United FM on Sunday evening, however it may prove to be my last, so watch this space for any more news. Then after a very nice Bank Holiday Monday spent not doing very much at all, I was off on the Tuesday morning back to one of my favourite schools to visit - West Pennard near Glastonbury. I was first invited to this school some years back by the sainted, slightly insane and eccentric gentleman that is Ian Gouge. Ian is still at the school but has moved up with his class year on year and is now with a year six group. Alex Wheat had booked me for his Year 4 class today and it was a wonderful day all round. It was a bright sunny morning, but with a surprisingly cold wind that bit into you. My sat nav yet again decided to go a bit Tonto and for some reason took me to a small back road in the village of Baltonsborough and announced happily that I had arrived. No I hadn't. I needed to be in West Pennard about three miles up the road. But I got there in the end.

We had a fine morning, lots of fun and laughs and, despite the children only just starting the subject, they displayed remarkable amounts of Tudor knowledge. After a very pleasant lunch of pasta bolognese, a green salad and a nice crisp apple, I was back with the group in the hall for the afternoon. The jousting was very exciting and lively, with the gentlemen continuing their recent very fine form with another spectacular win. This now brings the overall score to:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 24 LADIES

This is getting very very close indeed and is almost too difficult to call which way it is going to go now. I will next be Henry-ing on the 17th May at St Michael's School in Twerton.

This morning I was in on the Emma Britton Show on BBC Somerset again for the Have Your Say panel. I was on with a lovely eccentric lady from Corfe near Taunton. It was a fun show and Emma was, as ever, a delightful host and very professional as well. We particularly enjoyed one of the people who phoned in as one of our topics was when were you last up all night - the lady in question reckoned she was always up when the moon was full. I asked her if she turned very hairy and attacked sheep. She didn't laugh. Ah, well.

BBC Somerset, West Pennard & Wedmore

Tuesday morning had me up and about and into Taunton for another appearance on the BBC Somerset Have Your Say show. Emma Britton was on holiday so the show was hosted by Elise Raynor, and she was pretty good! I was on with Wendy Hellowell who runs a support group for people who have children with Downs Syndrome. Her group is called Ups And Downs. We had a good show and had some interesting phone ins as well.

After finishing at Taunton I drove to Yeovil as the King needed some new tights! The parking was a bit iffy, but the nice people at the Mad Hatter Shop (who supply my tights) were their usual friendly selves.

Wednesday I was back up to West Pennard School near Glastonbury. My old friend Ian Gouge was still there, only this year he is looking after the year six group. Year five were under the auspices of David Wheat - and a great group they were! The journey up was odd with a big hold up at one point down a small country lane as a big herd of cows was led across the road in front of me by a very disinterested looking cow hand. However they were soon gone and I was on my way. We have a fabulous day at the school, with much laughter and a good time truly seemed to be had by all. The early morning rain soon gave way to bright and warm sunshine. The afternoon was boisterous fun and ended with the gentlemen winning the jousting. The evening was spent at leisure watching England tonk Andorra by 6-0. It was the rugby equivalent of watching Sale Sharks play a Little Pink Pussycat. No contest.

Today I have been to Wedmore and the Hugh Sexey Middle School. As I recalled from previous years sometimes the old Sat Nav's have problems finding this address as the school really is in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough I found myself not at the right place at all but with the Sat Nav squawking away and telling me I had arrived. Computerised buffoon. I finally found the school and we had another simply superb day. It was a big group - over 160 children, but there were so many fabulous costumes you didn't know where to look first. We also had quite a cosmopolitan collection of teachers - one from Germany and another lovely lady from Canada. Fun was had by all and the afternoon was particularly good and yet again the gents came away with the win in the jousting. I am now sitting here watching England struggling against South Africa in the World Twenty 20 Cricket tournament. It is not cheering me up much.

Tomorrow I am back at St John's Junior at Highbridge. Should be fun.