St Michael's followed by St Michael's...

Good King Hal (left), halfway through a terrifying transformation into a werewolf, playing a growl kornholt solo of "It Must Be Jelly Cos Jam Don't Shake Like That". Oh, the humanity...

After the trials and tribulations of the Bedford day and the joy of my on line banking experience, it was nice to be back to being Henry VIII again. On the Wednesday it was back to one of my longest running schools, St Michael's Junior in Wimborne in Dorset. The lady I usually see at Wimborne is called Jane Eyre, but she is off doing a year overseas with the VSO in Gambia. That or she's doing 12 months in Parkhurst.

Despite her absence there were plenty of familiar and friendly faces on my arrival. As usual on going back to schools I visit frequently there is the cry of "Is it a year already?" from all and sundry, which I think they mean in a nice way! It was a larger group than in previous visits - 140 children this time, and they were a good fun, sparky group. They laughed a lot and joined in well, and pretty much all of them were dolled up in fabulous Tudor costumes. Some of the homemade ones were of a very high standard. I spent a very pleasant lunch break with two of the younger members of the female staff (always a good thing), teaching them how to tell jokes. Neither of them had much of a clue, but then I suppose when you're that pretty and young, who needs humour? That's why I am sitting here alone, in an apartment in South Somerset dressed as a clown with a revolving bow tie on.

The afternoon session was as loud and raucous as it can be and culminated in a stunning jousting tournament won by a very good ladies team. This made the score after the Wimborne show:

GENTLEMEN 17 - 20 LADIES

The drive home was quite pleasant, not too much traffic and along that road from Wimborne to Dorchester with lovely views and scenery all around. I got home, made some dinner, turned on the TV to see Spurs about to take on AC Milan, and promptly fell asleep. Then Spurs always have that effect on me. (DAMN YOU, RICKY VILLA!!!)

And isn't it funny. You wait all year to do a show at a school called St Michael's, then two turn up at once! I had last visited St Michael's in Twerton near Bath back in May 2010, and as I usually see them at about that time of year it seemed odd turning up at this school on a cold breezy morning. Where was all the warm early summer sun?? Again it was good to see some old familiar faces, plus some new ones. This was a group of about 90 children, very excitable and sometimes a bit of a handful, but I kept them happy for most of the day. On the Tudor quiz which I do in the morning, one little lad managed to score 1 out of 20, which is far and away the lowest score anyone has ever got, but I didn't tell him that. Bless him! Lunch was a cannon ball sized baked potato swamped with baked beans and cheese, with a nice crisp salad on the side. Smashing.

The afternoon was riotous, but fun! Some of the kids laughed so much at the stocks routine I honest thought some of them might have little accidents, but the floor remained resolutely dry. The jousting was again of a very high standard and the final finished in a thrilling dead heat between the gents and the ladies. It went to a one quoit race off to find the winner which the ladies just about squeaked home in. The gents score is starting to drift again! The score is now:

GENTLEMEN 17 - 21 LADIES

Good stuff. The drive home was marred only by having to endure Victoria Coren on the Steve Wright Show on Radio 2. Why does he never have Giles London on his show? He'd be great! If you've never had the chance to enjoy him, please check out the occasional blog of the capital's smoothest, smartest, most nepotism-riddled restaurant reviewer - Giles London at http://gileslondon.blogspot.com/ as you will find he is nothing like Giles Coren in The Times at all. Honest.

My next Henry appearance is at Mereside Junior in Shrewsbury on Monday. This was the show postponed a couple of weeks back when my chest was really bad. It may be tempting fate, but I feel better now! COUGH SPLUTTER! DOH!

St Michael's School, Twerton

Good King Hal sings "Only a Nose - I Picked It For YOU!" before being rendered unconscious by a large truncheon twirled by a member of the constabulary.

It had been a busy few days, up and down to Essex to see James and Amanda, and down to Leeds Castle in Kent for talks and other things. One of the main reasons to visit Leeds Castle was to say a fond farewell to Helen Budd, Darlene Cavill's wonderful assistant. Helen began at Leeds only a few months before I did my first show there, and has been an ever present since. She is taking up a job with English Heritage based down at Dover Castle, so hopefully we can work together again. Darlene, Helen and I went to a small cafe in Bearsted, a village near the castle for lunch, and were joined by Scott, another long time worker at the Castle who won't be around any more. We had a lovely time but sadly it was soon time to go. Leeds just won't be the same without Helen.

After a few more days with James and Amanda it was back to Somerset and a visit to me from my parents, down from Wales for the weekend. We had a lovely time including a particularly fine evening meal on the Saturday night at the Dinnington Docks pub.

Monday I was back on the road again for a third return visit to St Michael's School in Twerton, near Bath. One maniac VW driver aside (some complete tit in a black Passat who thought winding roads and traffic behind slow moving lorries was an excuse for suicidal over-taking procedures on bends, hill summits etc.) the journey was going swimmingly. I had even timed my journey to begin just as stark raving bonkers (and jolly thirsty) early morning DJ Sarah Kennedy was signing off - always good news! However, all of a sudden, with no prior warning whatsoever, three quarters of the way up the A37, the road was suddenly shut. I followed the diversion signs and the words of wisdom from my sat nav but soon found myself crawling along down tiny one track lanes, however I eventually arrived at the school. As ever at this wonderful place I was very warmly welcomed and we were soon underway. We had great fun and the children showed some very good Tudor knowledge. Some of their coat of arms designs were looking pretty good as well! A delightful lunch of minced beef fajitas and a green salad was rapidly followed by the mad afternoon session. It went fantastically and culminated in a very cocky and certain Gents team being well and truly trounced by a more than capable Ladies team! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 25 LADIES

Still too close to call at the moment.

When I finished gigs in the old days, I always used to fight like hell to get away from the school ASAP so I could get home to my wife and son, and cuddles and welcomes. But nowadays, now I have no one waiting for me when I get in, I don't feel the urge to get away as before. Why go home if there is nothing worth waiting for you when you get there?

So bearing this in mind I was initially not that bothered about the south facing A37 likely to be a pain again. But it was for more of a pain than I had bargained for. I followed the diversions again, only this time for some reason about 6 miles up the road, they just stopped! I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, and just at this moment my sat nav decides to go "mental mental chicken oriental" again, and locks up solid so that I can neither switch it off or on. And I was not the only one with the same predicament. Small back lanes around the Shepton Mallet area were gridlocked with irate lorry drivers and people with huge caravans, but then they deserve to suffer. I finally managed to coax my sat nav back into life and found my way home. The empty flat just served to bring my mood lower, and so I decided a Chinese takeaway would cheer things up. Wrong. Local Chinese is shut due to "short staffing". A lack of Chinese workers? But there are BILLIONS of them!? They could have found just one person to cook me some crispy beef and noodles, surely? I ended up with distinctly underwhelming fish and chips from a very underwhelming chippy.

Tomorrow evening I am giving a talk at Norton sub Hamdon for their local ladies group - should be fun. Then on Wednesday I am off down to Brent Knoll for a first Henry visit to the school down there.

Right just time for some Mighty Boosh to try and cheer me up, and then bed. Night!

P.S. And England THRASHED TRASHED AND CRUNCHED the Aussies out of sight in the final of the World Cricket T20 tournament. It always a delight to watch the Aussies take a fearful biffing in any sport, but when it is us dishing it out - even better!

St Michael's, Twerton, plus Medieval Midsummer Merriments!

Thursday. Ill. Very ill. No, not just "man flu" but seriously snotty, hot, achy and not feeling good at all. I took me to my bed and lay there groaning. The phone rang. "Yes" I croaked, in a voice more in keeping with someone having their last rites read. "Mike, where are you?" Oh dear, this could be embarrassing. Had I forgotten a school? No I hadn't, but I had forgotten a meeting I had booked with Tricia, a nice lady down in Abbotsbury for their forthcoming Medieval Midsummer Merriment as it is called. I made abject apologies and then sneezed all over the receiver just to prove to her how ill I really was. She believed me and we re-booked the meeting for this Saturday. I went back to bed and awaited a cure or death, whichever was quicker.

I woke up early on the Friday, delighted to find that I was feeling a lot better - still not brilliant, but the temperature had dropped and I was only mildly snotty. This was a vast improvement and meant I was ready to drive up to Twerton and a return visit to St Michael's School there. I had only recently visited this lovely school back in July, but it was good to be back. Just as before, they were a relatively small group, but what they lacked in size they more than made up for in noise. They were at times deafening, never more so than during the afternoon jousting. I felt really lousy by lunchtime, but plodded on with the show, feeling that I wasn't doing myself or the school justice, but the teachers said they were delighted and the children certainly made it clear that they had enjoyed themselves. The ladies stormed to a famous victory in the jousting and at the end of everything else I sold some souvenir Henry VIIIth coins we had minted with our new coin dye. One little boy bought NINE of them! NINE! I was due to go over and see Ali and Ian in Kingstone in the evening for a curry night, but it was sadly postponed at the last minute, so instead I sat in and had a Chinese takeaway.

This morning I drove down to Abbotsbury for my meeting with Tricia about the Medieval Midsummer Merriment. The meeting went well and their plans look fabulous. In the beautiful shimmering sunlight we walked down to the Tithe Barn where the event will be held and it just looked so beautiful. You looked at the green rolling hills speckled with white patches of distant sheep, the clear azure blue sky, the warm yellow sunshine and the rich warm colours of the old stone buildings and you began to wonder if there really was anywhere else in the world as beautiful as England on a spring day like today. With the nunnery on the hill and the rippled landscape scattered with ancient marks that man has made over the centuries you suddenly felt immersed in history. I can't wait for the show in June!

Next I headed up to Barrington Court for a quick meeting with Matthew Applegate about possibly doing some education shows at the Court beginning next January and February. Should be good!

And now, settle me down and watch Wales v Ireland in the Rugby!

St Michael's School, Twerton

It was time for my final school appearance of the academic year and it was to be a brand new school for me - St Michael's in Twerton on the outskirts of Bath. I always forget just how long it takes to get to Bath from here - just over an hour or so, but luckily the traffic wasn't too bad and I made pretty good time. Earlier this month I had visited Paulton Junor near Bath (see this blog passim) and we had enjoyed a really fabulous day at that lovely school. Well the teacher I dealt with there, her other half is head teacher at Twerton, hence how they came to know about me so soon!

Now it may have been a small group today, only about 45 at most, but by God what they lacked in numbers they more than made up for in noise! Back in the 70's Monty Python released various books and in one of them there was a pretend advert for a series of albums called "Records for the Deaf" and it contained such delights as "Lulu Shrieks George Gershwin" and "This is Concorde!" each with however many decibels each album was. Well, if that advert had been for real, they could record the group I had today and THEY could be released as an album for the deaf. The day shot past in a very jolly manner with some fabulously over excited children and some charming teachers and classroom assistants.

After a lovely lunch of chicken pie with oodles of gravy the afternoon was almost a blur. The jousting competition was of some of the highest quality you could want to see with the gents just pipping the ladies in the final. What lovely day!

This has been a fabulous year with visits here there and everywhere. From doing the King's Royal Progress back in August 2007, via Henry's Horrid History at Leeds Castle in October, from frequent chats with Jo Phillips on BBC Somerset and also through Barrington Court and the Ilminster Festival, thanks to everyone who has been involved so far. There is so much more to come.