Back on the Road Again. And Again. And Again.

Good King Hal, inflating a new author by blowing in her ear in front of the Houses of Parliament.  And why not.

And so we knew summer was over as it started chucking it down with rain, the winds started howling, central heating got turned on again, and all the people who had been moaning about it being too hot during the summer immediately started moaning that it was too cold.  What a joy the people of England are some time.  Another sure fire sign that summer was over was the imminent re-opening of the schools and my endless trips round to the to be King Henry VIII.

My first port of call for this academic year was to West Leigh Junior School near Southend-on-Sea in Essex. I had visited this school several times previously and it was a delight to be back with Bella Garrett and her lovely pupils.  It seemed a little strange being back in schools after a long summer of jousting, but it felt good as well.  Admittedly I was a little rusty having not done a full day since about mid July, but after having done this show well over 700 times it soon came back to me.  It was a big group for the first day back - about 135 year three children, but a very rewarding group none-the-less.  The morning did seem to zip past as I performed in the small inner hall.  After lunch we hiked over to the dining hall - much bigger - and got ready for the jousting.  It was a fine old tournament, amazing noise from all of the pupils and a really closely fought contest.  Amazingly, our first winners of the new scholastic year was..... THE BOYS!  I know!  Will wonders never cease?  So, like the first Premier League table of the season, this may not mean very much in the long run, but our score is:

GENTLEMEN 1 - 0 LADIES

Would it last?  Well, you will find out very shortly...  Also at this time we were all waiting for the results of our filming efforts at Hever Castle to go "live" on line.  Doug Bolton, the sainted Darlene Cavill's son, had done a marvellous job with the filming, rendering and editing and I was dying for our efforts to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world.  But we would have to wait for just a little bit longer.

On Monday the 9th, I was back in Somerset for a return visit for the first time since 2009 to Long Sutton Primary near Langport.  Lizzie Reynolds, late of Manor Court School in Chard, is still the head at this lovely little school and it was so nice to see her again.  We had a fabulous day - Long Sutton is a brilliant school and very welcoming and friendly, and we had a superb morning with plenty of laughs from the children and some great joining in.  The jousting was, like West Leigh, very hard fought, incredibly noisy and a close run thing.  But getting things back to normal, the ladies simply walked off with the win in the final.  It seemed almost too easy for them.

GENTLEMEN 1 - 1 LADIES

So, normal service resumed?  Read on dear intrepid Tudor nonsense fan, read on... I had about 12 hours to gather my thoughts and some clean underwear and hit the road for the long trek up to Cumbria and an appointment at Ashfield Junior in Workington.

I had asked my lovely friends Andy and Kate Blundell of the Phoenix Antiques Barn in Temple Sowerby near Penrith if I could stay with them, and they very kindly agreed.  So I headed out onto the M5 and pointed my car at the North Pole and began...  It was actually a very pleasant drive up - when you get to North Lancashire and Cumbria some of the scenery alongside the M6 is possibly the most dramatic you will find by any motorway in Britain, unless of course the big wind turbine near the Madjewski Stadium in Reading next to the M4 is the kind of thing that floats your boat.  I was blessed with brilliant sunshine as well, which as it began to slowly fade at about 4pm, looked stunning against the rugged hills and peaks of the Cumbrian landscape.  I got to the Phoenix Barn to find Andy holding his bank manager in a head lock, so I joined in with a couple of rabbit punches and a kick to the goolies and sent him on his way.  It was great to see Andy and he took me on a tour of the latest acquisitions in the Barn.  As ever some lovely stuff and definitely worth a visit if you are ever in the area.  We headed back to their house where I got a big bone crushing hug from Kate, and it was good to see their lovely kids Daisy and Dylan again.  We went out to dinner at a local pub, and then headed back to their place to drink far too much wine and sit in the garden watching the satellites silently gliding above us in the black inky night sky.  Lovely.  I headed off early the next morning after demolishing some croissants Andy cooked and drove over to Workington.  The drive over itself was lovely - past stunning countryside and more dramatic peaks and lakes.  Workington itself is...ahem... a little on the plain side, but Ashfield School was lovely - hugely welcoming and roughly the same size as the TARDIS inside.  I got lost on numerous occasions, even when just trying to find the loo.  We had to begin the day with the jousting as we only had access to the main hall for the early morning.  It was a long loud tournament but very bravely fought by both sides.  Predictably enough, the ladies romped to a victory so normal service IS resumed.

GENTLEMEN 1 - 2 LADIES

On finishing the show I headed back towards the M6 and the 340 miles back to Somerset.  The weather was no longer my friend, and it poured with rain, the wind howled and the traffic was dreadful.  But I made it back and walked into my flat at about 9.45pm.  I was tired out of my brain, but any thoughts of a rest and a long lie-in would just have to wait...

The alarm went off at "WHAT?" o'clock and I stumbled out of a bed that I didn't want to leave.  Back on the road again, this time in cold foggy conditions, back up the A303 to the A34 and another return trip, this time to the lovely Kingsclere School in Berkshire.  This is such a lovely school with some of the nicest teachers you would ever want to meet or work with.  Loads of laughs throughout the day, plus plenty of offers of wedding cake and other goodies from various just missed festivities.  And I bet you can't guess what happened in the jousting???  Yes, the ladies won - AGAIN.  History is repeating itself quite obviously and the same pattern emerges year after year.  I feel sure some research scientist somewhere could look into this and discover something very deep and meaningful about the entire human condition.  But to be honest I am too bleedin' knackered to bother asking him, so it will just have to wait.  Along with those other all consuming questions we should be striving to find an answer for - such as, how does the snow plough driver get to work in the morning?  Or if you unscrew your belly button does your bum fall off?  Or who on Earth actually finds Miranda Hart funny other than about three BBC executives?  All this and much more will NOT be answered in the next blog.

GENTLEMEN 1 - 3 LADIES

Oh, and after all that - yes, the video we made IS "live" now on both the Hever Castle website and on You Tube.  Have a look, enjoy and share it with as many people as you know.  Let's go viral folks.

West Leigh School

Good King Hal clog dancing outside Strode House.  Total amount given by passers by?  Not a toss.

A new academic year!  Has there been a summer break?  I think I missed it.  With all that jousting and romping round the country I think I have an excuse for missing it.  I drove up to Kent first of all to spend some time with Shelley, and then the following day I drove to Essex to see my lovely son James and his Mummy.  After these two pleasant days of semi rest it was then time to don the robes and become Henry again.

West Leigh School is a lovely place - I was making my fourth annual appearance this year, booked as ever by the wonderful Bella Garrett.  It was a bright sunny morning for the drive down there, proving that after all the rain and misery of the summer holidays it was inevitable that the sun would come out and the temperatures would go through the roof as soon as the kids went back to school.  I was greeted with a hug and kiss from Bella, which was very sweet of her, and then a welcoming cup of tea.  It was a big group today, over 120 year three children - all of them very excitable and loud.  Their enthusiasm was very infectious, but it was sometimes hard to keep a lid on them as they got too excited!   But we had a great morning and lots of laughs.

Bella very kindly wandered down to the local supermarket to get me a sandwich for my lunch and then it was on for the mad afternoon session.  The stocks were a raging success, lots of laughs and whoops of delight from the audience.  The jousting threatened to dissolve into chaos to begin with.  During the first ladies race quintaines, quoits and lances went flying in all directions and several of the young ladies became distraught and claimed that the jousting was too difficult.  So I stopped the race after what seemed like a lifetime of directionless galloping and quoits flying around the hall and gave them another run down on how to make the jousting easier for them.  Still one of the little ladies, a cutie called Annie, claimed it was too hard, but luckily Bella persuaded her to continue to take part, and as it was her team won the ladies tournament!  Then we found the gents champions, and they were very good, so it was obvious who was going to win the overall title.  Yes, Annie and her hopeless ladies romped to a famous victory!  So our very first score for the new year has a familiar ring to it!

GENTLEMEN 0 - 1 LADIES

Different year, same results!

The King is off to Castle Hedingham again this weekend for a wedding appearance, which should be fun, and the weather looks good.  Then next week I am off up to Harrogate in Yorkshire for a school appearance.

Leeds Castle and West Leigh

Good King Hal's front room. Notice hot and cold running stocks and huge fold back speaker. Nice!

So after all the fun and games of jousting at Hever Castle this summer, it was time for one final tournament - this time back at dear old Leeds Castle. It was all to kick off on the Friday evening with a "Sunset Joust" - this was like a normal joust only done in a sort of hazy twilight. Probably quite romantic with the Castle in the background, but you did feel that most of the Knights would have been within their rights if they'd claimed for bad light and walked off. I was on the microphone for this whole weekend which was great fun and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed myself - I hope the public did too, they didn't seem to run off in any great numbers which was a help. We'd only just started the show when one of Leeds Castle's hot air balloons suddenly came looming over the castle before coming to Earth with an undignified thump in the field just one up from our arena. We finished the show as the light was finally completely fading, and were then replaced in the entertainment stakes by the showing of "A Knight's Tale" on a giant screen next to our arena. I had an appointment with a bottle of Shiraz at my sister's house, so I made my farewells and left.

The final Saturday and Sunday were back to the usual set up for jousting at Leeds. Two shows each day, one at 12.30pm and one at 2.30pm - except on the Saturday the second show was put back to 3.30pm to accommodate a visit from some kids from Kent Youth, or some such organisation. Such was the ill behaviour of some of their number, then a visit from Genghis Khan and his Mongol Hordes might have produced less bad language and partial destruction of my costume. I have nothing against youth organisations, but I do feel the rest of us should have been issued with Luger pistols to give us a fighting chance.

I had my own little tent down on the site for, initially getting changed in, then also with my old throne from the "Henry's Horrid History" shows back in February (see this blog from February for details!) on a raised dais with the idea that I would have people coming to be photographed with The King. It was a nice little bolt hole as well at lunchtime. However on the Saturday night, long after I had gone, while the Kent Youth yobs....I mean kids... were still on site the heavens had apparently opened and some of the little darlings had taken refuge in my tent. This I discovered on the Sunday morning when I found my costume bag completely rifled, some of my clothes on the grass soaked in dew (I hope) and my hat crumpled up into a ball and had apparently been kicked around as well. Bless 'em. All four shows on the Saturday and Sunday went really well. My old friend Clara turned up with her kids on the Saturday, then on Sunday Greg and Diane Nash, who I have been friends with since I lived in London back in the 80's turned up with their sons Barnaby and Joseph - both of whom were primary school kids when I last met them, but who are both now at University. Where does all the time go..? Also Michelle Coda, her partner Matt and daughter Victoria, fresh from being Anne Boleyn at Hever Castle came along to see all the jousters with a view to Michelle doing some of the sound system work next summer at Hever. Much fun was had with all. I was also accompanied by The Tudor Roses, two fine ladies who turned up in brilliant Tudor apparel and were my Anne Boleyn and Jane Seymour for both days. There are apparently three of them in total, but I only got to meet two of them as one was away in Cyprus! The two I met were Emma and Katherine (I think - HUGE apologies if I have either name wrong!). They looked fantastic - please check out their Facebook page.

It was a fitting end to the summer season, the final show being very much a "end of term" event with lots of in-jokes and larking about, but the audience seemed to really enjoy it as well. Sir Stephen of Porlock was over joyed to see Michelle back in the audience and promptly let her have another of his stunning ditties, even if it was a bit rude (he obviously struggled to find something to rhyme with "ditties"). He also spent a large part of the final tournament wearing a big frizzy yellow wig which caused him to bear a startling resemblance to Yazz from "The Plastic Population" circa 1989.

Monday was spent up in Basildon seeing as much of my lovely James as possible. Tuesday (that's today to you and me) and it was my first visit to a school for this term and I was back at West Leigh Junior School near Southend in Essex - a school I last visited back in about 2008. It was great to be back and I was very warmly welcomed by the charming staff. It was a very large group, about 128 of them in total, of Year 3 children, but they were brilliant. Great fun, very fizzy and full of laughter - we had a superb day. With such a big group the afternoon was a rip roaring affair and culminated in a deafening jousting tournament which, predictably (if you go by previous years scores) was won by the ladies. So after the first show of the year, our opening score is:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 1 LADIES

Who knows where it will go this year. I am next back at Shillingstone School in Dorset on this Friday (16th) and then that evening and the following Saturday I am appearing at the Bridport Hat Festival. Come down and see some big hats, Hank Wangford and yours truly strutting my stuff.

West Leigh Junior

Be in no doubt - West Leigh Junior is a wonderful school. I do sometimes find performing a Henry day for year 3 pupils can be hard work. Sometimes they can be a little too young and don't really "get" the day. So when I discovered that my day at West Leigh was going to be with a group of 128 year three children my heart sank a little. But I need not have worried. They were fantastic! Really switched on and savvy. Bright, bouncy and with lots of good knowledge of the Tudor era already. There were occasions when they almost got a bit too excited, but I prefer a group of children that way, rather than when they just sit in shell shocked silence with the look of beached cods and obviously thinking "Who is this fat dude in the tights?"

The teachers and their classroom assistants were just lovely. So friendly and welcoming and nothing was too much bother for them. I even got my lunch bought for me which was very kind indeed. The morning was chock full of laughs and the afternoon was even better. The jousting tournament was a rowdy affair as I am sure you can imagine, what with 128 very excited children in a confined space. Their cheering and roaring on of the teams nearly took the roof off the hall we were in! The ladies seemed to have it sewn up in the final, but a simply brilliant final leg by the final young man allowed to gents to snatch victory on the last quoit. Brilliant stuff. I am going to keep score for this academic year and see who has the most wins, so with only one school done, the Henry VIIIth Joust-O-Meter shows the score to be:

GENTLEMEN 1- 0 LADIES

Watch this space for more scores. And not long to wait. I am back at dear old Manor Court in Chard tomorrow for more of the same!