Inspected Wexford (geddit?), 50th bashes, jousting and no blogs (sorry)

The lovely, LOVELY Wexford at night.  I am the 572nd pixel from the left, pissed in a bar.

I had not had a proper full blown holiday for over four years, and I sort of reckoned I deserved one. But the question was where to go.  I had finally plumped for Ireland, a place I hadn't visited since about 1997 when I had spent most of the time over in Kerry dodging the rain that was hammering down.  I caught the ferry from Fishguard in Wales and took the three plus hours crossing to Rosslare.  I was going to stay in Wexford, a town I knew precious little about, but was willing to learn.  It would also give me an excellent opportunity to catch up with my old friend Emily, a lovely lass from Wexford who I used to work with up in London back in 1994.  Well the whole holiday was delightful - the weather was just perfect, almost too hot to be honest.  Em and her family were fabulous guides and looked after me magnificently, sorted out accommodation for me and even opened up various opportunities for new business.  They could not have done more for me.  Em's Dad, Noel took to referring to me as "yer man Cromwell" in deference to the famous Oliver who rather dented any opportunity of being voted "Most Popular Man In Wexford" by burning down the town and massacring the inhabitants.  I drove up to the Wicklow mountains and visited Glendalough (packed to the rafters with tourists) and the lovely Vale of Avoca.  I also got to visit Loftus Hall (the most haunted house in Ireland apparently!), the Hook Head Lighthouse (oldest operating lighthouse in the world), Kilmore Quay and ate more potatoes and drank more Guinness in seven days than I have in the previous seven years.  Marvellous.

When I got back to Wales I went straight to my folks house in Newcastle Emlyn for my sister Sue's 50th birthday party weekend.  It began on Friday 12th July with a surprise party for her at my parents place, with several old friends arriving earlier than she expected.  My sister, being my sister did of course phone in while we were all waiting for her to say she was running an hour late.  This meant by the time she did arrive most of the guests were virtually paralytic with drink, but it made for a most convivial atmosphere.  On the 13th Sue had her own party at her house near Cynwyl Elfed which was again bathed in beautiful sunshine.  A lovely day was spent sitting in her garden and drinking - not a bad way to see the day through.  It was a lovely weekend and nice to see so many old friends.
One week later I was on at Barrington Court for a walkabout at the old place.  Again the intense summer heat had continued.  We are never happy in this country.  For the previous five or six summers we have moaned and complained about the soggy miserable weather we have endured.  Now as soon as we get a hot one everyone is moaning again.  I can't wait for the tons of snow again come winter.  The day after Barrington I was up at Sudeley Castle in Gloucestershire for another of their Tudor Fun Days.  I was there with Zarrina, Diane, Justine, Louise and Sarah from Tudor Gowns, who all looked beautiful, and also Rachel from Tudor Roses who was equally stunning and fun to be with.  We had a lovely day wandering round, but even there the sun became so hot that we eventually capitulated at about 4pm and made a run for our cars and the haven of air conditioning.
The weekend of the 26th, 27th and 28th of July found me jousting at Hever Castle again in Kent.  The Friday was a normal joust featuring all the usual suspects, but the Saturday and Sunday were new "International" tournaments featuring teams of English and French knights taking each other on.  Franck and Manou were most definitely pukka French riders, but Matthew's accent was distinctly home counties!  They as the French team took on Jeremy, Sam and Ash as the English Knights.  Much fun and racial stereotypes later we had a show.  On the Sunday in particular we had a massive turn out for the show with the car parks absolutely rammed to bursting point.  Reaction to the shows was brilliant with so many laughs.  We must do this again!
I now have my lovely son James staying with me down here in Somerset and he and I are off to Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire this weekend for another three days of fun jousting with the Knights of Royal England.  Be lovely to see you there. 

Walking With MP's...

Lovingly, the King blew an enormous raspberry on the back of Anne Boleyn's hand.  How the long winter evening's at Hever must have just flown by.

Summer has taken a long time to come along.  As I might have mentioned once or twice in this blog before, the winter just gone seemed almost limitless, but I am really enjoying the springtime we are now enjoying.  And with springtime comes more walkabouts for the King.  Last Sunday I was back at Barrington Court near Ilminster for a few hours of strolling the grounds and leaping out of hedges startling old ladies.  The weather started off alright, but unfortunately eventually closed in, and visitor numbers dwindled.  Towards the end of the day I was sitting in the large Kitchen of the court house, where I normally do my one man shows, and I was playing my recorder.  I love playing music in the kitchen at Barrington as the acoustics are so wonderful.  Sounds like you are hooked up to an enormous reverb unit with the settings going all the way up to 11.  Well I was happily tootling away to a couple of tourists, when I saw a woman walk past the doorway in the corridor.  She suddenly reappeared in the door and stalked towards me.  I wondered what she was going to say, it could have been anything, but when she did open her mouth I was dumbstruck.

"What are you going to do about the next Queen?" She shrieked, almost shaking with anger.  I stopped playing and looked at her with some puzzlement.

"Next Queen?"  I wasn't really sure what she was on about.  "Which next Queen?"  I imagined she was mucking about and was going to say how angry she was about Katherine Howard, or Anne Boleyn or any one of Henry's Queens. I was way wide of the mark.

"Yes!  The next Queen!"  She bellowed.  "Camilla!"  Now I really was struggling.

"What about her?" I eventually managed.

"WHAT ABOUT HER!?" She was doing a very good impression of the Alien Queen that Sigourney Weaver beat the crap out of in the movie "Aliens", and was scaring me.  "If Camilla becomes Queen there will be REVOLUTION in this country.... REVOLUTION! The people just won't accept her!"  I really had no idea some people's lives were so empty that they'd waste that much time getting this angry about something as pointless as this.  "Diana's blood is on their hands!  Charles and Camilla MUST make way for William..."  I made the fatal mistake of mentioning something about William being more approved than Charles simply because he was prettier, and that Diana was no angel when it came to manipulating the press, but that was it, she was off again.  More frothing at the mouth, shaking with anger, a final finger wagging at me and then she stomped off.  I sat in stunned silence before glancing at the other tourists in the room.

"How do you follow that?" I asked them.  One silently shook his head, so I picked up the recorder and began playing again.  Wonderful.

My next Henry appearance of the week wasn't until the Friday evening when I was to give a talk in Crewkerne at St Bartholomew's Hall for the local Liberal Democrat group, with local MP and Cabinet Minister David Laws in attendance.  Well they all seemed to enjoy my silly jokes, particularly one about David Cameron and George Osborne going off on a tour together.  I'll explain it all to you next time I see you.  Please remind me.  After my "turn" I was invited to stay for the supper afterwards and ended up sitting next to Mr Laws.  I had met David at various previous events I had visited and he is a nice affable chap and easy to talk to.  As he works in education now I did make a couple of requests - (a) could he ensure that Henry VIII and the Tudors stay on the national curriculum for as long as possible, and (b) next time he was alone with Michael Gove could he kick him in the bollocks as hard as he could.  He said he would look into a feasibility study in both my requests.  You heard it here first folks.

Sunday (today) saw me up and about bright and early for a drive up to Sudeley Castle in Winchcombe near Cheltenham in the Cotswolds for a walk about with Tudor Gowns and the Tudor Roses.  With the remnants of my cold hanging about, particularly my awful chesty cough, I had a dreadful night's sleep on Saturday and had coughed so much I had very sore stomach muscles.  Luckily the weather was bright and warm for the drive up the M5 towards Sudeley.  We had a good day wandering round the grounds meeting and greeting  the tourists, but by the afternoon numbers had slowed down and my cough addled sore muscles were really giving me merry hell.  So just before 4pm I surrendered and wandered off to get changed.  I said goodbye to Emma and Rachel of the Tudor Roses, and then also to Zarrina and Diane of Tudor Gowns before trundling off home.  I am quite sure I will sleep well tonight, my ribs still hurt, but perhaps my cough feels a bit better.  Or is that just wishful thinking?  I'll let you know tomorrow after I have tried to sleep tonight.

Walking and Talking

Good King Hal, wondering who the hell has photo-shopped Barrington Court out of existence.

Here is a look at the first photo from last week's photo shoot at Barrington Court with the supremely talented Simon Plant.  I think this picture looks stunning and would like to take this opportunity to thank Simon for his talent and skill.  What a guy!

I was back at Barrington Court on the Sunday for the first of my summer afternoon walkabouts at this lovely NT property near Ilminster.  I was delighted to be joined by Emma from the Tudor Roses, dressed as a lovely Katherine Parr, her son's Jonny and Matty as two young princes and the wonderful Darren Wilkins, armed to the teeth as ever with his trusty camera, who followed us around snapping away.  It was a quiet afternoon at the Court but it was nice to meet a greet people from all over the country.  I was so moved that Darren and Emma had chosen to drive all the way from Kent to spend the afternoon with us over at Barrington.  We weren't the only "attractions" there for the day, there was also a choir who were stationed in the main ball room in the house and warbled their way through various numbers including "Pass Time With Good Company" (another PRS cheque in the post for Henry!) and "Swing Low Sweet Chariot".  Their singing was very good and sounded lovely in the court house surroundings.  The sainted Mattew Applegate, long suffering Visitor Services Manager at Barrington Court looked after us superbly and organised some tea and biscuits for everyone in the afternoon.  Well we went down to join the choir for the drinks and were welcomed by them very much the way a North Atlantic Convoy during the second world war would have greeted the sight of a U-Boat.  Noses were looked down, we were at first ignored and then, comments were made about us.  While I was fixing some tea for Emma, Darren and myself, the main conductor was standing behind me with two of her warblers and I quite clearly heard her comment "His costume, do you think he made it out of a sofa?" and they guffawed happily together.  I can honestly say they were one of the unfriendliest coldest bunch of fish seen outside of a north sea trawlers net.  Obviously for reasons of me being a polite and lovely bloke, I would never name which choir this group were.  However they are a choir, they often perform in chambers and they come from a town in south Somerset.  That begins with Y.  And ends in L.  Anyway, after a few turns around the gardens and buildings, we changed back into our civvies and treated ourselves to a drink and some cakes in the fine cafe at the reception area of Barrington.  And then I was on my way back home to Crewkerne while Emma, Darren and the boys faced up to the much longer trek back to Kent.

I was up early this morning for a drive back to Downend just to the north east of Bristol for a return visit to Christ Church Junior School.  I had last appeared here back in 2011, and this time I was booked by a new teacher called Marie Harrison.  It was to be a big group for the day - approximately 150 children from years three and four combined.  Marie was lovely and made me very welcome, but then so did the whole staff and children.  They were a big group, but just a delight to work with!  The morning got off to a slightly delayed start, but it was worth the wait.  The whole morning was great fun and some of the children's costumes were just magnificent.  After a nice lunch break it was back to the hall for a fun session with the stocks before finishing with a deafening joust.  This was finally won by several lengths by a very entertaining and confident Gents team - and about time too!  They romped to a worthy victory.  Finally they can peg the ladies back slightly.  Our score goes to:

GENTLEMEN 13 - 21 LADIES

I had a little fun on the drive back when my sat nav decided to go a bit wibble on me, and I ended up driving up and down the Keynsham by-pass a couple of times for no adequately explained reason.  Still I am sure it gave the locals something to talk about.

Back home I said "HELLO" to a bottle of Merlot and some dinner and then settled down to watch the final episode of Broadchurch.  Not the best of the series by a long way, but it did at least manage to tie up the loose ends of the story in a fairly agreeable way.  Oh and Man Ure won the Premiership.  Now that IS depressing.  A day off tomorrow and then I am off up to Ilmington in Warwickshire for a Henry day at their local school.  So another early start.

Wedding 'Em at Hedingham! Plus Nonsuch Awareness...

Good King Hal and his Mother discussing the current rocketing price of rhubarb in the Yemen.

Ah, a late summer wedding - how nice!  Louise, a fine Tudor Lady who I have walked around some of the best stately homes in Britain with, was getting married to her fiance Jason, with the wedding taking place in the august surrounds of Hedingham Castle, followed by a reception at a lovely hotel in Old Harlow Town.  I drove up to Hedingham from Amanda's house in Basildon, and this time I wasn't chased round Chelmsford by the Police Interceptors team, so there goes my chances of appearing on Channel 5 in the next few months.  It was a scorching hot day on the Saturday and I wasn't sure how I would last in the full Henry gear.  I was joined in being costumed by the Tudor Roses who arrived very shortly after I did.  There was Lady Emma, Lady Erica and Lady Katherine, who seemed fully recovered from her recent visit to Barrington Court.  They were as ever accompanied by the splendid "Lord" Darren Wilkins and his ever present camera.

We were supposed to get changed on the top floor of the keep at Hedingham, but to be honest I wasn't sure my knees could manage to drag me and the enormous costume up that many stairs, so as the Roses disappeared off to their lofty perch, I chickened out and went into the deserted cafe on the 1st floor and got changed in there instead.  We were soon all Tudored-Up and ready for action, and just in time as well as the first guests were already arriving.  We greeted them outside the keep and ushered them up to the cafe where soft drinks were being served.  Some of the Tudor Roses got a little over-excited by the extremely muscular and buff paramedics on duty that day, but I blame the heat personally.  The groom and best man arrived and looked fine in their Tudor costumes, so we positioned ourselves in the main hall on the 2nd floor and awaited the arrival of the bride.  The hall was darkened and lit purely by candle-light and looked stunningly atmospheric.  With everyone seated news filtered up that the bride was here.  I was positioned at the front of the hall and armed with my Tudor recorder as I had been requested to serenade the bride in.  She seemed a bit taken aback by my rendition of the "Hawaii Five-O" theme, but perked up a little when I launched into a growl cornet version of "It Must Be Jelly 'Cause Jam Don't Shake Like That".  Of course I didn't, I had been asked to play "Greensleeves", so I did and it was either bloody awful or lovely as it reduced Louise to tears.  I also played during the signing of the register, and then it was time for photos outside the castle.  Myself and the Tudor Roses then made a run for it as we had to drive the 30+ miles to Harlow and the reception hotel, to be there ready for when the guests arrived.  This involved not getting changed out of the Tudor clothes and driving fully Henry'd up, which garnered me one or two odd looks from other drivers.

The Reception meal was delightful, and there were little gifts for all the Tudor Roses and myself.  I did my announcements for the arrival of the Bride and Groom, and then also did the announcement for the speeches. That was the end of the meal and tables were soon being moved as it was time for the evening dance to begin.  But I had an early start in the morning for an appearance at the Nonsuch Awareness Day near Epsom in Surrey in the morning.  So after getting changed and making my many goodbyes I drove down to Kent and an evening with my lovely Shelley.  Heaven!  Louise and Jason's wedding was really memorable and great fun - I wish them a long and happy marriage!

The King at the Nonsuch Awareness Day with a piece of impressive machinery in his hands.

Shelley very kindly offered to drive me and Sir Owen over to the Nonsuch Awareness Day, which was lovely!  I was going to go into great detail about Nonsuch Palace and it's history, but I would be here all day - the best I can suggest is you click on this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonsuch_Palace and read all about it there!  Better still go out and buy one of XTC's finest albums which is called "Nonsuch" and has a very nice wood carving of the palace on the cover.  Andy Partridge's bank manager will thank you profusely.

I was once more joined by the Tudor Roses, this time Lady Emma and Lady Erica, and the inevitable Lord Wilkins.  We had a fine time walking round the stalls and chatting to the various stall holders.  There was a fine mixture of craftsmen, associations, armed forces, BMX riders and charities there, and in the scorching weather there was a very good turn out - estimates put it at about 2,000 people, which was magnificent.  Shelley, Owen and I took great delight in watching the BMX riders doing their stunts and then laughing like drains when they fell off.  Very childish but tremendous fun. Lady Erica enjoyed herself enormously with the soldiers from the local TA, with their great big transporter - saucy thing.  All in all it was a fun day, a little too warm for my liking, but fun to be with the Roses and a delight to be with my Shelley.  It was also good to see the Tudor Roses showing the historical dancers there how to do it properly.  A big shout out to Leanne Pickard who organised the whole thing and did a fabulous job.  Well done!

Barrington Court and Horrid History! (and Burrow Hill Scrumpy - don't do it).

Lady Katherine and Good King Hal having a quick "Vulture" session at Barrington Court much to the amazement of the people around them.

Just what I needed!  After the rigours of the jousting season finally began to recede it seemed only right that I should go back to being Henry in my "Horrid History" show, this time at dear old Barrington Court.  The original idea was for me to be joined by a phalanx (or is it a flock?) of Tudor Roses, but initially with poor Emma Fuery sidelined after back surgery, one or two others couldn't make it, and in the end I was accompanied on the Sunday by a Tudor Rose (singular) - namely the lovely Katherine Miller.

My weekend was nice anyway as I had my lovely lady Shelley Hughes staying with me along with her son, the renowned Sir Owen of Leeds Castle and the Broomfield Exit.  The Saturday walkabout was very nice as the weather was very kind, not too hot and no sign of any rain.  Shelley, Owen and I had a quick picnic in the grounds of Barrington Court before I went off to get changed for my official Royal duties.  I strolled the grounds from 12.30pm until 2.30pm, where I then stepped into the Great Hall only just recently vacated by Anthony Gormley and his "Morphs".  It was a good show on the Saturday, a nice group of people and lots of laughs.  Sir Owen held my cane for me during the show, a very important job!  It was also nice to see Russ Wardell and his lovely wife at the end of the show.  We popped home to my flat and awaited the arrival of Katherine from London, and it wasn't long before we were down at Crewkerne Station picking her up.  She was to be staying at the Duke of York pub in Shepton Beauchamp just down the road from Barrington.  We delivered her safely there and decided to have dinner with her at the Duke.  We had a lovely meal, but by this time (about 8pm), poor old Sir Owen was done in, and even the temptation of a chocolate ice cream couldn't persuade him to lift his head from the table with barely audible mentions that he was "tye-erred".

The Sunday weather looked a bit dodgy as we drove over to Shepton to pick up Katherine for the second day of the Horrid History walkabout.  A spattering of rain as we got out the car didn't look too promising, but in the end we got away with the weather altogether, and I am a poet and I didn't know it.  Another picnic in the grounds was followed by Shelley helping to lace Katherine into her dress!  Soon we were off perambulating again, and this time the Horrid History Show was transplanted into the old Kitchen where I have done so many shows in the past at Barrington.  We had a huge turnout for the Sunday show and, if anything it went far better than the Saturday performance - loads of laughs from the crowd and many handshakes and congratulations afterwards.  Matthew Applegate, the Visitor Services Manager at Barrington was delighted, and was even told he was a "poo-poo man" by Sir Owen, which I am sure made his day complete.

We dropped Katherine off at Crewkerne Station after the show and she was soon winging her way back to the mighty metropolis that is London - it was lovely to see her again.  She is such a nice lady.  Shelley then treated me to a Chinese take away, which was most welcome and we finished off the evening watching Doctor Who (recorded from the Saturday night!) and my favourite movie "The Apartment".  A lovely evening all round.

Shelley and Owen headed back to Kent on the Monday morning and I went back to the flat to get everything ready for my next few days away doing shows and visits.  I attempted to write this blog up last night, but rather idiotically did it after drinking almost industrial amounts of Burrow Hill Scrumpy.  Now this was an incredibly stupid thing to do.  I woke up sitting on my sofa at 3am, freezing cold but happy that I had at least not published the rubbish I had been typing.  WRONG.  I looked at my blog and there for all to see was an entry that started off very lucidly, but rapidly descended into complete nonsense.  It was like reading Shakespeare after he'd had a goblet of mead too many.  Hamlet's soliloquy starts off all right with his "to be or not to be..." but unfortunately ended with him shouting "Grrrrrrrr.... thnarg bucket banana!" at Ophelia and then passing out on the chaise longues.  So kids, if you're thinking of writing a blog under the influence of scrumpy - don't do it!  (The really worrying thing is that by the morning 25 people had read it and two people said they liked it....  I hope they like this substitute and sober blog as well!).

Off to Kent now, then Essex for my first school visit of this educational year as I am off to West Leigh Junior near Southend.  Looking forward to it immensely.  But no more scrumpy....

Good King Hal & Son

Good King Hal produces his new improved "Mini-Me" to an astonished World.  Last time he threatened to produce is "Mini-Me" in public he was arrested and charged with intended gross indecency.

And so it was time to head back to Hever Castle first of all, for a joust on the Saturday.  However, this time there were a couple of differences - one, it wasn't raining and the sun was shining (hoorah!) and two, I had my son James with me, dressed as a sort of cross between a Herald and a cheap version of Prince Edward.  I had picked up a costume for James to use from "Dress the Part" - a fancy dress outlet that used to be in the Shereday's Centre in Billericay High Street when I was working there back in the 1980's, but has since moved to much bigger premises at Barleyland's Farm just outside Billericay.  We drove down to Hever from Essex on the Saturday morning and met up with Jeremy Richardson, head honcho of the Knights of Royal England as the jousting arena we normally use at Hever still hadn't recovered from the soaking and pounding it took last week, and a new, temporary arena had been set up the far side of the public car park, next to the lake.

Well, we paraded out for the show, and me feeling proud as punch as I had my son James with me in the show for the first time.  There was another notable difference - no Michelle Coda today.  She and her family were attending a big family event and so her place was taken by the admirable Emma Fuery from The Tudor Roses.  She looked after James wonderfully while I was in the middle of the arena doing my patter with the audience.  As we sat in the Royal Box doing the commentary, James knelt on the floor in front of me, but I had to keep shushing him as he was laughing at the antics of the Knights too much and occasionally forgetting he was very close to an open mic!  It was also nice to see Sir Stephen of Porlock back with the Knights again.  It was a lovely day, topped off in marvellous style by seeing Sir Owen of Leeds Castle again, along with his lovely Mummy, Shelley.

James and I immediately left the castle and then headed down to Somerset.  We had a fun night playing on the Wii console, but it was time for an early night as we had to be up bright and early for a trip to Sudeley Castle and the latest Tudor Fun day.  It was lovely to see Sudeley in the sunshine, we had waited so long to see it that way.  There were two Tudor Roses today - Lady Erica and Lady Rachel, plus the lovely Zarrina and Diane from Tudor Gowns.  James and I were spoilt for lovely ladies to look at!  It was devilishly hot today and the old castle was packed with punters which was lovely to see.  It was good to see the lovely Tudor ladies frolicking in the playground, and Rachel and Erica both had fun on the big slide in their Tudor frocks, and then Erica topped that by going on the zip wire in her full Queen's outfit.  Not a site you see every day!  We wandered and posed for photos for most of the day, but James' two  days in the limelight started catching up with him, and by about 3.30pm he was well and truly done in.  We slipped away from the throng, he got changed, I got changed and then we were on our way.  He slept in the car for a while, but amazingly, one take away curry and some Sponge Bob episodes on the TV and he was virtually bouncing off the walls again. 

A few days at leisure and then I am on at Christchurch Mansion in Ipswich next Thursday and Friday, before heading back to Hever Castle on the Saturday and Sunday, and then Leeds Castle on the Monday.  Come and say hello if you get a chance.  And now........... sleep....!

Celebrate the City, Ingatestone Hall and THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

The Guildhall and the Guildhall Art Gallery, mere seconds after it was announced Good King Hal was going to start his comedy routine.

If I am going to be completely honest, I was dreading going up to London this weekend.  I sometimes find it hard to believe that I lived in London between 1986 and 1990 - and loved it!  But then London is a young person's City and now at my rapidly advancing years I find getting there a pain, I find it busy, fast, clogged up and usually very unfriendly.  However, Saturday was a lot nicer.  I caught the train from sunny Laindon Station and was then whisked up to London Fenchurch Street in only about half an hour.  I then caught a cab from there to the Guildhall Yard where I was due at the Guildhall Art Gallery.  I was warmly welcomed by Catty (how it was pronounced!) and given a lovely cup of tea, which really hit the spot, before being given a whistle stop tour of the Gallery and exhibition.  I got changed and then launched out into the yard - it was partially full of stalls, some selling craft type items, others fine smelling exotic food stuffs.  This was all part of the City of London Festival known as Celebrate the City.  Roads had been blocked off in the square mile to make it pedestrian friendly, and I was briefed with walking up and down King Street (rather appropriately), Cheapside (even more appropriately) and then back into the Guildhall Yard.  There were masses of stalls celebrating each and everyone of the City's Famous Guilds, there was livestock, farriers, sporty things and masses of street entertainment - myself included.  I had a quick bash at a ping pong game with two very sporty young lasses (down boy!) and an egg and spoon race (honest), before heading back to the Guildhall Yard, where I wandered round for the rest of the morning, meeting and greeting.  I was given some very nice Thai food from one stall which I sat down and ate in the corner of the yard.  I was then approached by a very nice lady who sat down next to me and offered me a cup of tea.  When I said yes, she then disappeared - it turned out she had to go back to the church to get the tea, bless her.  She also let me have a very nice white chocolate cookie, which was above and beyond the call of friendliness!  And after all that, she then simply slipped away into the crowd, so whoever you were Madam, the King is very grateful.

I posed for another mass of photos, with various people, including one stunning young lady from Brazil - looks like it might be worth moving there....  And before long it was nearly 5.30pm and my time was done.  I quickly changed back in the Art Gallery and then, dragging my Henry bag of costume behind me, I headed away to find a cab to take me back to Fenchurch Street Station.  I was picked up by a very nice chap from Brentwood in Essex who was fascinated by my Henry VIII job and was so taken with my story of my alternative career that he knocked a whole £1 off my fare!  What a nice chap.  My view of London improved immeasurably.  The journey back was uneventful and I was soon back with my lovely son James, devouring a very naughty take away pizza.

Sunday was supposed to be the uneventful day.  How wrong I was.  I was due over at Ingatestone Hall at about 11am, and the journey from the verdant grasslands of Steeple View to Ingatestone is only about 20 minutes at most.  I came out of the road where I was staying to be confronted by non moving gridlocked traffic.  I tried various back doubles and rat runs to escape this, but ended up being inextricably snarled up on a dual carriageway - FOR AN HOUR.  So from leaving at 10.40am, I finally arrived, a broken man, at Ingatestone Hall at about 12.15pm.  The Tudor Roses were already there and changed and ready for action.  There was Lady Emma, Lady Erica, Lady Katherine and a young Lady (please insert name here if you know it!), who was joining in the fun, but looking utterly terrified every time she was near me.

It was great to see my dear old friend Anne Edwards there today.  Anne has been very ill of late, but she was there with a couple of friends to enjoy the sunshine and ambiance of Ingatestone Hall, which is lovely.  I had a good chat with her and her friends.  We then had a spot of lunch, given to us by Lord Petre and his staff - very welcoming.  I then had another long chat with Anne and her group.  Next we were outside on the lawns for the Roses to give a display of Tudor Dancing, with yours truly tootling the Dordrecht and letting the ladies do their "thing".  We had just finished a couple of dances, when I was walking back to the Hall when I heard a voice tentatively calling my name.  I looked up to see Anuscheh Missaghian - a lovely lady I was at school with and someone I had not seen since 1984!  She now lives in the Canary Islands and just happened to be in England for a couple of days, and just by chance happened to pop into Ingatestone Hall with some friends - and here we were!  Fantastic!  So a typical Tudor Day at a lovely country house ended up resembling some kind of "This is Your Life" episode.  Anuscheh commented on my rotundity - how dare she!  What does she want Henry to look like?  Some kind of poor half starved child from the centre of a cholera outbreak zone?  Anyway, it was great to see Anne looking so good and an utter surprise and delight to see Anuscheh.  A lovely day!

And now........... a WEEK OFF!  HURRAH!

Sudeley Castle 3 Leeds Castle 1

Sudeley Castle in sunshine, a view never seen by anyone in a Tudor outfit so far this year...

And so the final day of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee weekend found me once more up and out the door early for a return visit to Sudeley Castle in Winchcombe in Gloucestershire.  The weather on the way up the M5 never really alternated much beyond spotting rain and overhead gloom.  I had a feeling I was going to be one of the first to arrive at the Castle this morning, but I was wrong as the first battalion of the Tudor Roses had got there before me and were already getting into their battle gear ready for action.  I was going to be utterly spoilt for choice today for Tudor wives - the ladies present this day were:  Emma, Erica, Katherine, Sarah, Francesca, Louise, Zarrina, Diane, Rachel and.... and.... I am sure there was someone else as well, but my brain has all but shut down now just remembering all those stunning dresses.

We thought with such a large group, to go round all together might make us seem like some kind of Tudor steaming gang, and we didn't want to intimidate the punters.  I initially set off with Zarrina, Diane and Louise for a wander, but somehow we managed (not deliberately) to completely miss the rest of the ladies for the remainder of the morning.  Now you would have thought a group of ladies in big colourful Tudor dresses would be hard to hide away - not at all!  We wandered the grounds all morning and saw nothing of them.  So British military leaders, when considering new camouflage gear for your infantry troops, please think about sticking them in big crinoline dresses with bum rolls and farthingales - the enemy won't know where the hell they are.

We finally caught up with them at lunchtime, but by this time poor Emma was suffering having wrenched her back the previous day at Hedingham Castle in Essex.  She was in a lot of pain, poor love.  The weather was pretty grotty all day to be honest and we spent the vast majority of the afternoon stroll indoors keeping dry.  The final act of the day was the Tudor ladies all dancing in the restaurant to the resident Tudor musicians.  They looked fabulous - Lady Sarah and Lady Katherine also sang along with the minstrels and a good time was generally seen to be had by all.  The only two people not smiling by the end of the day was poor old Emma with her painful back (get well soon) and dear Kim Gibbons the organiser at Sudeley, who was once more left cursing their bad luck with the weather.

The drive back to Somerset once more began in awful driving rain, but steadily improved.  However by the time I got home it was actually cold enough to warrant me putting the central heating on in the flat - and all this in June!  I was up at 4.30am the next day for a mad dash across the country to Leeds Castle for a stint working on another jousting tournament with the Knights of Royal England.  After the long early morning drive it was wonderful to see them all again.  Sir William of Antioch and his lovely wife Tracy, had their delightful little boy Liam with them yesterday - 8 months old and just full of giggles.  A real bonny boy.  Both the jousting shows on the first day were fine - a big turn out for the first show, mostly in bright warm sunshine, then a slightly smaller crowd for the second show, blighted by cloudy skies and the odd spot of rain.  It was good to see my little mate Owen in the crowd on the day.  I know Owen and his family read this blog so "HELLO" to you all, and I am looking forward to seeing you again when you come back in on Friday this week.  Don't forget your waterproofs!

I finished at the castle and drove down to Folkestone to stay with Michelle Coda, her other half Matt and daughter Vix.  We had a lovely evening drinking champagne, singing along to Monty Python songs and having lots of laughs.  I managed to stay conscious until just after 10pm, when my early start and busy day stopped me in my tracks and it was time for bed.  So I did!  Back to Leeds today for more jousting - see you there!

More Dudley Castle Pictures

 Good King Hal, looking mean and moody and wondering who's just nicked his roll of lino.

 The main Castle courtyard rapidly filling with the punters for the evening show.

 Three Little Maids from School Are We, Tudor style and a real threat to next year's Eurovision.

 Good King Hal warming up a couple of Queens for a night of ghost hunting.  Please note substitute Queen on the bench in the background.

 This is truly magnificent.  A very nice gent called Ryan Howard came and took some photos of me and the Tudor Roses at the Dudley Castle event, but he showed me this photo from his house showing a "Henry VIII Knothole" on his bathroom door!  I love it!  I want that door!

Catherine Parr mere nano-seconds after Good King Hal showed her his infamous "white-eared Elephant" joke.

Yeovil Probus and Dudley Do Right (with added Ghosts)

Anne Boleyn and Jane Seymour explain to the King their exact feelings about his rule of England, desire for a son and heir, and his treatment of women in general in Tudor England.  No solicitors were harmed during the making of this marital conflict.  If you have been affected by any of the topics raised in this photograph, please contact: Mrs Edna Colostomy, Dun Gossipping, Ratbag Road, Much Sniding in the Marsh, England.

Friday evening saw me finally complete a long standing promise, and this isn't the one for Lisa Rogers as the court injunction is still in place.  Cast your mind back, dear reader, to April 2011 when I wended my way up to sunny Stranraer in Scotland to go and view the footballing treat that Stranraer versus East Stirling promised.  I had travelled up with my father for the weekend with the proviso that I had to be back in Somerset for the Monday to give a talk to the fine upstanding members of the Probus Club in Yeovil.  Well, if you recall we had a bit of a nightmare with the car breaking down in Carlisle and being stranded in Cumbria until late on the Monday evening.  Luckily I had managed to get a message to the Probus club and explained my predicament and they were very kind and only ordered a partial fatwa.  The date was re-arranged, and then re-arranged again until it was finally settled that I should give my performance to the club and their good lady wives on the evening of Friday 25th May.  It was to be held at the Westland's Social Club in Yeovil, a place I had only ever visited once before and that was about 10 years ago when I went to an antiques fair and failed to buy anything.  I couldn't even remember what the club looked like.  I arrived on the Friday evening at about 7pm and to be honest it didn't look promising.  All I could see was what appeared to be a large garden centre and some tennis courts.  I asked a chap standing outside the "garden centre" if he knew where Yeovil Probus club normally meet and he assured me that after 15 years of working at this centre he hadn't got a clue.  Great.  I drove a bit further in and found the Social Club proper - a large 1970's square shaped building.  I parked up and went to walk in - and the first thing I saw was the horrific site of a poster advertising a forthcoming show by the highly talented and eloquent (not) rapper Dappy from N-Dubz.  Ooh, nasty and really something not to be seen, or indeed heard on an empty stomach.  I went inside to introduce myself but couldn't find anyone.  It appeared, from reading the "what's on" board in the lobby that Yeovil Probus were meeting in the Wessex Room.  I went down to this room, right at the back of the building, and it was completely empty and in semi darkness.  However, I was in the right place and eventually the club members and their wives began arriving.  I had been due on at 7.30pm, but events like this can sometimes be about as easy to organise as herding cats and in the end it was nearer 9pm before I was on.  It was a scorching hot night, but great fun.  They were a lovely responsive group, roared with laughter at most of my appalling old gags and I even got a chance to chop the head off a lady who used to serve me when I used to bank at Lloyds TSB many moons ago.  Smashing.  I partook of some of their buffet before heading home.  I stopped at a Spar petrol station on the way home as I fancied purchasing a bottle of wine to help me unwind, however I got to them about three nano-seconds after they had locked the front door for the evening.  I asked through the night till if the young lady serving could grab me a bottle of Shiraz.  "A bottle of wot?" she asked.  Shiraz, I replied.  "Wot?" her reply.  SHIRAZ! I yelled.  "Wot?" She said.  "Goodnight."  I said, and went home and stayed sober.

Up bright and early on the Saturday morning for a drive up to Dudley in the West Midlands.  I was appearing at Dudley Castle (which doubles as a zoo BTW) for "SPOOKFEST 2012", a ghost hunting and paranormal event hosted by TV's sweaty spiritual scouse medium Derek Acorah.  I was to be there with the Tudor Roses, late of Leeds and Sudeley Castles.  I was booked in at the Quality Inn Hotel in Dudley and arrived there and phoned the Tudor Roses to see if they had arrived, but they were having a horrendous journey and were stuck on the M25 still, so I checked into my room and ordered a sandwich on room service (£7 for a bleedin' ham baguette!) and settled down to munch on my priceless sarnie and listened to the Test Match on the radio.  About an hour or so later I got the message that the Roses had arrived!  We met up and went down to the car park where the Spookfest organisers were going to take us up to the Castle for a look about and a production meeting.  In the big castle courtyard the heat was stifling, but inside in our dressing room deep within the castle walls it was lovely and dark and cool.  It was only three of the Tudor Roses today - Lady Emma, Lady Erica and Lady Katherine, all chaperoned by Emma's other half, the near legendary Darren Wilkins and his ever-present camera.  We were joined by a Tudor music group that resembled either part of the Addams Family (if you were feeling uncharitable) or a pensionable version of Fleetwood Mac (if you were feeling even more uncharitable).  The plan was that we had to be changed into our gear and ready to rock'n'roll by 6pm to meet and greet the first punters as they wandered in to a Psychic Fair held in one of the Castle's restaurants.  Then at 8pm the main gates would open and the crowds could flock into the Castle courtyard where the main stage and show was to be performed, with various warm up psychics and comic turns entertaining everyone until Derek Acorah and Richard Felix, both late of TV's "Most Haunted" would then take over and carry on the ghost hunting.  Things would culminate with a night time night vision vigil in the Castle's under croft at about midnight.  Well we did our meet and greet - posed for hundreds of photos, greeted the customers as they came in when the 8pm gates opened.  By 9.30pm myself, Katherine and Erica were pretty much done in.  Emma and Darren were going to hang on for the late night vigil.  Therefore just as Derek Acorah was getting extra specially sweaty and psychic with the audience, Erica disappeared off into the night with her parents for the long drive home, and Katherine and I headed to the Castle gate and ordered a taxi to take us back to the hotel.  We both decided we needed a drink.

My wine hoodoo seemed to have struck again, Katherine and I burst into the bar, gasping for something cooling and alcoholic to be told they had just shut for the night.  We could still purchase a bottle of wine if we wanted to, so we bought a bottle of chilled Sauvignon Blanc (for a breathtaking £19) and settled down with two glasses to attempt to put the world to rights.  I hadn't really had much time at previous events to speak to Katherine, but she is a simply charming lady - quite staggeringly young and pretty, but very bright and sparky with it.  Ah, if only I were about 20 years younger and good looking - she could be mine!  ALL MINE I TELL YOU!  (We pause the blog here as Mr Farley has a sit down and a glass of water to recover.  Welcome back!).  We laughed and chatted for what seemed like only a brief period, but before we knew it the bottle of wine was empty and it was nearly 1.30am - a really lovely end to a hot and busy day.  I have no idea what time Emma and Darren got back from the vigil, but they and Katherine were up bright and early and away from the hotel by 8am.  I had intended to try and be up and wave all three of them off, but I slept through my alarm and didn't surface until about 9am.

I packed the car and was away from Dudley just after 10am and arrived back in an equally hot and sweaty Somerset by 12.30pm.  So I have spent a lazy Sunday afternoon drinking tea and watching the Test Match, preparing myself for more Henry shenanigans on Tuesday with a morning at Woodstock School in Bristol before driving up to Essex for Wednesday at Prettygate Junior in Colchester.  Right, kettle on, more tea and.....  relax.

Sudeley Castle 2 - Soaking in Sudeley.

The Jackson Five as seen in Tudor England.  From the left: Marlon, Tito, Groucho, Harpo and Sneezy.  Ye YMCA in full vigour.  Many thanks to The Tudor Roses for the lending of this picture.

You could tell it was a British Bank Holiday Monday by the Bible black skies and tsunami-like downpour of rain. What better way to experience this day than trudging round the soggy gardens of Sudeley Castle whilst dressed as a big Tudor Jessie.  To sweeten this less than appetising pill I was going to be wandering round with the Tudor Roses again, this time with the addition of Zarrina Bull.

No new name has yet been finalised for the King's new sat nav in the car.  The names Vivienne and Henrietta have been suggested, but more suggestions would be appreciated.  She got her first proper outing on the Monday morning as I drove up the M5 towards Winchcombe and Sudeley Castle.  However, she is going to have to get better at this as she insisted on taking me slap bang through the middle of Cheltenham - not too bad on a rainy early Bank Holiday Monday morning, but could have been a real pain in ye Royal posterior if it was a working day and getting close to rush hour.  I arrived at the Castle to be greeted by the lovely Kim Gibbons again - a charming lady looking a little under the weather this particular morning.  She insisted her ailments were self-inflicted, but I still felt sorry for her.

My morning got off to a bad start.  I arrived at the Castle in pouring rain - not good.  I knew this would soon be followed by the staircase equivalent of scaling the north face of the Eiger, whilst pulling a bloody great big suitcase after you - the room I use to get changed in is right at the top of a very high Castle tower... So to make things easier I decided to ease the weight of my Henry costume case, and before I went in I jettisoned my spare robe, pantaloons, doublet, tunic and anything else I might not need on the day.  Excellent.  I still sounded like a shagged out steam locomotive puffing up the last few steps in the rarefied atmosphere at the top of the tower, but I was happy I had completed my task and I was safe in the knowledge that my car was now parked about half a mile down the track in the staff car park, and safe and sound.  I got the costume out and stripped out of my normal clothes.  Henry shirt on - check.  Tights on - check.  Pantaloons?  Er.....  pantaloons?  I tipped the bag upside down and went all through it - not a sight of any of my pantaloons. Sod it, there was only one thing for it - slip my jeans on over my tights and put some shoes on and slog back DOWN the north face of the Eiger and slosh through the mud the half mile to the staff car park where my car was all safe and sound, but bloody miles away.  Sure enough when I got to the car I had indeed jettisoned both pairs of pantaloons I had with me.  What a complete and utter twit.  So it was back UP the north face of the Eiger and carry on changing.

I am always amazed by the tenacity of the British tourist.  In the pouring rain and howling wind the last place most sane people would want to go would be a cold old Tudor Castle - but came they still did.  Not a massive turn out by any standards, but somewhere in the region of about 400 hardy souls.  One of whom was one of the lovely teachers I had seen at Hugh Sexey Middle School on Friday!  She came with her husband, children and what appeared to be a full set of grandparents as well.  For services above and beyond the call of duty, she receives the Good King Hal Medal of Bravery in the Face of Inclement Weather.  It was fun perambulating the grounds with the Tudor Roses and dear Zarrina - their costumes look so fantastic and they're all such pretty girls. 

We lunched all together in the great hall dining room, surrounded by the tourists in for the day.  The big roaring fire in there was most welcoming.  You simply would not believe it was May outside - it was so cold.  The musical minstrels from our previous trip to Sudeley were not outside in the pouring wind and rain, but were stationed in the minstrel gallery above the restaurant and provided a perfect soundtrack to our lunch.

We were finally released at about 4pm and began our individual slogs home.  The M5 to begin with resembled being inside a car wash on full blast, such was the ferocity of the rain fall, but it eventually cleared up.  I was home by 6.30pm, and getting stuck into a glass of Shiraz by about 6.32pm.  A really lovely day with some really lovely ladies and looking forward to us all re-convening at Sudeley on the 5th June.

Confessions of a Sexey Model. (You'll understand...)

Breakfast TV on Tudor Vision.  Joining Henry and Liz on the sofa this morning will be lovable brain box from Holland - Erasmus; chum of the King - Robert Aske; and Perkin Warbeck - crazy name, crazy guy!  Stay tuned.

The middle of last week found me down in Folkestone in Kent to begin with, having dinner and meeting with my new brilliant agent, the legendary Michelle Coda.  I stayed the night with her and her other half Matt, and Michelle's little daughter, Victoria.  In the evening her parents Frank and Debbie came over and much wine was drunk and food eaten, which always seems to happen when Frank and Debbie Coda are on the scene.  I began the long drive back to Somerset on the Thursday lunchtime, but this time with one passenger missing - my poor old sat nav, the one dubbed originally Doris II by me, but later and more poetically Kanuna by my son James, she is no more.  Her power supply has broken and really I was just looking for a good excuse to get rid of her!  She had never been that good to be honest.  She can find easy addresses brilliantly - if you want 57 Hannover Street in Oldham or something, she can take you straight there.  But ask her to find some house in the middle of nowhere - hopeless.  You'd key in the post code for Little Rustic Farm, near Wurzel Village in Devon and she'd say "Well, I can't find that address, but I can find Rustic Road slap bang in the middle of Exeter, would you like to go there instead?" which is about as helpful as finding a man who is drowning and asking him to hold your anvil.  So Friday's appearance back at the wonderful Hugh Sexey Middle School in Blackford near Wedmore would have to begin with me finding the school manually.  I printed out directions from Google Maps and felt confident I could find the place the following morning.

Twit.  Total and utter twit.  Of course I wouldn't be able to find it with printed out directions from Google Maps.  I couldn't even find it with Kanuna in previous years.  Somehow, through luck more than judgement, I found myself in the village of Blackford and asked a very nice lady taking her dog for a walk where I could find Hugh Sexey School - a question which, asked in any other village in the UK would have probably resulted in a slapped face for me.  So here I was back at this lovely school, surrounded as ever but a veritable bevy of beautiful teachers.  It seems a pre-requisite to work at this school is you have to be female and attractive.  And I am not complaining!  Always makes my visits more fun for me!

Well, we had a great morning - it was a big group of about 100 children I suppose, and all of them in fantastic costumes.  Loads of laughs in the morning, and some really sound and impressive Tudor knowledge displayed by the children.  We started a little late because of a morning assembly in the hall, but we soon caught up.    For lunch the children had all brought in packed lunches, and as in previous years I was asked to judge which I thought were the most authentically Tudor of the foods.  One little girl had a yogurt frube drink and a chocolate bar and was surprised when I told her they weren't terribly authentic.  I was treated to a lovely lunch of pasta bolognese, followed by a chocolate cake in custard.  Terribly healthy!  I also shared a bottle of red grape Schloer with the teachers, with us all pretending it was red wine - but it was obvious it wasn't as we all went back to work after lunch!

The afternoon was loud and fun, culminating in yet another brilliant Jousting tournament, but this one ended in that rarest of occurrences - a win for the Gents!  This makes the updated score:

GENTLEMEN 15 - 26 LADIES

Still a big lead for the ladies, but the gents are at least hanging in there. We finally finished with some photos with the group, and a parade of the children's costumes with me picking the best.  I was absolutely cream crackered by the time it was for me to pick my way home.  But any ideas I had of a quiet lazy evening snoozing on the sofa, well, I could forget all that.

You may remember I modelled for the Shepton Beauchamp art group recently, in my full Henry gear, and I was heading back there for a return visit by popular demand!  I wore a different outfit from my previous posings and we had the usual banter and laughs with the ladies there present.  A very pleasant evening, and proof, if you ever wanted it, that not only Lily Cole is a "model" in this family.  So now you understand the title of the blog - Sexey Model?  Geddit?  Oh never mind...

I have purchased a new sat nav today - not sure of her name yet.  Any suggestions from readers of this blog?  She will first be used "in anger" on Bank Holiday Monday when I am back at Sudeley Castle in Winchcombe in Gloucestershire for another Tudor "fun" day. Looking forward to seeing my Queen's again as the Tudor Roses will be out in force again.  Smashing!

Sudeley Castle 1

Good King Hal blowing an enormous raspberry on the back of his Queen's hand. What a charmer.

Four years had passed since my previous appearance at Sudeley Castle. FOUR YEARS! And I get back there yesterday and they STILL haven't finished it. I had been invited back by the very charming and delightful Kim Gibbons who now does all the booking of this sort of thing at Sudeley. The drive up from Somerset to the Cotswolds was going to take just a smidgen under two hours according to my sat nav, so I left home at about 7.30am aiming for a 9.30am arrival at the castle, for a 10.30am start. I would be working with The Tudor Roses, previously seen at Leeds Castle last year, and also Diane Collings also late of Leeds Castle, Hever Castle, Barrington Court, and the photo above.

It was a brilliantly bright clear morning as I left Crewkerne - dazzling spring sunshine and a Canaletto blue sky. Something that always surprises me when I work at Sudeley Castle is the almost complete lack of any road signs indicating it's existence outside of the small town it's in (Winchcombe). When you go to the area around Leeds Castle and Hever Castle you are left in little doubt as to the location of these charming sites. But Sudeley seems almost to hide itself on purpose, which is a real shame as it is delightful and in the most charming typical Cotswold countryside of rolling hills and quaint views. It's amazing Liz Hurley found it for her wedding.

I was greeted by Kim and shown to my dressing room - an office on nearly the top floor of one of the castle's towers. A lung bursting climb at the best of times, made even more strenuous by hauling half a hundred weight of Henry VIII clothing in a bag behind you. I was soon changed and sitting out on the terrace at the rear of the castle, taking in the views and awaiting the appearance of the Tudor Roses and Diane. With them all assembled round me I was now Henry VIII complete with a Anne Boleyn, Catherine Howard, Jane Seymour, Katherine Parr, Princess Mary and, thanks to an appearance by Diane's step daughter, a nine year old Princess Elizabeth. There were lots of other attractions for the punters including a circus skills training group, archery and a falconer - everything you could possibly need for a wild Tudor weekend.

Henry and his entourage walked round the castle estate, meeting and greeting any punters we came across and posing for limitless photographs. The sun, when out was very warming, but any time some clouds came across, there was a very keen wind which whipped across the castle grounds and reminded you we were still several weeks from May.

We all lunched together in the Castle cafe, which prompted much mirth and interest from our fellow non-Tudor dressed diners. After much more walking about and being photographed, we paused at one point to watch the falconry display, but this nearly ended in disaster as a customer's dog, for some stupid reason off it's lead, roared into the display area and began trying to attack the falcons. I was just waiting for the owner to run past screaming "FENTON! FENTON! JESUS CHRIST!"

We changed and headed back to our cars, and I was soon on my way home. Again the journey was relatively easy and the only unpleasantness occurred when I was nearly home on the A358 between Taunton and Ilminster, where some complete dick wad in a Ford Mondeo decided he was going to weave in and out of the traffic, regardless of what was coming in the other direction. How come you NEVER see a traffic policeman when you want to!?

Right, off to Kent today for a Henry show at Tunbridge Wells tomorrow, then later this week up to Northumberland for an appearance at a Shakespeare festival (and an excuse for a long weekend away). Thanks to the Tudor ladies this weekend, it was a delight.

Leeds Castle and West Leigh

Good King Hal's front room. Notice hot and cold running stocks and huge fold back speaker. Nice!

So after all the fun and games of jousting at Hever Castle this summer, it was time for one final tournament - this time back at dear old Leeds Castle. It was all to kick off on the Friday evening with a "Sunset Joust" - this was like a normal joust only done in a sort of hazy twilight. Probably quite romantic with the Castle in the background, but you did feel that most of the Knights would have been within their rights if they'd claimed for bad light and walked off. I was on the microphone for this whole weekend which was great fun and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed myself - I hope the public did too, they didn't seem to run off in any great numbers which was a help. We'd only just started the show when one of Leeds Castle's hot air balloons suddenly came looming over the castle before coming to Earth with an undignified thump in the field just one up from our arena. We finished the show as the light was finally completely fading, and were then replaced in the entertainment stakes by the showing of "A Knight's Tale" on a giant screen next to our arena. I had an appointment with a bottle of Shiraz at my sister's house, so I made my farewells and left.

The final Saturday and Sunday were back to the usual set up for jousting at Leeds. Two shows each day, one at 12.30pm and one at 2.30pm - except on the Saturday the second show was put back to 3.30pm to accommodate a visit from some kids from Kent Youth, or some such organisation. Such was the ill behaviour of some of their number, then a visit from Genghis Khan and his Mongol Hordes might have produced less bad language and partial destruction of my costume. I have nothing against youth organisations, but I do feel the rest of us should have been issued with Luger pistols to give us a fighting chance.

I had my own little tent down on the site for, initially getting changed in, then also with my old throne from the "Henry's Horrid History" shows back in February (see this blog from February for details!) on a raised dais with the idea that I would have people coming to be photographed with The King. It was a nice little bolt hole as well at lunchtime. However on the Saturday night, long after I had gone, while the Kent Youth yobs....I mean kids... were still on site the heavens had apparently opened and some of the little darlings had taken refuge in my tent. This I discovered on the Sunday morning when I found my costume bag completely rifled, some of my clothes on the grass soaked in dew (I hope) and my hat crumpled up into a ball and had apparently been kicked around as well. Bless 'em. All four shows on the Saturday and Sunday went really well. My old friend Clara turned up with her kids on the Saturday, then on Sunday Greg and Diane Nash, who I have been friends with since I lived in London back in the 80's turned up with their sons Barnaby and Joseph - both of whom were primary school kids when I last met them, but who are both now at University. Where does all the time go..? Also Michelle Coda, her partner Matt and daughter Victoria, fresh from being Anne Boleyn at Hever Castle came along to see all the jousters with a view to Michelle doing some of the sound system work next summer at Hever. Much fun was had with all. I was also accompanied by The Tudor Roses, two fine ladies who turned up in brilliant Tudor apparel and were my Anne Boleyn and Jane Seymour for both days. There are apparently three of them in total, but I only got to meet two of them as one was away in Cyprus! The two I met were Emma and Katherine (I think - HUGE apologies if I have either name wrong!). They looked fantastic - please check out their Facebook page.

It was a fitting end to the summer season, the final show being very much a "end of term" event with lots of in-jokes and larking about, but the audience seemed to really enjoy it as well. Sir Stephen of Porlock was over joyed to see Michelle back in the audience and promptly let her have another of his stunning ditties, even if it was a bit rude (he obviously struggled to find something to rhyme with "ditties"). He also spent a large part of the final tournament wearing a big frizzy yellow wig which caused him to bear a startling resemblance to Yazz from "The Plastic Population" circa 1989.

Monday was spent up in Basildon seeing as much of my lovely James as possible. Tuesday (that's today to you and me) and it was my first visit to a school for this term and I was back at West Leigh Junior School near Southend in Essex - a school I last visited back in about 2008. It was great to be back and I was very warmly welcomed by the charming staff. It was a very large group, about 128 of them in total, of Year 3 children, but they were brilliant. Great fun, very fizzy and full of laughter - we had a superb day. With such a big group the afternoon was a rip roaring affair and culminated in a deafening jousting tournament which, predictably (if you go by previous years scores) was won by the ladies. So after the first show of the year, our opening score is:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 1 LADIES

Who knows where it will go this year. I am next back at Shillingstone School in Dorset on this Friday (16th) and then that evening and the following Saturday I am appearing at the Bridport Hat Festival. Come down and see some big hats, Hank Wangford and yours truly strutting my stuff.