Broadford Primary School, Harold Hill

It's not often that I get bookings in schools this late in the academic year.  I had been contacted by a lovely lady called Alex Rutherford who had invited me to Broadford Primary School in Harold Hill near Romford.  This was a completely new school for me, and they had heard of me through one of their teachers who had previously seen me at Nelson Primary in East Ham. Apparently Broadford was previously an aircraft hanger, probably from the Second World War, which then became a school in the post war years.  The outside of the school doesn't really inspire confidence as there is a mass of corrugated iron on display, but once inside you are presented with a wonderfully friendly school, welcoming and bright, with some terrific children and some of the nicest teachers I've met inside the M25!

The school were having a mega History week with various visits from Spartans, and other historical figures.  On the day I was there some of the smaller children were having a Victorian day and several of their teachers were swanning around in long skirts and flowery high collared blouses.  I kept half expecting to see Sue English leaping out of a cupboard dressed as a Viking at any moment, but thankfully that horrific moment never happened.

We had a fine day with some fun and laughter mixed in with all the learning.  After my opening talk the children wanted to quiz me with various questions they had written and it turned into something of a press conference with the King!  I was bombarded with questions but it was fun. After a lovely lunch of lasagne we were in the main hall again where first the children gave a demonstration of their singing prowess, followed by a Tudor dance they had been learning.  We then went for a full on jousting session which was hilarious, particularly one of the ladies teams which was so laid back that a team of three-toed sloths with no enthusiasm would have lapped.  The final was won by a very talented ladies team who came storming back on the last leg to pip the gents in an exciting finale.  After a quick teacher's race it was time to close the 2008/09 academic year - it has been a good and very busy one including my 500th visit to a school, so good things all round.  At the end of the day I was informed by some of the children and teachers that despite everything else that had been going on, and all the other visits they had experienced during their History week, my show and presentation had been the best, most informative and entertaining.  I was most flattered, it was very nice of them to say so!

I have a quick holiday in Wales next week but I will soon be back in Henry work donning my tights for the Southchurch Hall Tudor Weekend at the beginning of August.

Leaning towards Shaftesbury

Now all you lovely people out there in cyberland will no doubt recall my appearance at the Abbotsbury Midsummer Medieval Merriement event that I wrote about last month. Well, whilst at this event I was approached by a lovely American lady and her English husband who were sumptuously attired as King Henry VIIth and his wife Elizabeth of York. They informed me that they were opening an antiques shop in Shaftesbury, Dorset and wondered if I would be available to do a grand opening of the shop as and when it happened. Well blow me down, at the beginning of the week there is a message on my answer phone from the lovely American lady (Becky) asking me if I could come along this Saturday and do the red carpet, ribbon cutting and hand shaking duties as and when needed. I said I would be delighted.

Saturday evening was a filthy night, gloomy and lots of rain across the west country. I arrived at the shop at about quarter past seven having promised Becky I would be there between 6.30 and 7.00. It was packed out with guests, all drinking wine and beer, and nibbling on canapes. The shop is called Leaning's, or just Leaning Antiques, I was never quite sure of this! Anyway it is at number 5 the High Street in Shaftesbury (which is a delightful little town) and the shop is wonderful. I quickly got changed into my gear and then came into the main part of the shop. They had laid out some red carpet and stretched a ribbon across the top of a small set of stairs that led up to the back showrooms. I boomed out how pleased I was to be back in Shaftesbury and apologised for smashing up their Abbey during the Reformation. I also told people I hoped that my appearance might in some small way make up for the awful way I behaved last time - this raised a titter or two! I cut the ribbon - just! The scissors weren't very keen on going through them, and we got a big round of applause.

I wandered round and chatted to lots of lovely people, including a lovely older lady who was originally from Bearsted in Kent and from her bedroom window as a child, she could see Leeds Castle - funny old world, innit? I even chatted to the Mayor of Shaftesbury whom I am led to believe was a bit miffed that I got asked to open the shop and not him. This was proved when he got me in a back room and tried to give me a Chinese burn. I replied by giving him a wedgie and finally finished him off by pointing out that my chain of office was far bigger than his. He left a crushed and defeated man. I left with a small table/jardinaire which looks good in my hallway and with some travel expenses from the lovely people at the shop. Go and visit them if you're in Shaftesbury - it is worth a visit!

Martham Primary, Norfolk

It was another up at the crack of dawn start for Henry show number 501.  This was a return visit to Martham Primary School in Norfolk - I have been visiting this school for a while, in fact so long that when I first used to visit it had a different name!  It used to be West Flegg Junior, but due to an amalgamation or two and some re-organisation it has morphed into Martham.  It is a lovely school, large, airy and with some really lovely friendly welcoming teachers.  The children are pretty wonderful and special as well.  The journey up was relatively painless, apart from having to listen to Sarah Kennedy again.  To hear her twittering on about going to the Henley Regatta this weekend was enough to make you want to chew your own foot off.  Well it certainly makes Alex Lester's Best Time of the Day Show before it sound absolutely wonderful, which it usually is anyway.  Even Johnny Walker, sitting in for Terry Wogan, was an improvement.

We had a great morning - so many laughs.  One of the teachers during the morning break thanked me for making the Friday so wonderful and said she couldn't remember laughing until she cried at school before.  Bless her!  It was almost unbearably hot again, but thankfully a slight improvement on the heat at Wandsworth the other day.

The afternoon was loud, wild and fun.  The joust in particular was so loud I was waiting for the roof of the hall to blow off.  It was a very closely fought joust with four fantastic teams battling away.  Eventually, it was a gents team that surged to a close, but deserved victory!  Some of the lovely kids helped me load my stuff into the car and I was on my way.  The journey back was mostly good until I hit the A130 where I was stuck for about 45 minutes in slow moving traffic because of a crash.  But I was soon at Amanda's place in Basildon and cuddling James, until he decided that playing Lego Indiana Jones on the Wii was more fun than me.  Fair enough!

Back to Somerset this weekend.

The Finton House 500!

I have a little document that I keep on my computer which I update occasionally.  It contains the date and number of every single Henry VIIIth appearance I have made since I went professional in 2004.  I realised the other day that I hadn't updated it for a while, so I clicked it open.  Every 50 shows I get to I highlight the number - the previous highlight in my list was 450.  I counted up to find that the previous show I had done was my 499th, so my next show, a return visit to Finton House School in Wandsworth, was to be my 500th.  You then add that to the fact that it has just been Henry's 500th wedding anniversary (to Catherine of Aragon) and the 500th anniversary of his ascension to the throne, then it seemed quite appropriate for me to reach my 500th show milestone at about the same time.

This was my 5th visit to Finton House School, and each time I visit this place it is not just hot weather but HOT WEATHER I endure.   This year was no different.  I drove up from Amanda's place in Basildon and my sat nav had assured me that going up the A127 and joining the M25 that way would be the quickest.  WRONG.  The A127 was closed after an accident, so I had to drive down to Orsett on the A128 and join the A13 there, and from there on to the M25.  The traffic into London, even at this early hour was horrendous and my mood was not best helped by having a thumping headache, just below the threshold of a migraine.  I eventually stopped for some pain killers after I began to feel a little nauseous.  

It was only a small group at the school today, about 23 children, mostly girls, but boy were they hard work.  Virtually silent in the morning session, despite my best efforts and then wildly challenging in the afternoon.  I had earned my corn at the end of that session, I can tell you.  The drive home didn't improve my mood with more smacks on the M25 and the A13 to keep me laughing all the way.  

I can't believe I used to live, and enjoy living in, London.  The place is definitely a young person's haunt and not the ideal place for a King - especially a 518 year old one doing his 500th show.

Off to Martham in Norfolk tomorrow.

Paulton and Newcastle Emlyn!

Tuesday 23rd June saw a return visit for me to Paulton Junior in Paulton on the southern outskirts of Bristol. I had visited this school last year and it had been a belter, and this time was no different - a fabulous day! The children were great, very enthusiastic and loud, and the teachers were as ever friendly and pleasant. It was a warm muggy day with rain falling on my arrival, the sun shone later but it was very close. On finishing I had a great reception from the children (the ladies had won a brilliantly close jousting tournament) and was off and packing the car. I was pretty tired after so many shows in such a short space of time, but my fun was only just beginning!

My parents have been trying to move away from Essex for about the last 2 years. Finally, it would seem, they had achieved their goal. They had lived in the village of Mountnessing since 1965, my Mother had been there since about 1955, but now they had found their dream home for their retirement years in the town of Newcastle Emlyn in Wales, close to where my sister Sue had lived for the previous 10 years. I travelled down to Wales on the Wednesday and we began the move in earnest on the Thursday. It was hard work but very rewarding. The area they have moved to is delightful and their new house is gorgeous. Never in the field of Human removals, have so many boxes been opened by so few people in such a short space of time. Relief was garnered in dinner at the Emlyn Arms on a couple of nights - just delightful. We had our moments of rest as well, including on Saturday driving all the way down to Laugharne to the wonderful Owl and the Pussycat cafe (encountering, of all things, a tractor rally on the way)but when we got there we found it was closed. We ate at the Green Room Cafe instead, which was equally good. Both my sisters were due to come and help out my parents, but Sue has a new "chap" and was somewhat distracted, and my poor sister Cath in Kent was due to come and help but her lovely old dog Sam was taken seriously ill and had sadly, eventually had to be put down. It brought the weekend move to a somewhat muted end. Sam was a lovely dog and a real character. Cathy and Julian loved him very much and he will be sorely missed.

I headed back to Somerset today and will be travelling to the South East tomorrow for a show at Wandsworth on Wednesday and another in Norfolk on Friday. The weather forecast is a little scary looking, but it should be OK.

Thorncombe Village Fete

When I appeared at the Barrington Court Mistletoe Festival last November little did I know it would lead to this day! On one of the various stalls that day, there was a lovely lady called Heather Upham and she had connections with the village of Thorncombe, which is in Dorset so ignore all the rubbish I said before when I said it was in Devon! She had contacted me and wanted to know if I could come and open the fete, which I was more than happy to do. It was a lovely day today and Thorncombe is a delightful little village. The main event was happening in the school and next to the village hall. It was quite a set up, with a big hog roast (which was delicious), lots of very professional looking stalls selling bric-a-brac and second hand books, a raffle, tombola, fighting medieval knights (the same group who I met at the Ilminster Experience last year), face painting, bowling, archery and even horse rides on little ponies for the kids.

I declared the fete open and had a good wander round the site. A couple of people came up who had seen me at previous events and there was one very nice lady who knew me from listening to my various appearances on the BBC Somerset programmes. Next I was judging the craft competition which the children from the school had taken part in. There was a performance by the Merriott Majorettes who's music was louder than Concorde at take off, followed by a demonstration of line dancing which personally I found a perfect advert of why you should go and find something else to do with your life. Anything. Taxidermy, golf, strangling invertebrates - anything is preferable to line dancing. Finally I drew and called out the results of the raffle and was then finished. It had been a hot busy day but very much worth it. A lovely day and hopefully lots of money raised for the church and school. And a big "HELLO" to the lovely lady who had seen me previously at Dillington House and has promised to come and see my show at Barrington Court in September.

They Think It's All Dover... It is Now!

Shortly after I had appeared for the Visit Kent group at Detling Showground (see this blog passim - and with pictures of Janet Fielding in a leather mini-skirt... down boy!) they asked if I would be available for another business exhibition, this time at the Cruise Terminal in Dover. Well, as the offer was for money I was in no fit state to refuse. I was trying to remember the last time I had ever been to Dover - and I honestly cannot recall ever being in the town at all. The drive down was lovely - bright sunshine and relatively clear roads. I was staying with my dear old friends Frank and Debbie Coda. Frank Coda was a great song and dance man in his day and later went on to become a respected character actor who's appeared alongside some legendary names over the years. Debbie was a former leggy Tiller Girl who went on to become a seamstress and wardrobe mistress, designing many of the wonderful little costumes on the Muppet Show down the years. They are a wonderful couple who I got to know through their lovely daughter Michelle. She worked for the Chest Heart and Stroke Association charity back in the early 90's. I organised a charity fund raising show for them and my main contact with the charity was Michelle. We hit it off straight away and have remained friends ever since. We lost contact some years ago, but through the miracle of the Internet, or more precisely Friends Reunited, we made contact again. When I first knew the Coda clan they lived in Muswell Hill but they relocated to Dover some years ago - and now they were going to let me come and stay with them.

I was pre-warned that parking outside their house could be something of a lottery, but when my sat nav brought me slithering to a halt right outside their door I was delighted to see a perfect space. I slid the car in and felt very pleased with myself. I got my suitcase, walked up the steps to their front door, knocked and waited. And waited. And waited a bit more. They weren't in. I phoned Michelle on her mobile and her folks were with her at her place in Deal but would be with me soon. Sure enough they soon arrived and I was cuddled and kissed virtually to death by both Debbie AND Frank! Even though it was only just after four in the afternoon a bottle of wine was opened for me, Frank got stuck into some Italian beer and Debbie began making inroads into the World stocks of gin and vermouth. Michelle's son Matty was next to arrive - one of the most likeable and pleasant 17 year olds you are ever likely to meet. By the time Michelle and her lovely little daughter, 6 year old Victoria arrived, I had finished the bottle of red and had now been presented with a bottle of Gerwurtztraminer (I had bought it for them) and was starting my first glass of that. The meal was astonishing - after a cold mixture of olives, gherkins, fetta and mozzarella, Debbie served spaghetti bolognese with added chopped Italian sausage, plus a side splat of polenta and what appeared to be a skip full of garlic bread. After dinner Michelle, Frank and myself jumped into Michelle's car for a drive down to where the Business Exhibition would be the following morning, just so where we were sure where it was. As we trundled down to the Cruise Terminal we all realised that Michelle's car was making an alarming noise - a horrible rumbling grinding noise. Michelle said it had been like that for a while, but after we got back we persuaded her to get the car looked at the following day. It sounded like the bearings in the wheel. Back in the house we yarned and laughed some more, but it was soon time for Michelle to get her family home.

In the morning Debbie cooked me a wonderful breakfast and then Frank drove me to the terminal. I had to go through a rigorous security search but you'll be glad to hear they let me keep my tights on. A cruise ship was in dock and so security was on high alert and obviously any Al Qaeeda attack on American's abroad is going to be conducted by some huge ginger pillock dressed as a 16th century British monarch. My bag was scanned twice and my dagger taken out, just in case it might sink the ship. I met up with the two nice ladies from Visit Kent. We went down to the exhibition itself which was taking place in the bowels of the terminal which rather than some swish international port resembled a local council authority car park. On our stand we had some small lavender pomanders to hand out to ladies. Our first visitors to the stall were a couple of ladies from ITV Teletext Holidays - I chatted a bit and then handed them their pomanders. I turned back to the two ladies I was on the stall with and smiled. One glowered at me and snapped: "Those are for genuine punters only, not just any old slag who turns up..." Lovely. I asked her how I was supposed to tell who was a genuine punter and who was a "slag"? Should I just ask them to their face? She didn't smile. The day was a bit slow to say the least - there weren't many punters in, and most of those weren't interested in a stall about Kent, they had come for the cruise companies. We were sandwiched in between the Canary Islands stall and a Scottish Highlands Cruise stall. Frank and Debbie came and picked me up after the show and we headed back to their place. They threatened more wine, but I just stuck to a couple of small beers as my head the morning after the previous wine-a-thon felt like the Kodo Drummers were having a quick warm up session in it. My two days with Frank and Debbie were delightful and fun filled. They are wonderful friends and such marvellous company. Frank's tales of his acting days were fun, fruity and a bit too rude to repeat in a family read blog!

The second day at the exhibition were even quieter and I eventually was allowed to slip away at about 2.30pm. I drove up to Essex to see my parents and Amanda and James.

Today I am back in Somerset after an horrendous journey home. Friday + M25 + A303 + forthcoming summer solstice + Stonehenge = pain in the posterior and a long journey. Tomorrow on the Saturday I am opening Thorncombe Village fete in North Devon! Come along if you're in the area!