Blean Junior, Kent

Will Somers, the jester, playing an invisible squeeze-box, while Good King Hal does a soft shoe shuffle. Simon Cowell described the performance as "pitiful" mere nano-seconds before being slapped in irons and beheaded. How the Nation (and music lovers) rejoiced.

Back in 2004 I did one of my first visits to a school in the Kent area when I went to Blean school near Canterbury. Little did I realise that Blean was to become my most visited school, for my show there today was my seventh visit. I drove up (or is it down?) to Kent on the Monday and once more I was staying at my sister's place, and once more she is still away enjoying herself in California. Has she no shame? The house was incredibly cold last night, so when I went to bed I actually made myself two hot water bottles - I know how to enjoy myself!

Blean is a wonderful school and as ever I was warmly welcomed, particularly by the teacher Mrs Rowbotham and the brilliant caretaker who warned me that I would only be seeing him for another "four, maybe five years, then I'm retiring!" Sounds like he is re-booking me for next year or so already. It was about 50-60 children today, all in some cracking Tudor costumes, one of whom had come as a falconer, complete with a plastic hawk on his arm. It did remind me a bit of Bo-Selecta, when he pretends to be Craig David with Kes the kestrel, but I kept that bit to myself. I just constantly referred to him as "the bloke with the budgie" which got a laugh or two. We were in the classrooms as ever for the morning sessions, but transferred to the big hall for the afternoon of stocks and the jousting tournament. The jousting was very exciting and deafeningly loud. All the races were close, but it was again the gents who came out on top! This now makes the rolling score:

GENTLEMEN 2 - 0 LADIES

Not the score we were expecting after last years results.

The drive back was long and a bit of a pain to be honest. There had been the now traditional smash up on the M25 in Surrey, but the good drivers of the south of England had pulled out all the stops for me today and had arranged a second smash up on the M3 at the junction with the A303. It dragged on and on, and though I left Blean at 3.30pm I didn't get back to my flat in Crewkerne until nearly 7pm. I treated my weary bones to fish and chips from the ever cheerful crew in Pejays Fish Bar ("Now THAT's sarcasm, Mrs Doyle...") and wandered back home before falling asleep in front of Chelsea in the Champions League.

This weekend it's CHUTFEST 2010 at Barrington Court! Come along, bring your own home made pickles and jams and swap recipes and jars! The King will be present.