Model Citizen

Insert your own hilarious bonne motte here. I simply can't be arsed.

People find it hard to believe I am a model.  I find it hard to believe as well, especially when I look in the mirror and see the R101 with a beard staring back at me.  But I have done a few modelling photo shoots over the years as Henry.  And today I had another assignation.  And where would this photo shoot be taking place?  Which exotic distant sun kissed shore would my delicate little size 12's be plodding around on?  San Tropez, perchance?  Rio de Janeiro, maybe?  Close, but no cigar folks.  I had to be at Barrington Court near Ilminster by 8am this morning.  Hey, who said showbiz wasn't glamorous?

I was to meet up with local professional photographer Simon Plant.   I arrived just after 8am, and then attempted to find somewhere to get changed.  Most of the Court House was still locked up and alarmed, so I headed for Strode House next door and eventually found myself in the big disabled loo, using that as my luxury dressing room.  Well it was lovely to be out in the sun for the photos.  The early morning sun across the sculpted manicured lawns at Barrington looked lovely, and Simon happily snapped away.  He mostly wanted me to look mean and slightly intimidating.  I've been very good at that lately it seems, and I carried on by scowling merrily at the camera whilst clutching a big stick.  We got a few puzzled looks by passing early morning gardeners, but after only half an hour we were done.  Simon was very pleased with the results and has promised to email me the final proofs when done.  I shall post a load on here when they are done and your comments would be most welcome folks.

I got changed and then bumped into the sainted Matthew Applegate, and then the equally sainted Rachel Brewer.  I hadn't seen Rachel since the Mistletoe Fayre last year, so it was great to catch up.  And still my meetings weren't over - just after this Rachel took me to see Sarah Kennedy, another NT lady, not some ex-BBC Radio 2 lush.  I hadn't seen Sarah for ages either so it was nice to see so many old friends.  I stopped off at Ilminster on the way home for a cup of tea at Bilby's and a natter with Tris Pinkney.  After all of this I got home and it was still only just 11am.  What a day!

The afternoon was bound to be a let down and was.  The highlight of the afternoon was a visit to my Doctor who took my blood pressure again, grunted at me and invited me back for more excitement in the same vein in 30 days time.  I can hardly wait.

I am back at Barrington Court on Sunday for a Henry walkabout, and will be accompanied by Emma and Darren from Tudor Roses for their debut at the Court house.  I hope the weather holds up for us.  And now back to sitting on the sofa by myself and sighing.  What a wild way to spend a Friday evening!

Wassail 2012

Matthew Applegate, reliable and deeply wonderful visitor services manager at Barrington Court, looking for his "front door keysh... hic!" in his Wassail bowl.

The previous few years, the Wassail at Barrington Court had suffered at the hands of the elements. Strong winds, heavy rain and piercing cold seemed to have been the common denominator. Matthew Applegate, usually the event organiser as well as being the most criminally undervalued Visitor Services Manager in the entire National Trust, was having trouble for this year's event with getting "acts" to come along. In previous years a samba drumming band had been one of the most popular turns, but they were not available this year and so it just seemed that a big public event was not in the offing. It was decided instead to have a private Wassail at Barrington Court, with entry by invitation only. However, the Langport Mummers group which appears every year had other ideas, and put the Wassail show on their official posters and this had garnered a lot of public interest, so it was therefore decided that all those invited should come, and if any members of the public turned up, well the more the merrier!

As it was there was quite a good turn out anyway, mostly familiar figures seen at the Court house throughout the year and at previous Wassails. It was an absolute delight to see Sarah Kennedy there (no, not the former early morning slurring-voiced BBC Radio 2 turps nudging presenter but the close friend of Barrington Court's pommellier, Rachel Brewer - who is currently away on holiday in Thailand hence no appearance by her and her other half Anthony) and we spent most of the evening almost huddled together against the cold. It was quite icy, but the hot mulled cider certainly helped matters.

Well we had the usual Wassail nonsense, a few carols, a poem by yours truly, The Langport Mummers and their play, the procession to the King cider tree, the offering of toast and cider to the tree, and then the firing of guns to scare away evil spirits. Wonderful stuff. If you have never experienced a proper Wassail then mark January 17th 2013 in your diary and get down to Barrington Court, but don't forget a torch and lots of thermal underwear. It can be bitter.

On the drive home various fire engines came roaring past me on their way to what seemed to be a nasty car crash on the back roads near Shepton Beauchamp - I hope no one from the Wassail was involved. Tomorrow I am off to Blandford Camp and a Henry day at Downlands School - looking forward to it!

Mistletoe Fayre 2011 pt 2

The sort of image to make single women quake in their shoes. Good King Hal clutching mistletoe and beginning to pucker up at Barrington Court. Ooh, nasty...

Day two of the Mistletoe Fayre 2011 dawned with piercing bright morning sunlight. Lovely! Today I was to be a lone King - no Diane or Zarrina to keep me company, it just wasn't the same without them, but fun none the less. With no pensioner afflicted trips to a local petrol station this morning I arrived at Barrington Court more or less on time today. Once changed into my "frock" I started my rounds of the Court House. It was much less busy today - Matthew Applegate reckoned on there being nearly 900 people through the door for the first day. I would estimate today's number being more in the range of 500, but all the stalls seemed to be doing great business.

I had some fun chatting with Rachel Brewer, Barrington's own "pommelier" and she was joined on her stall by the fair Sarah. The mulled cider tasted as good as yesterday, if not better and really did chase the cold out of your system. We had more musician's today, who added some real atmosphere to the event, and towards the end of the day I was presented with an old fur coat by the lovely lady on the wool stall. She said I could use it to add to any new costumes, which was very kind and generous of her. She then scored even better marks by giving me a nice kiss under the mistletoe. Now that's what I call service.

Back home to watch Manchester City draw with Liverpool and re-affirm my belief that Mario Ballotelli is a prime example of inverse ratio between size of wallet and size of brain, and then to settle down with a nice bottle of Shiraz and watch a repeat of "Ripping Yarns" on TV. Smashing! My next Henry outing is on Wednesday this week with a first ever visit to Bathampton School in Bath.

Mistletoe Fayre 2011 pt 1

Good King Hal being an exemplary model of grown up behaviour for a couple of impressionable young fans. Don't worry though, their parents sorted him out in the car park later.

The Mistletoe Fayre was back at Barrington Court again! It must mean Christmas is a coming. To be honest if you believed what you see in the High Street and on TV, Christmas has been a coming since about June. I am amazed there aren't any Easter Eggs in the shops already. On the Friday evening I had been at Barrington Court again for the annual South Somerset National Trust Pub Quiz which I run each year. A good time was seemed to be had by all and there was not a hint of controversy this time around. My mate Matthew Applegate's team won last year prompting cries of foul and that I had been feeding Matthew the questions in our various visits to the local pubs. This year all that nonsense was banished from people's minds as Matthew's team limped home in last place.

So I was due to be up and early on the Saturday morning for the short trip to Barrington. I wanted to be there early as my friends Zarrina Bull and Diane Collings (who had appeared with me at Leeds Castle and Hever Castle during the summer) were going to come down for their first appearance at Barrington Court, and I wanted to welcome them on their arrival. However, I slept through my alarm and woke late. I got ready and shot over to Barrington stopping for a brief period at Merriott for petrol. WRONG. There were only two people ahead of me in the queue, both ladies, both pensioners. The first was purchasing a small bouquet of flowers - she didn't know the price. The lady behind the counter didn't know the price. Hell, even I didn't know what the fecking price was. Finally someone ventured outside to look at the prices on the flowers. Sorted. No. Now she wanted to know if they had any Daily Mail's left as there were none outside. This was taking forever. Finally they assured her that there were no Daily Mail's left and she herself vacated the counter. One person in front of me. She wasn't buying any fuel either, she was interested in the cheap and cheerful thermal socks the garage were selling, but she could only find one pair in her size. Thus a box had to be produced from out the back and the staff went through it slowly, looking for another pair of fecking socks in her fecking size. You could feel the arms on my watch spinning round like helicopter rotors as time roared on. I finally paid and was on my way. Hopefully Barrington wouldn't be too busy. ARGH! Wrong again. It was a massive heaving mass of National Trust members and their cars. I simply had nowhere to park and finally resorted in just abandoning my car on the grass verge where the avenue of chestnut trees used to be. Not very environmental or proper, but I had to put the car somewhere, I couldn't just eat it. Hopefully my tardy arrival would not be noticed. As I walked in through the front door, one of the stall holders called out "'Ere, Henry! Your two wives are looking for you!" Which kind of let me know that Zarrina and Diane were here already.

Yes, indeed they were and they looked stunning in their new costumes - Zarrina in a home made purple dress which looked stunning, and Diane in a Tudor dress she had purchased from Ebay but had massively altered herself to get it into shape. We had a lovely time wandering the halls and rooms of Barrington and the ladies really seemed to enjoy themselves. They certainly added some fun and laughter to the day. We had a pile of photos taken, some of which I shall place on this blog when I get them. I have never seen the Mistletoe Fayre as busy as it was this year, so long may that flourish. It was a fun, tiring day all round and a delight to work with Zarrina and Diane again. Tomorrow won't be the same without them. We finished about 4pm and I was glad to be home, but I am looking forward to part two tomorrow. And Rachel Brewer's mulled cider was STUNNING!

Riverside Junior, Hereford and a quiz...

Good King Hal (left), trying to flog some second hand stocks to an innocent Visitor Services Manager at Barrington Court. This was shortly before the aforementioned VSM tried to drink all world stocks of Burrow Hill Cider in one evening and fell asleep on his sofa.

Hereford. Do you know how the city of Hereford got it's name? Apparently it comes from where people would ford the river and a place was put on maps actually saying "you can ford here", which became "Here Ford". Hereford! What a mine of useless information I am sometimes. The last time I had been in Hereford was back in 2003, just after I had left Skandia Life in Southampton, and just before I embarked upon a year of stifling boredom at Debenhams in Taunton. Amanda, James and I had holidayed just outside Hereford staying in a big old half timbered house along with my parents, my sister Cathy and her husband Julian, and Julian's brother Ged, his wife Mimi and their son Elliot. We had a lovely holiday, but rather worryingly I simply cannot remember the name of the place we stayed, so if anyone who was on that holiday can remember, can you remind me and let me know!

I was visiting a school today called Riverside Junior, summoned there by the lovely Emma Shearer, formerly of Coalway Junior in Coleford in Gloucestershire. It was lovely to see her again and in such a wonderful school. Brand Harry Spankers (i.e. new) as they say and still not completely finished. It will be hugely impressive when done. The children were a group of about 50+, year 4's, a bit quiet and reticent to begin with, but got more confident and lively as the day progressed. A good morning was followed by a lively lunch in the staff room with some hilarious teachers - great fun. In the afternoon a rip roaring Jousting finale saw yet another victory for the Gents! They really are an improvement on last year! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 5 - 3 LADIES

Emma had very graciously allowed me to finish half an hour early today as it is a two hour drive back to Somerset from Hereford, and in the evening it was time for the 4th Annual National Trust South Somerset Pub Quiz. Once again I was host for the evening and question setter. Which is a bit like a red setter, only slightly less slobbery. For a change this year, instead of at the pub (which was booked) we had the evening in the restaurant at Barrington Court. At first it seemed like hardly anyone was going to turn up, but eventually a number of people arrived and we ended up with four teams ranging in sizes from 4 in one side up to 7 in another. It was great fun and was won by a team helped, or possibly hindered, by Graham from Montacute House.

After the quiz when all the other groups had cleared off, a hardcore of Barrington-ites hung around drinking cider and having some laughs. It was great fun, Matthew Applegate was on such good form that he ended up sleeping on the sofa that evening, apparently, but it was also nice to see the lovely Rachel Brewer, her charming other half Anthony, and their friend, the deeply wonderful Sarah from Dorset. What a nice evening!

Right, I am off to Kent now for a corporate do at Leeds Castle tomorrow and then up to Taverham in Norfolk on Friday for a return visit to that lovely school.

Whoa There, Pickle! Chutfest 2010...

Good King Hal (left), singing "I'm a Barbie Girl" to a room full of astonished Japanese tourists. Final score: 23 arrests, 2 falls and 1 submission. And now, here's Carol Kirkwood with the weather. Carol?

Chutfest! Ah, the very name almost sings to you, doesn't it? CHUTFEST! More chutney and pickle than you can shake a stick at. Mind you, who'd want to shake a stick at some chutney? Still, whatever gets you through the night.

Barrington Court's annual Chutney Festival began last year in what was assumed would be a fairly modest way, but it seems the National Trust and Matthew Applegate, for this is really his baby, had totally underestimated the great British public's desire and love of all things pickley. Last year had been a complete sell out with over-flowing car parks and queues of people trying to get in to the library where you could swap your chutneys. (Which sounds like a euphemism, so let's not dwell on that). Well, all of a sudden it was one year on and time for ChutFest 2010, and King Henry was back...

It wasn't to be the smoothest of starts for the King, oh no. I got up fairly early on the Saturday morning and decided to have a nice leisurely brekkie. I began munching my way through a nice slice of toast, when for some reason best known only to my body, I managed to bite a chunk out of my own tongue. Now if you have ever done this you will know exactly how painful it is, how much blood can suddenly appear as if from nowhere, and how it will leave you talking like Jamie-sodding-Oliver for the next few days. Well, it can't get any worse than that, can it? Funnily enough... I was putting my gear together for the two days of the show when I suddenly realised my shoes were split in several different places. So when I really should have been on my way to Barrington and getting ready for the show I instead found myself in Stuart Marsh Shoes in Crewkerne trying to decide which of their admittedly HUGE selection of slippers, looked most Tudor-ish.

The first day of the festival was just like last year - packed! Some of the food and drinks on display were gorgeous. There was the smokery people from Honiton again, tables and tables of home made pickles and chutneys, cakes, sausages, bacon, and of course the delightful Rachel Brewer and her Barrington Cider, helped out as ever by the equally lovely Sarah. There was a very pleasant and chatty chap who had a load of fresh vegetables on his large outside stall, but his chat was somewhat random. He just seemed to start talking about whatever was on his mind at the time and would continue endlessly until really the only way to stop him was to just walk away.

A new venture this year was to have a "Chutney of the Year" competition which was won by a local lady called Teresa Udall with her date and apple chutney, utilising a recipe handed down from her great grandmother. For this she won an engraved trophy in the shape of a copper chutney pan presented by Tracklement's Pickles, this she will hold for a year but must then come back and try and win it again in 2011. She will also visit Tracklement's factory and they will make up her recipe as a limited edition chutney to purchase from them.

On the Sunday, it was much quieter. The horrific early morning weather seemed to keep many people away and it was only as the afternoon progressed that the public began turning up in any significant numbers. My friends Thomas Hammill and his other half Katherine turned out, which was nice to see and more fun was seemed to be had by everyone.

Sunday was also Matthew Applegate's birthday, which for some reason he didn't want any one to know about, so of course we all clubbed together and bought him a card and some cakes, and would sing "Happy Birthday" to him at the drop of a hat. He deserved to be praised. The amount of work he and his assistant Tamsin put in getting the Chutfest together was unbelievable and they get so little recognition and thanks from the powers that be at the National Trust. So I shall do it here! Good work chaps

Henry is back off to St Cecillia's School in Sutton tomorrow for another visit! So time to set the alarm for an early start...