Billericay Dicky and the Tudor Revels

An early version of the Tiller Girls.  Not a raging success.

After all the ridiculous hammering up and down the M4, it was nice to spend a couple of slightly more restful days in Essex with my ex wife Amanda and my lovely son, James.  They have both been offered roles in an am dram production of "A Christmas Carol", with Amanda playing one of the old crones who sells off all of Scrooge's wares after he has died in the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come bit (and I refuse to make any comments about type casting, really), and James is playing the little boy that Scrooge asks to go and buy a turkey for Bob Cratchitt on Christmas morning.  I helped them with a couple of read-throughs before their latest rehearsal, and they were both near word perfect already!  James is going to be a star, I can tell, and his Mum isn't too shabby in the acting stakes either!

The Friday morning had me returning to one of my favourite schools in Essex - South Green Junior in Billericay.  I was warmly welcomed as ever by the lovely staff, and had another pleasant experience shortly before I was due to start my show by the appearance of my dear old friend Kevin Rowley!  He runs a company called Comprehensive Piano Services, and one of his jobs is to look after the servicing and tuning of all the pianos in the state schools of Essex and beyond.  He was there to re-fit a pedal on South Green's upright which had come off at high speed during a particularly violent interpretation of Grieg's Piano Concerto.  This is of course completely made up, I have no idea how the pedal came off, but off it was, and Kevin was the man for the job.  We had a little chat, but just as we really got cracking the children arrived for their morning and Kevin had to shoot off.  Well we had a great day with the children - tremendous fun, full of laughs and much noise.  Lunch was as ever served by the charming lady at South Green who does the food there - what a nice person she is! And then we were back for a mad afternoon, culminating in a very loud joust which the boys managed to win.  So our score clicks over to the slightly surreal score of:

GENTLEMEN 3.5 - 5.5 LADIES

I packed my stuff away and headed back to Amanda's house.  I offered to take James out to dinner that evening with his Mum, anywhere that he wanted.  The choice was his.  The Ivy?  Claridges?  The Fat Duck?  Nope.  He chose - Pizza Hut, as ever.

I was up early the next morning for the drive from Essex down to Southampton and my appearance at the event called "Meet the Ancestors" run by a local historical group in Southampton called The Tudor Revels.  I was bound to get the coffee one.  I was due to give another outing to my "Henry's Horrid History" show. I set off round the M25 in high spirits, but it was bound not to last.  Warnings began being broadcast on the radio stating that the M25 was shut in both directions by the M23 due to a massive pile up and traffic was at a standstill.  I plumbed in a detour route on my sat nav, but the stupid machine kept trying to take me back to the M25.  Anyway, I ended up cutting right across country in grey lowering weather, with pretty much everybody else appearing to try the same thing as I got held up in ever slower traffic jams on what I would imagine are normally quite charming A roads.  Arundel looked nice, if gridlocked, and I made a note to pop back and visit sometime when I wasn't in a hurry.  In the end a two hour drive from Basildon to Southampton ended taking nearly 4 hours.  I had been given directions to a nearby primary school to the venue where performers could park their cars in safety.  I arrived at the school two hours late to find the gates securely locked and not a sign of any one in sight.  I drove round to the little Tudor side street where the event was taking, nearly wiping out the town crier and the wise woman on the bonnet of my Mazda.  One of the organisers popped over to the car park and let me in, which was very sweet of her.  I had told lots of my old Skandia friends that I was appearing in Southampton (Skandia Life being a company I worked for in Southampton between 1998 and 2003 - just in case you haven't read past blog entries), and I was delighted to see some familiar faces!  First off there was Camilla Kennedy, who I hadn't seen since I left Skandia, then there was Kathryn Lee, up until this point the only person from my Skandia days to see me perform as Henry as she, her mum and her daughter came out to Barrington Court one weekend a couple of years ago to see me, which was really sweet of her!  And then there was the lovely Tracie Callaway-Sayce, her husband and two kids, again, someone I had not seen since 2003.  You can see the four of us all together in the Tiller Girl pose in the photo above.  We are, left to right, Camilla, Kathryn, Some old Tudor ruin, and Tracie.  Then I bumped into the gorgeous Sarah Morris, who was there at the show giving a talk about her books and signing copies.  Great to see her again.  Such a lovely lovely lady.  Well I was doing my show in St Julien's Chapel (not Sandy's) and we were packed out!  Staff on the doors were turning people away which was a shame for them, but most gratifying.  The show went down a storm - I chose Camilla to play Anne Boleyn and took great delight in chopping her head off - only pretend of course.  When I finally finished the show and went outside all three ladies were waiting to see me, and I was roundly hugged and congratulated.  Then along came dear old Graham Orris (Or Goff as we know him!), again late of Skandia, with his wife and children - they had been one of the groups who had arrived too late to gain access to the show.  Poor lad.  After some lovely goodbyes from the Skandia crew, I walked back to the car park with Sarah Morris, had a cuddle and goodbye from her, which was very nice, and then began the long slog back to Somerset.  The drive back was fine and I finished  the evening with a nice bottle of wine and some lovely memories of seeing such lovely old friends again.

About the most exciting things that have happened this week have been getting my car MOT'd, which amazingly it passed (!!!!!!) and then getting some of my costume repaired by the sainted Judy Hares in Martock.  Back on the road again this week with visits to Bromsgrove and Preston.  Thank God for that MOT.

South Green, Billericay

Good King Hal looking for his lost roll of lino in the lovely gardens of Barrington Court near Ilminster, in Somerset, which is in England in the United Kingdom and just off the coast of Europe, a minor land mass on the planet Earth which is the third rock from the star known as Sol.

Can it really already be a year since I was last at South Green Junior School in Billericay in Essex?  No, it isn't - its actually just over a year since I was last at South Green Junior School in Billericay in Essex.  Funny old World, innit?  Perhaps I really am getting old, but the years just seem to by flying past these days.

I had spent the Saturday evening with friends at the David Hall Centre in South Petherton in Somerset at a fund raising quiz evening.  Apparently there was some very strict rule about only being a team of four.  We turned up as a group of five which almost caused a complete melt down and over-load for one jobsworth volunteer at the hall.  His solution to the problem?  To dock us 5% of our score at the end to "make it fair".  As one of our team members said "he does know it's just a little quiz night for a charity?"  Anyway, he needn't have worried - it was quite a cryptic sort of quiz and we did struggle a little, however out of a field of nearly 20 teams we came a very respectable 4th.

I was up and out of the door very early on the Sunday morning and drove down to Kent to see my lovely lady Shelley.  We had a lovely day together and later, on the Monday I drove up to Essex to see my son James and get ready for the visit to South Green Junior School in Billericay.  This is a lovely school and one that I have visited over the past 5-6 years.  It was great to be back and I was warmly welcomed, and it was nice to see a very nice lady who had frequently seen my shows from when she used to work at Wickford Junior, a school I am funnily enough visiting in a few weeks time.  It was a group of about 60 children today from the year 6 group and they were mostly very well behaved, fun and ready to enjoy themselves.  The morning was fun and the group showed some really good genuine Tudor knowledge which was nice to see and hear.

Lunch was a surprisingly good lamb rogan josh and some ice cold cooling glasses of water. Super, smashing, lovely.  Again the stocks proved to be a big hit with the group and there was an absolute landslide victory (or should that be defeat?) for the lady teacher, formerly of Wickford Junior, in the vote amongst the children as to which teacher I should stick in the stocks.  The jousting was of a consistently high standard, but the final was a bit of a walkover for a more than competent Gents team.  This now makes our year long score:

GENTLEMEN 2 - 1 LADIES

I can't remember the last time the gentlemen actually had a lead in the competition.  It does make you wonder how long they can hang on to the lead, and can they actually win the year long thing for the first time ever.  All these questions and many more will probably eventually answered in this blog, but don't hold your breaths folks.

The King is off to London on Thursday for a book launch for his friend Sarah, which involves being driven up and down the Thames on a nice boat.  Splendid!  Then he is back to the school routine with a couple of visits to schools in Bristol next week.  It should be fun.

South Green Billericay and a perfect time to PARTY.

Good King Hal, just checking his roof for nesting Catholics. As you can see, he was on his way to the stock exchange. The writer of this blog would like to apologise for the previous joke, it was nicked with much love from a very reasonably priced Christmas cracker.

Good heavens! Back in Essex again. There should be a law against this sort of thing. It was lovely to see my son again and he took great delight and no little time in once again thrashing me at Mario Kart on the Wii. I also let him scoff large amounts of my Chinese take away on the Thursday evening. What a nice Daddy I am. On the Friday morning I was off over to South Green Junior in Billericay for my fifth visit to this lovely school in as many years. Once more I was very warmly welcomed, only this time with words of warning by the fine teachers there - the group I was to see were apparently quite....er... challenging, which is I think the P.C. and polite way of saying they were quite a handful. So I was a little nervous about what to expect - but I really needn't have worried, they were a lovely group all in all! We had great fun in the morning session and even though the children had only relatively recently begun studying the Tudors properly, they showed tremendous early knowledge. Lunch was that lovely good old fashioned Friday staple of primary schools - fish fingers and chips! Back in the hall we had a fairly riotous afternoon session culminating in the inevitable roof-lifting jousting tournament. The final outcome was another victory for the ladies - their first for three schools. Our on-going score now reads:

GENTLEMEN 2 - 3 LADIES

I am next on show as every one's favourite Tudor despot with an appearance at Yetminster in Dorset. Look out for a blog coming your way soon.

Saturday morning I took James into town for breakfast, and he insisted on going to McDonald's. He was only out of the will during the meal, don't worry. Saturday evening I was down at my sister's and brother-in-law's house for my sister's birthday party. Her 46th birthday - yeah, that's right - 46th. Poor old dear. I should have bought her a zimmer frame and some dentures. The party was lovely, just a smallish gathering of close friends and with lots to drink and eat. Among those attending were Michelle Coda and her other half Matt (late of Hever Castle jousting tournaments!), and her cute daughter Victoria; John and Viv Rich who had only just got back from their holiday in Somerset where I had seen them last week; and Ann and Dave Turner-Maynard from Chelmsford who are always great fun to be around - so a splendid time was guaranteed for all. I drank an industrial amount of good red wine and felt tremendoushly schplendid for it (hic). A truly memorable and fun party.

I drove back to Somerset this late morning feeling slightly fragile, but as the day has progressed so I have got better and better. In fact I feel just about strong enough now to go to bed.

South Green Junior, Billericay

Hooray for Hollywood! These new letters, by the A127 welcoming you to Basildon can be seen from as far away as 30, even 40 feet.

Back in the south east for a few days, so it was ideal to spend some time with my lovely son. I drove up on Friday evening, not leaving Somerset until about 8.30pm which meant I reached the hallowed grounds of Basildon at about 11.30pm. It was a wise choice as the roads were virtually empty and made my journey very easy. I had a lovely weekend with my boy, taking him out for fun and games, and also helping him with his homework on Sunday evening where he showed just how much he has come on at school recently by whizzing through his maths sums homework. Bless him!

Monday found me back at one of my old stamping grounds - Billericay! I lived in Billericay for a year back in 1993, living in a house belonging to an acquaintance of mine from the local pub. The house had been his Mother's but had been standing empty for at least two years since she died, so I moved in with plans to bring the house back up to speed so to speak. When I first moved in I was horrified to find that the owners seemed to have locked the front door on leaving two years ago and had not been back since. There were simply piles of dead insects round all the windows, the freezer was still running and was one huge block of ice with food packets suspended in it like some kind of cryogenics experiment, but worst of all, on one of my first nights at the house I decided to grill myself some bacon. I turned on the oven and switched on the grill, there was immediately a bizarre smell filling the house. I looked under the grill and there, placed carefully across the grill pan were 12 sausage rolls, virtually fossilised and with a light covering of dust over them. GROSS!

The thought of all that hadn't even crossed my mind for many years, but here I was back in old Billericay at the lovely South Green Junior School for my 4th annual visit. It was great to be back and see so many familiar faces. We had a great day with a really excitable bunch of Year 6's. There was much fun and laughter and the morning seemed to just zap along. The only drag factor was my ever burgeoning head cold. It had come along this morning and really had it's claws into my by the afternoon session. I felt like death warmed up, but kept the show going at a good pace. The jousting was of a very high standard and once again the Gentlemen triumphed. What on Earth is going on???? This now makes our year long score:

GENTLEMEN 4 - 2 LADIES

So very different from last year. The ladies have another chance to pull the score back a bit on Thursday when I am Wimbledon Chase School in....er... Wimbledon. This will be my first visit there, so fingers crossed it will be a good one!

South Green, Billericay & Blean, Kent

Good King Hal playing "Spot the Next Queen" Competition. He won a years supply of prunes, two episodes of the Jeremy Kyle Show and a 1991 Vauxhall Senator with 156,782 miles on the clock. He complained to the judges and was sent to bed with slapped legs and no supper.

A lovely weekend with Amanda and James in Essex. My son is rapidly getting up to Olympic Standard on Mario Cart on the Wii console. We had some great fun with that. Monday morning dawned cold and bright and I was on my way with the short journey to Billericay and a return visit to South Green School. I started the day off with a fabulous faux pas. Signing in at the office there were two ladies in there, I chatted to them while signing in. They were making lots of suggestions about how the day should go, which I thought was a bit odd and really it should be up to the teachers to make the decisions, not a couple of ladies in the office. I told them this. They looked at me strangely and then told me slowly, as if explaining to an idiot, that they were the teachers. Ah. Sorry. Good start.

We had a fantastic day at this lovely lovely school. The children were fantastic - really enthusiastic and excitable, and the teachers were equally welcoming and charming. The quiz and the coat of arms were particularly good. After a delicious pasta lunch we had a brilliantly fun afternoon. Once again I gave the boys team a pep talk before their jousting final. And predictably it ended with the ladies once more walking off with the win. Current score after Billericay was:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 6 LADIES

Amazing. After leaving the school I headed on down over the Dartford crossing to my sister's house in Stockbury near Sittingbourne. We had a nice relaxing evening and it was good to see my brother-in-law Julian starting his new job after being made redundant a while back. In the morning I drove down the M2 and A2 to Blean, near Canterbury for my 6th visit to this wonderful school. As ever the entire group were done up in some brilliant Tudor costumes, there was laughs a plenty through the morning session. Another lovely lunch followed and we were then moved down to the main hall for the afternoon. There was a group of the young ladies who reckoned that the talk about Tudor crime and punishment was too much for them and held hands at the back of the hall with eyes sticking out like organ stops. They had managed to cope with bucket fulls of poo being chucked around in the morning, but not Tudor torture! They soon forgot their squeamishness when the jousting started and once more we seemed to have a brilliant ladies team, but somehow the gents finally managed to string some moves together and at last....the Gents won a tournament! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 1 - 6 LADIES

Not quite so embarrassing as before. I was due to meet Sue Marsh et al from Skandia down in Southampton today, but it has had to be postponed due to heavy colds amongst some of the Skandia crew! So I drove back to Somerset today and tomorrow I am up at St Paul's School in Shepton Mallet again.

Billericay, High Wycombe and a 50th Birthday!

It was back up to jolly old Essex for me on the 1st October. The following day was to be my return visit to South Green Junior in Billericay - my first return there for three years! The reason for this long hiatus is that when I last visited them in 2005, their year 4 group was studying the Tudors. However straight after that they switched it so that their year 6 group was studying the Tudors! Therefore they had to wait until the original year fours I had taught had grown up and got past year six before having me back again. Well, that was their excuse and I fell for it...

It is a charming school South Green, in a nice almost semi rural backwater to Billericay - lots of trees and greenery, but also lots of houses. But it feels almost villagey. The teachers were, as ever, a delight being helpful, funny, friendly and ready to join in the madness and fun at the drop of a hat. The children, a group of about 60, were very excitable and noisy, but fun with it. It was occasionally difficult keeping a lid on the whole thing, but come the jousting they let themselves go with aplomb and virtually blew the roof off the school hall! As for the result? The ladies triumphed AGAIN! This takes the overall score to:

GENTLEMEN 3 - 4 LADIES

A fine stirring come back by the ladies here.

The following morning I was up early and driving over to High Wycombe for my annual appearance at Godstowe Prep School. This is a fine old building in a leafy lane near to High Wycombe railway station. It is a girls school and you are always guaranteed two things at Godstowe - fantastic costumes for the pupils and a great day of fun, and I got both as expected! It was a new set of teachers for me this year and things got off to a slightly surreal start, because as I began my opening talk to the children two of the male teachers had a very loud conversation between each other at the back of the hall. Mind you, a couple of threatening barks and "looks" from the King and I had them right back in order! All joking aside the teachers were lovely as ever at Godstowe - very friendly and couldn't do enough for me. The children were fun too and the final joust was loud and raucous and of course a ladies team won, so we can't add this score to our overall table.

I left High Wycombe and drove over to Barrington Court in Somerset for Matthew Applegate's 50th birthday party. For the past few weeks he has been saying, in his usual "glass half empty" way, "of course hardly anyone will be there, when it gets to 8 o'clock we might as well go up to my flat and watch the telly..." How wrong. Little does this charming man know how popular and loved he is. As I arrived, the car park by Beagles cafe was quite busy but I decided to park round by the Court House. That car park was even more full! Packed! Walking in I was greeted by a jam packed restaurant full of familiar faces and good cheer. There was Matthew and his lovely wife Sue, dear old Blue and his wife Jo from the post office and shop in Shepton Beauchamp, all the lovely volunteer ladies that I bump into every time I work at Barrington, plus Alf and Lynn Trott, Rachel (Matthew's assistant), Becky from Stuart's Interiors and even a mass of people from Chard Historical Society who have just booked me for their annual talk next May, but were keen to come and say hello! There was a lovely true or false quiz to do, all about Matthew's life, drinks and nibbles aplenty, and even a magnificent birthday cake topped with 50 candles which Matthew managed to blow out in one, slightly extended go! I spent most of the evening talking to Blue, who was a great help to me and spoke a lot of sense about my current personal situation. By 8.30pm I was finished. It had been a long long day. I bid farewell to that lovely collection of friends and drove off into the night. What a lovely day.