Coalway Junior, Coleford and Many Happy Returns!

Good King Hal about to get his robes caught in a piece of fearsome looking farm machinery. (left)

The alarm went off at 5am. Not again! It would have been very, very easy just to turn it off and slip back into the arms of sleep - I had to really make myself get up on Thursday morning. The drive up to Coleford in the Forest of Dean is nearly always a pleasurable one as you travel through some wonderful countryside once you have escaped from the M5. I have been visiting Coalway Junior for the past five years, and Thursday it was my sixth visit to this wonderful place. It is almost like returning to a family with each visit as there are so many friendly welcoming faces. You have not in your entire life heard such a loud, funny, laughter filled staff room! And the children are pretty cool too. We had a lovely day, with plenty of laughs in the morning and the children really displaying a fine level of Tudor knowledge. Some of their designs for their coats of arms were staggeringly good!

After a nice tuna baguette and salad at lunchtime it was back into the main hall for more of the same silliness. Despite frequent interruptions from children going into the canteen for music lessons on a loud piano, everything went swimmingly. The jousting tournament was again of a quite brilliantly high standard. Two fine teams went head to head in the final, and after a poor start the gents pulled themselves into a slight lead, only for them to be reigned in by a quite fabulous ladies team who stormed to victory. Wonderful stuff. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 12 - 18 LADIES

The ladies are starting to pull away again now. Come on Gents!

At home I treated myself to a venison steak for dinner, which was delicious. So what was the cause of this gluttonous levity? Well, today is February 26th and is my 43rd birthday! So I am celebrating this morning with a banana and strawberry smoothie, and I am now expanding my mind by watching The Jeremy Kyle Show. I know how to enjoy myself! Dinner tomorrow night with a load of friends and family to look forward to, at the Duke of York pub in Shepton Beauchamp. Lovely!

Birchfield Junior, Yeovil

A huge ancient monument. And behind him, a big old wall.

Today was meant to be the first day of filming on the long anticipated TV documentary being made about me and my silly job as Henry VIII. I had enquired if Birchfield Junior in Yeovil had minded being filmed with me, and they were really up for it. I had chosen Birchfield as it is such a fabulous school, really friendly and welcoming and with great kids and teachers. Everything was ready to roll until I got an email late on Monday stating that the sound recordist due to visit with the crew was going to be stuck in Manchester and was unavailable. Therefore all was postponed which was disappointing for me, but the children at Birchfield were even more disappointed. Hopefully we have re-arranged the filming for the 10th March when I visit St Michael's School, Wimborne in Dorset - fingers crossed.

Today was a fun day anyway, film crew or not. What I love about Birchfield is the sheer enthusiasm the children have and also the fun friendly staff. I arrived and unpacked the gear and was soon being chatted to by Katie Angus the delightful lady who had booked me this year. She is expecting her first child in May so I wished her all the very best for that. A great morning seemed to just zip by and soon found myself in a very quiet staff room. They were interviewing new teachers at the school today and a lot of people who didn't know each other were all lumped together in the staff room, giving it the impression of a dentist's waiting room. My dinner was a bit bizarre as well - pizza, with mashed spuds and baked beans! Not something you find at the Savoy Grill every day - even if you were Giles London.

The afternoon was similarly hilarious and we finished with a rip roaring joust which a more than capable ladies team romped away with at the end. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 12 - 17 LADIES

Who knows what the rest of this week will have in store! Tonight I am off shortly to United FM again for some more voice over work and then tomorrow morning I am up at an unspeakably early hour to drive up to Coleford and Coalway Junior for my 6th visit to that lovely school. Then, my birthday on Friday!

Blundell's Prep School, Tiverton

Good King Hal and daughter about to suffer from a tremendous pain in the arse.

Ah, dear old Blundell's Prep School in Tiverton. This was my fifth visit to this fine old school and it was a little different today. For the first time dear Steff Jeffs (wonderful name and wonderful lady!) was only with the group briefly in the morning and also for the truncated afternoon session.

The morning drive down the M5 was not exactly pleasant. The weather was awful, a mixture of driving rain, sleet and high winds. Therefore I was very pleased to get to Blundell's and start to get ready. I had a quick chat with the head master, Nick Folland, formerly of Somerset County Cricket Club, and he very kindly invited me to join him in watching some cricket at the county ground in Taunton this summer. I might just have to take him up on that kind offer!

It was a lovely group today - only about 40 children, but in some terrific costumes and all of them bright, sparky and ready to laugh. With it being a private school the timings were all different from state schools, so I ended up doing a large portion of the afternoon session in the morning to fill in time to lunch. And what a lunch it was! A superb beef pie with carrots and mash in a thick juicy gravy - lovely.

For the afternoon I was off over to the pre-prep part of the school and their hall for the stocks and the jousting. The two opening legs of the jousting were pretty run of the mill, but the final was a classic with the gents getting a big early lead, but slowly being pegged back by a dogged ladies team. It finally came down to the last quoit from the quintaine, and it was the Gents who finally stole the victory, much to a loud crowds delight! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 12 - 16 LADIES

How will it all end? You'll have to keep checking back here. Tomorrow I am off back to the delightful Birchfield Junior in Yeovil.

North Town School, Taunton

Good King Hal about to give a Tudor Short Back and Sides to a TA at North Town School last year.

The show today very nearly didn't happen. I went back to Essex for the half term and spent a fine week being trashed at Mario Kart on the Wii by my seven year old son. I got back to Somerset late on the Saturday night. On Sunday I went through my mail and emails, but I had a nagging thought at the back of my mind. The date of the 22nd February sounded familiar. I checked through my emails, but nothing showed itself up, so I searched them by putting on the date in the search engine. Up came a load of emails from Viv Farrow a teacher at North Town School - 22nd Feb had been mooched as a possible date for me to visit the school, but I didn't think it had been confirmed. Now I wasn't sure what to do. Were they expecting me or not? This was late on the Sunday afternoon now - not a chance of getting hold of anyone at the school and no home number with which to contact Viv! Finally I took a look at the North Town School website, where I finally found a calendar of what was on, and there I was confirmed for February 22nd!

I was up bright and early and off to Taunton. The traffic wasn't too bad and I was soon down the back small lane that led to the car park at the school. I had chosen to park my car in a spot where there was a puddle roughly the size and depth of the Pacific Ocean and so consequently I frequently had to splash in and out of it when getting the props in and out of the school hall. As of last time the school was magnificent. It was so nice to finally get to meet Viv Farrow after she was off sick last year. Also, the lovely Kirsty was feeling much better than she did last time around and was even kind enough to nip out and purchase some lunch for me. What a nice lady!

The kids were fun too! Full of laughter and good questions, plus they showed some remarkably good Tudor knowledge. At lunchtime I saw the nice Irish lady from County Donegal seen being beheaded above from last year's show. She was as delightful as ever and even told me how to pronounce the name Gweedore properly - very useful if I ever bump into Clannad or Enya.

The afternoon was fun and loud and culminated in a fantastic jousting tournament which was won by a very able Ladies team. This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 11 - 16 LADIES

Back home this evening, then off tomorrow for another return visit this time to the wonderful Blundell's Prep in Tiverton in Devon. Should be a fun one!

What a Blow Out...

Good King Hal's Mazda 323 but with tyres intact and not a pikey in sight.

Back to the south east again! Sunday 7th February I drive up to Essex to spend some nice quality time with my wife and son. We had a nice couple of days, but then come early Wednesday morning I was off at the crack of dawn heading up the merry old A12 towards Norfolk and a return visit to the wonderful Caister Junior School. The journey started off very well and I was making good progress, but it was cold outside and getting colder. We suddenly had a tremendous flurry of snow, but it didn't seem to settle. Getting up into Suffolk there was suddenly frequent announcements on the radio that because of icy conditions, the A47 east of Norwich was now shut - this is where I needed to go to get to Caister. I cut across country and was soon making even better progress - this was going to be a doddle! Then it snowed again. Almost as soon as it snowed the moisture on the road froze solid. A pleasant easy main A-road to drive along immediately morphed into a slick, sheet-ice, hell hole. A long queue of traffic snaked ahead of me and we crawled along at only just over 10 mph and keeping a big enough space to the car in front in case we needed to stop, something that would be virtually impossible on this surface. As 9am approached I phoned the school to explain why I was so late - they were great, very understanding and just said "get here safe and sound, that's all that matters". Well it was worth it when I got there! A big group of brilliant children, bright, sparky and full of laughter. Their costumes were as brilliant as ever. The teachers were lovely and welcoming as well, particularly Snow White! (She'll know who I mean!). The afternoon session was wild and full of laughter and the jousting was deafening! It was a rip-roaring success and ended with a very close finish with the Ladies team just triumphing. This brought our score now to:

GENTLEMEN 10 - 15 LADIES

It's getting interesting now folks!

Amidst more flurries of snow I headed up the now re-opened A47 and headed for Acle and my appointment with a Travelodge there! Now I hadn't stayed in a Travelodge since I did the Education Show at the NEC in Birmingham back in 2006 - well I was very pleasantly surprised. A big comfy room, double bed, en suite shower room, secluded lighting and a posh plasma screen telly on the wall. And all this for just £29! The receptionist was also very pleasant and charming and was very interested in my job as Henry! I veged out in my room for the evening listening to music on my MP3 player and reading the entertaining but slightly melancholy new Sue Townshend "Adrian Mole" book.

Up bright and early and over to Drayton for a return visit to another lovely school - Drayton Junior. Another warm welcome from Angela the lovely teacher and we were soon off and running. It was another superb group, very quiet to begin with but getting brighter and louder as the day went on and in the end we had a roof lifting jousting tournament. The Gents stormed to a resounding victory. This brings our score to:

GENTLEMEN 11 - 15 LADIES

This is getting closer and closer. Drayton was a lovely school to visit and I had a lovely chat at lunchtime with a charming young trainee teacher from Ireland. A wonderful young lady.

I began to head for Basildon and dinner with my wife and son. I made very good progress until I got just south of Colchester. While bombing along at about 75MPH my front right tyre suddenly blew. The car slewed sideways and I ended up rumbling along at about 20MPH desperate to get to a lay by. I finally stopped and got out to survey the damage. The tyre was shredded and hanging off the metal tyre rim in sad looking strips. I checked the spare tyre - it was a emergency space saver, suitable only for slow driving and about 50 miles in total, and I had to get back to Somerset. I was not a member of the RAC or AA. Problems. With several phone calls to my wife, my mother and a friend in Colchester, I was eventually a member of the RAC and awaiting saving. I had been sitting in the lay by for about an hour when a big vehicle suddenly screamed to a halt behind me. It turned out it was the Police asking me if I was OK, which was quite re-assuring. After they had gone the RAC phoned back and said someone would be with me within the hour. As soon as they had gone another big pick up suddenly screamed to a halt behind me. I saw a figure get out and starting circling round the back of my car. This must be the RAC bloke - the figure wandered round next to my door, so I wound down the window and said "hello". The effect was electric - the big figure dashed round to the near side of my car and for some reason began to look into the scrubby undergrowth next to the carriageway, as if looking for something. He then turned round, whistled nonchalantly, and waddled off back to his pick up. He drove off. What the hell was that all about? When the real RAC bloke turned up he said with absolute definition that the man in question must have been a "pikey" checking out my car to see if it was abandoned and if he could ransack it. Nice.

Well I eventually got the car sorted, a new tyre, and finally I was on my way - at just short of 9pm. The tyre had burst at about 5pm. I got back to Crewkerne at about 11.30pm and was just so exhausted that I immediately collapsed into bed. I was glad to be home, but too tired for any good this weekend, so my visit to the Lake District and return visit to see Andy and Kate near Penrith has had to be postponed.

Half term next week and a visit to Wales with my son to see his Grandparents. Should be fun!

Grange Junior, Swindon

Anne of Cleeves keeping her fingers crossed that this isn't really "handsome" King Henry, just a bizarre cross between an orangutan and a water bed.

Ah, Swindon! Swindon! Home of the Great Western Railway! Birthplace of Saint Billie of the Pipers! The starting point of Melinda Messenger's awesome career! And we can blame it for Mark Lamarr... But it is also home to XTC, the finest, most underrated, fantastic, creative, original, melodic rock band Britain has produced in 40 years. As you can tell from that rabid, frothing at the mouth sentence I am a bit of a fan. This is a bit like saying Billy Graham is a touch evangelical.

I had last come to visit Grange Junior in Swindon about two years ago. This show had been postponed for a week as the school had to endure an Ofsted inspection the previous date we had arranged. It was a large group - about 90 children, but they were really great. Fantastically excitable, full of enthusiasm, ready to laugh and all of them bright as buttons. I was warmly welcomed by the teachers and also the caretaker who, it turned out, had been to school with Andy Partridge (main man in the aforementioned XTC - just thought you should know). I was also grabbed by another teacher who had seen me about four years ago when I appeared at North Somerset Museum in Weston-super-Mare (you'll probably find my blog about that in the archives!). She said I was very funny and a bit rude. I don't know what she means! I was equally warmly welcomed by the lovely school secretary who could quite easily have a fabulous career as a wench if she wanted to.

After a very pleasant lunch and a sit down it was back for the madness for the afternoon. The stocks were a riot with some of the children getting almost too excited, especially the Mayor of Swindon (he knows who he is!). The jousting was amazing. Both the gents teams in their final were a little...ahem...clumsy? To be honest I thought they were the two most incompetent teams I had ever seen and I reckoned whoever got through to the final against the ladies would be absolutely trounced. Quoits were sent flying, quintaines were knocked over, wrong directions were gone in and various members of each team were nearly run through with loose lances! And yet....come the main final against a really good ladies team - THEY WON! Can you believe it? They stormed to victory! This now makes our score:

GENTLEMEN 10 - 14 LADIES

It's hotting up! Next week I am in Norfolk for a couple of days at Caister and Drayton.

In the evening when I got back I was down at United FM, the prospective new radio station for Crewkerne, recording some jingles and adverts ahead of their "live" launch. Check them out at www.unitedfm.co.uk and see if anything is happening yet!

St Dubricius First School, Porlock

Good King Hal just mere nanoseconds before the infamous "stage diving" incident. Several witnesses had to be helped out by sliding them under a door.

Who is St Dubricius? He's Welsh you know! According to Wikipedia he came from Madley in Herefordshire originally and in Welsh is known as Dyfrig and in "corrupt Norman-French" as Devereux. He even went to Llanddewi Brefi - but no jokes about that, please. He sauntered about preaching in South Wales but also found time to pop over to the North Somerset coast including, it would seem, Porlock. And now, in the year 2010, here was I about to bring my own mission to Porlock, preaching Tudor lunacy and Olympic standard poo-flinging.

St Dubricius First School is a lovely place. Fantastic building, nice Head Teacher, lovely friendly generous teachers and some really sparky, excitable funny children. We had a fabulous morning where we were joined by some students from two other close by smaller schools (sorry, their names escape me at present!). Some of the children had fabulous Tudor knowledge already and they were very eager to learn more. One little lad laughed so much I kept worrying he might have an accident! Luckily the floor remained dry.

One of the teachers very kindly nipped out and bought me some lunch from the local shop. As I am still on my salad, healthy food and bouts-of-screaming-diet, I asked him for a sandwich and a Diet Coke and that was all. When I got to the staff room I found he had bought me a prawn sandwich, smothered in mayonnaise, TWO pork pies, a Kit Kat bar, a packet of crisps (roast pork flavour - with all this pork and seafood it is a good job I'm not Jewish) and the requested Diet Coke. And if that wasn't enough I had just had half of my sandwich when one of the lads I was teaching today came in with a big slice of birthday cake as today was the big day! I left the Pork Pies and crisps! What a good, rapidly shrinking King.

This afternoon was fun and was run slightly out of order from a normal afternoon. As the two visiting schools had to leave by 2.30pm we had the jousting before the stocks session. It gave the end of the day a faintly disjointed feel. The jousting was of a very high and exciting standard, one of the boys teams finished so fast their final rider fell stumbling over the line and narrowly avoided running me through with his lance! The final was close and exciting and finished with another win for the Ladies team! This now makes our score:

GENTLEMEN 9 - 14 LADIES

How exciting! St Dubricius is a deeply wonderful school and it was a delight and an honour to appear there today.

I will next be appearing back at Grange Junior in Swindon (home of the wonderful XTC!) on Thursday this week. See you then!

Frome Valley History Society

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Perhaps I shouldn't have stood so close.

I had been contacted back in November by a very nice chap called John Darneley from the Frome Valley History Society inviting me to come and talk to the group at Rampisham Village Hall on the 1st February. Now I knew where Rampisham was, but wasn't too sure on the exact whereabouts of the village hall. Therefore on Saturday afternoon just gone, inspired by the nice weather, I headed off down the Dorchester road to Rampisham to find out where the village hall was hiding. I drove down through the pretty winding road with pleasant cottages dotted along it, but no sign of the village hall appeared. I drove past a rather battered and damp looking dull green glorified nissen hut - surely that couldn't possibly be the... oh....it could. Yup, it was. Confirmed by a passer by, this was the village hall for Rampisham. "It's having some work done on it at the moment!" he said brightly. Yes, it needed it as well.

All joking aside they are doing a wonderful job bringing the village hall into the 21st century. It is a work in progress thanks to the lottery commission and will be brilliant when it is finished. Turns out it was supposed to be a temporary build from the first world war and here it is still standing in 2010! With all the heaters on, some subdued lighting and a group of about 25 people we had a great evening! The group seemed to really enjoy themselves and I had some good banter with a number of the people there, particularly one charming lady who was a retired health visitor. A really nice pleasant evening.

Up bright and early tomorrow for a drive over to Porlock and a first visit to St Dubricius First School. See you there!

White Woman Lane School, Norwich

Good King Hal and Anne of Cleeves inspect the small extension to their bungalow. (left)

And Lo, it came pass that Good King Hal was roused from his long slumbers from Christmas and did venture into the land that is called Nor-Folk and did perform his Tudor show at ye august portals of White Woman Lane Junior School in Sprouston in Norwich. And the locals did say "that's nice" and "look at his tights" and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but mostly during the lunch break. And great was the burping thereafter.

Actually it was really nice to be back on the boards again. First things first, I drove up to Essex on the Wednesday and have a couple of days with Amanda and James which was very pleasant. Then on the Friday morning I was up at the crack of dawn and heading towards Norwich. But not at first. Oh no. Oh, hell no. My sat nav had other ideas first. For some reason known only to it's bizarre electronic mind it had re-set it's main settings so that any route you enquired about it only looked for "Most Use of Motorways" routes. Now I don't really know the verdant grasslands around Basildon particularly well, so I just followed where my sat nav was sending me. I suddenly realised as she made me head for the M25 she was trying to get me to go up the M11. NO! I turned her off and re-set her and headed up the A12 as any sane human being should. I still arrived at White Woman Lane Junior on time. It was good to be back and this is a lovely school. Nice buildings and facilities, great teachers (very friendly) and some hilarious children. Whilst getting changed I suddenly found Christmas catching up with me when I discovered my Henry tunic was a tad tight around the front. Back to the salads and step aerobics for me.

The morning was very entertaining and loud! Lots of laughter from the children and the teachers. After a nice lunch of fish and chips (ARGH! MORE STEP AEROBICS AND SCREAMING!) it was on with the afternoon session. More laughs and fun and finally a storming joust which ended in a very close finish but was won by a very capable gentleman's team. This now makes this education year score a very interesting:

GENTLEMEN 9 - 13 LADIES

I began my drive home to Amanda's, but was soon firstly held up by bad traffic in Norwich, then a broken down lorry in Longstratton and finally, when back in Essex, the final crowning poo in the potty, the final road I needed was shut. But I was home. And James wanted me to order in pizza. So I did. (ARGH! MORE LETTUCE LEAVES, SCREAMING AND BERATING!). A final couple of days in Essex and then back to Somerset today, listening to Manchester City take on the might of Scunthorpe United in the FA Cup. (We won - a bit like we did against Manchester United on Tuesday).

Barrington Court Wassail 2010

Mike Farley wearing his new costume for the Wassail and looking remarkably like a Time Lord with gland problems.

The Barrington Court Wassail 2010 fire. A large wicker apple was placed on top, but despite many requests, Edward Woodward would not get in it.

Barrington Court's pommellier, Rachel Brewer, suddenly spotting someone NOT enjoying themselves at the Wassail.

Fourth annual Wassail at Barrington Court and I was host and MC for the evening. I arrived just before they lit the big fire. The logs were piled high into an impressive pyre with a hand made wicker apple sitting proudly on the top. I was in my fabulous new costume from Judy Picton and watched on as the men began lighting the fire. Some punters had arrived already and one family group stood to one side. An older lady, who looked like Buffy Saint Marie gone to seed, chain-smoked and whined as to why the fire wasn't lit, where the Morris dancers were, where the Mummers were and how cold she was. What a little bundle of fun.

We were packed out tonight, something like about 500+ people. The car parks were full to bursting point and there was a real buzz about the place tonight. I made my announcements and got a few laughs, particularly when some car keys were discovered. I told the audience that someone had better come and collect them as we had tried all the really nice cars and it hadn't fitted any of them.

The new batch of cider was delicious, Barrington Court's pommellier, Rachel Brewer, had excelled herself. The entertainment was equally brilliant - great drumming from the Street Heat Band from Exeter, fun mummery from the Langport Mummers and good Morris dancing from the Babylon Morris Men from Yeovil. Dick Stephens recited some ancient wassail poems and led the singing on the wassail carols. In fact the only person who didn't do their turn was Matthew Applegate who reckoned there wasn't time for him to do his poem. Bad boy! Loads of photos for different local papers and then it was all over for another year. Shame!

BBC Somerset 2010

Good King Hal explaining all about cup and ball games. He told the two young ladies he had to get his ball in their cup to win. He was arrested shortly afterwards.

New Year and a return visit to dear old BBC Somerset in Taunton for another appearance on the wonderful Emma Britton's "Have Your Say" panel on her morning show. I was on with a lovely lady from Taunton called Maggie who was an alternative therapist. The main discussion was dominated naturally by the recent horrific earthquake in Haiti and asked the question should we donate aid to foreign disaster funds. My stance was: of course we should. This to me is a no-brainer. At times like this nationalism and petty prejudices should go by the wayside and we should just all try to "be a mensch" (to paraphrase the wonderful Dr Dreyfuss in Billy Wilder's "The Apartment") - that is, be a human being. You can hear the discussion again if you go to the BBC Somerset website and click on "listen again" to the Emma Britton show for last Friday 15th January. I stopped off at Ilminster on the way back to get some gloves for the cold evening to come at Barrington Court and the Wassail. I also treated myself to a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea at Bilby's. Tris was on fine form, but then so would you be if you were off to Mauritius on Sunday for yet another holiday.

So tomorrow night is the long awaited Barrington Court Wassail. It all starts at 5.30pm, entrance is £3.50 for adults and free to children. There will be drumming, morris dancing, a mummers play, poetry, carol singing, plus lots of cider to drink and food to be had, all round a big roaring fire. My costume has now been picked up from the brilliant Judy Picton in Martock and looks fantastic. I shall try and post some pics on here when I get a chance to. Come and join us!

Trapped in Ice

Mike Farley (left), after successfully returning from a shopping expedition to Waitrose in Crewkerne. Beans were off.

Now, you may not have noticed this, but it's been a tad parky since 2010 started. In much the same way that the Antarctic, during it's pitch black winter is a bit nippy. Icicles have not even appeared yet as the weather hasn't relented enough to allow for any melting. Brass monkeys are running around screaming, country roads are impassable, and women are keeping their arms folded for fear of men pointing (and other things).

The one thing I am truly grateful for is that I have not yet had to brave the weather for a Henry show. I have lots of bookings coming up but nothing really kicks off until the third week in January. So my next appearance is going to be at the Wassail at Barrington Court and I am praying to whatever God there maybe that it is slightly milder come the event otherwise we will all be huddled round Paul Jessop's kiln in his pottery.

So whilst trapped in my flat in Crewkerne I have to find various intellectual ways to keep my mind stimulated and alive. So maybe it will be reading the complete works of Proust, or a deep study of the writings and philosophy of Wittgenstein whilst listening to a Stockhausen symphony. Actually, I must go, a dwarf and a red neck are fighting over a blonde waitress on the Jerry Springer Show. Marvellous!

Rudolf Ferdinand, shortly before his call-up to Fabio Capello's England World Cup squad.

Another year done at Leeds Castle as Father Christmas. As you can see, I wasn't lying in the previous post about how my reindeer looked like Rio Ferdinand. The final four days at the castle had also included me working nights actually in the castle rather than down at my grotto. For these final days and because of the awful weather conditions in Kent, I didn't stay at Cathy's near Sittingbourne - their driveway was just too icy to get up! - and was housed at the Castle. I was in a room called Aviary 4. I wondered if they let this room to Aviary Tom Dick and Harry who came along...? I apologise for that joke.

Some of the children were just lovely - one little boy, somewhat overawed at meeting Father Christmas wasn't quite sure what he wanted for a present. He ummed and ahhed, and looking desperately round my grotto eventually blurted out that he wanted "a branch". His parents looked bemused, but I assured them if I was going to bring him a branch I would make sure it was a "special branch". I apologise for that joke as well.

I drove up to Essex on the evening of the 23rd December and picking up Amanda and James we headed down to Wales and my parent's place on Christmas Eve. My father cooked a magnificent Beef Wellington that evening. On Christmas Day we were joined by my sister Sue and her chap Ian and a wonderful day was had by all.

I drove Amanda and James back to Essex on the 27th and after that, just to see how much punishment a body and car can take, I then drove on down to Somerset and found myself at home for the first time in what seemed like a very long time. Climbing over a mountain of mail I entered a flat that resembled an ice block. Thank God for central heating.

New Year I am due down in Wales again, but purely dependent on the weather which is looking a tad ropey at the moment. We shall see.

Happy New Year to one and all. Here's to 2010.

2009 -Thank You!

Good King Hal, just reminding you what Leeds Castle looks like - in case you'd forgotten.

Well, this is it, probably my last chance to post anything on this blog until way after Christmas. I am leaving shortly to drive to Essex to see Amanda and James, as tomorrow is James' 7th Birthday Party. Following that I am then down at Leeds Castle as Father Christmas again and will be, more or less, until the 23rd December. I have requested to have Christmas Eve off as I am spending Christmas itself with my parents in their new Ceaucescu-style mansion in Wales, and a mad dash from Kent to Wales on Christmas Eve is not a prospect that fills me with much enthusiasm. So I will be heading to Somerset first on the 23rd, and from there onto Wales the following day.

2009 has been a particularly successful year for Good King Hal. The company is now called Past Presence Ltd., I have met and made some fabulous new friends this year and seen some nice old ones as well. All the feedback from the shows are nothing but positive and the company seems to be going from strength to strength. A young lady I met at a school recently seems very keen to come on board and take over the 2nd World War days that we began last year, so I will be seeing her again in January for a meeting to try and make things a bit more definite. I have been asked to come and be a regular presenter on Radio Crewkerne (when it eventually starts), I am getting more and more feedback from every appearance I make on Emma Britton's show on BBC Somerset and...well, not wishing to blow my own trumpet too much...things are looking pretty rosy in the garden at the moment. A big thank you to Annie and Helen at Rochester Cathedral for all their help and encouragement this year - here's to more in 2010! Another big THANK YOU to the ever wonderful Darlene and Helen at Leeds Castle for more fun and friendship - a true home from home for me. And a particularly massive thank you and good luck for a troubled time that he is encountering to the deeply wonderful Matthew Applegate at Barrington Court. Matthew is one of the hardest working men I know. He puts heart and soul into running this gem of an Elizabethan Building that the NT own - and do they appreciate him? No they so**ing well don't! Not one jot. More power to your elbow Mr Applegate!

Also, COMING SOON (hopefully) The Barrington Court Classic Movies Club... Watch this space for more.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Christmas Shopping

A Leeds Castle, yesterday.

Christmas Shopping. Two words guaranteed to make grown men scream, women weep and children dive for cover. I have taken the coward's way out this year and done the vast majority of my shopping on-line. However, there were a few bits I still had to get from a pukka High Street and so this morning I had to go to... TAUNTON! Now Taunton is one of those towns that getting into it at any time is a pain, so just a few weeks before Christmas it didn't bode well - and I was right. Even at only just after 9am it was one huge heaving mass of humanity. I braved the Lush Shop and it's pungent smells to get some stuff for Amanda, then got some wrapping paper and other stuff. Finally within about an hour and a half I was done - FINISHED! I HAD FINISHED MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! On the 8th December? That has got to be a record. And just think, in about 365 days we'll all be obsessing again. Actually, Christmas usually starts in the High Streets from about late August.

Sleighing Them.

Good King Hal, cunningly disguised as Father Christmas, explains to Silvio Berlusconi's London Ambassador about how some investments may go up, down and even round and round. It's a tough job but someone had to do it.

Christmas is coming,
The goose is getting fat,

Please spend a penny

In the old man's hat. (Nearly).

Yes, December dawns, wet and miserable and that can only mean one thing = less than a month before David Tennant stops being Doctor Who. What am I going to do??? It also means it is time for me to rip off my cod-piece and tights, leap into an enormous red baby-gro, don a beard that makes me look like ZZ Top will in 25 years time and then start distributing presents to the good and great who visit Leeds Castle near Maidstone in Kent. Yes it is my FOURTH year of being Father Christmas at Leeds Castle. For the third time we are in the old Tennis pavilion with it's log walls and thatched roof, and once again Dallas (a man that CAN) has designed a winter wonderland within. From the enlarged waiting room, the children are led by merry elves through a series of small rooms showing scenes of Christmas cheer (Christmas cheer equals penguins, polar bears, reindeer and a light cascade that looks like a waterfall. Trust me, when you see it, it looks fabulous). Also different this year is my room. Gone is the cosy study look and instead I am seated on a large sleigh, with steps leading up to it so the children and parents can join me. I also have one very sad looking reindeer shackled to my sleigh via tinsel who bears more than a slight resemblance to Rio Ferdinand on a bad day. I am also surrounded by Christmas trees festooned with snow. It really looks the business. I was there for the first time on the 5th and 6th December, I am back again on the 13th and then from the 16th to the 23rd inclusive.

Rio Ferdinand, yesterday, just before kick off.

It's great to see the familiar faces of Leeds Castle again - Darlene Cavill, Helen Budd, Jeanne Beaton and everyone else. Even Mark Brattle took time off from flinging his owls around to come and say hello on Sunday. It was steady all through both days and not really too much like the Rorke's Drift effect we suffered last year. Our presents this year are books full of floor puzzles - large ones for older children and small books of puzzles for the younger ones.

I am staying with my sister Cathy and her husband, Julian, again when I am doing the shows at Leeds, and it is fun spending the evening with Cathy strumming guitars and singing badly to each other. We have decided to record a song to unleash upon the world, our first idea is to do a cover version - a hippie psychedelic version of Strawberry Switchblade's "Since Yesterday" from 1983. It will be the greatest thing ever recorded and should completely obliterate Simon Cowell and his evil empire when unleashed on an unsuspecting British audience early next year.

Oh, and Manchester City 2-1 Chelsea. Get in!

Long Sutton, Somerset

Enough to put you off your Christmas Dinner.

Back in 2005 I did a show at Long Sutton, a nice little village school on the way to Glastonbury and near to Langport. What I remember of the day was that it was fun, but there was a lot of building work going on which made it quite distracting. However, I was delighted to receive an invite back and I was even more delighted to discover that the new head teacher at Long Sutton was none other than Lizzie Reynolds, former deputy head at Manor Court School in Chard. I drove up through a drowned landscape. With all the ferocious amounts of rain we have had recently it really shouldn't have been a surprise to see so many flooded fields in the flat lands round Long Sutton - but it was still quite a shock. Some of the distant fields actually looked like long term permanent lakes. In Long Load, a village near Long Sutton, there is a river that runs past the north end of the village. It is crossed by a small metal hump back bridge. As I went over I looked to my right - the swollen waters were very nearly up to the base of the bridge. Astonishing.

I arrived at the school and was warmly welcomed by Lizzie. Long Sutton is a wonderful school and we had a fine morning. It was a biggish group - maybe about 70 children, and they were very excited and knowledgeable and always ready to laugh. I had an extended break during the morning when the children had an assembly, but I bravely endured sitting in the staff room eating miniature mince pies and drinking mugs of tea. What a brave little soldier I am. I wandered down to the brilliant village stores in Long Sutton (trust me on this, this little shop is a wonder) and bought myself a sandwich and drink at lunchtime. Back in the hall the afternoon session seemed to fly past and we were soon in the middle of a deafening and pulsating jousting tournament. It was nip and tuck all the way until finally, the ladies stormed through on the final leg and triumphed. So now, at the Christmas break the score is:

GENTLEMEN 8 - 13 LADIES

And so from now on it is Father Christmas all the way! I am driving up to Kent today to stay at my sister's near Sittingbourne, then tomorrow... it is helicopter day! If this is the final entry ever in this blog then you know something went wrong...

The Maynard School, Exeter

Good King Hal, for some unknown reason, appearing to tickle a sun dial with a sprig of Mistletoe. This is illegal in 48 of the 50 states of North America, but not in Skegness on Fridays.

The Maynard School in Exeter were very good to me. They said I could start the show at 10.30 am rather than my usual 9 am start. This was lovely and meant I got a mini lie-in in the morning. As usual at this popular private girl's school it was a very small group that I was dealing with for the day - only 12 young ladies, with this number dropping to 11 for the afternoon as one had to go off to a theatre rehearsal. I was warmly welcomed by Steve, the head of year, and of course by the lovely Keagh Fry, the year four teacher. Although it was a small group, it was lively, and one or two of the ladies showed some brilliant knowledge of the Tudor era.

Lunch was particularly gorgeous - one of the best school dinners I have had in the past 6 years of being Henry! Keagh and I wandered down to the dining hall and were delighted to find they were serving roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes and horse radish sauce, and it was all cooked to perfection. Delicious.

The afternoon was lively and fun, and we had a short break when a photographer turned up from the local paper, plus a young lady who looks after the school website who also blazed away for plenty of pics. The jousting was fun and of course a ladies team won - but of course without any chaps about the score cannot possibly be added to the yearly round up.

I have just sat and watched delightedly as Manchester City thrashed Arsenal's under 15 team 3-0 in the quarter final of the League Cup. Tomorrow it is off to see my old friend Lizzie Reynolds in her new position as head teacher at Long Sutton school - my first visit there since 2005.

Dean Close School, Cheltenham & Henhayes OAP's!

Good King Hal, getting "jiggy wid der spriggy" at the Mistletoe Fayre. It didn't work.

After the joys of the Misteltoe Fayre I was up at the crack of dawn on a rainy and wind-blown Monday morning for a journey up the M5 to Cheltenham and a return for the 5th time to Dean Close School. It was good to be back and we had a lovely time. The morning session was full of fun and laughter, and there were some fabulous designs on the coat of arms that the children made. The main hall we were in was somewhat restricted for us by a huge stage poking out into the middle of the hall and a mass of chairs set up for a school production of "Godspell". Lunch at Dean Close was, as ever, wonderful. Pasta Bolognese, which for once with a school dinner was actually very very tasty and more-ish. I wolfed that down and then demolished a nice bowl of apple crumble and custard. Lovely! Because of the lack of space in the hall there was no room for a proper joust so instead I set up one set of quintane polls on the stage and the race was done purely as a time trial between two teams. The gents went first and posted a time of 1 minute and 19 seconds. Then it was the ladies turn. They did well but could only manage a time of 1 minute and 23 seconds. Therefore the score is now:

GENTLEMEN 8 - 12 LADIES

After re-loading the car I was on my way. The journey home was nice and, most importantly considering the recent weather, dry. If it had rained any more I was considering trading the Mazda in for a hovercraft, or even some water wings.

Today was nice and local - doing a talk to a pensioners group at the Henhayes Centre in Crewkerne. They had offered me travel expenses, but as I can virtually open my front door and fall into the Centre there seemed little point. I'd probably end up owing them money. The group was about 20 ladies and gents and they were all lovely and seemed to really enjoy it. I finished there, did some Christmas shopping in town and then headed for home.

Tomorrow I am back at The Maynard School in Exeter. I won't be able to add the result of the joust to the yearly school as, like Godstowe Prep in High Wycombe, this is an all-girls school. Thursday I am in Long Sutton in Somerset then this weekend I have my first appearances as Father Christmas at Leeds Castle - including the dreaded helicopter flight on Saturday. Watch this space for more...

Barrington Court Mistletoe Fayre 2009

Good King Hal today broke the World Record for clutching a piece of Mistletoe and NOT getting a kiss. His time of 4 years, 5 months, 16 days, 5 hours, 23 minutes and 6 seconds broke the previous record, also held by GKH by approximately 6 seconds.

Is it really a whole year since the last Mistletoe Fayre? Apparently it was. My parents had come down from their lovely new house in Wales to come and visit and over the previous days we had been up to Wells and then onto the Clarke's Shopping Village in Street, but now the weekend was here it was time for me to do my Tudor thing again. Mum and Dad came along on the first day, had a look round the stalls and then promptly disappeared off for a pub lunch. It was a slightly smaller selection of stalls than last year, but it was good to see the Blackdown Babes back in force and also the lovely Rachel Brewer, Barrington's very own "Pommellier". The first day was definitely the busiest, lots of hustle and bustle, plenty of people to meet and greet, and quite a few to pose for photos for. On both days the weather was pretty grim, but it really was unpleasant on the Sunday and I think this definitely affected the turn out, which was way down on the Saturday. Both days a Mummer's Play was performed by the Winsham Players, we were treated to more musicians on the Sunday which was very nice, and late on the Sunday afternoon I had the pleasure of meeting and talking to Trevor Peacock, famous for playing Jim in "The Vicar of Dibley" on BBC TV. He was a charming gentleman and we had a very pleasant chat for a few minutes before he was on his way.

My parents have now gone over to Kent to stay with my sister Cathy for a few days, I am back from the Fayre, tired but happy, and tomorrow morning, will I be off at the crack of dawn to Cheltenham for a return visit to Dean Close Prep? As Jim from "The Vicar of Dibley" would put it - no, no, no, no, no, no, no, YES.

The Fayre was another resounding success and once more proved what a great organiser and all round top gent Matthew Applegate is. As stated previously, the finest, most underrated, over worked, brilliant employee in SW England that the National Trust possess.