This.... is Norfolk.

Norwich's most famous export apart from Delia Smith, Mustard and Jeremy Goss with that volley against Bayern Munich! Did you see that? He must have a foot like a traction engine!

I was up for two days in sunny Norfolk at two brand new schools for me. So to begin with I drove to Essex to spend some time with my son James and his Mummy, but it involved the next morning getting up at 4.30am to drive up to Gresham village, north of Norwich on the way to Cromer. It was a cold icy morning and the thermometer on my car never rose above minus two for the whole journey. As the sun began to bleed it's light from the horizon the verges by the road appeared bright white, as though dusted with snow, but it was just a very thick frost. Despite these low temperatures I was making excellent progress and my destination grew closer and closer. Suddenly the sat nav chimed and announced I had arrived. I stopped the car and looked round. I was by an empty open field. A bemused looking pheasant cast a beady eye at me and then sauntered off. Great. Where the hell was I? I re-programmed the sat nav using the name of the village rather than the post code as I had been using. The machine almost seemed to say "what the hell are you doing in this field? Your destination if over there!" and so off I went. I eventually managed to locate Gresham Village School in a very nice area of rural land and red brick Victorian country houses. Extremely attractive. As I was unloading my car another vehicle pulled up next to mine with two long haired Tudor be-decked figures. "Ah!" I boomed, "Two lovely wenches!" One of them had a beard. Bugger. These were the fellow re-enactors I had heard about. They played music and taught the children Tudor dance and etiquette. I began the morning wandering around to the nursery and reception class to meet the children and talk about Henry and Tudor times. They were really diddy and cute, all in fabulous costumes. I began by asking them how long ago they thought Henry had been around. One little chap ventured five years. I told them it was longer than that, so he guessed six, and then seven. This could take a long time I thought. Later on in the morning I was in the main hall with years 3, 4, 5 and 6, and we had a really good time. Lots of laughs and great knowledge from the children. Lunch was a fine Tudor banquet seated around long tables, with yours truly on the top table with the teachers. This soon led on to more talk and music stuff from me and finally a grand jousting tournament that culminated in a win for the ladies. This made the score now:

GENTLEMEN 8 - 8 LADIES

I presented the winning certificates in an end of day assembly attended by some of the parents. Great stuff. I loaded up the car and then headed off to Acle and my luxury Travelodge abode for the evening. It was, as any Travelodge, a bit spartan but warm and comfortable, and I slept very well.

In the morning I was up and out the door to Old Catton School in north Norwich. This was another new school and I had been recommended to them by the good people at White Woman Lane School. The teachers were a lovely lot at this school and we had plenty of laughs. It was a big group of children and sometimes they were a bit difficult to keep under tabs, but it all turned out fine in the end. The jousting tournament was another loud and fun affair which ended with ANOTHER win for the ladies! They had completed their come back from being so far behind. The score is now:

GENTLEMEN 8 - 9 LADIES

I drove back to Essex after the show and took Amanda and James out for a curry at the star-studded Bas Vegas. James has announced that he wants to be an actor when he is older. He then got a bit confused as he stated he'd rather be an actress than an actor. It appears he would give his all for his career. What a hero!

I am down to Kent tomorrow and then on Friday at Leeds Castle with the BBC for the Children in Need evening. Keep watching!

What a Blow Out...

Good King Hal's Mazda 323 but with tyres intact and not a pikey in sight.

Back to the south east again! Sunday 7th February I drive up to Essex to spend some nice quality time with my wife and son. We had a nice couple of days, but then come early Wednesday morning I was off at the crack of dawn heading up the merry old A12 towards Norfolk and a return visit to the wonderful Caister Junior School. The journey started off very well and I was making good progress, but it was cold outside and getting colder. We suddenly had a tremendous flurry of snow, but it didn't seem to settle. Getting up into Suffolk there was suddenly frequent announcements on the radio that because of icy conditions, the A47 east of Norwich was now shut - this is where I needed to go to get to Caister. I cut across country and was soon making even better progress - this was going to be a doddle! Then it snowed again. Almost as soon as it snowed the moisture on the road froze solid. A pleasant easy main A-road to drive along immediately morphed into a slick, sheet-ice, hell hole. A long queue of traffic snaked ahead of me and we crawled along at only just over 10 mph and keeping a big enough space to the car in front in case we needed to stop, something that would be virtually impossible on this surface. As 9am approached I phoned the school to explain why I was so late - they were great, very understanding and just said "get here safe and sound, that's all that matters". Well it was worth it when I got there! A big group of brilliant children, bright, sparky and full of laughter. Their costumes were as brilliant as ever. The teachers were lovely and welcoming as well, particularly Snow White! (She'll know who I mean!). The afternoon session was wild and full of laughter and the jousting was deafening! It was a rip-roaring success and ended with a very close finish with the Ladies team just triumphing. This brought our score now to:

GENTLEMEN 10 - 15 LADIES

It's getting interesting now folks!

Amidst more flurries of snow I headed up the now re-opened A47 and headed for Acle and my appointment with a Travelodge there! Now I hadn't stayed in a Travelodge since I did the Education Show at the NEC in Birmingham back in 2006 - well I was very pleasantly surprised. A big comfy room, double bed, en suite shower room, secluded lighting and a posh plasma screen telly on the wall. And all this for just £29! The receptionist was also very pleasant and charming and was very interested in my job as Henry! I veged out in my room for the evening listening to music on my MP3 player and reading the entertaining but slightly melancholy new Sue Townshend "Adrian Mole" book.

Up bright and early and over to Drayton for a return visit to another lovely school - Drayton Junior. Another warm welcome from Angela the lovely teacher and we were soon off and running. It was another superb group, very quiet to begin with but getting brighter and louder as the day went on and in the end we had a roof lifting jousting tournament. The Gents stormed to a resounding victory. This brings our score to:

GENTLEMEN 11 - 15 LADIES

This is getting closer and closer. Drayton was a lovely school to visit and I had a lovely chat at lunchtime with a charming young trainee teacher from Ireland. A wonderful young lady.

I began to head for Basildon and dinner with my wife and son. I made very good progress until I got just south of Colchester. While bombing along at about 75MPH my front right tyre suddenly blew. The car slewed sideways and I ended up rumbling along at about 20MPH desperate to get to a lay by. I finally stopped and got out to survey the damage. The tyre was shredded and hanging off the metal tyre rim in sad looking strips. I checked the spare tyre - it was a emergency space saver, suitable only for slow driving and about 50 miles in total, and I had to get back to Somerset. I was not a member of the RAC or AA. Problems. With several phone calls to my wife, my mother and a friend in Colchester, I was eventually a member of the RAC and awaiting saving. I had been sitting in the lay by for about an hour when a big vehicle suddenly screamed to a halt behind me. It turned out it was the Police asking me if I was OK, which was quite re-assuring. After they had gone the RAC phoned back and said someone would be with me within the hour. As soon as they had gone another big pick up suddenly screamed to a halt behind me. I saw a figure get out and starting circling round the back of my car. This must be the RAC bloke - the figure wandered round next to my door, so I wound down the window and said "hello". The effect was electric - the big figure dashed round to the near side of my car and for some reason began to look into the scrubby undergrowth next to the carriageway, as if looking for something. He then turned round, whistled nonchalantly, and waddled off back to his pick up. He drove off. What the hell was that all about? When the real RAC bloke turned up he said with absolute definition that the man in question must have been a "pikey" checking out my car to see if it was abandoned and if he could ransack it. Nice.

Well I eventually got the car sorted, a new tyre, and finally I was on my way - at just short of 9pm. The tyre had burst at about 5pm. I got back to Crewkerne at about 11.30pm and was just so exhausted that I immediately collapsed into bed. I was glad to be home, but too tired for any good this weekend, so my visit to the Lake District and return visit to see Andy and Kate near Penrith has had to be postponed.

Half term next week and a visit to Wales with my son to see his Grandparents. Should be fun!

Norfolk In Chance

I had been due for several days in Norfolk back in February, but the weather decided that snow, more snow and even more snow was the order of the day and any chance of driving across country to visit the said schools was about as likely to happen as me winning the 100 metres at the next Olympics. So while I sat steaming and trapped in the far west of England and Wales, the schools had to miss out on their Henry VIIIth days. But we managed to rearrange the dates and here I was now on my way to complete my obligations.

First visit of the two days was at Falcon Junior School in Sprouston, Norwich. This is a lovely school with some very groovy children and lovely teachers. Their hall is a beautiful place to work and has a really nice timeline painted round the walls for the children to look at. We had a great day, lots of fun and some fantastic costumes some of the children were wearing. The teachers and classroom assistants were also well togged out, particularly one of the male teachers whose voluminous pantaloons gave him more than a passing resemblance to MC Hammer. The afternoon was a fun raucous event with a fine jousting tournament in which a good gents outfit just edged out the ladies. It is such a fun school to visit every year, I can't wait to go back and see them all again.

Now instead of my usual long trawl back to either Essex or, even worse, Somerset, all I had in front of me now was a 10 miles drive to Acle and my digs for the night. I was staying at the King's Head Inn and I have to say that my first impressions weren't good. The bar seemed to be hosting a Barfly's Convention with much drunken hubbub and a slurred words between rather flakey looking middle aged men and women. However, after checking in and going upstairs to my small but comfortable room, I came back down to find the bar cleared. I was served a very nice pint of Adnams Bitter (It would have to be at £3 a pint - oh for the days when we served Adnams Bitter in The Hoop in Stock at 90p a pint...) and then perused their very good looking menu. I ordered King Prawns in garlic butter to begin and then chicken breast wrapped in smoked bacon and served on a bed of wild mushroom sauce for the main course. The King Prawns were a huge disappointment. They arrived looking massive and impressive but had been over cooked to the point of virtual disintegration. The chicken was a massive saving grace and was delicious and well cooked. After dinner I moved into the second bar where a massive screen was showing the Manchester United v Inter Milan Champions League match. Naturally, being in Norfolk I was surrounded by Manchester United fans, but they were mostly aged about 12, drunk and not over blessed with brain cells, so it was nice fun to wind them up a little. I lost interest by half time as United were walking the match, and so I retired to bed. Breakfast in the morning was a huge and impressive affair and I left fortified and with arteries hardening by the second.

My second school of the two days was another return visit, and this was to Caister Junior in Caister by Sea. This is another wonderful school that is always a delight to visit. We had another great fun day with a really nice friendly group of children. The costumes for the group were fantastic, the children fun, the teachers charming and the whole day was brilliant. The final joust was terrific fun and close as close can be, but once again the gents team strolled to a good victory. Schools like Falcon and Caister should be cherished for the good work that they do and for the fine children they produce. As endorsed by Henry VIIIth!

I drove home for a weekend in Essex with my family which is going to be nice. I am back in Norfolk again on Monday for another return visit, this time to Drayton School in Norwich, then it will be back to Somerset.