Autumn Action.

Good King Hal and friend suddenly notice the paparazzi.  Swines.

More driving around the country, but this time with a very last minute booking.  I got several calls and texts from Shillingstone School, near Blandford in Dorset desperate for me to come to the school before half term. I had visited Shillingstone twice before - once when they were in their old premises. This was an old Victorian building and with absolutely no parking near it.  My abiding memory was of dodging thundering lorries and cars whistling about 5 inches from my head as I unloaded all the props from my car in front of the school gates.  They have moved now, as I discovered on my last visit, to a brand new purpose built, state of the art school building  It is stunning, with great views all round it.  A wonderful school with fabulous teachers, lovely kids and great facilities.  What is not to like?  The drive down is pretty idyllic too, taking you down through Sherborne, past open fields full of deer racing around in herds and little cute hamlets (not moody teenage Danish Prince's having naughty thoughts about bumping people off...).  The morning was great fun, with lots of laughs as usual, and we finished with a quite magnificent jousting tournament that went right to the wire, but the winners, almost inevitably, were the ladies.  So once more they leap on to:

GENTLEMEN 1 - 4 LADIES

Same old same old!  Tired was not really the word when I got home.  It was more a case of "oh my God, everything hurts, I cannot move another inch in any direction as I think I am going to die".  Which might sound a tad over reactive, but then that's the kind of mock Tudor monarch I am....  A Chinese takeaway made me feel a whole lot better.  God bless that MSG.

On the Thursday I drove up to Lutterworth in Leicestershire, so I was nice a close by for a return visit to Orchard School in Broughton Astley.  No.  No I won't do it.  You can't make me.  I have done it on every other visit to this lovely school but I refuse to this time.  I will NOT make a joke about Broughton Astley being Rick Astley's little brother.  DAMMIT!  I just did.  The drive up was OK, but I was only staying at a Travelodge, so I wasn't in a hurry to get there to be honest.  Lutterworth itself is quite nice - as you enter the town there is a big model of a Gloucester Meteor in a real comic book take off position, as this is the birthplace of Sir Frank Whittle, inventor of the jet engine.  Well just past this big stainless steel sculpture there is the Travelodge.  I drove past it to see if I could find a nice cheap supermarket where I could buy some food for the evening.  I had a quick look but all I could see was a Waitrose - expensive, but there seemed little other choice.  I actually asked someone in the car park if there was anywhere else nearby and he told me there wasn't.  He was a complete liar, because when I drove 200 yards past it the next morning there was a bloody great Mace store.  Git.  I bought some food which came to just slightly less than the GDP of a small African country and went out to the car park.  As I went to reverse out of my space an old chap strolled straight behind my moving car.  I stopped suddenly and waited for him to move.  He didn't, he simply slowly started lighting a cigarette.  I waited and waited and finally he moved.  He gave me an absolutely filthy look as I pulled out - not sure why.  I wound down the window and called out to him: "I'll get you next time Usain".  He made a well known rude gesture.  How nice.

Orchard School was lovely the next day.  Great to see everyone from my previous visits, including the jolliest caretaker you could ever wish to meet.  It was a superb day, great fun, lots of laughs and two of the biggest prima donna's you could ever wish to meet.  As if to prove my predictions wrong, the gents this time stormed to a well deserved victory over the ladies, thus pulling our score back to:

GENTLEMEN 2 - 4 LADIES

Nice and close.  The journey back on a Friday afternoon affected M5 was not pleasant, but the weekend has been nice and relaxing.  Tomorrow morning I am up bright and early for a visit to Tilehursst near Reading in Berkshire, and then after the morning with them I am shooting down to Wales to see my folks again.  Can't wait!

Shillingstone, Cowboy, Hat - just a normal weekend really...

An extract from Good King Hal's diary: "Day 34 of low fat diet. All going well, still enjoying myself, most symptoms of gall bladder pain now utterly subsided." "Day 35, lard roasted ham... nom nom nom." "Day 36. AAARRGGGH! GALL BLADDER!"

After the first school back on Tuesday with West Leigh, I was now back in Somerset and time for my first school visit here. Well, actually if you're being totally pedantic it was actually in Dorset, but you know what I mean. On the Friday morning I was due back at Shillingstone School just to the north of Blandford Forum, it's a very pleasant drive down to this school through some charming west country scenery - even going past deer park where you can see... yes, you guessed it! Herds of deer! Delightful. The last time I had visited Shillingstone School was a good couple of years ago and they were housed in a tiny Victorian building, flush against the main road and with no parking. Back then I'd had to park about 100 yards down the street and carry my props up the road to the school. They have now moved to a brand new building about half a mile away and tucked away in a quiet side road. It is a stunning new build - bright, airy and full of interesting shapes and angles. The view from the classrooms is of the ancient Wessex landscape - one hill dominating the surroundings has a fine looking bronze age enclosure on the top and various tumuli here and there... (I know you're still reading this, I can hear you breathing...).

It was a great day at the school with a combined year 5 & 6 group of about 30 children. They were quiet to begin with, but once they got going there was no holding them. We had a riotous morning - I even did the Tudor Quiz as a sort of re-enactment of the old "ITV" kids show "Runaround" with the children deciding which large floor mat they would run to for each of their answers. Great fun! The jousting tournament was as ever a loud and exciting affair, and unsurprisingly the ladies won AGAIN. This makes our score:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 2 LADIES

My day was not over. On the Friday evening I was due down at Bridport in Dorset for the launch of the 2nd Annual Bridport Hat Festival. I was to go on stage at the Arts Centre and introduce legendary British country and western singer Hank Wangford and his backing band The Lost Cowboys. I got down to Bridport and wandered up to the Arts Centre. Hank and the band were ripping through a sound check so I took the opportunity to nip into the dressing rooms and get changed. I met Hank who seemed like a lovely bloke, as did most of his band. There was also a strange lady dressed in a sort of florid burlesque gear with a fascinator on her head, who at half time was apparently going to do a little dance about hats while pointing to the words projected on a screen behind her. She spent a short time before the opening of the show asking Hank's puzzled looking drummer if he could play various rhythm's for the different hat dances she was going to perform. The long winter evenings in Bridport must just fly past. Well the time came and I was on stage with main festival organiser Roger Snook doing a sort of cross talk routine as we introduced Hank and the band. And that was it! On came Hank, launched into a song and I was finished for the evening. I drove back to Crewkerne and stopped for a Chinese. Parked outside the restaurant was a tractor - how very Somerset I thought. Inside was, I assume, the driver. He was an enormously pissed neanderthal, perched on a bar stool supping lager from a pint glass while his lady friend moaned about drunk he was. I sat waiting for my order as the neanderthal and his lady continued mildly arguing, with the neanderthal only pausing to belch or fart thunderously. What a talented chap he was. I went home, ate Chinese food and passed out in the "coma chair". What a talented chap I was.

This wasn't the end of my contribution to the Bridport Hat Festival, oh no! I was there all day on the Saturday! I drove down at about 8am in the morning to make sure of my parking spot - they are at a premium during the festival. I got changed in a small room at the back of Roger Snook's hat shop but was soon out pounding the streets, shaking hands and being photographed. If you have never experienced the Bridport Hat Festival on the main Saturday then I urge you to rectify this as soon as possible. It is terrific fun - everyone, but everyone, is turned out in brilliant hats - you see the lot. Pith helmet, fascinators, flying helmets, top hats, deer stalkers, big fancy wedding hats, bowlers, derby's, trilby's... the lot! There was some terrific acoustic live music in the delightfully named Bucky Doo Square, including a great turn from the Dub Liberators who do great acoustic versions of songs like "Anarchy in the UK", "London Calling" and "The Ace of Spades". The weather was on the whole very kind to us and it was a good day all round.

Next Henry appearance is on Tuesday when I up in Cheshire visiting a school for my first ever show in that county. Should be fun.

Shillingstone Primary, Dorset

Henry VIII, shortly after resigning as President of the Vegan Society.

Ah, the sweet knowledge that the school year has begun again! Good King Hal was back on the road again today for the first show back on the circuit after the summer hiatus. It was a half day today at a little village called Shillingstone near Blandford Forum in deepest, not very darkest, Dorset. I made a joke on my Facebook page today that Shillingstone hadn't gone to the decimal system yet, but no one seemed to get it. (SHILLING-stone? 5p-stone? Geddit? No, most others didn't either).

Shillingstone Primary School is a delightful, tiny, early Victorian school building with various other bits bolted onto it, like some sort of random built meccano educational establishment. Added to this is the fact that the place has no parking whatsoever, so I had to park on the busy main street to unload my Henry gear and then park about 500 yards along this same road in the tiny car park of a Church Hall. This lack of car parking has now induced the good people of Dorset County Council and Shillingstone to re-locate the school to new premises on the edge of the village. A new build is taking place and they are promised to be in at about this time next year. Fingers, eyes and legs crossed that is.

Today was just a half day, but terrific fun all the same. The group was about 25 children from years 5 and 6, and they had only just started studying the Tudors, but there was still plenty of good Tudor general knowledge on display. Lots of giggles and laughs, lots of nice compliments from the lovely teaching staff and a jousting tournament that started quietly but soon built up to a fine crescendo ending with a well deserved victory for the ladies team. Perhaps I should try and keep score again? OK...

GENTLEMEN 0 -1 LADIES

Watch this space for more! Thursday I am at Manor Court School in Chard, from thence to Penrith in Cumbria to open a new showroom for my friend Andy Blundell's antique furniture restoration business, and then off to Disneyland in Paris with Amanda and James.... Phew. I am exhausted just thinking about it.