Henry's Royal Jousting Tournament, Leeds Castle. Smashing.

Henry VIII, proving what a stunningly wonderful chap he is by appearing in full colour, while Leeds Castle can only manage sepia. This pic was taken during the week of the jousting tournament by the very wonderful Nigel Wheal. I have to say this as he has my Mother hostage in a safe house on the Lincolnshire fens.

I suddenly realise how old I am becoming. I went to a wedding reception near Sherborne on the evening of Saturday 29th May. Had a fantastic evening boogieing the night away and singing my head off at a really great 80's disco. Then I woke up on the Sunday morning. Ouch. Everything hurt. And I mean everything. Even the toast I had for breakfast was in pain. (That's a French pun on the word pain. I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing). Anyway, after staggering out of bed I packed a big suitcase and then drove up to Essex for an evening with Amanda and James. I parked in the usual side road near their house and settled in for the evening. Halfway through the evening there was a knock on the door. It was one of Amanda's neighbours asking if our car was alright as there had been a collision in the street with some little chap in a car driving into a parked car. Amanda quickly nipped downstairs and checked what she assumed was our cars, but everything seemed OK. So we all slept soundly and happily. The next day we went downstairs to pop over to Amanda's parents when I noticed a note stuck to the windscreen on my car. I suddenly felt a cold chill. The note was nicely written and apologetic and said my car had been hit and badly damaged, and the person who left it had left their name and phone number. I walked round the back of my car. Oh dear. Bumper smashed, rear off-side lights smashed, exhaust system damaged, rear panel pushed forward, even possibly damage to the rear wheel. Oh bother, I sweetly murmured.

So instead of seeing my in-laws I was back at Amanda's on the phone, calling insurance companies. To cut a long story mercifully short my car was not safe to drive any distance, and probably illegal anyway, so Amanda and James had to drive me down to Kent and my stay at Cathy and Julian's place while I was working at Leeds Castle.

Leeds Castle! Two words guaranteed to put a smile on the face of any Henry VIII look-a-like. But a bit different this year - for the first time ever I would be doing an event at Leeds Castle without the ever presence of Helen Budd. She was sorely missed, I have to be honest, but Darlene and her wonderful team did sterling service throughout. I almost couldn't believe it was a year since my last appearance at the Royal Jousting Tournament. I was back on with The Knights of Royal England group, led by the noble Sir Jasper (aka Jeremy). They are a lovely group and nearly all of them are friendly and chatty. It was very good to see Roland again, who plays a wonderful central role as the commentator/master of ceremonies. There was also the deeply wonderful Sir Stephen of Porlock and his lovely wife - who, with a name like that, very obviously come from deepest darkest Somerset. Sir Stephen is a great character, strongly helped by the fact that he looks like the lovechild of a cross between Chewbacca the Wookiee, and Dusty Gibbons from ZZ Top.

Just like last year the weather started badly - cold and damp on the Tuesday. But suddenly - WHAM! Summer was back with avengence. It ROASTED. Each and everyday it got hotter and hotter. On the Saturday (easily the hottest day) I very nearly passed out while in the Royal Box. The heat was incredible. After that show I staggered back to my little hideaway on site and poured two bottles of ice water down my throat without pausing and then poured a third straight over my head and costume to cool myself down.

Most of the people and kids we met were wonderful. Sweet charming and dying to get their pics taken with Henry VIII. I even met a family group from Kazakhstan who knew who Henry VIII was! Surely a first. Amanda and James came down on the Thursday, and had a wonderful time. James even got to meet the Knights and their horses which he really enjoyed. In the tournament he had watched, Sir Jasper had lost out to Sir David of Kent in the finale. James took great delight in telling Sir Jasper to his face "better luck next time!" with an evil grin on his face! Some other friends of James and Amanda, Yolanda and her children, came down on the Friday with a big coach group. The only child I would happily have boiled in oil was a little lad who had been bought a toy bow and arrow set from one of the stalls and decided to shoot me in the face with it from point blank range, before running off. I watched where he went, and clutching the offending arrow wandered over and reported him to his Mother. He was suitably admonished. Then when we did the "parade of the children" in the arena before the next show, guess who was stuck right in the middle in front of my Royal Box? Yup, the errant young archer. Funnily enough he couldn't make eye contact with the King!

It was a great week away being with the Knights again, plus also seeing Cathy and Julian. My car is now being repaired down in Wellington in Somerset and I have a fantastic courtesy car - a virtually brand spanking new VW Golf Turbo Diesel Estate, in black, with tinted windows and all mod cons. Hopefully I should get my own jalopy back sometime in about 2012.

Next weekend - another big event! My parent's 50th wedding anniversary down in Wales! It should be an absolutely wonderful weekend.

Broughton Astley, Leicestershire

Broughton Astley (left), Rick's older brother, a mere nano-second before being run-over by bloody great car. Rick contacted him in hospital and told him he was never gonna give him up, never gonna let him down, never gonna run around and desert him, which I am sure you will agree was of great comfort to him as they tried to erase the tyre tracks from his trousers.

Leicestershire. What did I know about Leicestershire? It's cheese was red, David Gower used to play cricket for it, the Battle of Bosworth Field raged in it, and the Download Festival frequently rages at Donnington - which is in Leicestershire. Here endeth the lesson.

I had been booked to appear at the Orchard School in Broughton Astley, a village in Leicestershire which sounds remarkably like Rick Astley's ne'er do well older brother. I'd been recommended as one of the teachers at the Orchard has a sister who works down at dear old Knightwood School in Chandlers Ford in Hampshire and had very kindly informed her sister how good I was. How kind! My original plan was to travel up on the Monday afternoon, stay overnight at a Travelodge and then pootle up to the school fresh, awake and not knackered from a long drive. Wrong! I had looked up Travelodge on-line to see if their much trumpeted "bed for £19" offer was still going strong. Apparently not. As it is nearly half term the general price for a room (and remember this is just a room -nothing else) seemed to be about £55+. Not my idea of fun, so I decided to get up very early and drive up to Leicestershire and back in the day. Also not my idea of fun, but cheaper. Therefore I was up at 3am, in the car by 3.45am and soon rocketing my way up the M5. The much discussed "warning light" which had mysteriously turned itself off at the weekend, suddenly re-appeared approximately 75 miles up the road. But what the heck could I do, apart from press on. So I pressed it on, and it looked lovely. I arrived at Broughton Astley at about 6.45am, bought some petrol for the return journey, a newspaper, and some brekkie and parked up in a side road. After reading all about England's abysmal match against Mexico (How on Earth did we manage to win 3-1? Is this a good sign for the forthcoming World Cup? Can we really play that badly and STILL win matches?) I then had a little snooze in the car, which was just what I needed. Actually, what I really need is a night out with Lisa Rogers, but that just isn't going to happen is it?

Arriving at the school I was warmly welcomed by some really cool teachers. Such nice people! And all dressed up to the nines as terrific Tudor wenches - who needs Lisa Rogers? (ME! ME!) One of the ladies had a fabulous home made costume on dressed as a Tudor Queen. Her brilliant billowing dress allowed her to simply glide across the floor. I told her she looked like a Dalek, which was meant as a compliment. She rather ruined the illusion of Tudor grace with graphic details of her struggles to use the disabled loo, the only toilet large enough to welcome her and her hooped skirts.

Well we had a fabulous day - this is such a lovely school I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful it is. The children were brilliant, hilarious, sparky, eager to learn and all of them in fantastic Tudor costumes as well. They had just been on a recent visit to the site of the Battle of Bosworth Field and were therefore already hugely enthusiastic about Tudor history before I turned up. The morning seemed to just shoot past - lots of laughs were had, especially by the teachers and classroom assistants! After a gorgeous lunch of roast pork, I was back on again and the whole day culminated in a really pulsating jousting tournament. The two gents teams who contested their semi final were, not trying to sound rude, truly awful. The two ladies teams were brilliant, so it was really obvious where this final was going to go. Yes, the gents roared to a great victory, coming from behind to pip the ladies on the line! See!? What the heck do I know! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 21 - 26 LADIES

On leaving the school at the end of the day I managed to drop my stocks and break them, which did cause me to mutter a few words of choice Anglo-Saxon language. The drive home was remarkably easy and despite not leaving Rick Astley...sorry, BROUGHTON Astley until about 3.30pm I was pulling up outside my place in Crewkerne as the 6pm news came on the radio. Wonderful. So was going to bed that evening. Even though something was missing - LISA ROGERS! Down boy!

I next have a meeting with Matthew Applegate at Barrington Court (it involves a pub so there might not be THAT much work discussed), then next week I am at Leeds Castle for a Jousting Tournament from the Tuesday to the Sunday. Come and say hello! Especially if you are Lisa Rogers.

That's Entertainment...

Good King Hal trying to sell the title deeds of Nonesuch Palace to an impressionable dwarf and her chum.

Thursday evening and I am driving over to Barrington to go to the Village Hall and watch their local Am Dram's latest offering - a variety show called, of course "Show Time" featuring musical numbers, comic sketches and... other things. My old mate Matthew Applegate was working on the ticket sales as head of front of house, while his wife Sue and their two very cute young daughters were starring in the show itself. This was wonderful local village entertainment, of the sort so richly described by Laurie Lee in his book "Cider With Rosie". Fluffed lines, wobbly sets, curtains opening and closing at the wrong time, a sweating compere in ill fitting tuxedo verbally fighting with a crowd full of people who know him very well and enjoy barracking him at every opportunity. Great stuff. One of the opening numbers in the show is a medley of songs from "Grease". Fine, except of course this is an English village amateur dramatic society and the only men in the cast are aged either about 12 or 75. We are therefore treated to the sight of six 30-something women in bobby socks and neck scarves, singing about "Summer Loving", while two chaps resembling their elderly Great Uncles sing the accompanying lines of the teenage boys in the Thunderbirds gang. Surreal. One of the old chaps was wonderful. I couldn't take my eyes off him in the whole cast numbers - he clearly had no idea what the words were to most of the ensemble numbers and was placed very firmly at the back of the stage, but I could still see him opening and closing his mouth with not a vestige of a normal word escaping him. Just like watching the Tory MP John Redwood, when he was Welsh Minister, desperately trying to look like he knew the words to "Land of my Fathers". There was a fairly amusing 'Allo 'Allo skit, an excruciating Abba medley and a quite staggeringly racy version of "Hey Big Spender" from "Sweet Charity". Just a wonderful evening. I laughed like a drain.

On the Friday I drove up to Bristol to the Felix Road adventure playground where my friend Holly Crossland, and her cute daughter Isis, frequently meet up with their home education group. I had been asked to come along and do a Henry presentation for them. On the way up a warning light appeared on the dash board of my car. I wasn't sure what it was but the car seemed to be going OK, so I pressed on. I found the playground quite easily and was soon saying a big hello to Holly and Isis, and Holly's mum who had come along for the show! You can see Holly and Isis in the picture above when we first met at the North Somerset Museum in Weston Super Mare back in 2006. Isis is now 8 and is a charming young lady. And you can see why I am always pleased to see Holly... I set up and was soon on in front of a group of about 25 families. Some of the children were a little...ahem...over excitable shall we say, but they all seemed to enjoy the show and the music. I finished off with a brisk jousting show which was won by a gents team, but I can't really count it in the overall score for the year as it was just a bit of fun really. After getting changed and a quick cup of tea, I was back in the car. The warning light was still on, so whilst trapped in non moving traffic on the M5 south, I decided to have a look in the car manual as to what the light meant, hoping against hope it wouldn't be anything major. The warning light actually meant "get your engine looked at". Oh, conkers. When finally back home in Crewkerne I phoned up Popular Motors in Merriott and booked the car in for a check up on Monday morning. Of course today, the light has gone out. Typical.

I had a meeting with Matthew Applegate at Barrington Court today about a possible Tudor Banquet at the Court House sometime in December. It is looking promising.

Tuesday I am up at Broughton Astley in Leicestershire for a first visit to the school there. Should be a good one.

Norton sub Hamdon & Brent Knoll

Not the two famous actors, Norton sub Hamdon and Brent Knoll, but Good King Hal (above, right) with his Father, who lives in Tudor England and is of little help.

Norton sub Hamdon is not, as the name might suggest, a slightly camp actor with Shakespearean tendencies, it is in fact a very pretty little ham-stone village nestling at the foot of Ham Hill, a huge Iron Age hill fort that has sadly been mostly quarried out of existence. In this village there is a Ladies Group, and one of their number had heard about my Henry VIII shows and had requested some time back, that I attend one of their meetings as a guest speaker. I was due to appear for them at the Reading Room in Norton sub Hamdon, but I wasn't quite sure where that was. Now luckily for me, Norton is not very far from where I live and is also pretty small, so finding it shouldn't have been too much of a bother. Wrong. I drove through the village during the day trying to find it's location, and drove up and down the main drag several times not spying anything that might lend itself to being a Reading Room. There is a very good little shop in the heart of Norton, so I popped in and asked them for directions and a very nice lady came out of her Post Office cubicle and showed me - I was virtually next door to the Reading Room, and honestly, if you didn't know where it was you were just as likely to go straight past it without noticing. Now I knew where it was I could come back in the evening for my performance without worry.

The Reading Room is quite small when you get inside, but it had great atmosphere, particularly as about 20 ladies from their village group had crammed in to see my talk. Well it went really well, they were a lovely group, ready to laugh and also very friendly and chatty. After my talk I hung around for a cup of tea and a natter with some of the ladies, but soon I was back home to the flat in Crewkerne and getting my stuff ready for the following days show in Brent Knoll.

Now if you don't know where Brent Knoll is, then drive up the M5 from Taunton and you genuinely cannot miss it. It looms out of the landscape, a huge great lumpy green hill rearing out of the Somerset levels. Brent Knoll is old English for "beacon hill", but was equally known in ancient times as the "Isle of Frogs". On it's craggy top are the tell tale lumpy bumpy shapes of an Iron Age enclosure. The village of Brent Knoll nestles at it's base and is quite pretty in a sort of elongated way. The school in the village is, at the front, a tiny old Victorian building, but has been expanded on greatly to the rear in the last few years. I was very warmly welcomed by the lovely teachers and head teacher of the school and we soon settled down to a really pleasant Tudor day. The children in the group numbered about 45 and were great fun - lively, excitable and always ready to laugh. One young lady, who told me she wanted to be a Doctor when she was older, had remarkable amounts of Tudor knowledge. Perhaps she should be a historian instead! Lunch was a delicious cottage pie, but we were soon stuck into the afternoon session. The jousting was great, simply because every single race came down to a single quoit finish which made it incredibly exciting. But once again, the ladies showed their class and stormed to a well deserved victory in the grand final. This now makes the overall year-long score:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 26 LADIES

Thursday has been spent trying to catch up on paperwork, but I did get a chance to record a new voicemail message for my answer phone - give it a buzz if you wish to hear it! This evening I am over in Barrington supporting Matthew Applegate and his lovely wife, Sue, in their work with the local Am Dram Society. Should be a fun show. Tomorrow, I am up to Bristol for an appearance for my lovely friend Holly Crossland at her Home Education Group. I will be with them from 12 noon onwards for a quick chat and a jousting session. I have never done a home education group before, so I hope they enjoy it.

St Michael's School, Twerton

Good King Hal sings "Only a Nose - I Picked It For YOU!" before being rendered unconscious by a large truncheon twirled by a member of the constabulary.

It had been a busy few days, up and down to Essex to see James and Amanda, and down to Leeds Castle in Kent for talks and other things. One of the main reasons to visit Leeds Castle was to say a fond farewell to Helen Budd, Darlene Cavill's wonderful assistant. Helen began at Leeds only a few months before I did my first show there, and has been an ever present since. She is taking up a job with English Heritage based down at Dover Castle, so hopefully we can work together again. Darlene, Helen and I went to a small cafe in Bearsted, a village near the castle for lunch, and were joined by Scott, another long time worker at the Castle who won't be around any more. We had a lovely time but sadly it was soon time to go. Leeds just won't be the same without Helen.

After a few more days with James and Amanda it was back to Somerset and a visit to me from my parents, down from Wales for the weekend. We had a lovely time including a particularly fine evening meal on the Saturday night at the Dinnington Docks pub.

Monday I was back on the road again for a third return visit to St Michael's School in Twerton, near Bath. One maniac VW driver aside (some complete tit in a black Passat who thought winding roads and traffic behind slow moving lorries was an excuse for suicidal over-taking procedures on bends, hill summits etc.) the journey was going swimmingly. I had even timed my journey to begin just as stark raving bonkers (and jolly thirsty) early morning DJ Sarah Kennedy was signing off - always good news! However, all of a sudden, with no prior warning whatsoever, three quarters of the way up the A37, the road was suddenly shut. I followed the diversion signs and the words of wisdom from my sat nav but soon found myself crawling along down tiny one track lanes, however I eventually arrived at the school. As ever at this wonderful place I was very warmly welcomed and we were soon underway. We had great fun and the children showed some very good Tudor knowledge. Some of their coat of arms designs were looking pretty good as well! A delightful lunch of minced beef fajitas and a green salad was rapidly followed by the mad afternoon session. It went fantastically and culminated in a very cocky and certain Gents team being well and truly trounced by a more than capable Ladies team! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 25 LADIES

Still too close to call at the moment.

When I finished gigs in the old days, I always used to fight like hell to get away from the school ASAP so I could get home to my wife and son, and cuddles and welcomes. But nowadays, now I have no one waiting for me when I get in, I don't feel the urge to get away as before. Why go home if there is nothing worth waiting for you when you get there?

So bearing this in mind I was initially not that bothered about the south facing A37 likely to be a pain again. But it was for more of a pain than I had bargained for. I followed the diversions again, only this time for some reason about 6 miles up the road, they just stopped! I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, and just at this moment my sat nav decides to go "mental mental chicken oriental" again, and locks up solid so that I can neither switch it off or on. And I was not the only one with the same predicament. Small back lanes around the Shepton Mallet area were gridlocked with irate lorry drivers and people with huge caravans, but then they deserve to suffer. I finally managed to coax my sat nav back into life and found my way home. The empty flat just served to bring my mood lower, and so I decided a Chinese takeaway would cheer things up. Wrong. Local Chinese is shut due to "short staffing". A lack of Chinese workers? But there are BILLIONS of them!? They could have found just one person to cook me some crispy beef and noodles, surely? I ended up with distinctly underwhelming fish and chips from a very underwhelming chippy.

Tomorrow evening I am giving a talk at Norton sub Hamdon for their local ladies group - should be fun. Then on Wednesday I am off down to Brent Knoll for a first Henry visit to the school down there.

Right just time for some Mighty Boosh to try and cheer me up, and then bed. Night!

P.S. And England THRASHED TRASHED AND CRUNCHED the Aussies out of sight in the final of the World Cricket T20 tournament. It always a delight to watch the Aussies take a fearful biffing in any sport, but when it is us dishing it out - even better!

Press Release!

This is a press release going out today to various TV stations, radio stations and newspapers advertising the upcoming new Henry VIII Days at Barrington Court in Somerset.

An Exciting New Project at Barrington Court

Barrington Court, near Ilminster in Somerset, was the first house acquired by the National Trust back in 1907. Fully restored to its Tudor glory, the house has been delighting thousands of visitors a year ever since, with its fine architecture, beautiful rustic setting and delightful Gertrude Jekyll-inspired gardens. But now in 2010 comes a brand new exciting venture for this most venerable of old buildings.

Mike Farley is the UK’s number one professional Henry VIII look-a-like and re-enactor. He has been delighting audiences around the country for over six years now with his brilliant interpretation of our most infamous of monarchs. With his booming voice, wicked humour and uncanny resemblance to the King, he is in great demand at country houses, museums, and castles, and with radio and TV companies throughout the land. Mike’s specialist Tudor Days in junior schools throughout the country are enormously popular and he has brought Henry to life in almost 700 schools and to countless delighted pupils. Now Mike and his company, Past Presence Ltd, are combining with the National Trust and Barrington Court to bring his full Tudor Day to life in this most magnificent of settings. Schools can now come and experience a full on Tudor Day with Henry VIII in the sumptuous surroundings of Barrington Court.

The first of these exciting days takes place on Wednesday, June 30th 2010 when the junior pupils and their teachers from Barrington, Shepton Beauchamp and Ilton Schools step back in time and meet the King in person! And the National Trust and Past Presence Ltd would like you to be there as well, to share this exciting moment with your viewers, readers and listeners, and to see a whole new chapter beginning in the long history of Barrington Court! A story with everything, local interest, history, humour and a really quirky angle!

For more information either call Mike Farley from Past Presence Ltd on 01460 271623 or speak to Matthew Applegate, the Visitor Services Manager at Barrington Court on 01460 243124.

Quest for the Croucher!

I love cricket. I just think it is the finest game ever invented - a subtle mixture of sporting skill and mental toughness. Probably why I was so crap at it when I played! Much as I love watching cricket these days, being a historian at heart I am mostly attracted to cricket's past, and in particular the period of it's history referred to by all sundry as it's "Golden Age". This was the 15 year period leading up to the First World War where the superstars of cricket bestrode the Earth like Titans. And their names and deeds are still held in awe to this very day. Just mention names like W.G. Grace, Bobby Abel, C.B. Fry, K.S. Ranjitsinhji, Sydney Barnes, Charles Kortright, Wilf Rhodes and Jack Hobbs to a cricket fan and you will see their eyes light up and words of praise will come pouring forth.

For me, one man sums up the joy of Edwardian cricket more than anyone else. Gilbert Laird Jessop, affectionately known to all fans of cricket from that era as "The Croucher" for his hunched stance at the wicket when batting. He was initially famous as a tearaway fast bowler, but as his career blossomed he became World Famous for his destructive, aggressive batting style. No matter what the opposition or the situation in the match, The Croucher would launch himself at the bowling attack facing him, and destroy them with a bewildering array of attacking strokes, savage cuts and fierce drives. He had all the shots in his locker and was not afraid to use them. As he played by the sword, so he sometimes perished by the sword. For a leading batsman his career and test averages are surprisingly ordinary, but this is mainly because he attacked from the first ball he received and never seemed to bother about playing himself in and could often be out cheaply. But when he got in... wow.

In 1894 he made his first-class debut for Gloucestershire, and soon made his name for aggressive batting and taking over the play. In one match in 1900, for Gloucestershire against the first West Indian team to tour England, he made 157 in an hour. In 1902 against Australia at the Oval on a brute of a wicket, he went in to bat when England were 48 for five, needing another 225 to win. He made a century in 75 minutes, a feat described by Wisden as “what would have been scarcely possible under the same circumstances to any other living batsman”. It is still to this day the fastest hundred scored by any batsman in an Ashes Test Match. And still there was more - in 1903 against Sussex he made 286 out of 355 in just three hours and scored a half-century in just 12 minutes against Somerset a year later. How much would he be worth to the money laden teams of IPL T20 cricket if playing today?

Last night, finally driven to bed by the sheer tedium of the General Election coverage, I found myself sleepily flicking through Christopher Martin-Jenkins' book "The Top 100 Cricketers of All Time" and read his review of Jessop. It was in this write up that I discovered that Jessop spent his final years living in Fordington, a suburb of Dorchester, and is buried in St George's Church there. This is just down the road from me, probably about 20 miles at most. So when all my other chores were out the way this morning I drove down to Dorchester and sought out St George's Church. Fordington is a lovely sleepy leafy few lanes on the east end of Dorchester and the church of St George is not easy to miss. Inside are a wonderfully inscribed Roman tablet from the 1st century AD discovered in the grounds of the church, plus a couple of photos from the 40's and 50's of the then Vicar of the Parish, a certain Gilbert Jessop Junior! I wandered round the back to the slightly dislocated graveyard (it is across a car park and away from the church itself for some reason). I knew I was onto a cricket winner as soon as I began looking at the gravestones. Some of the first names I came across were Gooch, Gower and Chappell, but at first, no sign of Gilbert Jessop. The graveyard is long and L-shaped and on a gently sloping patch of ground. And it is big and after about an hour of fruitless searching I thought I would never find the final resting place of The Croucher. But then, right next to the path leading to a gate on to a main road and by a small privet hedge I found the grave.

It was overgrown, surprisingly small and quite sad really. And on the grave there was not a single mention of his great cricketing heritage and status, just his name and year of birth and death, and the same for his wife. I felt quite rotten for having come all this way and then not brought something with me, even some flowers or something. Or was I just being a bit soppy? As you can see from the picture on the left the grave has a small cross standing over it, then lying on the main body of the grave is a small stone shield with the inscription on it. It looks tired and in need of some attention - perhaps I shall go back and weed the plot and just tidy it up sometime.

I shall leave the final word on Jessop from the author, Gerald Broadribb who wrote a fine book about him called simply "The Croucher". Take it away, Gerald!

"It is strange and sad to think that if a new English batsman came to light and scored innings at even half the pace of Jessop he would soon be hailed as an outstanding player.
Let us remember the glories of Gilbert Jessop on May 19th (Jessop's birth date), and resolve to bring to our own cricket some of his zest and spirit of attack."

West Pennard School & The Emma Britton Show

Good King Hal, demon topiarist, peruses the small ads while a lady hops past on one leg. Again.

I did my latest Mike Farley Show on United FM on Sunday evening, however it may prove to be my last, so watch this space for any more news. Then after a very nice Bank Holiday Monday spent not doing very much at all, I was off on the Tuesday morning back to one of my favourite schools to visit - West Pennard near Glastonbury. I was first invited to this school some years back by the sainted, slightly insane and eccentric gentleman that is Ian Gouge. Ian is still at the school but has moved up with his class year on year and is now with a year six group. Alex Wheat had booked me for his Year 4 class today and it was a wonderful day all round. It was a bright sunny morning, but with a surprisingly cold wind that bit into you. My sat nav yet again decided to go a bit Tonto and for some reason took me to a small back road in the village of Baltonsborough and announced happily that I had arrived. No I hadn't. I needed to be in West Pennard about three miles up the road. But I got there in the end.

We had a fine morning, lots of fun and laughs and, despite the children only just starting the subject, they displayed remarkable amounts of Tudor knowledge. After a very pleasant lunch of pasta bolognese, a green salad and a nice crisp apple, I was back with the group in the hall for the afternoon. The jousting was very exciting and lively, with the gentlemen continuing their recent very fine form with another spectacular win. This now brings the overall score to:

GENTLEMEN 20 - 24 LADIES

This is getting very very close indeed and is almost too difficult to call which way it is going to go now. I will next be Henry-ing on the 17th May at St Michael's School in Twerton.

This morning I was in on the Emma Britton Show on BBC Somerset again for the Have Your Say panel. I was on with a lovely eccentric lady from Corfe near Taunton. It was a fun show and Emma was, as ever, a delightful host and very professional as well. We particularly enjoyed one of the people who phoned in as one of our topics was when were you last up all night - the lady in question reckoned she was always up when the moon was full. I asked her if she turned very hairy and attacked sheep. She didn't laugh. Ah, well.

Haylands School, Ryde, Isle of Wight

Good King Hal gets all arty. This is what the exit from Lymington Harbour looks like at just after 5am. Trust me on this. (But it is a nice photo, isn't it?)

Back to Haylands School in Ryde on the Isle of Wight yesterday, exactly a year after my last visit. I had noticed that from checking on-line with the ferry from Lymington to Yarmouth how the prices went up as time got later, so in a fit of some kind of dementia I had booked myself on the 5.10am ferry. What the heck was I thinking? This meant I had to get up at 3am in Crewkerne and be on my way by 3.30am. However, I made it on time and soon me, my car, one other car and about four lorries were slowly slipping out into the dark waters of the Solent. I went up on to what they laughably called a "Sun Deck" and watched the early morning sunrise. I took a few piccies, as you can see above, and also got waved at by a yacht full of what appeared to be young ladies sailing in to Lymington in the weak morning light. I say appeared to be young ladies as they were all clothed head to foot in what appeared to be full survival suits, so they might have been jolly friendly chaps instead. I wandered back inside and sat looking out of the windows as Yarmouth drew closer.

The two cars were let off the ferry after one lorry, but it was a lorry I ended up following all the way to Newport. My sat nav then had a bit of a "mental-mental-chicken-oriental" moment in Newport and for some reason known only to herself, took me down various tiny back roads and housing estates before we emerged once more on the road to Ryde. I found the school down it's tiny side lane, but found it was a good hour and half before the place was likely to burst into life. I needed some petrol, well, to be honest the car did, but I digress. I soon found myself driving into the car park of possibly the largest Tesco store I have ever seen. This place looked like an aircraft hanger. I kept expecting the whole front to swing open and see the prow of the R101 nudge out. I chose to go to Tesco's as I knew their fuel would be the cheapest around (tight-fisted swine that I am), but I had been shocked by just how expensive the fuel on the island was. Anyway, fully fuelled up I headed back to the school and was soon inside and setting up for the day.

Just like last year it was great fun. A really excitable and bright group of year 3's, some charming lovely teachers and teaching assistants, and just a pleasurable day all round. It was also the first time really in 2010 where I felt truly hot and uncomfortable in the costume - must mean summer is a-coming! After a nice lunch and a chat with a really charming lady who's husband works for the National Trust (I urged them both to visit Barrington Court when they get a chance), it was back for the afternoon session. Again much laughter and fun, and then a truly epic jousting tournament, which once more the gents won! This now makes our year-long score very interesting indeed.

GENTLEMEN 19 - 24 LADIES

The next chance the ladies get to pull away again is on May 4th at West Pennard School near Glastonbury.

I drove back to the ferry at Yarmouth and was soon back on the mainland. A fairly bother free trip back to Somerset and I was at home. In the evening I think I was supposed to meet Matthew Applegate at the Duke of York in Shepton Beauchamp for a drink. So I went over. Matthew never appeared, so I wondered if I had got the wrong pub. Perhaps we were going to meet at the Royal Oak in Barrington. I drove over there. Nope, he wasn't there either. I went home, pausing only to enjoy the wonderful friendliness and ambiance of Peejays Fish Bar in Crewkerne. And so to bed. In the words of Jane Austen "blimey, Mr Darcey, my dogs are barking and I am totally knackered." That was a long day.

Walkabout, Radio & Hugh Sexey!

Good King Hal (centre), wrestling with a Yeti in a beret and his girlfriend.

Dear old Barrington Court! I hadn't done a walkabout for a while there, but Matthew Applegate and I have been hatching plans of late. As the main house is still bereft of furniture we have been pondering ways of utilising the space. One idea has been to have Henry Days at the house - just like the days I do when I visit schools, only in the wonderful surroundings of this glorious Tudor building. I had designed some leaflets advertising the events and so on the Sunday I wandered the corridors and gardens of Barrington handing them out. I met some lovely people, including one couple from South Woodham Ferrers in Essex which took me right back to my days working there for the East Essex Adult Community College in the William de Ferrers School in Trinity Square. Ah, happy, penniless days.

In the evening I was due back on air at United FM for the evening Mike Farley Show. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, mostly technical problems, though other things were occurring, the show had to be postponed at the last moment. So I won't be back on air with the show until next Sunday. Hopefully there will be a change in time as well as the show will be broadcast at the more friendly time of 9pm till 11pm. I shall keep you posted.

Monday morning I was up early again for a return visit to the delightfully named Hugh Sexey Middle School in Blackford near Wedmore. This was my fourth visit and as ever it was wonderful. It is always a big group, but they are so friendly and love joining in that it makes it a really easy day. It was nearly 160 children today and we had a riot. The teachers were lovely, so friendly and charming, and couldn't have been more encouraging and positive. Just what I needed after Friday. The day seemed to simply shoot past and, after a delicious pasta lunch, before I knew it we were at the jousting tournament. It was a closely fought contest, but the gentleman's team came away with a fine victory. I think this was mainly due to one little lad who I think was possibly the finest jouster I have seen in my six years of being Henry! He simply flew up and down the course and never missed a single target. Brilliant. Our score for the year now is:

GENTLEMEN 18 - 24 LADIES

I have today at leisure, which is nice. Then tomorrow I am on the road again heading back to Vectis, the Isle of Wight for a return visit to Haylands Junior in Ryde. See you there!

St Bernadette's School, Bristol

Good King Hal (left), trying to remove his foot from his mouth.

It is always with some trepidation that I visit Roman Catholic Schools in my guise as Henry VIII. Now even though Henry split from the Catholic Church, he remained a devout Catholic to the end of his life, but I am sure that won't cut much ice with some Papal fans! I am always very aware of Henry's reputation and I was similarly nervous approaching St Bernadette's School in Bristol yesterday. But I was very warmly welcomed by nearly everyone - it was a delight. Some of the female teachers there were absolutely lovely, and the Dutch gentleman, Walter, was a splendid chap who even laughed at my Walter joke. It goes something like:

A man at an airport sees another man carrying a very long pole. He approaches him and asks: "Are you a pole vaulter?"

"No" says the other man, "I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?" (Ba-doom-tish! Thank you very much, I am here all week!)

Well the day went marvellously - 60+ children all of whom seemed to adore the day and showed that they possessed terrific senses of humour and tremendous knowledge of the Tudor period. In fact I can safely say that by the end of the day I was very much aware that 99.9% of the people at St Bernadette's had really enjoyed the day. Yup, I was made very aware. It was just what I needed. One of the lady teacher's, Teresa, went so far to ask her class after the end of the show how good I was on a scale of 1 to 10, and the entire class shouted out 10. I can do no more than that.

Still, you can't please all of the people all of the time, no matter how hard you try.

The jousting was a lively and entertaining affair, which I assume didn't upset anyone, and the grand final was between two fabulous teams that ended in a narrow victory for the gentlemen. This now makes the year long score:

GENTLEMEN 17-24 LADIES

Interesting, very interesting!

This weekend I am back doing The Mike Farley Show on United FM between 10pm and midnight on Sunday night, though I am hoping to move it back an hour and make it a more easier listen for people on a "school night". Watch this space for more! I am at Barrington Court on Sunday between 1pm and 4pm for a Right Royal Walkabout, so if you read this blog, come and say hello. Then on Monday I am making a return visit to Hugh Sexey School in Wedmore for more Tudor nonsense!

Do I Look Like an Out of Bounds Kind of Guy?

The Jolly Roger. Oh, hang on, it's actually a picture of Mike Farley smiling with his arms crossed.

What a week. After the success of the previous week's Mike Farley Show I was in quite a buoyant mood. It couldn't last. I had to drive up to Essex to pick up James, my son, for our week in Wales, so at the top of the A303 I stopped for petrol. Both of my cards were rejected by the machine and I had no other way of paying. How embarrassing - being made to feel like a criminal is not fun. This had never happened to me before and I really hope with all my heart that it never happens again.

James and I were on our way down the M4 the next morning. Almost as soon as we were out of the Basildon conurbation, James was telling me how "bored" he was, and how much he was missing Mummy already. Luckily he got into his PSP games, and after stopping for lunch at a service station on the M4 he was soon armed with a copy of a Ben 10 magazine which kept him occupied as well. Our time in Wales was delightful with lovely weather and several days out, including a train trip to Cardiff so that James could visit the Doctor Who exhibition there. Honestly. It was for James. Not me. I wasn't excited in the slightest. OK, it was as much for me as it was for James, but it was great fun with some great exhibits and James was only slightly scared at one point which was the Dalek Battle room which was loud, dark and full of very angry Daleks! The only down point on the day was the awful train journey there. This is the height of the school holidays and how many coaches had the train company put on? Two. When the train arrived at Carmarthen station (where we got on) it was packed already, and at each extra stop more and more people got on. James and I had to stand all the way to Cardiff Central next to the disabled loo. We were packed in like sardines and to be honest it looked more like a train somewhere in the third world, except we didn't have anybody sitting on the roof, but I wouldn't have blamed anyone if they tried. And for this joy I had forked out over £15 for the privilege. Thank the Lord there wasn't an accident, and even more thankfully there wasn't a buffet trolley on the train as he would have definitely had to have gone on the roof. We finished our week with a day down at Tresaith which is a delightful secluded beach that not many people know about - so keep it to yourself and tell no one! As we came to leave on the Saturday morning James was now sobbing to his Nanna that he didn't want to go home and see Mummy! How things change in the space of four days! After a long drive back (I had to go back to the service station on the A303 and settle my bill!) James had changed his tune again and was now delighted to see his Mummy again. After dinner and Doctor Who I was then on my way back to Somerset.

Sunday was my second Mike Farley Show on United FM in Crewkerne. My guest this week was Marion Draper, local journalist for the Pullman's View From Crewkerne Newspaper. We had a great time and a good chat. Loads of emails from friends and listeners. Among the odd music I played this week were "Busy Doing Nothing" by Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin, "Hard Times of Old England Retold" by Billy Bragg and the Imagined Village, "My United States of Whatever" by Liam Lynch and "Teddy Picker" by The Arctic Monkeys. I shall be back next Sunday for another show between 10pm and midnight and you can listen in on www.unitedfm.co.uk

And if you're wondering about the title of this posting, it is my wife's favourite quote from Doctor Who and was spouted (if that is the right word) by Captain Jack Harkness, a quiet chap who you might not have noticed.

More Henry nonsense this week with a visit to St Bernadette's School in Bristol on Friday.

The Mike Farley Show

Mike Farley's mic, called Mike the Mic. I'd like to travel one day...

United FM in Crewkerne launched on Friday the 9th April. I was there for the original opening part. My parents had come to visit as well as it was my Father's birthday, so they got dragged along to the radio station HQ. We were there early and met David Laws, the fine MP for Yeovil, however we had to push off before the main, rock'n'roll guest, John "Rabbit" Bundrick, "live" keyboard player for The Who, turned up to cut the ribbon. It was a good launch and everyone seemed in high spirits. Later on the Friday my sister Cathy and her husband Julian turned up from Kent for a long overdue visit to my flat in Crewkerne. We had dinner with my parents at the Duke of York Pub in Shepton Beauchamp where I had celebrated my 43rd birthday in February. On the Saturday we all ventured over to Ilminster as my parents wanted to pay their usual visit to the august portals of Dyers Department Store there. We had a lunch at Bilby's in the High Street and then my parents headed back to Wales. Cath, Jules and I then drove over to Barrington Court and enjoying the fine weather had a nice leisurely stroll round the houses and gardens. We finished with a drink and a slice of lemon drizzle cake at the Beagles Cafe.

That evening we headed over to the Dinnington Docks Pub and all had vast platefuls of delicious faggots, mash and gravy for dinner. These plates were huge and really were just too much on top of everything else we'd scoffed and drunk through the day. We got back to my flat and sat around like three stone Buddhas.

On the Sunday morning Julian and I headed over to Ilchester and the car boot sale over there. I bought a few bits and pieces but we were soon home. A day of leisure was then had as first of all Cath and Julian watched some motorbike racing - don't ask me what it was or where it was but it seemed to go on forever. After that we watched Manchester City thrash Birmingham 5-1 which was wonderful to behold! Then we watched incredulously as Portsmouth beat Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 in the FA Cup Semi Final. Wonderful, amazing and totally unexpected. Cath particularly enjoyed looking at David James in his tight pink shirt.

This evening I did my first "Mike Farley Show" on United FM. I broadcast from 10pm to midnight and had a great time, really enjoyed myself with Cath and Julian sitting in the studio with me and joining in the banter. I played some of my favourite songs, such as "My Pink Half of the Drainpipe" by the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, to "All In My Head" by Kosheen, to "Earn Enough for Us" and "Then She Appeared" by XTC. The two hours seemed to shoot past, and I can't wait to do it all again next week! Hope you get a chance to listen next Sunday - 10pm on www.unitedfm.co.uk - you know you want to!

Off to Wales for the week now with James. Should be fun!

Parson Street School, Bristol

"Look at the size of those soda breads!" Cried Good King Hal.

The evening before had been pretty good. I had watched with increasing delight as Bayern Munich stuffed Manchester United with virtually the last kick of the game in the Champions League. This is the sort of thing Man Ure do to opposing teams with depressing monotony, so to see them on the receiving end for a change was just a sheer delight. And to see dear old Sir Alex Ferguson going a violent shade of puce at the end was even more wonderful. And so I hied me to bed with a big smile in my heart. That was when I started coughing. I have a cold and a bit of a chest infection at the moment, and I found that every time I laid down in my bed it would induce more coughing. By 2am I was ready to give up, especially considering I was due to get up at 6am to drive to Bristol. I shuffled back into the living room with my duvet and snuggled into my big squashy chair. Luckily I was soon asleep, but before too long the alarm was going.

The drive up to Bristol was fairly easy, but when I got to the proximity of the school the traffic was appalling, added to which with the cold and lack of sleep I was feeling pretty rough to say the least. The last thing on Earth I fancied doing at that precise moment was a Henry VIII show. I had trouble getting into the school as the gates were locked but I was let in by a very nice lady and started unloading the props. However bad I was feeling I was soon very glad I had come all this way. Parson Street School is a lovely place, great kids, lovely teachers and a nice atmosphere all round. We had a great, lively morning session, the only draw back being that the main hall we were in is like a thoroughfare for the whole school and people were coming and going all the time, which proved to be a bit distracting for everyone.

After a delicious lunch and a nice friendly chat with the lovely Joanne Wallace (the teacher who booked me), we were back in the hall (after a slight hold up when a group of excruciatingly cute nursery class children came in for a very short PE lesson - they were doing marching at one point, so I played my recorder for them which they loved!). The afternoon session was even more raucous than the morning, and the final of the jousting had two of the finest teams I have seen in a very long time going head to head. It was finally won by a faultless ladies team who never once put a foot wrong. This now makes our year long score up to:

GENTLEMEN 16 - 24 LADIES

On the long drive home I stopped briefly for petrol on the A37. My God! It was FREEEEEZING! This is supposed to be British Summertime, isn't it? The wind was howling across the station forecourt, and sleety snow was spattering against me and the car. Added to which the guy who served me seemed to be completely deaf. Every time I said anything to him he said "Huh!?", I'd repeat myself and he'd say a sort of vague "yeah...." which didn't induce any confidence that he could actually hear me.

For Easter weekend I am off back to Essex to see James and Amanda, and no more Henry-ing until some possible BBC filming later in April. Watch this space...

Easter Theatre

Good King Hal was beginning to wonder if the courtesy car was not all it was cracked up to be.

I took my car in for it's MOT this morning. Dear old Popular Motors in Merriott, and the deeply sainted Ian Summers there, lent me a courtesy car as my Mazda was being done. It was a Renault Laguna, Ian reckoned it wasn't all that good. He was right. It was a shed on wheels to be honest. But such entertainment! Every time you went round a corner all the warning lights on the dashboard came on, then they slowly went out one by one as you straightened out. The engine temperature gauge starts at about magma, but then shoots down to something just below zero degrees Kelvin and then continues to yo-yo between the two for the rest of the time you are driving. The dashboard also lights up in different places as though you are constantly flicking the headlights on and off as you go. Marvellous stuff. I urge someone to go to Popular Motors and buy this vehicle. You will never be short of entertainment or something to talk about. On the way back from Merriott I stopped in Crewkerne at the big new Waitrose store and bought, amongst other things, a curry pot noodle. Now buying a pot noodle in Waitrose just feels dirty and wrong. It is like having dinner with the Queen whilst thunderously breaking wind with great force. Or meeting the Pope and constantly name dropping that your best mate is the Rev. Ian Paisley. I felt very naughty.

The previous day I had finished my brief tour of Essex with a return visit to the lovely Wickford Junior School. As ever, the kids were brilliant, superb costumes, good attitude and a readiness to laugh and enjoy themselves while they were learning. A pretty nice day all in all. Some of the teachers seemed a little distant on the day, I wasn't really sure what that was all about, but it was on the whole a good experience. The jousting was of a very high standard and ended with ANOTHER win for the gents! Amazing - three in a row. This now makes our year long score:

GENTLEMEN 16 - 23 LADIES

It's getting closer now. The gents will have another chance to close the gap again when tomorrow I am in Bristol for a first ever visit to Parson Street Primary School. I must keep an eye out for Tingtong Fanakapahn.

Harlow, Goodbye

Good King Hal, suddenly discovering that woodworm can "jump" from stocks to cod-piece in one easy movement.

OK, so on last Wednesday evening, I am in Langport, at LouLou's bar helping out some friends on a pub quiz, which I am delighted to announce that we win. I get home just after 11pm. On Thursday morning I am up at 3am and driving to Essex by 3.30am. Just after 9am I am in Brentwood Community Hospital where my 7-year-old son is being observed and tested about his learning delay. By 11am we are informed that he has autism. For me this is quite a relief as the worst part about any problems with a child of your own is the not knowing what is going on. To finally be able to put a label on it is, I feel, the first positive step in doing something about it and I feel now that this is known he will get all the help and support he needs, as well as his usual quota of love and affection from his Mother and myself. My wife seems to have taken it a lot more on the chin than me, and seemed deeply shell shocked for the rest of the day, but I think she is slowly getting a lid on it.

On the Friday I was up to Harlow and a return visit to that delightful school, Little Parndon. This was, I think, my fifth annual visit and the school just seems to get better and better. As usual, there were some fabulous costumes, lovely kids, excitable ones as well, fantastic teachers and a warm welcome. We had a really good day all in all, for me the only down part being having to take all my props out the car during what can only be described as a monsoon. I was literally soaked to the skin when I had finished. The jousting was very exciting and, sensation of all sensations, led to another win for the gentlemen! What is happening? This now makes the annual score:

GENTLEMEN 15 - 23 LADIES

Glad to see them making a fight of it.

A nice weekend has been had with lots of fun with my son, particularly the way he took over the meal when we took him to Pizza Hut on Saturday. As we walked in the front door he walked up to a waitress and said "table for three, please!" And then later in the meal he all but put his hand up and snapped his fingers for her attention when he wanted a refill of his drink.

Tomorrow (Monday) I am back to another favourite school of mine - Wickford Junior in...er...Wickford. Back to Somerset tomorrow night.

Knights in Shining Karma

Meanwhile, back on the shelf, demon plasterer, Hank Corkpopper suddenly devised a whole new version of "University Challenge" for use in zero-g situations. Erroneous society hostess, Hortence Mouth-Breather is on the far right of the photo, brandishing the all leather boil lancing kit she won at the Hay-on-Wye literary festival. When suddenly...

I must definitely still be in a post-Andy Partridge interview fog, as for some reason at the end of the last blog entry I stated I was going to a banquet in Awford in Hampshire. What a coad of lobblers, as the Rev Spooner might have put it. There is no such place, as far as I know. I was actually going to Awbridge, near Romsey. I left with plenty of time to spare, but I got stuck in that famous bottle neck known to all and sundry as Salisbury. So as it was I actually arrived about five minutes late at the school, but it was OK, they all seemed very laid back about it! I got changed and was ushered into the hall where I was confronted by a big group of teachers, school children AND their parents! I was heralded in by two trumpeters and then greeted all the children in their Tudor finery. Next, after taking my seat at the head of the table I was treated to a fine example of Tudor dancing. We then ate a fine Tudor meal of pottage, ladies fingers, marzipan treats and lashings of home made ginger ale, which unfortunately tasted rather a lot like cold lemsip made up with cat urine, however everything else was delicious. I did a small Henry talky bit about the six wives, was then serenaded by a recorder trio, then a flautist, then a violinist, and then we had some study of a big painting of the Field of the Cloth of Gold, and almost as soon as it had started, it was over! It was a lovely little interlude at a truly wonderful school.

Early on the Saturday I drove to Wales to spend the weekend with my parents at their lovely new home in Newcastle Emlyn. The weather was mostly awful, but it was lovely to see them both and I ate and drank far too much, so Henry is back on his diet with a vengeance today! We had dinner on the Saturday night at The Daffodil Pub in a village I can't even spell, let alone pronounce. And then on the Sunday, after a nice bracing walk in the morning we drove to Cenarth and the Three Horseshoes Pub where we had a gorgeous roast beef dinner in wonderfully old world surroundings, and all with good beer, bizarrely Christmas carols on the sound system, and a gigantically chested waitress. What more could you ask for?

I drove back to Somerset on the Monday morning, and took the day relatively easily, before meeting up with Matthew Applegate from Barrington Court at the Duke of York pub in Shepton Beauchamp for a wee beer or two. Today, Tuesday I have been back to Trull School just outside Taunton for my fifth annual visit to this lovely school. We had yet another fantastic day, a very small group, only about 28 children, but in superb costumes and all very knowledgeable and excited about the day. Just before lunch we de-camped to the ancient church opposite the school for some suitably silly posed photos of Henry with the children. After lunch we whipped through a fine, fun afternoon that culminated in a very exciting jousting tournament that went to a sudden death race off in the final, which resulted in that rarest of things this year - a win for the gentlemen! This now makes our score:

GENTLEMEN 14 - 23 LADIES

Not quite respectable for the gents yet, but it is slowly getting better. Just watching Wolves take poor old West Ham to the cleaners tonight, then later this week I am back off to Little Parndon School in Harlow on Friday and then back to Wickford Junior in...er...Wickford on Monday. All should be fun. We are also editing the Andy Partridge interview (keeping everything crossed) next Tuesday.

Andy Partridge interview

Skylarking by XTC from 1986. The single most wonderful record in the history of the Universe. (Possible slight exaggeration, but it is jolly good anyway).

This was a day I thought would never happen. I have been a fan of XTC for so long now. Well over 20 years I have listened to their clever, intelligent, catchy, melodic, annoying, heart-rending, beautiful, wistful music. To me Andy Partridge, main songwriter and singer with the group, has been this icon - a genius of God-like stature, unapproachable, untouchable, almost unreal. A short while ago I got involved with helping with the formation of a local community based radio station in Crewkerne called United FM. They have asked me to present a late night radio show at weekends playing music of all sorts into the wee small hours. I asked if I could have a regular evening slot called "Sheer XTC" where I can play a fine sweep of the works of Swindon's finest product since the Great Western Railway. The management of the station agreed. I then wondered if there was any chance I could sort out an interview or appearance by Mr Partridge at the station, but how to get hold of him? Andy has his own record label now called "Ape House Records" and on hunting down their website (http://www.ape.uk.net/) I sent a rather hopeful email and didn't really expect much to happen. But, boy did it ever happen! I got an email from Andy's assistant saying that he was very happy to do an interview, but it would have to be over the phone as he didn't drive and getting to Crewkerne could be a bit of a "pain in the..." (well, you work it out!).

After much umming and ahhing it was finally settled that the interview would take place at 1.30pm on Thursday March 18th. After various technical difficulties were sorted out by Greg the brilliant techie at United FM, I tentatively phoned Andy on the number I had been given by the record label. And suddenly I was on the phone with Andy Partridge. He was real. He was friendly, and he was laughing at some of my very lame jokes. What a nice chap. I had been booked to speak to Andy for 20 minutes - we ended up talking for over an hour. When the recording had finished Andy wanted to continue the conversation, so we then talked for another 20 minutes, off the record, so to speak which was equally friendly and enlightening. We finally parted with Andy inviting me to Swindon for dinner at a very nice Spanish restaurant that he highly recommended. How fantastic was that? The interview could not have gone better and I am delighted to announce that Andy Partridge is now definitely not a God. No, he seems for more like a close friend, which is truly wonderful.

I am back to being Henry on Friday with a banquet to do at Awford in Hampshire in the afternoon. Should be fun.

Apple Venus from 1999. Another pretty good XTC album. (Alright, it's totally bloody brilliant, but don't take my word for it - buy it!).

Falcon Junior, Sprowston, Norfolk

Good King Hal just about to reveal who ate all the pies.

Now you can really tell that spring is on it's way. This is nothing to do with sap rising or other such sauciness, but much more to do with the fact that if I have to get up at the crack of dawn for a drive up to Norfolk, like I did this day, that outside is not pitch dark. There is a hint of sunrise as I walked out to the car in beautiful downtown Basildon and begin the long trek up to Norwich. It was a really pleasant drive this morning with the only gripe being that on the A147, which is nearly all single carriageway, the only section of dual carriageway (about two miles worth to the south of Norwich) was inevitably being dug up, and so I was stuck behind the same lorry for a long time!

The school itself was a delight as ever. Kind teachers, a lovely atmosphere, brilliantly excited children and very good facilities. They have had an artist in residence in the past and his touch is seen throughout Falcon School. There is a clever and informative time line that runs around the main hall I was in, co produced by the artist at the children at the school. There is a big colourful outside mural of a cascade of cartoon like fish that moves in the wind in a very agreeable way. Best of all is a large indoor mural celebrating the school's now (sadly) defunct marching band and their frequent foreign tours. All of this lends a magical colourful touch to an already excellent school.

We had a great morning, lots of laughs, particularly with my mate Pierce who guffawed heartily throughout. Lunch was delicious and partaken within the very friendly atmosphere of the staff room. The afternoon seemed to shoot past at a great rate and ended with a pounding, pulsating jousting tournament which, almost inevitably the ladies won again! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 13 - 23 LADIES

A ten point lead!

My trip home was thankfully easy and free from any exploding tyres this time. I had a quick bite to eat with Amanda and James, got thrashed a few times at Mario Kart by James on the Wii and then drove back to Somerset. Tomorrow, I was interviewing Andy Partridge from XTC! I hoped I could sleep OK that night.

Downham Junior, Billericay

Good King Hal, auditioning for a part in the follow-up to Captain Corelli's Mandolin - known as "Captain Birdseye's Banjo".

About four years ago I did a one off Henry show at Downham School in Ramsden near Billericay in Essex. We had a good time as I recall, but now, out of the blue here I was being asked back for not one, but two days at Downham on consecutive days. Interesting and fun! I had driven to Essex on the Saturday so that I could spend some time on Mother's Day with Amanda and James.

I drove down early on Monday morning and actually got to Downham a bit too early, so I decided to take a short stroll down amnesia lane and headed a bit further up into Ramsden Heath to the Cricket ground where my old club "The Hoop Cricket Club" used to play their home games. We played there from between 1991 and 1998 when I left for the wilds of Somerset and the club almost immediately folded (see? Without the guiding hand of yours truly...). Sitting in the car park by the old club house it was a sad sight to behold. Admittedly we weren't a particularly talented team (me especially) but we had great camaraderie and the apres cricket was of an almost legendary status. The pitch we used was only a concrete strip with matting on it, but it was OUR pitch! Looking at it this week some nearly 12 years hence it looked very worn and abandoned, plus with two regularly used football pitches abutting onto it, one of which has now for some unknown reason been surrounded by a small white picket fence, there is no chance of any cricket being played on there again. Very sad. It made me think back to all the players and characters associated with the Hoop Cricket Club - Paul Smith, the Captain; Mick Stephenson, vice captain and naturally gifted wicket-keeper; and all the other players and members - Malcolm Taylor, Stuart Filby, Gareth Clipstone, Andy Banks, Adam Hudson, Gordon Scammell, Mike Slowey, Mike Escott, Sara Turner, Jim Hawes, Steve Fawkes, Paul Lagden, Paul Eaton, and our near legendary umpire, dear old Alan Bourne - the fastest finger in the west! I got back to the school and got set up for the show. But I was in for another haunting from the Hoop Cricket Club past! As I was sorting out my paper work, a small note left for me from St Michael's School in Wimborne in Dorset last week fell out. It was contact details for another school in the Dorset area recommended by a teacher at St Michael's and it was called - believe it or not - Allenbourne Junior! Alan Bourne strikes again!

Both of my days at Downham Junior were brilliant. Fabulous school, delightful kids, really kind and attentive teachers, and payment from County Hall in Chelmsford that really was faster than a speeding bullet! It was about 90+ children on the Monday and another nearly 60 children on the Tuesday. Excellent stuff, loads of laughs, some great Tudor knowledge, and fun and learning hand in hand having a good time! Wonderful.

On both days the jousting was of a quite brilliantly high standard and on both days we had the same result - comprehensive victories for the ladies in both instances! This now brings our score to:

GENTLEMEN 13 - 22 LADIES

This is getting embarrassing chaps! Come on! I am off to Falcon Junior in Sprouston in Norwich tomorrow, so a bright early start from sunny Basildon for me! Then back to Somerset and on Thursday the long awaited interview with Andy Partridge of XTC is destined to take place. I can't wait. There is also a possibility in the near future of another phone interview with a rock idol of mine - namely the wonderful Thomas Walsh of Pugwash and the brilliant cricket obsessed band The Duckworth Lewis Method. Again, watch this space!

Back on the Radio!

Just a quickie! I was back on the "Have Your Say" panel for BBC Somerset this morning. This was on the Emma Britton show even though Emma was not in today as she is having a well deserved rest and apparently going through her wardrobes. Well, whatever cranks your handle. Her place was taken by a very nice lady called Charlie Crocker, who usually works for BBC Solent, but she has been allowed out of Southampton on special permission to fill in for Emma. I was on the panel with a lovely lady called Margaret and a splendid time was seemed to be had by all. If you want to hear it again, then please check out www.bbc.co.uk/somerset then click on the "Listen Again" icon and choose the Emma Britton show for Friday. I am on for the first hour. You can obviously just spool through that and enjoy the rest of the show!

Next week I am in Billericay in Essex for a couple of days and then at Falcon Junior in Drayton in Norfolk. Hopefully after that I have the interview with Andy Partridge of XTC to do before finishing with a banquet at Awbridge in Hampshire on Friday. No rest for the wicked Tudor monarch, obviously.

St Michael's, Wimborne, Dorset

Good King Hal, at Downlands School at Blandford Camp in Dorset with six "trouble and strifes". The six are, from left to right: Happy, Bashful, Amnesia, Cuthburt, Dibble and Grubb.

Another trip down to Dorset and another return visit. This was my fifth year in a row to visit the august portals of St Michael's Middle School on the outskirts of Wimborne in Dorset. It was a delightful drive down in the early morning on Wednesday. A piercingly bright cold morning had dawned and I was soon hacking down to Dorchester and all points east heading for Wimborne town. One of my best friends at the school, the lovely Jane Eyre, I only saw fleetingly as she was accompanying a group of year 8's on a coach trip to Hampton Court Palace. I told her to make sure she left the key under the mat when they left.

It was a big group on the day, about 120 children, and we had a fine day all in all! Lots of loud laughter, lots of great Tudor costumes, good knowledge from the kids and as usual, a really warm welcome from all the lovely teachers who work at this cool school. We had a fun morning, finishing with a riotous question and answer session which had me in stitches from time to time. Lunch was a very tasty, if somewhat bizarre combination of meatball bolognese served with cous-cous and sweetcorn! Different.

The afternoon session was equally fun and frantic and finished on a very closely fought jousting tournament which finally brought a long needed victory for the gents in their ongoing battle with the ladies. This now brings the overall score to:

GENTLEMEN 13 - 20 LADIES

I finished at about 3.30pm and headed for home. I was tired out and was looking forward to a restful evening sitting on my bottom and cheering on AC Milan in what turned out to be a fruitless attempt to beat Man Ure at Old Trafford. It wasn't to happen. I was reminded I was due at Barrington Court for Kate Churchill's farewell party. She is Matthew Applegate's assistant and is a delightful young lady who will be sadly missed when she goes. I arrived at almost smack on 7pm for the party, which was to be a surprise, thinking I had missed the actual surprise bit. I hadn't. We were all lurking in the William and Mary Room in Strode House with the lights out waiting for Kate's entrance. And we waited and waited. Then we waited some more. We waited sitting down and we waited standing up, which is pretty much the same only one is taller than the other. Eventually after several false alerts and much snickering, Kate arrived and was duly shocked to find us all there! A fine party then ensued, including some more fine examples of Jay Kay style dancing from Mr Matthew "Liquid Hips" Applegate that induced much laughter from all the people there. It was a fine party and fine send off to a very popular lady. Good luck to you, Kate!

Downlands School, Blandford Camp

Good King Hal (right), doing incredible things with a small round piece of wood and a bit of string.

Once every two years I head off down to Blandford Camp, near Blandford Forum in Dorset, for an appearance at Downlands School on the Army Camp. It is home to the Royal Signals Corps and is always a bit of a shock when you come from the normal civvies world to suddenly find yourself surrounded by more soldiers than you can shake a stick at! I had spent Monday spending over £300 sorting out the terrible tyres faux pas that the RAC had foisted on me back in Essex a few weeks back. But that is a whole other story...

So this cold and frosty morning I made my way through the security check points and made my way to the school. It was a group of just under 60 children today, a mixture of year 3 & 4 - and they were a very excitable group, but all the better for it. It was a loud and raucous day, but they were a very enthusiastic group, eager to laugh and learn, and showed some very good prior Tudor knowledge already. The lovely teachers at this great school had gone to some lengths with their elegant costumes and all looked gorgeous! After a good, loud and enthusiastic morning we broke for lunch. Lunchtime was quite a laugh as well in a very good natured and fun staff room!

The afternoon went swimmingly and ended with a very loud and exciting joust. The gents led all the way to the final leg when, with just one missed quoit on the home straight, they left the door open for the ladies to come storming through to an exciting triumph. Great stuff. This now opens an even bigger lead for the ladies on the year long score. The latest is:

GENTLEMEN 12 - 20 LADIES

Well done ladies. Tomorrow the gents have a chance to pull one back with a return appearance for me at the lovely St Michael's School in Wimborne in Dorset.

Birthday Party and Friends (the school, not the sickly American sit-com)

(left) Good King Hal waiting for his daughter to finish on the throne. Then it's his turn. Damn those scallops!

This weekend just gone was fabulous. On the Friday night, Amanda and James drove down from Essex and came and stayed with me for the evening. (We had the added excitement of a next door neighbour's motorhome exploding in the wee small hours and frying all my telephone lines - I think the neighbours were just trying to let my Basildon based wife feel at home! Sorry dear, I'll get my coat...) Then on Saturday it was time for my birthday party! The evening was spent at the very fine Duke of York pub in Shepton Beauchamp near Ilminster. Sitting down for dinner was myself, Amanda, James, my parents, my sister Cathy and her husband Julian from Kent, friends Jo and Pete Flanagan, Matthew and Sue Applegate, Tris and Jane Pinkney, and Alison Barling and her other half Ian Thomas. A splendid time seemed to be had by all. James was so good all evening, chatting, playing, being cute, but most of the time entranced by his Nintendo DS game! Lovely food and drink was had (I had scallops to begin with and then a fine gammon steak) and lots of fun and laughter. A very nice way to celebrate my 43rd birthday!

On the Sunday I drove myself and James back to Essex (Amanda made her own way) as on the Monday I was to appear at Friends School in Saffron Walden. I headed out bright and early on the morning, and attempted to avoid the M25 and M11, which seemed like a good idea. It was, for most of the way, but I did get held up in a couple of spots, particularly one where a head on crash had just occurred before I got there. Adding to my fun was that my windscreen washers ran out of water just after I set off and what with the low sun and spray from the road I was soon virtually driving in braille. I arrived at the school but couldn't get round to the "scout hut" hall we always use on my normal route, so I had to go in through a rear entrance with a code for the padlock given to me by the office. It didn't work. In the end I had to park in a crappy mud field what seemed like about half a mile from the scout hut and squish and slide across this carrying the props in. The group today was only 11 children, and small groups are notoriously hard to entertain. But this group were pretty cool and laughed and joined in at all the right moments. Lunch in the grand hall was as good as it always is at Friends School - a quorn sweet and sour served with rice and prawn crackers. Delicious!

Back to the scout hut for a slightly truncated afternoon session (we were evicted from the hall by a ballet class at about 2.30pm). The jousting was great fun and surprisingly loud for such a small group. And even though there were only three girls in the whole group, I bet you can't guess who won the tournament? Yup, the ladies stormed to a remarkable victory. This now makes our ongoing year score:

GENTLEMEN 12 - 19 LADIES

They are starting to get away from you gents! I mostly have a week of leisure ahead, doing some work for United FM, the local radio group. I seem to have managed to sort out an interview with Andy Partridge, lead singer of XTC and an all time hero of mine to be recorded for broadcast, something I am totally chuffed about! Next week I am off to Blandford Camp and Wimborne in Dorset for two school visits, but the filming for the TV documentary has been postponed AGAIN. I have a feeling this might never happen now. However, I will keep you posted.