Hevery Little Thing She Does Is Magic...

Good King Hal and Anne Boleyn being stalked through the grounds of Hever Castle by an Italian Fashion Victim of uncertain vintage. Jimmy Saville also appears to have eaten all the pies in the background.

Can a man get tired of Hever Castle? I hope not as I seem to be spending every waking hour at the place just lately. And it has been terrific fun. It was back for another Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the Castle this last weekend, again accompanied by the wonderful Michelle Coda and her cute daughter Victoria. I had spent the Thursday with my beloved son James in Essex where I took him to the cinema to see "Mr Popper's Penguins" as he was absolutely "busting to see it" - his words, not mine. Well, that was nearly two hours of my life I won't get back. But James enjoyed it immensely and we did have a very nice meal at Frankie and Bennie's before we went into the cinema.

On the Friday we had a large crowd for the jousting show, which was good fun, and it was nice to have William of Antioch back with us again, though his participation in forthcoming shows maybe somewhat limited by the fact that he is about to become a Dad at any second. Michelle and I mucked about shamelessly before the show. We were in our little Tudor drawing room, waiting to be summoned to meet the masses, when Michelle lent out of the window to wave at some camera wielding tourists. As they turned away after taking our photos, and with Michelle still bending over leaning out of the window in front of me, I pretended to be a very naughty King and did something that would only be allowed on television after the watershed, but happened a lot in the "Tudors" TV series. Cue much guffawing and f'narring from Michelle and myself. Well we repeated the gag every single day this weekend and so far have not been photographed by a startled tourist yet - we hope. Well, what did they expect Henry and Anne get up to in their spare time? Play shove ha'penny?

At my sister's place on the Friday night she had a dinner party with her friends Darren and Karen as guests, as well as me and herself, and husband Julian. We had a lovely evening, loads of laughs and probably too much wine was had, but it was splendid none the less.

The Saturday crowd at the Castle was large but strangely quiet and reserved, but Sunday's crowd more than made up for it. Sunday was a really good show, I hope everyone there enjoyed it as much as we did. Michelle offered the Queen's favour (a white glove with "AB 4 S of P" on it!) to Sir Stephen of Porlock, who was most moved! I drove back on the Sunday afternoon, delighting in listening to Manchester City taking Bolton Wanderers to the cleaners. I was up bright and early on Monday morning for an appointment at Yeovil Hospital for a scan on my troublesome gall bladder. Thankfully I got the all-clear with no stones, but I shall continue to eat my new super healthy diet as I am really enjoying it and feel remarkably healthy. I have also lost about a stone and a half since I began doing it five weeks ago. I might have to invest in some pillows for stuffing up my Henry costume if this continues. Hever again this weekend, just on the Friday and Saturday. Should be fun, but be careful when looking in the windows of the castle... ;-)

I leave you with a lovely picture of Michelle's daughter Victoria with Sir William of Antioch on the right, and on the left - James, aka Mungo, one of the Knight Marshalls of the Tilt and Victoria's first BIG crush! It truly is love. Bless!

Smarter Than the Hever-age Bear...

Good King Hal and Anne Boleyn launch into an eye watering rendition of "Riverdance" during their "live" appearance at Hever Castle.

Another weekend, and another trip down to Hever Castle. The Friday (12th August) was proving a bit dodgy as I was suddenly short of one Anne Boleyn. I tried many friends and finally had to admit defeat. I called Hever Castle with the news on the Thursday, but they were wonderful and said they'd ask some of their staff to see if someone was available - and they came back with good news! A lovely lady called Jane, who happened to be one of their senior stewards, volunteered and arrived just before the show was due to start in her own costume, and she looked brilliant. We had a fine day with not too much heat and a relatively good turn out for the show. We were short of William of Antioch, which is always detrimental to the shows in my humble opinion, but he was due back on the Saturday and Sunday.

For the Saturday and Sunday I was to be ably supported by my dear old friend Lisa Hudson who was going to be Anne Boleyn. I was so pleased she agreed to come along and do this for me as I knew she'd look fabulous in the costume - as you can see from our "Riverdance" picture above - she did! We had a little trouble getting Lisa sorted in her costume as she is relatively short, but is also very large in the chesticles department. We therefore had a fair old battle lacing her into her corset top, but she looked beautiful when finished! Lisa was an absolute star on both days and we had a real laugh doing both the shows. The kids we posed for photos with really warmed to her and she even got one little girl wanting to keep hugging her! Lisa's husband Adam (an old cricket team companion of mine from The Hoop Cricket Club) came along on the Sunday along with their lovely kids Luke and Joe.

We managed to get another "real" injury on Saturday, to compliment Sir Stephen of Porlock's dislocated shoulder at the previous show! This time, doing one of his spectacular falls, Sir Ashley of Hampshire managed to cut his head badly on the inside of his jousting helmet. Blood everywhere and five stitches were needed - he completed the show with a large white bandage on his head which prompted the commentator to refer to him as "Ahmed of Hampshire" first of all, and then later on as "Sir Ashley bin Laden". He was back to his usual "ruggedly handsome" self on the Sunday.

Changing the subject, as some of you may or may not know, my personal life is somewhat fraught at the moment. However, I have been overwhelmed with messages of love and support from so many friends over the previous couple of days that I am truly very touched and moved. It is at times like this that you do discover your true friends, and I am lucky enough to say I have many. You all know who you are, so thank you one and all. (Moves right and brushes something away from his eye, which is not a tear... honest. I am a roughtie-toughtie King FFS).

Anyway, Manchester City thumped Swansea 4-0 tonight, so that is enough to put a smile on my face for a little while. And now to listen to "Your Dictionary" by XTC - a lot.

Honiton Museum Day

Good King Hal, not sure about his future with current wife Anne Boleyn, keeps a close eye on a possible part-exchange model called Jane Seymour.

No Hever this weekend as all the jousters are heading off to Blenheim Palace for a tournament over there. Jeremy did ring me up and ask me if I'd like to come along and commentate, but I had already committed myself to a weekend and more of looking after my lovely James and taking him down to Wales to see his Nanna and Bapa. Therefore my only Henry booking for this week was a long standing obligation to appear at Honiton's All Hallows Museum for a couple of Henry's Horrid History talks. I was looking forward to this as I had been booked through Russ and Mary Wardell, a lovely couple who I often see down at Barrington Court and thought it would be a fun day. Well, it most certainly was, but it wasn't quite as successful as we hoped it might be.

I drove down to Honiton which is a lovely little town - reminded me a lot of Bridport - and then began the search for the museum. Finally located it and got in. I was stuck in a side room where the local history group normally meets which I could use as a dressing room. Not sure what the local history group gets up to in there at their meetings as all their seemed to be were lots of maps, microfiche and a naked female mannequin model with huge prominent nipples. Ooh er!

I walked outside and spent some time in the High Road as a kind of benevolent Tudor press gang, cajoling people into coming into the museum for the talk. In the end it didn't work very well as we only had less than 10 people, but they all seemed to like it and there were lots of laughs. I changed for lunch and Russ then took me for a meal at a local wine bar, which was delicious, as was the brunette waitress with the tight skirt. In fact, one of the things I liked best about Honiton today was the preponderance of gorgeous ladies! They were everywhere. One young lass I spoke to during my afternoon on the pavement trying to sort out an audience looked just like a young Rachel Weisz! She was on her way home from her first day at a new job in a local coffee bar and was all excited. Bless! The second show didn't take place in the end as we only had two punters - an English ex-pat who lived half the year in Honiton and the other half in California (sounds like a good mix to me) and her excitable young son. So instead I had a little chat with them and played them some tunes on my recorder which actually seemed to delight them!

I went outside after this for a final recce on the High Street, and who was sitting out there on a bench eating an ice cream? Fiona Bruce! Fiona-bloody-Bruce! Fiona-Antiques-Roadshow-BBC-News-Looks-a-bit-saucy-Bruce! I said a hello and asked if she'd like to see inside the museum, but she politely declined. This was proof, if I needed any, that it was time to get changed and head for home. So that is exactly what I did.

Tonight I am off up to Essex to collect my lovely son, and then bring him down to Somerset for a little holiday, and then on to Wales this weekend.

Where Hever I Lay My Hat...

Good King Hal and Lady Rochford launch into an impromptu version of "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba before putting on a show in the barn with Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney. The wall plug behind them is a genuine Tudor power supply. Honest.

So it was back up to Essex to begin with - how well I am learning this route. But it was worth it, for more time with my lovely son, James. He is my everything these days. I had fun taking him to the bright lights of Festival Leisure Park in Basildon (known locally as Bas Vegas) and we played on the air hockey games as usual, but for a rare change I won - even though I tried to lose. James was very good at scoring own goals. We then had a bite to eat at a Chinese restaurant for lunch and then took him to see the movie "Cars 2". He seemed to enjoy it, but ended up making about 4 trips to the loo after drinking one of the industrial sized cartons of 7-Up that the cinema chain laughingly refer to as "Regular".

Back at Hever I was on for three days, the Friday, Saturday and Sunday. My two lovely Queens from Leeds Castle joust (Zarrina and Diane) were coming along, but due to my general fuzzy headedness and idiocy I had told them the event was on on Saturday, Sunday and Monday, rather than the true days. Therefore I was a Queen short for the Friday. I asked my friend Kiri Bloom whom I worked with at Rochester Castle last year if she could make it, but she was busy, but she suggested a friend of hers called Tamsin Lewis. I spoke to Tamsin on the phone and she was available on the Friday and happy to come down. Gawd bless yer, ma'am! I offered to pick her up from Edenbridge railway station for the show at Hever. She texted me and said she'd be there at about 11.30am. I drove up to Edenbridge and followed the signs to the station. I parked up at about 11.35am and of Tamsin there was not a sight. I tried to phone her mobile. No reply. I texted her and asked her where she was waiting at the station as it wasn't very big and I couldn't see her. She replied and told me she was standing outside the ticket hall. She wasn't. I asked her what the name of the station was where she was standing. It was Edenbridge. I was at Edenbridge Town. Bugger. I asked a local idiot in a local sandwich bar where Edenbridge station was and he gave me directions. It was only about a mile away. Why does a town as tiny as Edenbridge need two stations FFS? Anyway, I found the correct station and I found Tamsin. Bless her. Well we had a great day, lovely turn out, not too hot and I think Tamsin enjoyed herself. I dropped her back at the correct station after the show and headed to my sister's for the evening.

Saturday and Sunday was with Zarrina and Diane from Chippenham. They were great - fantastic costumes as ever, Zarrina in a brand new blue creation as you can see from the picture above. There was a nice breath of wind on the Saturday which made the hot weather a lot more bearable. Sunday was much more muggy. The Saturday night was spent at my friends John and Viv's in Crawley where Viv cooked a fantastic meal of tandoori Monk fish steaks with raita, salsa and guacamole dips and hot flat breads. Mmmmm! We then drank almost our entire body weights in rioja and decided this was the perfect warm up for sitting and watching "A Knight's Tale" on DVD. I think I managed to remain conscious for the first 20 minutes, but missed the rest. Viv only managed 10 minutes. John watched the whole thing and then put on another movie. What a guy! The Sunday at Hever (hang over conquered at first) was good, but marred by two unfortunate incidents. First Sir Stephen of Porlock (the wonderfully nutty Steve Beart from Porlock in Somerset) had finished a ball and chain fight and several jousts, when he wandered back to his squires and as a joke decided to pull his tabard over his head, a la a premiership footballer after scoring a goal. He succeeded merely in dislocating his shoulder and had to be treated by medics at the side of the arena. He looked in agony as he left. Poor man. On the walk back to the castle after the show we were photographed by lots of lovely people - plus one total bastard of a family who's feral kids ran riot, asked rude questions, kept trying to steal our hats, invade other people's photographs and generally behave much as flies do round a horse's bum. And the eldest of the kids was probably only about 12 at most. And of the parents? Well they seemed to think it was hilarious. Scratters. It was a delight to get back to the calm cool order of the Castle afterwards. I drove back to Somerset that evening and was delighted to be home, if alone. As ever. I then had to starve myself for 15 hours after 6pm on the Sunday as on the Monday morning I had a blood test at my Doctor's for my ongoing gall bladder fun and games. Professionally life is great at the moment, but everything else seems to be falling apart, including me. I literally have no idea what life is going to throw at me next, but knowing my recent luck, it won't be good!

A weekend off from Hever this weekend so I am traipsing halfway across England again to see the lovely James, and then I will take him away for a holiday down in Somerset and maybe down to Wales to see his Nana and Bapa. He and I will enjoy that. On Wednesday this week I will be at Honiton Museum in Devon for a couple of talks. Come along! Poke my gall bladder! Enjoy yourselves.

The Hever Ending Story...

Good King Hal suffering a severe attack of the gall bladders during a particularly violent jousting tournament earlier this year.

I had a few days back in Somerset trying to dry out after the downpour at Hever the previous weekend. Someone had said we were going to get an Indian summer, I had no idea it would be a bloody monsoon. I had also noticed that I was in pain. Shortly after my show at the Somerton Festival earlier in July, I was aware of a certain uncomfortable pain in my side - sort of in the liver area. I was hoping, as most men do, that it would just go away and there would be no need to go and see something as terrifying as a Doctor. On the Monday after the previous Hever weekend I woke up at about 6am thinking that I had just been stabbed in the side. I had a sharp jabbing pain in my side running right the way round almost to my back. Classic signs of a gall bladder either packed full of stones, or just grumbling. Time to do something I should have done months ago - EAT HEALTHILY! It was time to go on to a fat free diet. Goodbye butter, cheese and anything else that might contain saturated fats, and welcome to dry bread, skimmed milk and water. Well, it's not as bad as that and I am actually quite enjoying the healthy eating option. Who knows, next time you see Henry VIII he might bear a striking resemblance to Twiggy, or Lily Cole.

Two days after the gall bladder shenanigans I was back at BBC Somerset for another appearance on Emma Britton's show. It was another good programme - our discussion topic was "Is suicide a selfish act?" - which seemed to get little reaction from the callers of Somerset. Our secondary topic was about should you have to pay to use your local civic amenity site (formerly known as a "DUMP"). The phones simply rang off the hook with outraged callers. Hey-ho. It was nice to see the lovely Emma again - such a good presenter. From the BBC Studio I drove up to Essex to spend a couple of days with Amanda and James in lush tropical Basildon. It was great to see my lovely son and he got such a glowing school report for his end of term - so, so proud of my little man. He has really pulled himself up by the bootlaces this year and shown everyone what he is capable of - we always knew he was a smart little cookie. Now the school can show the evidence as well. Nice one, Monkey!

Saturday it was time to drive back down to Hever Castle for another show with the Knights of Royal England. This time for a change I was to be Master of Ceremonies for the shows on both days. This was a daunting thought and was even more worrying when I sat and read the script that Jeremy had sent me from the jousting team. However, I have seen the show on so many occasions when compered by the brilliant Roland Bearne, so I simply went along with his style and chucked in a few jokes of my own. I was accompanied again by the delightful Michelle Coda as my Anne Boleyn. Both the Saturday and Sunday were a triumph for me - great shows, good turn outs and warm on Saturday and boiling on the Sunday. It was also nice to see my dear old friends Viv and John Rich at Hever on the Sunday! I drove back to Somerset on the Sunday evening a very tired, but happy King. I didn't even worry about the Doctor's appointment I had this morning about my gall bladder. But even that went OK - I am back next week for some blood tests. Probably to ascertain that I am actually a homo sapien and not some neanderthal left over, but I shall keep you posted. Hever again next weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday this time. Come and say hello!

Oh, by the way, the smashing picture above, taken at the jousting at Leeds Castle earlier this year is now on Flickr and is by Blindluckphotos who are brilliant! Check out their piccies!

Happy Hever After!

(left) Good King Hal and Anne Boleyn, having a searingly tender moment at Hever Castle whilst standing next to Wee Jimmie Kranky. In a tabard.

This has been a very hectic couple of weeks. We begin last Saturday when I did a "Walky Talky" visit to Barrington Court. It was a lovely day - bright and sunny, and not too hot. I spent an hour or so wandering round the delightful gardens of this lovely house, and then did another performance of my one man show "Henry's Horrid History" just as I had done at the Somerton Festival the previous evening. It was another great show - lots of laughs from a packed audience and a long ringing round of applause at the end. Lovely! From Barrington I headed straight up the M5, then over the Severn Bridge and into wild Welsh Wales and to my parent's house in Newcastle Emlyn. It was a big family get-together of both my sisters and their "other half's" (namely Ian and Julian) for my eldest sister, Susan's birthday on July 13th.

It was so nice being together as a family again and we spent the week having laughs, and probably eating and drinking a bit too much. We had a fabulous meal on the Tuesday at the Daffodil Inn at Penriwllan where my old friend Carole Davey (now Carole Evans!) from Skandia now works - though not for much longer as she is leaving as of this weekend (Stay in touch, Carole!). Before too long it was the last night, and we had a final blow out meal cooked by my sister, Cathy - fish pie for the majority of people there, but for me (who doesn't really like fish) a quite stunning home made burrito. Delicious!

On the Thursday I drove back to Essex to spend a couple of days with my precious lovely son, James. It was lovely to see him and he is growing so fast. On the Friday I was back to being Henry again at a new school for me. Arthur Bugler Junior School has a wonderful name and is based in Stanford-le-Hope near Basildon. It is a delightful school with some brilliant kids there, great fun and lots of laughs. The teachers were a delight as well and made me most welcome. The morning session was a cracker - it just seemed to whizz past at a staggering rate of knots. After lunch it was back in the hall and the noise just got louder and louder, until we reached an absolute crescendo with a brilliant jousting tournament. This culminated in a win for the Gentlemen in a very closely fought finale. This makes, what I think will be the final score for this year as:

GENTLEMEN 26 - 31 LADIES

Well done, Ladies. A very commendable win for the second year running.

Saturday morning I was down to Hever Castle near Edenbridge in Kent for a jousting tournament with Jeremy Richardson's Knights of Royal England team that I had worked with before at Leeds Castle. I had had one bit of trouble at the beginning as the original lady who was to work with me at Hever as Anne Boleyn sadly couldn't make it, so I ended up phoning round loads of friends trying to see if anyone was free at very short notice to don a Tudor dress and be my wife for the weekend! Unsurprisingly there were very few takers! However, I phoned my dear old friend Michelle Coda to see if she knew anyone, but she didn't, but eventually after some cajoling from me she agreed to come down to Hever and be Anne for me! And she looked brilliant as you can see from the picture above. It was good to see the Jousters again and everyone at Hever made us very welcome. On the first day there was no Roland as master of ceremonies, but Jeremy had brought along a new man for his first appearance. He did very well for a first show, but struggled to remember all the characters names, bless him. The weather was a bit rotten when we first arrived, but cheered up a little in the afternoon. We only had a small crowd for the show with people obviously put off by the bad weather. However, if we thought that the weather was a bit pants on the Saturday it was nothing compared to Sunday. It was like a monsoon and Michelle and I got absolutely soaked during the afternoon show. Michelle's seriously cute daughter Vicky came along on both days and played our "lady in waiting" dressed in a tabard! It was a great couple of days and I am delighted to say Michelle and I will be back at Hever Castle again next weekend for two days more of jousting. I have promised Michelle the weather will be better, and she has my full permission to beat me senseless with a stale French baguette if it isn't. I'd better keep an eye on the long range weather forecast, and ensure all French baguettes near Hever Castle are fresh.

Somerton Summer Arts Festival 2011

Good King Hal warming up his vocal chords with a few drinky-poos before his latest show. How to make a Good King Hal cocktail: Take one pint of Adnams Broadside, drink it, repeat until floor leaps up and hits you on the head.

For the past few years, quite often when I have happened to drive through the pretty town of Somerton I have noticed signs up declaring that their "Summer Arts Festival" was either, "coming soon" or "was a great success". I have always fancied the idea of appearing at various festivals during the summer, so last autumn I contacted the organisers and offered my services as Henry. They got back in contact and after some discussions it was decided I would do my one man show of "Henry's Horrid History" as part of the Summer Festival 2011. Last night was THE night! The show started at 7.30pm but it was requested that I be at the venue (The Parish Hall) by 6pm. I arrived on time and was even lucky enough to find a parking space right by the front door. The Parish Hall is a nice venue and, at a push, you could probably squeeze about 100 people in, but that would make for a very intimate atmosphere to say the least. For my show they were limiting the amount of seating to 60 people. As it was over 70 tickets were sold and more seating was needed.

The show itself was a great success, the audience laughed and enjoyed all the necessary silly bits, and also enjoyed the slightly more serious historical bits. At the end of the show I got a large and generous round of applause, and then I waited by the front door and thanked everyone who had attended as they left. I also posed for a few photos. I was thanked by all the hard working staff of the festival committee, was given a cheque for my performance and was then on my way home. I stopped for fish and chips en route, which were very welcome as I had not eaten since lunchtime and it was now nearly 9.30pm. So the Somerton Summer Arts Festival was a big success for me, and this was just the opening night. The festival continues for another couple of weeks with lots of diverse and different acts and events to tickle your fancy. Have a look at their website on line and if you're in the area go and see something mind blowing. Including one tribute band called "Two Beatles". Yep, you got it. Two blokes who couldn't find two other blokes, decided that backing discs and a big dollop of imagination would be enough to get them through a Beatles tribute concert without anyone asking too many searching questions about their lack of personnel. Of course if they were going to be totally honest they should impersonate the two remaining Beatles - Paul and Ringo. But an evening of just drumming and bass playing to the tunes of "Octopus's Garden" and "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da" would be enough to make any true music lover want to chew their own foot off.

Henry's Horrid History is on again today at Barrington Court near Ilminster. Come and say hello!

Green Rock Junior, Walsall

King Henry VIII and Queen Elizabeth I. Typical. You wait for one famous historical monarch for days on end, then two turn up at once. Tut.

Early nights. I don't like them. Not on my own, anyway... But then I don't always go to bed alone, no some nights I have Judie Tzuke with me, or Kate Bush. Last night I had all of Jools Holland's Rhythm and Blues Orchestra with me, which would have been a little crowded if they hadn't been on my Walkman. Just don't tell the News of the World or they'll do a shock expose about the King's nocturnal habits. Well, they would do if Rupert "Cover My Back!" Murdoch hadn't sacrificed an entire newspaper to keep Rebekah Brooks in a position so that she shields him and his repulsive son (for now) from being forced to fall on their own swords. But we can live in hope...

Anyway "why the early night?" I hear you ask. It was for an early start to get up to Walsall in the midlands for a first ever visit to Green Rock Junior. I set my alarm for 4am and then did my usual trick of putting my alarm clock the other side of the room so that when it did go off, I had to get up to turn it off. Well I would have done if I had ever actually managed to get to sleep in the first place. My brain decided it was time to start questioning why I was going to sleep so early, what would happen if I slept through the alarm and such things, until my mind was a whirling maelstrom of thoughts, ideas and panics. I lay in the dark urging myself to fall asleep, but to no avail. I even tried the coma chair, but for once it failed me. I probably managed a total of about an hours sleep, but by 2.30am I was furious and ready to give up. So I had a shower and a shave and got dressed. By 3am I was ready, and so thought what the hell, let's go. It was a wonderfully easy drive at that time of the morning and I was soon in Walsall. I won't lie. It isn't the prettiest town on Earth. In fact it probably wouldn't be the prettiest town on Mars either. By 5.30am I had found the school, so I settled myself down in the car, set my alarm for 7.30am and finally, thankfully fell asleep.

The school was a delight - it appeared huge but apparently only had a roll of about 250 children. I was very warmly welcomed by the lovely teachers. It was great - the children were hilarious, very fizzy and full of energy, plus they all absolutely adored the Tudor period. We had lots of fun and laughter with everyone joining in. Lunch was delicious - cottage pie, one of my all time favourites! The afternoon session was incredibly loud and the jousting was a pulsating tournament that culminated with ANOTHER win for the gents! Two on the trot now - but have they left it too late. Our score is now:

GENTLEMEN 25 - 31 LADIES

I am next appearing tonight (Friday) at the Somerton Summer Arts Festival at the Parish Hall doing my Henry's Horrid History Show. Come along if you're in the area. On Saturday I am back at Barrington Court for a walkabout and another performance of Henry's Horrid History at my favourite National Trust property! Next school visit is next Friday at Arthur Bugler School in Southend in Essex.

Edinburgh 1987 and a Lovely Wedding...

Good King Hal, suddenly remembering he left the spare key for the castle at the BACK door, and not under the portcullis. What a twit.

Let me take you back, if I may, to August 1987. I am 20 years old and have just written and produced a show which is going to open at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe on the 16th August. It was a tremendously exciting time in my life, when everything seemed possible and my dreams, such as they were, were not sullied by the disappointments of age or clouded by experience of rejection. I wrote the show with my friend Steve Newman and we were quite genuinely convinced we were going to go to Edinburgh, make vast sums of money, become famous, get given our own BBC TV comedy series and then probably end up on "Whoops Vicar, My Kilts Exploded" or some such other daytime "entertainment" show. Looking back now, nearly 24 years since that time I can't believe we were so naive. Our show called, brilliantly originally "The Revue" quite naturally bombed. When you go to do the Fringe you need something to grab people's attention, whether it be something they already know, or something to intrigue them. Having a show simply called "The Revue" is not going to be noticed by anyone. When you do the Festival Fringe, unless you are someone staggeringly famous already, you share your venue with countless other shows, and we were no exception. On before us each night was a show called "The Ballad of Halo Jones" based on the 2000AD comic strip of the same name. Each and every night they were packed out, purely because people knew the name. We went to see the show one evening. It was total crap. BUT, and let's face it folks, it's a BIG BUT, the show may have been total crap, but they had bums on seats and were making money. We'd come on at 10pm to do our show and there's three drunk students, two deaf old ladies and a small Cairn Terrier called Ernie. If we were lucky. And they never charged for the dog. But I had a thoroughly enjoyable time, possibly the best two weeks of my entire life. I was 20 and I was doing comedy, in Edinburgh, with some very groovy people and I was drinking too much, sitting up all night and it felt really bloody good! And the main reason for all these reminiscences flooding back now, is that from dear old Ebay the other day, I managed to purchase for the princely sum of 99p an original copy of the "Edinburgh Fringe Festival Programme 1987". It was fun flicking through it seeing all the names that at the time were struggling but are now TV stars. I had great difficulty in finding our show, but then, under the banner of the Theatre we were working in (Theatreworks, based at St Paul's & St George's Church Hall in York Place) was our listing. Now, when you place your advert in the programme you have only I think a maximum of 15 words for your placement, so it has to reach out, smash potential ticket purchasers between the eyes and drag them bleeding into the hall by their thousands. So what did Steve and I come up with? I had long forgotten, but there in slightly faded black and white in the Fringe Programme the stark reality of our folly glared out at me. It read: "Busty Norseman, Stig Volvo, has totally surrounded Edinburgh. Seeks medical advice." And we wondered why no one was coming to see us? I'd love to have another bash at Edinburgh, take my Henry's Horrid History Show up there sometime. Who knows, maybe next year...

Back to now, I was asked some time ago by a lovely couple called Corinne and David to be master of ceremonies at their wedding reception at Dillington House near Ilminster. I was delighted to oblige and last Saturday the day came. The weather could honestly not have been better, bright and sunny, but not too hot with a slight breeze to help Corinne looked stunning in her dress and David and all his ushers and male family members looked very dashing dressed in fine kilts and waistcoats. It was a magical day with a super mixture of the two families, one from Somerset and the other from Ballymena in Northern Ireland. I was on duty so to speak from about 12 noon to 7pm, and can honestly say it was one of the nicest weddings I have been to anyway, and was fun to work at!

Next Henry appearance is on Thursday this week at Green Rock School in Walsall, followed by my appearance at the Somerton Summer Arts Festival on the Friday evening. I am then at Barrington Court on Saturday for another outing of the Henry's Horrid History Show.

Wolsingham? Canny!

Good King Hal (right), checking the number of fingers on Ms Boleyn's left hand, just to make sure it is really her.

It would seem that the repercussions of my visit to James' school for his "Bring Dad to School Day" were still being felt. One of the other Dad's there on the day was the former Catholic Priest who worked at the school. By all accounts during his time working there he was quite strict and pious towards most of the families. But, Lo! It came to pass that this priest didst gaze upon one of the single mothers attending the school and thought "Phew, what a scorcher!", tore off his dog collar and moved in with her. He is now a good little secular step father. He came to the "Bring Dad to School Day" and during the bit where we all had to stand up and tell the others what we did for a living, he announced how he used to be the Priest for the Catholic school but was now training to become an Anglican Vicar. Putting on my best stentorian and outraged Catholic voice, I shouted "GET OUT!" and pointed at the door, which brought loud guffaws from everyone else in the room. He looked daggers at me and has now probably booked me a nice little spot in Hell for judgement day. Still, I am sure it was worth it for all the laughs I got from the other fathers.

And so it was time to be Henry VIII again. On the Sunday morning I left for the long drive up to County Durham and my appointment at Wolsingham Primary school near Bishop Auckland. I was heading for Sedgefield as I was booked into another "luxurious" Travelodge - but this time for the bargain basement price of £15 for the night. Last of the big spenders, that's me. The journey up from Essex to County Durham was relatively easy, but very warm on one of the hottest days of the year. I reckon the highlight of the long drive was being overtaken by a gleaming De Lorean sports car looking as though it had just come off the set of "Back to the Future". I stopped off for some petrol and food for the evening when I found the Travelodge. I knew I was in County Durham for sure as on my arrival in the shop, the man behind the counter hailed me with a "Afternoon, wee man." And when I mentioned how hot it was he described the weather as "right canny". He could of course have been a stereotype placed there by the County Durham tourist board, but he wasn't just wearing a t-shirt and didn't refer to me as a "shandy drinking cockney man woman man". Or something. The hotel room was stiflingly hot and had windows that you could only open to a very small degree for "health and safety" reasons. So they save you from plummeting to your death, they just let you cook slowly instead. So I set myself on at gas mark 4 and went to bed.

I had a half hour drive over to Wolsingham, where the school was, the next morning. It was a pretty little town/large village, and the school was tucked right away down a tiny back road. It was a very small group today - about 31 children and they were possibly the quietest group I have ever encountered. I was a little worried about them at some points during the day, but they kept reassuring me that they were enjoying themselves. After a delicious roast dinner lunch the day finally got some noise with the stocks and then a rip roaring jousting tournament. Amazingly enough and for the first time in what seemed like ages, the Gents won! But only just. This makes the score now:

GENTLEMEN 24 - 31 LADIES

The journey home to Somerset from County Durham was going to be a long one. I left the car park at the school at approximately 3.15pm. I arrived outside my flat in Crewkerne 350 miles later at nearly 9pm. About the only thing that kept me going was listening to the frequent traffic reports of the 20 miles of virtually stationary traffic crawling away from Glastonbury after the festival ended. As I neared the end of my journey home down the A34 and A303 I saw many a "crusty bus" clanking along looking all funky and crap heading east back towards London and the home counties. When I stopped for petrol at the end of the A34 there was a young lad in the queue in front of me at the pay desk obviously on his way home from a long hard festival. His trousers were those trendy sort that look like they are riding at half mast, giving the poor unfortunate git behind him (i.e. Me) a fine and totally unwanted view of his grundies. He had purchased £10 worth of petrol, a bottle of mineral water, a can of Red Bull and some mints. His card was now being frequently and loudly declined by the machine by the check out. He eventually wandered off muttering like Kevin the Teenager about life's unfairness. As I got to my car he was leaning into the car n the bay next to mine trying to rouse two comatose travelling companions with oft intoned whiny nasal implications as to if any of them had any "wonga". Ah, the joys of youth.

Home for now, with my next Henry appearance this Saturday when I am working at Dillington House near Ilminster at a wedding, which should be great fun.

Thundersley Junior

The good citizens of Thundersley were delighted to see Good King Hal back for a fourth year in a row.

I had initially come back to Essex (again) for a visit to my son's school in Basildon. He attends St Ann Line Roman Catholic School and they were hosting a "Bring Your Dad to School Day". Therefore I found myself in a school and for once, not dressed as Henry VIII. The father's were corralled in the main hall at first before being met by our children who then took us to their class room. After the children had done register we then had in turn to stand up and introduce who we were, what we did, what we liked and which football team we liked best. After that we took part in a treasure hunt around the school grounds which, amazingly, James and I won! James was so excited, but slightly less so when he discovered the prize was to take Dad over to their allotment and dig up some potatoes. As we walked back with the spuds he kept muttering loudly "I was expecting gold coins, not stupid potatoes..." which could be the sub-title for the next "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie.

Speaking of Caribbean I saw a brilliant sign in a pub in Somerset last week. I was at the Dinnington Docks Pub near Ilminster and they have a very big selection of food on blackboards for your perusal. This includes a "Curry Night Special" board which had amongst it's choices that of a "Trinidadian Curry" which promised a "flavour of the Mediterranean". Close, but no cigar.

On the Thursday of this week I took a break from frequent thrashings at Mario Kart by my son to visit Thundersley School in Southend. This was my fourth, or even possibly fifth visit to this lovely school. It was a biggish group of about 60 children, all turned out in fantastic Tudor costumes. About 90% of the kids were very well behaved, almost too quiet, but there was a small minority hell bent on being over involved and mouthy. This was one of my first experiences of, once having moved a child, having to then move them again, and then AGAIN as they continued to have an attitude. What a shame! The rest of the day was fine though and again an enjoyable experience. After lunch the hall was soon booming to the noise of another great jousting tournament. It was a close run thing but culminated in yet ANOTHER win for the ladies. There is just no stopping them at the moment. Our score for the year as we get close to the end is:

GENTLEMEN 23 - 31 LADIES

I think they are out of sight now, I really can't see the gents coming back from this far behind with such short time left.

I now have a couple of days with my son in Essex then on Sunday I am off for the long drive north for a show on Monday near Bishop Auckland. Now THAT is north.

Kingsclere

Good King Hal playing "Where's That Anti-Personnel Mine?" in the great hall at Barrington Court in front of a group of stunned children. And on that BOMBSHELL...

My previous visit to Kingsclere in Berkshire had been three years ago and I had forgotten nearly everything to do with this school. I even read up my blog entry about it from 2008, but it still didn't really stir up the brain cells. I am really getting old now...

The evening before had been very pleasant as I had dinner with my old friends Malcolm and Linda Taylor from The Hoop Cricket Club in Essex. They were on their way down to Port Isaac in Cornwall for their holiday and decided to stay in Somerset on the way down, and stayed at the Manor B&B in Wayford where lots of my friends used to stay when I was living in Clapton. I picked up Malcolm and Linda and drove them over to the Dinnington Docks near Ilminster where we had a lovely meal and lots of laughs about the old days. A very agreeable amble down Amnesia Alley. I must do it more often.

Up, bright and early on the Friday morning and up along the A303 and cutting across country to Kingsclere. This is a lovely village/town just to the north of Basingstoke. I was warmly greeted by Sally James, the teacher who booked me. Before you ask, no, she wasn't some pensionable brunette with a nice pair of legs who had appeared many centuries before on Tiswas with Chris Tarrant. This particular Ms James was blond, young and very friendly, but I am sure she has nice legs. We had a fabulous morning with some of the nicest kids you could want to meet. Lots of fun and laughter, and everyone getting all the gags and jokes. Lunch was absolutely lovely - a cheese and onion quiche with salad and chips, yum! The morning had been almost completely perfect aside from when I had done the Henry meeting King Francis I at the Field of the Cloth of Gold wrestling bit. The young lad I had picked got a bit over excited and basically attacked me during the wrestling joke - punching and elbowing me ferociously. Thank Christ he was only 9 years old. If I had been in a secondary school I'd either be in hospital or a coma by now! The young lad in question was given the dressing down to end all dressing downs by Sally and her fellow teachers later...

The afternoon was fantastic - very very funny and loud, loads of laughs and fun all round. The jousting tournament was a belter where a very competent ladies team came through for a well deserved victory. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 23 - 30 LADIES

I think that is it for this year. I don't think there are enough gigs left before the summer break for the gents to catch up. So another triumph in the year for the ladies. Well done!

Sunday, tomorrow, I am at Barrington Court for another walkabout. Straight after that I am driving up to Essex. On the Tuesday I am being "me" at St Anne Line RC School in Basildon (the school my son James attends) as it is a "Bring Dad to School Day". Should be fun. Then on Thursday I am back at Thundersley School near Southend for a much looked forward to return visit.

David Tennant, Catherin Tate, Hats, Am Dram, Walkabout and Paulton... and relax.

Good King Hal takes a straight right jab from Jane Seymour on the lawn in front of Leeds Castle. Either that, or he's blowing a raspberry on the back of her hand.

So, I went back to Somerset to pick up the tickets for "Much Ado About Nothing" at the Wyndhams Theatre, starring David Tennant and Catherine Tate. Me forgetting them in the first place was more of a case of "Much Rushing About The Country For Nothing". Anyway, my sister Cathy and myself went up to London on the 7th June to see the play. We were driven up by Cathy's husband, Julian. Now if you have never experienced a car journey with Julian Martin, then you are in for quite a shock. You know those old film clips of astronauts going through rigorous training before blasting off into space, where they get put in the centrifugal accelerator thingy and are then whizzed round at high speed, and we are treated to close ups of their faces contorting with the g-force they're experiencing. Well you can recreate that look and feeling simply by sitting in Julian's Volvo and going on a journey with him. We blasted off from Kent and seemed to arrive at Aldgate East tube station mere nano-seconds later, mind you I did have my eyes closed. The play itself was wonderful - David Tennant has a real presence on stage and is one of those actors that you simply can't take your eyes off him for every scene he is in. Catherine Tate was equally good and not too over the top, as I thought she might be. And she was looking mighty slinky too!

It was back to Somerset on the Wednesday and then in the evening down to Bridport to meet up with Jill Beed who has invited me to take part in the 2nd Annual Bridport Hat Festival in September. I sat in on their planning meeting and it looks like I could be taking part in the opening ceremony on the Friday evening with legendary Country and Western loony Hank Wangford (careful how you say that). Friday evening I was at Barrington Court to see the Barrington Players perform a couple of one act plays. As usual with this am dram group the quality of the performances were 99% excellent. The 1% other was a member of the cast I have seen before, who once again shouted most of the lines he could remember and spent most of the rest of the time looking round for the prompt, but the audience loved it, and it was fun and diverting for the evening.

I was back at Barrington Court the next day for a Henry VIII walkabout in the gardens. It was a relatively quiet, but fun to be back walking around these beautiful gardens. There seemed to be a lot of New Zealanders about this day - strange how you get little pockets of nationalities like this.

On the Monday it was a return visit to Paulton Junior near Bristol. I LOVE this school. It has always been such fun to go there. The kids are fun, bright and really get the whole concept of the show. The teachers are all uniformly lovely, charming, friendly and can't do enough for you. It was as ever at this finest of schools fun, loud, and full of laughter. The afternoon in particular was so raucous and full of laughter as to be one of the loudest ever. In a rip roaring finale the ladies once again triumphed in the jousting which brings the score now to:

GENTLEMEN 23 - 29 LADIES

Only a few shows left now - can the gents close the gap any more? Or are they doomed? Stay tuned.

My Monday wasn't over even then, as I had to drive to Essex that evening for a family funeral. Thankfully all went well and so back to, relative normality. My next two Henry appearances are this Friday with a return visit to Kingsclere School in Berkshire, then on Sunday another walkabout at Barrington Court near Ilminster. Come along and say hello!

Royal Jousting Tournament 2011 - some more pics!

A load more pics from the recent Royal Jousting Tournament at Leeds Castle. Please note the driving rain in the last photo to prove how much the King sometimes has to suffer for his people...

Leeds Castle Royal Jousting Tournament 2011

Sir Jasper du Barry, Lord High Badger Pursuivant to his Majesty, reveals his dirty big pokey thing to an astonished audience at Leeds Castle.

It was to be a busy week once more as the Jousting roadshow rolled into Leeds Castle again. It hardly seemed like a year since the previous one, and of course thinking back now it wasn't! I had been there for the September joust when I had spent the week dressed up as Friar Tuck - the deep fat friar. But here I was back as Henry VIII, on familiar turf.

I had driven up on Saturday 28th May to visit Amanda and James in Essex first, then there would be six days in Kent performing at the show and finally a day off and then a trip up to London with my sister Cathy to see David Tennant and Catherine Tate in "Much Ado About Nothing" at the Wyndhams Theatre in London. Well, that was the original idea. I managed to scupper that at the first hurdle by driving all the way to Essex before realising I had left the tickets for the show on my desk at home. Arse. Anyway, I had some great fun in Essex being thrashed repeatedly by my son at Mario Kart on the Wii console - he really has got to a point now where I can't beat him!

I drove down to Kent on the 30th May to see Cathy and Julian, and their two very bouncy and excitable dogs, Charlie and Oona. Going to Leeds Castle on the first day was nice - it's such a fabulous place to drive into when you're working there. You have to keep reminding yourself that, yes, this really is the place where you're working! The weather was looking a bit iffy on the first morning with threatening clouds and the possibility of rain ever present. I was not alone today though! Two lovely ladies, Zarrina and Diane, had contacted me via Facebook and my website and announced they would love to come along to one of my shows and be my Queens for the day. They had spent four months making their costumes and were very keen to show them off. I had cleared their appearance with Darlene and Becky in the Events Office at the Castle and they were there waiting for me at reception as I arrived on the first morning. Zarrina had brought along her husband and son as well to join in the fun. We went across to our dressing rooms and got ready - the ladies finally appearing in their stunning gowns - Zarrina as Anne Boleyn and Diane as Jane Seymour. Wonderful! They looked spectacular and as soon as we were down on site at the jousting arena we were mobbed by people with cameras. The plan was for Zarrina to be my queen in the Royal Box for the first show and Diane to take over for the second. Sadly, for the first show, just as we began our procession into the arena, the heavens opened, but luckily it was just a passing shower.

It was good to be working with the jousters again, Jeremy, Roland, Sam, Kim et al. As ever they made me very welcome and kept the laughs and fun flowing all week. The two ladies with me on the first day were obviously a big hit as after they departed, for the rest of the week I was repeatedly asked where they were! Shame they could only make the first day, but there is more work in the offing and I should be seeing them both again very soon.

On the Thursday we were asked to come in early so that Daybreak TV could come along and cover the show. So at 5.30am I arrived at Leeds Castle, the earliest I have ever seen the place aside from occasional early morning visits to the toilet when I was snowed in last December. We were to go "live" on several occasions as we were blessed with the presence of Daybreak's weather girl. During her second broadcast to the nation, the Knights had set up a mock joust to be going on behind her - in the middle of this was to be a fall by one of the Knights (Ashley), something they do in the shows every single day. As he fell, the weather girl screamed in alarm and Ashley did a fine impression of lying twitching on the grass. Apparently the fine intelligent viewers of Daybreak could not tell that this was a stunt fall and swamped the telephone lines at the TV Station asking if the nice Knight was alright. Despite propping him up in front of the cameras to prove he was OK, this was not enough, and so Ashley and, head honcho, Jeremy were summoned to their studio's the following day for a live interview on the sofa. This led to much mockery of Ashley who from there on was often referred to by Roland our master of ceremonies as the "Lorraine Kelly of the Tilt Yard". I did a couple of pieces to camera with the weather girl and then it was over, and still two hours before our shows started. So I hied myself back to my dressing room and had a crafty kip on my bed. The reaction to my appearance seemed quite good, aside from my Father who deemed that Daybreak was a "f*****g awful show for morons", which was harsh, but probably reasonably accurate.

It was hot for the rest of the week and I currently sport a very fetching sunburned nose. Amanda and James came down for a visit on the Saturday, bringing with them Amanda's friend Emma and her daughter Ella who goes to school with James. They enjoyed the show and James and Ella had great fun meeting the Knights and their horses afterwards. As ever, everyone at Leeds Castle was warm, welcoming and helpful. The weather held out until the final day where on Sunday it poured with rain. On the final day Roland, the master of ceremonies for the show, asked me if I would be MC for his forthcoming wedding in October to his lovely fiance Sally. I was very touched to be asked to do this and accepted happily. There is also the possibility of working with Diane and Zarrina again with the jousters at some shows in July at Hever Castle - watch this space for more!

My drive home on the Sunday was awful as the dear old M25 was shut in both directions and so I ended up taking a huge detour across country via Pease Pottage, Horsham and the delights of Guildford before finally finding my way back onto the M3. And all of this because I forgot the fecking tickets for David Tennant and Catherine Tate. So it is back on the road again tomorrow back up to Kent to Cathy and Julian and then a trip to the Theatre. I'd best not forget the tickets again.

Henry VII, Elizabeth of York, Haylands Primary and 500th post.

Good King Hal (ginger lummox on the right), about to roast his chestnuts on an open fire. He was taken, screaming to a burns unit where Catherine of Aragon described his condition as "satisfactory". And now here's Daniel Corbett with ye weather - Daniel?

I have had a really lovely few days, I have to admit. My parents came down from Wales last Thursday and I have been unable to get rid of them since. All joking aside it has been lovely to see them. We've had some lovely days out, beginning with a trip for my mother to Ilminster to buy nearly all world stocks of shoes from Dyers the Department Store. I took them for lunch at the Halfway Inn at Pitney (definitely worth a visit folks) and then a leg stretching walk around the grounds of Barrington Court. We've also been down to Portland, stayed with friends in Weymouth, had lunch with relatives at Portesham, been down to Manaton to see more relatives and drank probably a bit too much red wine, but who cares?

To finally get a break from all this carousing I had to get up at the crack of dawn yesterday for a return visit to Haylands Primary School in Ryde on the Isle of Wight. I was booked on the 6.45am ferry from Lymington and for once, I arrived in time to collect my tickets and then catch the correct ferry without any need to panic, swear or drive like Nigel Mansell on amphetamines. I got to the school at about 7.45am which was about perfect. It was a lovely day for driving so early as well - bright and sunny and with this rather attractive halo effect around the early morning sun as it rose over the horizon. Not sure what that was all about, but if it was the Rapture we were promised at the weekend then the mad Bible chomping loony from the States got it all wrong. Probably more likely to do with another Icelandic volcano going a bit tonto. Haylands is a lovely school with some of the funniest and friendliest teachers you could ever wish to meet. Great fun seemed to be had by all for the majority of the day and the children joined in to a large degree which made it much easier for me. Sometimes with a Year 3 group, which is what this lot were, you can struggle, but they got it - and more - and reacted brilliantly. Lunch was a treat - very nice roast gammon, and then it was back to Tudor nonsense for a very silly afternoon. Jousting was a bit of a riot as some of the children seemed to be making up their own rules as they went along, but heck, I reckon that is called thinking outside the box. Or cheating. Never quite sure. It culminated in a fine win for a very talented ladies team. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 23 - 28 LADIES

Not sure if the Gents are going to get a chance to catch them now. Mind you, Ryan Giggs never thought he'd get caught either, but there you are.

Today my parents (Henry VIIth and Elizabeth of York) are off down to Devon again to visit some old friends of theirs. I am taking the opportunity of getting back into my own personal routine, and am heading over to Chard to see some friends. We have our final day together tomorrow before their Royal Visit comes to an end on Friday and they return to Wales. It has been so nice to see them both.

Next Henry outing is from the 31st May to 5th June at the Jousting Tournament at Leeds Castle in Kent. Come and say hello if you're there!

Birchfield Primary, Yeovil

Good King Hal, looking camper than a row of pink tents, whilst lurking in the kitchens at Barrington Court. The Pot Noodle was ruined.

The drive across to Birchfield was nice and easy this morning. As I pulled into the car park of this lovely school in Yeovil I nearly ran into a recycling lorry that was busy...er... recycling things. That had just finished when I stepped from the car and was promptly nearly run over by two of the teachers arriving in a mud spattered VW Polo. Birchfield is a lovely school, always a pleasure to return to - friendly teachers, lovely kids and a nice atmosphere about the place. And it's local to me, which is definitely a plus point.

It was a largish group today, just under 100 children and the vast majority had dressed up. During the early part of the show I talk about some of the problems Henry suffered with Catherine of Aragon as they tried for children - about how the first child she gave birth to was a boy - I always then ask the group what they called the first child. Now this is a great test of Tudor knowledge as most people will guess at Edward, but of course the first, short-lived child was called Henry. Anyway, I asked the question and sure enough the first child I came to guessed "Edward", I informed them they were wrong. The second child guessed "Prince Edward" - nope still wrong. Amazingly about the next 6 kids I went to kept guessing different variations on the names Edward, Eddie, Prince Edward and even King Edward. You had to admire their tenacity.

Lunch was very nice and was spent in the company of the teachers and staff of this lovely school - but they were in and out like fiddlers elbows as they were being officially photographed this day. This caused a fair amount of moaning and distress for some of them. But I reckon they all looked fine! The afternoon went by at a fair old lick and the jousting was unbelievably loud and boisterous. It culminated in a fairly comfortable victory for the gentlemen - it wasn't even really close to be honest. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 23 - 27 LADIES

I finished to great acclaim and reloaded all the props back into the car. I had decided I needed to pop into central Yeovil to go to the bank. As I drove away from the school with streets still busy with children, I did what I always did which was to drive very slowly and carefully. Thankfully I did as coming along one small road a rather moth-eaten looking cat just suddenly wandered out of a garden and in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes and thankfully managed to avoid the suicidal moggy, but it certainly had it's nine lives quota reduced by one. I fought my way across town and got to the car park near the banks. It was closed and was being resurfaced by a bunch of arse scratching neanderthals in day glo overalls. I better head for home then.

Oh, and as I haven't mentioned it before... MANCHESTER CITY WON THE FA CUP ON SATURDAY! YES!!!!!! There, I feel better now... Got my folks coming to stay for a few days, with my next Henry show being a return visit to Haylands School in Ryde on the Isle of Wight.

Broadclyst Evening

Good King Hal (left) showing amazement at the accuracy of Scotland Yard's latest e-fit of a suspect wanted for questioning in connection with the dismantling of the entire Church system in Britain.

The day I had done down at Broadclyst School back in February had apparently been a bit of a success. And a success to the extent that the lovely lady who organised the school day, Calli Walkerdine, decided she wanted me to come back and do an evening show for the parents! Well, who was I to argue?

From my place it takes about an hour to drive down to Broadclyst, just outside Exeter. It is a pleasant drive as well, mostly through beautiful countryside on the Somerset/Devon border. I was warmly greeted at the hall by Calli and introduced to various other members of staff and other halves from the school. I set up my props on a table and about 80+ seats were set out. I wandered off to get changed as I was due to start the show at 7.15pm. By half past seven people were STILL arriving and more and more chairs were having to be set up to accommodate them all. How nice! Well the evening went fantastically! Such a great group of people - they loved the show, lapped up the silly jokes and asides and really joined in brilliantly. Wonderful. I did my usual "Henry's Horrid History" talk but threw in loads of asides and some improvisation as well, and had them rocking in the aisles, which was very gratifying. We finished the evening with a very silly jousting tournament - one adult male, one adult female and two children, one boy and one girl, per team. The chairs were pushed back and the event took place. Great fun, particularly as the head teacher from the school was on one team, first endearing himself to the audience by going base over apex during one part of his run, and then cheating on the second half and getting his entire team disqualified! Loads of laughs during this point as well.

The evening finished with deafening applause and Calli insisting she pay me more than we had originally agreed as I had "been so excellent". How can you argue with someone like that? The drive back was very nice along quiet country roads. But it is always strange to finish a show, with a big audience and feeling the love and warmth of that audience, but then come back to a cold and empty flat. That is something I shall never get the hang of... :-(

FA Cup Final this weekend, so COME ON MANCHESTER CITY! We need to win our first silverware since 1976! Fingers, eyes and legs crossed. Next Henry show is on Wednesday at Birchfield Junior back in dear old Yeovil.

Who's sexy? OH! Hugh Sexey!

A wonderful glimpse of the World's first "Club 18-30" holiday. Henry and the lads hit the "Field of the Cloth of Gold" in France. It would end in tears - TEARS I TELLS YA!

I love visiting this school near Wedmore in Somerset, mainly because of the name of it. It is a comedian's dream to have a school called "Hugh Sexey Middle School". I actually told some of the teachers that if they have a night out on the tiles they should have t-shirts made up with the words "Who's Sexy? Hugh Sexey, That's Who's Sexey!" This is almost tantamount to calling a school the "Hugh Jampton Junior" for all the Finbarr Saunders reaction you get from most people.

Another good reason for coming to this school is the welcome you get from absolutely everyone. From the caretaker and his welcoming cup of tea, through all the lovely teachers (and let me tell you folks, some of them are VERY lovely!) and down to the kids themselves, everyone seems genuinely pleased to see you and makes you very welcome. All of the children had dressed up in great costumes, ranging from Royalty right through to peasants. One little girl had even dressed up as Anne Boleyn AFTER her head had been chopped off. Her costume had the collar up over her head and she carried a pretend severed head under her arm. Fabulous. Such imagination from the parents and the children, it really makes the job more fun. It was a big group for the day - about 170 children in total, but they were very easy to get along with and seemed to love the show. The morning whipped through at what seemed an incredible speed. Lunch was a very nice plate of fish and chips, eaten with much laughter and banter with all the lovely lady teachers - something I could get used to!

I was on strict instructions to be finished by 3pm if possible as they were setting up for SATs exams as soon as I was done. So the afternoon went like the clappers, with loads of hysterical laughter and silliness and a really exciting jousting tournament which finally led to a gents victory. Our score now comes to:

GENTLEMEN 22 - 27 LADIES

Great stuff. I was a very good King as well, and finished smack on 3pm, with huge cheers from the children ringing round the hall. What a lovely day! What a lovely school! What a great looking group of teachers! (Ooh! Naughty King!). I have a couple of days off, but will be then back down to Broadclyst in Devon for a return visit, not to the school, but to do an evening talk for some of the parents of the children I visited a while back. Should be fun.

BBC Somerset & Falcon School (+ TGI Friday's!)

Good King Hal showing some delighted children how to push two attacking dwarfs away, should they come at you unexpectedly.

When all the excitement of the Royal Wedding finally abated, life got back to normal. Except if you're called Osama Bin Laden, but then I suppose he was the only Bin taken out over the bank holiday weekend (Ba-doom-tish! I thank you, I am here all week folks). My first port of call after the long weekend was back to Taunton and a visit to the studios of BBC Somerset for another appearance on Emma Britton's show. I was a little "ahem" delicate after a ferocious struggle with a bottle of Shiraz the night before, so I reckon I must have cut something of an Oliver Reed figure as I lumbered in through their front door. I was on the panel this morning with the manager of the Octagon Theatre in Yeovil, who seemed like a very nice chap, and even took one of my cards, so you never know. Our main discussions were about the Yes and No campaign for the AV voting system, and the death of Bin Laden and was it now time for Allied forces to return from Afghanistan. So a real laugh a minute as you can guess.

After finishing on the show I then drove up to Essex to spend the evening with Amanda and James, before my Henry show on the Wednesday at Falcon Junior School in Sprouston in the suburbs of Norwich. It was lovely to see Amanda and James, I offered to take them out for a meal - James' idea of culinary excellence is Pizza Hut, but I have to admit Mummy and I were completely Hutted out by now and so we told him a little white lie and said it was closed for decoration. We didn't travel that much further up the food chain to be honest and chose instead to take James to TGI Friday's at Festival Leisure Park in Basildon, or Bas Vegas as it is affectionately referred to by the locals. We actually had a superb meal, but you could honestly hear your arteries hardening as you ate. On the table behind us, a family of well tattooed parents were settling their child in a high chair. She must only have been about a year old at most - and already with double pierced ears. Classy. James and Amanda finished off with massive ice creams in Knickerbocker glory glasses! Smashing.

I was up at the crack of dawn for the drive up to Norfolk. It was really pleasant - a bright, sunny, piercingly cold morning. The dazzling early morning sun soon raised the temperatures, but there was enough northerly wind to cool things down a little. Falcon School is a marvellous place - I love visiting there. You always get really cool children and lovely teachers. It was the last time I shall see a couple of the lovely ladies I usually see - they are both retiring in the summer, it really won't be the same without them. The group of children, about 75 of them, started off quietly, but as the morning wore on they got more and more excited and the afternoon was a riot - loads of laughs all round and everyone seemed to really enjoy it! The jousting was a cracker, two very good teams, but as ever it seems, the ladies stormed to a fantastic and well deserved victory. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 21 - 27 LADIES

They are really starting to get away again. Come along gents! Do it for all mankind!

I had a nice evening with Amanda and James, being thrashed on Mario Kart by my son, who returned from school this day to announce he had won a long jump competition in his year. This must be in his genes as his (and my) cousin is none other than Lynn "The Leap" Davies who won Olympic Gold in the long jump in Tokyo in 1964. We then blew James' mind a bit further by letting him know his other distant cousin through me (Lily Cole) was appearing in Doctor Who this weekend. This was almost too much information for an 8 year-old brain to handle, but I think he will enjoy the episode when he sees it!

I drove back to Somerset this morning. The only two things of note to happen on the journey was a 20 minute hold up on the M3 after a particularly nasty looking pile up that necessitated the attendance of the air ambulance. Then when I stopped for fuel on the A303 I had to endure one of my pet hates - when you are paying for your stuff you get the next customer behind you coming up and standing next to you at the counter. That really pisses me off when people do this - can't they just step a couple of paces back? Give you a bit of room? This is one of the few times I am glad I am large enough to appear on ordnance survey maps. You wait till they are particularly close, then step back, crushing your heel onto their big toe. They don't half move a bit sharpish then! Of course you can then say "Oh, sorry mate, didn't realise you were standing so STUPIDLY close to me!" Leaving out the STUPIDLY bit of course, much as I would love to leave it in.

Next stop? Tomorrow a return visit to the splendidly named Hugh Sexey Middle School at Wedmore in Somerset. Fun!

Preston School, Royal Weddings & Barrington Court

Barrington Court. Not Westminster Abbey. I reckon my invite is still in the post to be honest.

The last Royal Wedding that I really remember was when Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson in 1986. I was laid up with a badly damaged knee and had no option but to watch the whole thing on TV at the time - I think my parents were punishing me at the time by tuning the telly to the wedding and then hiding the remote control, safe in the knowledge I was unable to walk across the room to find it. My other abiding memory of that wedding was the British gutter press' and their immediate and utter open dislike of Sarah Ferguson from day one. Her main problem, it seemed to me, was that she wasn't Princess Diana. Thank the Lord for that really.

This time around for Prince William and Kate Middleton's bash there was similar amounts of press enthusiasm and much over use of the phrase "Diana's legacy". I had also been asked to appear at Preston Primary School in Yeovil for their party to celebrate the wedding on the day before the big event. I turned up at this lovely school bright and early and was soon out in the playground greeting the children and parents alike as they arrived. About 99% of the children had come either as Princes or Princesses. Some of the really little ones in Reception year looked so cute. All the teachers and staff had gone for the Royal look, including the head who was in a pure white flowing medieval dress. I asked her if she was the sacrificial victim for later on! I did two groups in the morning. First off it was the little ones - Reception class through to year 3. They were very enthusiastic, but hard work, especially the little ones who mostly had the attention span of goldfish. But I persevered and got some good laughs out of them, and all the staff seemed to enjoy it. When that had finished I thought I would get a five or ten minute break, but I didn't as they immediately started bringing in the next group - years 4 to 6. This lot were much easier to talk to and I did my usual life and times of Henry talk for them, much to their amusement. And suddenly it was all over! The children were off for a picnic in the grounds of the school and I was on my way back to Crewkerne.

This morning I got up and turned on the radio by my bed. It immediately went completely haywire and broke. Hmmmm. Perhaps my radio is a republican and knew about the Royal Wedding. Whatever, I went into my front room and switched on the TV and even at this early hour the BBC AND ITV were showing endless footage of the already crowded streets of London whilst commentators told us that "this is where the Royal Coach will come past" and "this is where Prince Harry will crash his car" etc etc. And another thing, doesn't Prince Harry look like his Dad? Shame he wasn't invited... (Ooh! Saucer of cream for the King). I was due over at Barrington Court for a walk about and then for a small tea party for visitors involving free cups of tea and slices of cake to celebrate the Royal Wedding.

To be honest I thought it was going to be a disaster as the early part of my walkabout showed so few people in the grounds of Barrington Court that I thought I had arrived at a hermit's convention. However as the afternoon progressed a few more people arrived, but it still wasn't looking very hopeful. Then smack on 3pm, when we were to serve the tea and cake, the sun came out spectacularly and people appeared from all over the place! It was packed out! Great fun was had by all and it was nice to have visitors from abroad including France, Germany, Australia and New Zealand.

Next Henry appearances are on BBC Somerset again with Emma Britton on Tuesday morning and then up at Falcon Junior in Norwich on Wednesday.

West Pennard

My son James after asking me for an ice cream at Cilgerran Castle. Treat 'em mean, folks...

Easter holidays had been fun. I had been up to Essex for a few days with Amanda and James, taking James to see "Gnomeo and Juliet" which he loved! Next he and I headed down to Wales for a few days with my parents at Newcastle Emlyn. Again, we had a fine time including another cinema trip to see "Rio" and also to a place called Clerkenhill Adventure Farm where you can take part in Frisbee golf, amongst other things, and the beautiful Cilgerran Castle as you can see above. Finally it was time for me to head back to Somerset and face the stark reality of dressing up as a Tudor despot for a living... And if you can find a more contradictory end to a sentence I will pay you!

West Pennard was my first port of call after Easter. I love West Pennard - it is a fantastic school and it is always good to see Alex Wheat, the class teacher I deal with, and the slightly insane but wonderfully friendly Ian Gouge. My drive over wasn't very good - everything that could possibly slow me down did! Tractors, lorries, caravans - you name it, I copped it. By the time I got to the school the children were already arriving and the small parking area for staff cars was packed. I had nowhere else to go other than park in one of the two disabled parking bays. I left a note on the dashboard to the effect that there was nowhere else for me to put the car and I couldn't eat it, so therefore here I was parked and if anyone objected and wanted me to move I would be happy to.

The day went quite well - it was a bit difficult as the group this day, this was their first of the Tudor curriculum, so some of my jokes and asides did fly over their heads and splat on the walls behind them. The morning finished with a funny question and answer session in the classroom. Lunch was an oddity called a Beany Blast, or something and was a pie made with baked beans and cheese, and was surprisingly delicious. The afternoon session was typically rumbustious and we had great fun dragging Ian Gouge out of his year 6 class and putting him in the stocks! The jousting ended with a win for the Gentlemen - at last! This now makes the ongoing score:

GENTLEMEN 21 - 26 LADIES

Wonderful stuff.

Now, unless you have been living under a rock you might just have noticed that there is a Royal Wedding going on this Friday. Therefore to help celebrate this tomorrow I am off to Preston Junior School in Yeovil for a morning appearance at their school to help the children celebrate the day. Should be fun. All this fuss over one Royal Wedding - I had SIX! Beat that! (Oh, and six Mother in Laws...)