St Paul's Junior, Shepton Mallet

Good King Hal, just checking that Katherine Parr is definitely dead.

Shepton Mallet? Sounds like Timmy Mallet's camp older brother. This was a nice return visit to a really lovely school. St Paul's in Shepton Mallet is virtually right in the centre of the town, but still has the feel of a leafy suburban school with plenty of greenery and a lovely old building it is housed in. I arrived virtually spot on 8am and, despite efforts to get in through the front door, I was eventually granted access via the side door by one of the teachers who was arriving. It was to be two schools combined today - year four from St Paul's, plus a group of year three's from St Aldhelm's School from Doulting near Shepton. The morning session was lively and fun, the kids were very sparky and excitable and seemed to really get into the whole Tudor fun day scenario.

I spent the lunch break chatting to a group of young ladies who had seen my show at St Paul's two years previously and were now in their last year at the school. The afternoon was wild and lively and ended with a really good jousting contest. We had a small tournament first for the children from St Aldhelm's, which the ladies won, but the main tournament was a much louder affair and ended with... a win for... The Gentlemen again! Two in two days! This makes the score a now slightly more respectable:

GENTLEMEN 2 - 6 LADIES

Let's see how it pans out tomorrow at Knightwood School in Chandler's Ford. It was a really lovely day at St Paul's today and a big thank you to Mrs Kennedy who organised the whole thing. What a nice lady she is!

South Green, Billericay & Blean, Kent

Good King Hal playing "Spot the Next Queen" Competition. He won a years supply of prunes, two episodes of the Jeremy Kyle Show and a 1991 Vauxhall Senator with 156,782 miles on the clock. He complained to the judges and was sent to bed with slapped legs and no supper.

A lovely weekend with Amanda and James in Essex. My son is rapidly getting up to Olympic Standard on Mario Cart on the Wii console. We had some great fun with that. Monday morning dawned cold and bright and I was on my way with the short journey to Billericay and a return visit to South Green School. I started the day off with a fabulous faux pas. Signing in at the office there were two ladies in there, I chatted to them while signing in. They were making lots of suggestions about how the day should go, which I thought was a bit odd and really it should be up to the teachers to make the decisions, not a couple of ladies in the office. I told them this. They looked at me strangely and then told me slowly, as if explaining to an idiot, that they were the teachers. Ah. Sorry. Good start.

We had a fantastic day at this lovely lovely school. The children were fantastic - really enthusiastic and excitable, and the teachers were equally welcoming and charming. The quiz and the coat of arms were particularly good. After a delicious pasta lunch we had a brilliantly fun afternoon. Once again I gave the boys team a pep talk before their jousting final. And predictably it ended with the ladies once more walking off with the win. Current score after Billericay was:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 6 LADIES

Amazing. After leaving the school I headed on down over the Dartford crossing to my sister's house in Stockbury near Sittingbourne. We had a nice relaxing evening and it was good to see my brother-in-law Julian starting his new job after being made redundant a while back. In the morning I drove down the M2 and A2 to Blean, near Canterbury for my 6th visit to this wonderful school. As ever the entire group were done up in some brilliant Tudor costumes, there was laughs a plenty through the morning session. Another lovely lunch followed and we were then moved down to the main hall for the afternoon. There was a group of the young ladies who reckoned that the talk about Tudor crime and punishment was too much for them and held hands at the back of the hall with eyes sticking out like organ stops. They had managed to cope with bucket fulls of poo being chucked around in the morning, but not Tudor torture! They soon forgot their squeamishness when the jousting started and once more we seemed to have a brilliant ladies team, but somehow the gents finally managed to string some moves together and at last....the Gents won a tournament! This now makes the score:

GENTLEMEN 1 - 6 LADIES

Not quite so embarrassing as before. I was due to meet Sue Marsh et al from Skandia down in Southampton today, but it has had to be postponed due to heavy colds amongst some of the Skandia crew! So I drove back to Somerset today and tomorrow I am up at St Paul's School in Shepton Mallet again.

Balliol Lower School, Kempston

Good King Hal shows another delighted fan a thrilling new cure for a sore throat.

I thought I had got up early on Monday to go to North Cheam. 4am? 4?? AM?? There should be a law against such hours existing. I headed out into the damp dark morning and made excellent time. I was doing so well that my sat nav reckoned I would be at the school by about 7am! Wow! I could park up, grab a sandwich and a paper, maybe even have a snooze to off set the tiredness of starting so early. That was the idea anyway. I had forgotten about the Department of Transports quite brilliant idea to dig up ALL of Bedford and it's surrounds, close off loads of roads and install average speed check cameras everywhere. Added to this it was raining like mad and of course it was slowly getting closer and closer to rush hour. Therefore all dreams I had of getting to Kempston early and having a bit of shut eye in the car were crushed by the final 10 miles into the town as the traffic ground to a halt, all the roads I needed to turn off were closed and suddenly an hour had gone by. I arrived at the school at just after 8am. Still not bad for such a long journey, but not early enough to warrant a snooze.

I was warmly welcomed as ever at this lovely school. I had a cup of tea brought to me and I set up in the hall. I had been pre-warned that the group I would be seeing were a bit...er...immature. But they were mostly very good. As a year three group they struggled a little bit with the talky opening bit, but more than came into their own with the more physical side of the afternoon activities. Before the jousting I gave the boys a bit of a pep talk letting them know that not a single boys team had yet won any of the tournaments this term. I urged them to be aware that they had to win for the sake of all the boys of this World. So you can guess what happened next, can't you. The score now reads:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 5 LADIES

This is getting embarrassing. Their next chance to redress the balance is next Monday at South Green in Billericay in Essex. I will keep you posted on that one!

St Cecillia's, North Sutton, Surrey

On re-reading my blog from years gone by I realise how boring I am. I use the same jokes over and over and over. Check out my previous write ups about visits to St Cecillia's School in Sutton in Surrey. Every single time I say "you wouldn't want to try and say that with a lisp!" And here I am typing it again. I promise I will NEVER, EVER repeat that joke. Not until I do the same school again next year, obviously.

After the rigours of the Chut Fest over the weekend it was a bit of a shock when my alarm went off at 4.30am. I was up showered, shaved and shomething elshe and out of the front door by 5am. The early part of the drive was fine as it was on the A303 which was mostly deserted, but as soon as I got to the M3 it all changed. Even at 6.30am it was packed. How can people do this every single day of their lives? Things were made worse by lots of roadworks, so I had the distinctly odd feeling of actually being glad to see the M25 when I got there.

It was nice to be back at St Cecillia's. It is amazing, but this lovely little school in North Cheam is the school I have visited the most since becoming Henry VIII full time. This was my 6th visit in total. As ever it was a very friendly welcome from everyone, from the lovely caretaker onwards. The children had all dressed in fantastic costumes and were a delight to talk to - even if they were a little quiet in comparison with some of the groups I have worked with at St Cecillia's in the past. The afternoon was a real riot of fun and games, and the jousting was of a very high standard. And the result - I know you are all waiting for that. Well.... the ladies romped to ANOTHER victory. This now makes the score a quite remarkable:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 4 LADIES

Come on, Gents! This is just not good enough. Let's see how things pan out tomorrow. I have another very early morning start as I am off up to Balliol Lower School in Kempston again for a third visit. Should be fun, if tiring!

Chut Fest 2009 Day Two!

Dateline: Sunday 4th October 2009. Place: Barrington Court National Trust Property, South Somerset. Event: Chut Fest 2009, Day Two. Status: Packed to the point of exploding and even more people trying to get in.

As I drove into Barrington Court this morning, the main car park was full - the overflow car park in the orchard was also packed and as I drove round the back of the property people were beginning to park up on the avenue. The rear car park for performers and exhibitors was equally full, so I chose to park in front of one of the volunteers cars. Her name is Maggie and she drives a very recognisable mark 1 Cortina and is always there working long hours, so I knew I wouldn't have to move the car at any time. Wrong. She was leaving at 2pm. Thankfully Matthew Applegate kindly moved the car for me as I couldn't possibly drive my car whilst in full Henry robes.

As far as the exhibition goes there was an early morning surge where every room was packed out. I was interviewed at some point by a journalist from The Lady Magazine. Hopefully I might get a mention at some point. As far as the food goes I tried a wonderful fruit cheese on one of the stalls - made from compressed damsons. Absolutely gorgeous. I also purchased some delicious Swiss Chard Chutney from Barrington Court's own gardens. Outrageously wonderful.

Tomorrow it is time for another up at the crack of dawn moments and an early morning drive up to St Cecillia's School in Sutton in Surrey for my SIXTH annual visit to this lovely school. Early night tonight.

Chut Fest 2009 Day One!

Barrington Court this morning, mere seconds before 2 million chutney fiends descended on the place.

Chut Fest 2009 has seemed to be a forthcoming attraction for such a long time that it sort of almost crept up on me unnoticed. But here it was, the day itself. I headed over just after 11am this morning - I was initially held up as for some completely unknown reason Crewkerne High Street (which I had to drive through) was utterly gridlocked, however on getting past that I then had to run the gauntlet of National Trust Volunteers helping with the parking at Barrington Court. All I wanted to do was park round the back so I was close to my dressing room, but they were most insistent that I park at the front. But I finally got where I wanted to go. I changed and headed out into the festival itself. My God! What a turnout! It was packed. There were stalls aplenty, some selling things like home made sausages and bacon, some selling handmade cards and pretty bags, plus cheese from various farms, cider from Barrington itself, plus lots and lots of chutney, pickles and jams. Matthew Applegate was in fine form and I soon found out from his lovely wife Sue that it was his birthday this very day! I chatted to a lot of the volunteers there and spent some time having a laugh and joke with Barrington's very own "Pommelier" - Rachel Brewer. A few teachers from different schools I had visited turned up, which was very nice. And then there was also a visit from the lovely Julie Carney from Castle Junior in Stoke-sub-Hamdon. All in all, it was a fantastic day for the first time and hopefully there will be more fun and frolics on day two tomorrow! See you then.

Another Hell of a Week...

Good King Hal, roasting his chestnuts by the fire in Rochester Cathedral Library (next to the Jackie Collins section).

After the bewildering week of tearing up and down the country and heading to Paris to meet Mickey Mouse you'd think I would choose a nice relaxing week wouldn't you? Wrong! The Friday saw me driving back down to see my sister Cathy and her husband Julian in Kent. On the Saturday I was due at Rochester Cathedral again, this time to do a very passable impersonation of Jools Holland. This is not as insane as it may sound. Rochester were launching their new audio tour guide section, and this had been narrated by Jools as he is a "Friend" of Rochester Cathedral (i.e. a patron and supporter). He had also been asked to come along and open the new tourist aid. He couldn't make it and so I had been asked to come along and open the audio tour in his place. It was a pleasure. I parked right outside the North Door as I had before and was soon in the impressive old Cathedral Library changing into my Henry gear. It was a bit off-putting, baring your legs and other bits in front of stern looking oil paintings of Cathedral Deans from the past, but then I am sure they saw far worse things in Victorian times. But then again...

Soon I was out in the Cathedral chatting to people and meeting the current Dean, a lovely chap called Adrian who apparently as a young priest used to work in Forest Gate in the East End of London, not too far from my old stamping grounds of Stratford and Plaistow. A ribbon was place round the desk where tourists could pick up their audio guide, I was handed some scissors by the lovely Annie from the Dean and Chapter Office, I made a nice little speech to the congregated people and then happily sliced through the ribbon. About two seconds later the photographer from the Kent Messenger appeared and moaned that he was a little late and could I cut the ribbon again. So we had to tie up the bit I had cut, I had to hold it in my left hand to stop it being seen in the picture and then cut the ribbon again. I was then also asked to pop a bottle of champagne. We were standing right under a big impressive chandelier and I had visions of the cork pin-balling it's way through the crystal and us being showered with broken glass. Therefore I lowered the trajectory of the bottle and fired it off. The cork rocketed across the vast expanse of the Cathedral and was caught spectacularly by a well placed curate. Well held, your reverence. I wandered round the cathedral for another few hours, chatting with people, but then at about 2.30pm I was on my way.

I drove up to Essex to stay with Amanda and James again. We had a nice Sunday at leisure. Monday was a very early start and off up to Taverham School in Norfolk. I was at Taverham last year and it was just as good this time around. A really lovely school, great teachers and fabulous children. We had a really fun exhausting day and lots of good Tudor knowledge was had, and plenty of laughs. The ladies inevitably won the jousting again, so the score now stands at:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 3 LADIES

I had the Tuesday and Wednesday at leisure which was nice as I could pick up James from school both days. It was slightly less fun on the Wednesday as I had to wait for him and his school mates to get back from an outing to the Science Museum in London. This wouldn't normally be too bad but his coach was about half an hour late, and so I had to sit in the playground with the other parents who, as they didn't really know who I was, treated me like a leper in their midst. I was blanked to an Olympic standard. Soon James was back and very excited. I asked him if he had seen anything exciting on his day out. He thought for a bit and then told me that his mate Victor had fallen asleep on the coach. Not quite what I was expecting.

Thursday was another early day and a return visit to Godstowe Prep School in High Wycombe. We had another really lovely day at this wonderful school. True there was the usual early morning running of the gauntlet of avoiding being killed by fleets of brand new 4x4 vehicles the size of the USS Nimitz, each disgorging one small child in uniform right by the front door, but that is just a minor quibble. The main hall we were in had lights that were on a time switch which is movement activated. So if we were still for too long the room would be plunged into gloom. I soon had all the children jumping up and down waving their arms about each time this happened, which was quite often! I would give you a result on the jousting, but as it is an all girls school you can guess that the ladies won again, but I can't really add it to the year long score.

I headed for home and was finally back in Somerset by about 5.30pm. Next up in the Henry's never ending progress is the long awaited Chut Fest at Barrington Court this weekend. Come and join us on both the Saturday and the Sunday. Arrive early to avoid the jam. (Ba-doom-tish). (Good King Hal is available for cabaret, masonics, bah mitzvah and target practice).

That Was One Hell of a Week That Was Part Four (and the last)

Good King Hal (5th from the left) had a feeling he would be explaining this scene to his therapist for years to come.

And so, after belting around up to Penrith, then Essex, then Kent, then Disneyland, Paris, it was back to Essex for a brief stop and then down to Somerset again. On the Friday evening I was to do my one man "Henry's Horrid History" show at Barrington Court. We had tried running this show a couple of times in the past. The first time it had been a last minute organisation and had involved slapping posters in local shops and me wandering around Ilminster with a load of fliers handing them out to bewildered pensioners. It hadn't gone badly - about half full. The second time around some nameless twit over at Montacute House completely forgot to include the show in the "What's On" section of the local National Trust area hand out. Consequently we had to cancel the show as no one booked at all. GRRRRR! This time around all had been included in the local "What's On.." , I had also slapped up posters in a lot of local shops and many of the people I had met at my previous two walkabouts at Barrington had said they were coming back. So you can guess the turnout on the night. Yup, about half full again. Arse. But the audience seemed to really enjoy the show, they laughed heartily, joined in and Matthew Applegate at Barrington Court was a very happy chap. It would have been nice to a have filled the place up, but we did our best. And fighting apathy has always been difficult and thankless.

I am back off to Rochester Cathedral this weekend for a ribbon cutting ceremony, and then I have schools in Norfolk and Buckinghamshire to do later in the week. And then - Chutfest '09 at Barrington Court. Watch this space.

That Was One Hell of a Week That Was Part Three

My son James, with the new Conservative Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for some posh place in the south east.4

Disneyland! Paris! What, little old me? Who'd have thought it. After our previous day with the family in Kent, on the Monday morning my brother-in-law Julian drove Amanda, James and I down to Ashford and the international train station there. We were to spend three nights and four days at the resort in Paris and James, being six years old, was rather excited. Almost as excited as Amanda and I really.

Our opening experiences of Eurostar were not the most favourable. For a start you had to get about 600 passengers down to the platform and the train via one rather small lift. We are then all waiting to board our train when an officious French lady clutching a clipboard informs us that all the baggage racks on these coaches were full already and we would have to put all our suitcases in the baggage coach. She sprints off down the platform with us tottering after her, some of us pulling cases the size of steamer trunks. Our cases are literally flung into a storage area and we walk back up the platform to our coach. Imagine our slight sense of humour failure when we get into our coach and find all of the baggage racks completely empty. We hammer through the tunnel and then down over the bland flat lands of north France. Just outside the station for Disneyland we are held up for about ten minutes because of a "security alert". Eventually we are in the station and begin trying to find which coach has our suitcases in it. Myself and some other chaps find our coach and have to virtually break into it to get to the cases. We then have to queue up for the Disneyland Express service which involves them taking our cases off us, we go straight to the fun park and our cases are then taken onto our hotel so we will find our stuff when we get there.

The park and everything in it are just as you would expect. Fun, fun, fun and capitalism run wild. There are hundreds of little shops, but it soon dawns on you that they all sell exactly the same stuff as each other. Some of the rides are particularly brilliant - Pirates of the Caribbean was great fun, the Star Wars "Star Tours" was mind blowing, and we had great delight in doing the Buzz Lightyear Lazer Blast game every single day!

Late afternoon on the first day we book into the hotel. The charming lady on the reception asks if we will be using the minibar - I have been warned off minibars for years past, and I was right to follow my instincts. In the minibar a tiny tube of Pringles crisps were 5 Euros. 5 EUROS? That's about £4.50. For a couple of the nights we ate in the Inventions Restaurant in the Hotel and their evening buffet was amazing. Langoustines, huge pacific prawns, medallions of beef in a sour cream sauce, beef bourguinon, scallop terrine, all wonderful high quality food, but as they had to cater for children there was even fun stuff like spaghetti and meat balls and even breaded chicken shapes and funny faces potato wedges. We did get stung on the first night. We were on a half-board option, so all our evening meals were paid for, however our drinks were extra. On this first night I ordered Amanda two glasses of house white wine and me two glasses of house red wine. These four glasses of wine cost me 36 Euros. On our second night we went to see the Buffalo Bill Wild West Show in the Disney Village - great fun, very touristy and very silly. But we all enjoyed it, even James who was delighted to receive a free stetson hat during the show which he could keep.

We had a fabulous, exhausting time and really only became completely saccharined out on the final afternoon. For me the funniest thing to see for the whole week was a family group we would see occasionally with lots of young children, a mum and dad, and a sallow faced miserable teenager, defiantly wearing a series of Slipknot t-shirts and desperately trying to remain looking cool while all the other members of his family are wearing Mickey Mouse ears.

James had his photo taken with Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Pluto, Goofy, Tigger, Ee-Aw, Balloo and a host of other Disney characters. He had all sorts of stuff bought for him and went on all the rides he could ever possibly want. He is a very lucky boy!

We got the train back to Ashford and Julian picked us up again. We were all exhausted, but it was a magical experience. But my week wasn't over yet....

That Was One Hell of a Week That Was Part Two

James, on one of Julian's many motorbikes, keeping the rest of the family royally entertained.

So I arose in Temple Sowerby in the wee small hours of a Sunday morning. My head was thumping a little from the Stuart Maconie Fan Club outing from the previous night, but a couple of paracetamol soon put that matter to rest. I didn't disturb Andy and Kate as I left and was soon roaring down the M6 towards Essex and a rendezvous with Amanda and James. At first the traffic was minimal, but slowly, inexorably it built up the further south I got and the later the day became. I was tuned permanently to Radio 5 to hear any traffic news. When it did come it wasn't good. The main junction between the M1 and the M25 (which I was intending to use) was completely closed due to a multi-vehicle pile up. Honestly, some people are so insensitive. Didn't they know I was going to use that junction? Didn't they think about my important journey before they began smashing each other's cars into their neighbours? Swines! Therefore I had to make a quick detour across towards Bedford and over to the A14 and the M11. I got within a few miles of Basildon and Amanda's house when we ground to a complete halt on the A127. There was some motorbike rally going on and we all had to stop for them. I am not the world's biggest fan of motorbikes at the best of times, but at this very moment, after having driven for five hours from Penrith I personally would not have wasted my urine on any passing motorcyclist who happened to find himself ablaze at that time.

I eventually picked up Amanda and James, and we drove down to Kent and a stop at Cathy and Julian's house in Stockbury. My parents were there as well, on their way back from a holiday in Germany, so we all ended up together having a very nice family dinner. James had great fun playing around in Cath and Julian's garden as it is a little...ahem... stuffed with all the lovely lumps of rusting machinery that Julian is so fond of purchasing and that Cathy is so keen for him to get rid of. James took great delight in wearing one of Julian's crash helmets and sitting astride a mighty motorbike, much to the amusement of the rest of us - as you can see from the picture above. He even reckoned he was going to ride to Disneyland in Paris by himself. But that is another story.

That Was One Hell of a Week That Was Part One

So this was the beginning of a week that would test my powers of endurance, the suspension of my new car and the limits of my bank balance. It all began so innocently! I have a very dear old friend called Andy Blundell who I know from way back when we were pub buddies back in deepest darkest Essex and The Hoop Pub in Stock near Billericay. I had not seen Andy since 1997 but somehow we had just about managed to stay in touch despite him travelling widely to places like Australia, New Zealand, Tonga and many other far flung destinations. He was now back in blighty, living near Penrith in Cumbria (his home town), married to a lovely lady called Kate and with two lovely children called Daisy and Dylan. He was also running a very well respected antique furniture restoration company called Phoenix Antiques. During one of our long distance telephone calls some time ago Andy mentioned that he would be opening a new Antiques showroom near his home in Temple Sowerby just outside Penrith. I offered to come up to Cumbria and open the showroom in my full Henry gear and so the date was set for 12th September. I drove up on the 11th, the Friday, which was an incredibly stupid idea. The M6, the main road up to the Lake District and Scotland is, as any tourist route is on a Friday (see the A303 down here for proof of that) packed solid, added to which some complete tit somewhere in the country had decided it would be a quite fabulous notion to dig most of it up at regular intervals along it's length. A journey from Somerset to Penrith should (according to my sat nav) be about 5-6 hours. It took me nearer 9 hours. I arrived knackered and aching, but Andy and Kate made me very welcome and we ended up sitting in their lovely house in Temple Sowerby eating a late night takeaway curry and drinking champagne! Wonderful.

On the Saturday morning I nipped up the road to the local Centre Parcs just outside Penrith, to visit my old friend John Summers who recently finished working as Estate Manager at Leeds Castle in Kent and was now working as Technical Operations Manager at the big tourist resort. He welcomed me kindly and gave me a guided tour of the site in one of their groovy electric vans. It's a wonderful place and I think John is enjoying working there. It was nice to see him looking so happy.

Back at the new showroom things were gearing up for the launch party. I got changed into my Henry garb, drinks were prepared for the coming guests and a ribbon was placed over the door for me to cut with a pair of scissors. Soon the guests were all there, I did a quick hello to them all, cut the ribbon and the new showroom for Phoenix Furniture Restorations was open! Many people came and all in all it seemed like a big success.

That evening, after all had quietened down, Andy, Kate and I hit the mean streets of Penrith to celebrate. We had a few drinks at a couple of very trendy bars (not my usual stamping ground, but very nice and entertaining) and then headed for a local Mexican restaurant. It was full. So we wandered round to a local Italian restaurant. This was also very busy but the manager assured us a table would be free soon. And it was and we found ourselves next to Radio 2 and 6 DJ Stuart Maconie. We were actually pretty well oiled by this time and were probably quite a pain in the bottom, but Stuart was very kind and chatty and we had a nice time with him. The meal was lovely and we drank far too much more champagne and were soon in a taxi heading back to Temple Sowerby.

A late night is probably best not followed up by an early morning and a long drive. But guess what happened next...?

Manor Court Junior, Chard

Good King Hal, proving once and for all that he needs the dough. (Geddit?)

My annual visit to Manor Court Junior School in Chard is becoming almost as much of a regular thing as the return of the Swallows every summer. With the slight difference that I don't perch on telephone wires or make small houses out of mud, crap and spit and then stick them in the eaves of people's houses only showing myself to come out and hunt for small airborne insects or to have a poo. And mores the pity I say. How exciting life would be!

I love Manor Court as it is such a friendly school. The teachers are just lovely, always friendly, chatty and great fun. We had the added pleasure of a couple of student teachers today who were all of the above and with the added bonus of both being very easy on the eye. Always a plus point with naughty old Henry. The children were all brilliant today as well - terrific fun, easy to handle and very willing to laugh and have a joke. The morning went swimmingly and soon I was heading into town to grab a sandwich. In previous years I had gone to either Somerfield or Bilby's Sandwich bar, but now in 2009 they are both gone. Bilby's went some time ago and is now a Lloyd's Pharmacy. Somerfield has gone and is being replaced by a Sainsburys, but that won't open until October. Therefore I had to trundle into the middle of town until I found a bakers. I bought a "steak Cornish pasty". For "steak" read "tons of chopped potato and about three bits of apparently carbonised meat gristle in a dull brown sludge". Yummy!

After my gastric blow out at lunch it was back for an afternoon of fun, frolics and jousting. A wonderful time was had by all and a brilliantly mad, eccentric ladies team waltzed off with the title and the certificates. Wonderful stuff. This makes our score for this year:

GENTLEMEN 0 - 2 LADIES

Exciting or what? (What?)

Tomorrow (Friday) I am off to Penrith and my old mate Andy Blundell's place to help him celebrate the opening of his new antique furniture showroom. And then onto Disneyland. Good 'ere, innit?

Shillingstone Primary, Dorset

Henry VIII, shortly after resigning as President of the Vegan Society.

Ah, the sweet knowledge that the school year has begun again! Good King Hal was back on the road again today for the first show back on the circuit after the summer hiatus. It was a half day today at a little village called Shillingstone near Blandford Forum in deepest, not very darkest, Dorset. I made a joke on my Facebook page today that Shillingstone hadn't gone to the decimal system yet, but no one seemed to get it. (SHILLING-stone? 5p-stone? Geddit? No, most others didn't either).

Shillingstone Primary School is a delightful, tiny, early Victorian school building with various other bits bolted onto it, like some sort of random built meccano educational establishment. Added to this is the fact that the place has no parking whatsoever, so I had to park on the busy main street to unload my Henry gear and then park about 500 yards along this same road in the tiny car park of a Church Hall. This lack of car parking has now induced the good people of Dorset County Council and Shillingstone to re-locate the school to new premises on the edge of the village. A new build is taking place and they are promised to be in at about this time next year. Fingers, eyes and legs crossed that is.

Today was just a half day, but terrific fun all the same. The group was about 25 children from years 5 and 6, and they had only just started studying the Tudors, but there was still plenty of good Tudor general knowledge on display. Lots of giggles and laughs, lots of nice compliments from the lovely teaching staff and a jousting tournament that started quietly but soon built up to a fine crescendo ending with a well deserved victory for the ladies team. Perhaps I should try and keep score again? OK...

GENTLEMEN 0 -1 LADIES

Watch this space for more! Thursday I am at Manor Court School in Chard, from thence to Penrith in Cumbria to open a new showroom for my friend Andy Blundell's antique furniture restoration business, and then off to Disneyland in Paris with Amanda and James.... Phew. I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Dillington House Open Day

Good King Hal, in his luxury dressing room today, with what appears to be a box of matches exploding in his hands.

Dillington House is a delightful place. I have been wondering on how to best describe this gorgeous Elizabethan house, but thought it best to leave it to themselves. This is how Dillington House describes itself on it's own website:

"Dillington House is Somerset County Council’s residential centre for professional development, adult education and the arts. Founded in 1949, it has been offering lifelong learning opportunities for over fifty years. The arts play an important role in creating the unique ambience which is Dillington. Although Dillington House is wholly part of Somerset County Council it operates without public subsidy and is responsible for meeting all of its costs.The Main House dates back to the 16th century and is one of the most beautiful houses in Somerset and features in Simon Jenkins’ book England’s 1000 Best Houses.
The accommodation is in a range of bedrooms, most of which are en-suite, that are located in the House, the Mews or the Hyde. Dillington House is neither an hotel, college nor simple conference centre. It is uniquely something special at which everything and anything is possible. Standards of service and accommodation are very high and Dillington remains the only establishment to have been awarded 5-stars by the English Tourism Council under their “Campus” quality assessment scheme."

I really honestly could not have put that better myself! Well, today was their open day and for a second year running I was invited along to wander the house and grounds and chat to people. This year seemed a lot busier than last year, but the weather was pretty much the same, overcast and blowy, but not entirely cold. Three lovely old cars sat sentinel on the front gravel driveway. A massive 1936 Rolls Royce, an equally gargantuan 1929 Lanchester and a very cute 1935 Rover.

As you can sort of see from my picture above, my dressing room was a luxurious affair. It was one of the lovely en-suite rooms you can have at Dillington House and was sumptuously furnished and very comfortable. I bumped into lots of friends from Barrington Court, a lady I had done a BBC Somerset show with and even one of the couples from the Chard Historical Group meeting I spoke to. I had a lovely packed lunch, more wandering, but by 4pm my back was aching and I felt it was time to go. It was a fabulous day and Dillington House is definitely worth a visit.

Next Henry show is on Tuesday at Shillingstone in Dorset.

Rural Life Museum, Glastonbury (with added Chickens!)

One of my favourite places on Earth is Glastonbury Tor. It is such a spell-binding symbol of the west country and is visible for miles around. Even to this day, all those years since I first laid eyes on it (March 1988 to be precise) I still get a weird feeling of the hairs on the back of my neck standing up when I see it. To drive to Glastonbury from my home in Crewkerne involves driving up past Compton Dundon and Somerton. Your view of the Tor is obscured until you reach the crossroads where the road splits off to either Keinton Mandeville or Ashcott, or straight on to Street and Glastonbury - suddenly it looms up at you from the landscape, and it still takes my breath away.

Once a year I am privileged enough to do some stand up Henry shows at the delightful Rural Life Museum in Glastonbury. It is right at the foot of the Tor (as the picture above shows you) and is a charming little museum with a fine Tithe Barn and a recreation of a Victorian Farmhouse. I do my shows in the Tithe Barn with it's dirt floor and moody secluded lighting which gives the impression of candle light. I was working on the Saturday and the Bank Holiday Monday (rather parochially the museum shuts on Sundays), doing three shows each day. Each day the shows followed the same routine - early show would be sparsely attended, but the group were enthusiastic and laughed a lot; the middle show would be much busier, but quiet and getting laughs from the audience were like pulling teeth; the final show would be packed and the audience were hugely responsive.

It was a fabulous weekend and great fun to work with the lovely staff at this wonderful museum. Next weekend I am at Dillington House near Ilminster for their open day on Sunday, then it is back in the schools again for the new term! Here we go!

BBC Somerset

BBC Somerset's Emma Britton enjoying the hors d'ouerve before the main course of pinot grigot turns up.

And so, for the first time in what felt like a longtime, I was back in good old Taunton and on BBC Somerset with the lovely Emma Britton on her morning show. I was on with a chap I had appeared on the show before with, possibly back when Jo Phillips was doing the show. His name was Jamie and he was a fund raiser with Secret World which is a wildlife sanctuary in mid Somerset. He was great company and the show seemed to go pretty well. Our main talking point was the fact that the Little Chef which has been tarted up by Heston Blumenthal on the A303 is now going to be in the next Good Food Guide. It was lovely to work with the delightful Emma again. She is such a bubbly character and brings such a sense of fun to the whole show. The hour seemed to go past very quickly. If you wish to hear it again, go to the www.bbc.co.uk/somerset page and click on the "listen again" section. Choose Emma Britton's "Have Your Say" show and choose Friday. I am on for the first hour, but the whole show is definitely worth a listen. I was on to plug the two shows I am doing this weekend in Glastonbury at the Rural Life Museum. Come and join me! I stopped briefly on the way home to see Matthew Applegate at Barrington Court and discuss future projects including the already near legendary Chutfest '09 - watch this space for more! So, Rural Life Museum in Glastonbury tomorrow and on Bank Holiday Monday.

Two Days at Barrington Court, a Holiday at Chavoncy sur la Mare, a new car and a visit to Wales!

There is no finer place to be on a hot summer's afternoon than at Barrington Court near Ilminster. I was really looking forward to my two days wandering round the old pile again - it was just a shame my old mate Matthew Applegate wasn't around as he was off enjoying a well deserved holiday in France. I was left in the very capable hands of his new "apprentice" Kate Churchill who did a wonderful job. I was there for the Saturday and the Sunday, however on the Sunday I also had another pressing engagement - my own holiday! Many years back I would regularly go camping with some friends from Essex and we would venture off into the wild West Country and have a good time. We had all decided we should do this again and, even though I now live in the West Country myself, it was to be the way out west we'd head again. So on my first day of holiday I was also to be doing a 4-hour stint at Barrington Court. We were to be camped at Freshwater Holiday Park in Burton Bradstock in Dorset. Therefore on the Sunday I dropped my wife, son and about three tons of camping equipment at Burton Bradstock and then skedaddled back to Barrington. The walkabout at Barrington went well on the Sunday, particularly with three lovely, but insane ladies from the West Midlands who had come down especially to see me. One of the ladies in particular kept hugging me and telling me what a "darling man" I was. Should have gone to Spec Savers, bless her.

Now back to the Holiday Park... When I had first arrived in the morning my impression had been "Oh My God..." It was a heaving mass of humanity perched on a beach. Caravans were EVERYWHERE. The actual area for tents was not bad, but you were crammed in tight, in a sort of cheek-by-jowl arrangement. Added to which the rest of the people camped on the site seemed to only have football shirts, tattoos, cigarettes and swearing to keep them entertained. We therefore quickly christened the site Chav-on-Sea, but if you say that quick enough it sounds like an exotic French seaside town - Chavoncy! We were soon all singing along to the tune of "La Mer" with our made up words of - "Chavoncy, sur-la-Mer, La merde de chien sur la plage" etc etc. Now on the plus side there was a great swimming pool which my six year old son thought was the best thing since sliced bread, and the toilet and showering facilities were excellent and kept almost pathologically clean by an army of Lady MacBeths, scrubbing away at any "damn spot" they came across. It could be quite noisy at night as well, when the chavs got a bit too much "Yob gas" or "tart fuel" inside them, and it was quite pricey as well, so I don't think we'll bother with that campsite again. It was nice to see all my friends despite that and we had some lovely days out at places like Maiden Castle, Bovington Camp and a brilliant curry house in Bridport on the last night! (The Taj Mahal if you were wondering).

On heading for home briefly, I stopped to say a fond farewell to my old Peugeot 406 which I had part exchanged for a Mazda 323, which despite being five years old only had 12,000 genuine miles on the clock. Lovely!

Barely pausing to wipe the grin off my face, Amanda, James and I were then leaping into the said Mazda and roaring off to Welsh Wales and a visit to my parents at their new home in Newcastle Emlyn. We have just got back from that, Amanda and James have vanished off back to Essex and I am sitting here gasping for breath while the dust settles around me. I need a holiday after all that. But not in Burton Bradstock. Hell, no!

More Rochester Castle Pics!

Henry VIIIth showing Anne of Cleves an old trick he learnt in the Army. The ancient monument in the background is Hans Holbein. Behind him is Rochester Castle.

Henry meets Anne of Cleves in Rochester!

Hans Holbein shows Henry VIII and Anne of Cleves his etchings. Some day his prints will come.

I am ashamed to admit something. I had never been to Rochester in Kent before. There, I've said it and I feel better for getting it off my chest. After doing various bits of work for Visit Kent at the ExCel Arena in London and down at the Dover Cruise Terminal (see various blog entries in the past about all that) my name had got to the good people at Rochester Cathedral and Rochester Castle. Now Rochester looms large in the history of Henry VIII as it was at this Kent city that our rotund Tudor hero first met Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife. The Cathedral people had decided to cash in on the 500th anniversary of Henry's accession to the throne in 1509 by staging a "re-enactment" of this first meeting, which originally didn't go very well - luckily our interpretation of it seemed far more successful.

I had driven down to Kent on the Monday afternoon and stayed with my sister and her husband at their lovely house near Sittingbourne. We had a lovely evening eating curry and then Cathy (my sister) and I spent the rest of the night jamming together on guitars and mandolin. Fun fun fun, but probably not if you were a true music lover. The following morning I drove up to Rochester, as I have said before, my first visit to this lovely city, and it truly is lovely to look at. The castle and Cathedral, sitting cheek by jowl, are amazing to see. I was lucky enough to be able to park right next to the Cathedral's back door! I was then introduced to the actor playing Holbein for the re-enactment - a really nice man who I think was called Andrew, but if I have the name wrong I apologise profusely. Then entered the actress playing Anne of Cleves, a delightful little lady called Kiri Bloom - a name you don't forget in a hurry. She had made her own costume, which was brilliant, and additionally she was only 4 feet 11 inches tall, so she looked very sweet and vulnerable next big nasty old Henry. The plan for the day was simple, we would ponce around the Cathedral for a while to begin with, having promotional photos taken and also speaking to any press that turned up (the only press that turned up was BBC Radio Kent) before making our way round to the war memorial outside the Cathedral where we would do our two interpretations of Henry's meeting with Anne, one at 11am and one at 12 noon. We would be preceded by Rochester's town crier who would announce us and on we'd go. A script had been drawn up the day before the show, but we were only to use it as a vague outline of what to do, improvisation was the name of the game today. The two morning presentations went very well, lots of laughs and impromptu asides and the audience seemed to enjoy it. The second one was probably the best of the two.

We were treated to a sumptuous lunch at a pub near the Castle called the something or other Vaults - didn't quite catch the name, but it was very very good. It was fun walking down the pub with all three of us still in costume. After lunch we were up at the Castle wandering about meeting people and we were requested to do the interpretation again - and so we did for a third time! More fun! Then it was back to the Cathedral another little wander about and then that was about it. A really fun day.

I drove back up to Essex, met up with Amanda and James and we then drove up to Maldon for an evening meal with Kevin and Ann Rowley and their lovely mostly grown-up children, Rachel, Charlotte and Michael. It was a perfect end to a very lovely day. Tired today, but happy.

Southchurch Hall Tudor Day 2009

Henry VIIIth, accidentally sitting down too fast and nearly dissolving his Monasteries.

Last year I had the pleasure of appearing at the Southchurch Hall Tudor Day, and it was such good fun that I was delighted to receive a follow up invitation for this year's event. The weather was a lot better than last year and I was pleased to find a parking spot right by the main entrance to the park. As I said before, Southchurch Hall is this delightful old Tudor building nestling amongst some fairly anonymous 1920's and 30's developments. Like last year they had set up a mini-Tudor village with an apothecarist, various other vendors, a wise woman and a working medieval/Tudor wood lathe. I was very happy to see the same Jester that had appeared last year. I asked him where he was based and he said "Hadleigh, for this time of year..." it turned out that he lives the rest of the time in Western Australia! He was as good as ever, as was the wonderful Tudor musician with all his collection of fantastic instruments. There was however, a complete lack of any sweating screaming lunatic telling stories of the Marie Rose sinking in Portsmouth Harbour - thank God.

I did my first talk in the main hall during the morning session, and it was packed out. There were some good laughs to be had and a nice receptive crowd. I wandered the grounds and kissed young ladies hands, shook hands with gents, and had my photo taken with many bemused but friendly children. The warmer weather this year seemed, to my eyes at least, to have brought out more crowds than last years. Many people came up to see me who had been at the show last year, and I had many photos again taken by the lovely people who publish them on www.flickr.com which is where I got the wonderful picture above, taken this very day!

We had the parade of children in fancy dress and chose the best costumes for boy and girl, and then it was my second talk of the day. This take place outside under one of the trees and I had another big and lovely crowd watching. Laughs a plenty and then it was over. I had been so busy I had managed to miss lunch so I was delighted to find a wonderful hot meal waiting for me on my return to Amanda's house in Basildon. And yes, it WAS sunny Basildon.

Off to Rochester in Kent for a photo shoot at the castle. See you there!