Roman Hill Middle School, Lowestoft

Mike Farley as Good King Hal, and Helen Budd, Assistant Events Manager at Leeds Castle, working their socks off at the recent Royal Jousting Tournament.  BTW, Irn Bru tastes like crap.

I love this picture on the right.  Darlene from Leeds Castle sent it to me the other day and it just makes me laugh so much.  It almost looks like dear little Helen Budd is resting her feet on my head!

Today was yet another return visit to Roman Hill Middle School in Lowestoft in north Suffolk.  Thankfully my journey up was painless compared to a couple of years back (see this blog passim) and there were no major road traffic accidents or horrendous roadworks in Lowestoft itself.  In fact the only two things that ruined the journey up was the fact I had to leave at just before 6am and most of the journey was spent listening to the inane brainless ramblings of Sarah Kennedy on Radio 2.  Considering it is only a couple of days after the Air France plane crash, the idiotic woman was jabbering about her own experiences of Air France on a recent trip to Egypt.  Apparently it was a "jolly nice airline", which I am sure will be of monumental relief to all the mourning families across the globe.   And as today was a polling day in the European elections, she assured us she would not be digging any political stories out of the newspaper reviews that she does each day.  Now Sarah has her political colours very firmly nailed to her mast most of the time and you would have to be pretty dense not to work out her political leanings, but she was not going to make any comments about the impending implosion of Gordon Brown's government in the elections - but she reckoned the day was going to be entertaining and "jolly interesting".  Someone get this buffoon off the air because....damn!  But enough of my Will Smith impressions from "Men in Black".

It was great fun at the school today.  A group of about 80, very enthusiastic children, and some lovely teachers - but not dear Rebecca Haste from previous years.  She was busy having a fun time in Australia, and I can't blame her!  She'd heard my inane jokes for the previous five years and probably considered the antipodes as the best place to get away from them this time around.  We had a fabulous day with the only draw back being we ran out of time to find champions in the jousting!  We had a ladies race and a gents race, but that was it!  No final!  Perhaps next year.  The journey back was less of a drag as Sarah Kennedy had gone home to nail four CWT of blue bunting to the front of her country mansion.

I have spent this evening trying to teach James how to play "Super Mario Cart" on the Wii, and he is slowly getting the hang of it, but he is still not quite getting the idea that driving in a straight line is the quickest way to win a race.  Never mind, I am sure even Lewis Hamilton and Jensen Button had these problems at first.  Tomorrow I am back at Northwick Park in Canvey Island.  Should be a good one.

Thundersley!

We are all so in need of our modern contraptions, aren't we?  Now, you'd have thought that a big old, roughty-toughty Tudor King like me would have no need of such namby pamby things like Sat Navs, wouldn't you?  How wrong.

Last week, whilst at Leeds Castle (hence the excuse for this photo here!) I had the pleasure of attending John Summer's farewell bash which took place at a very nice Indian restaurant in the middle of nowhere in Kent.  I hadn't paid much attention on how we'd got to this particular restaurant (I had driven in convoy with others) as I knew I had my faithful old Sat Nav in the car to help find my way back to my sister's place at Stockbury.  WRONG!  I came out of the restaurant after the meal and climbed in my car.  Not a sign of the Sat Nav.  Rummage, rummage, rummage.  Still nothing.  I know, I still have dear old Doris in the car, my emergency back up Sat Nav who runs on batteries only.  There she is...oh dear.  No batteries.  I took them out the previous week as my Mother needed them for her camera.  You suddenly feel the cold chill of reality running down your spine.  Yes, you are going to have to use those old fashioned things called "road signs" to find your way back to your bed tonight.  And, ye Gods, it worked!  However, this didn't solve the fact that this week I had three big Henry shows to do in Essex and Suffolk and not a sat nav that would last more than an hour to help me.  Until of course I got to Thundersley Junior this morning and while pulling all the props out of the car... there was the SAT NAV!  Cue choirs of angels, cannon fire, Hallelujah Chorus, flashing lights and laser show.  Well, to be honest it was more of "for *£%$'s sake!" and a heavy sigh.

It was my third year at Thundersley Junior and as ever it was a pleasure to come and see everyone there.  Fabulous costumes, great kids and lovely teachers.  What more could you ask for?  Also, the temperature had dropped considerably from the previous few days and that made things a lot more tolerable for me.  The afternoon joust was a belter, loads of noise and a close but deserved victory for the ladies.  Great stuff!  Tomorrow I am back at Roman Hill Junior in Lowestoft in Suffolk, so it's an early start tomorrow.

Joust a Minute

Sir Eugene of Knebworth and Sir Stephen of Porlock contemplate darning the ladder in His Majesty's tights with a dirty big needle.

And after the rain came the sun.  Where on the Wednesday we had all frozen at the jousting tournament at Leeds Castle, from Thursday onwards it got hotter and hotter, and the crowds grew larger.  On the Friday we attracted an almost unbelievable 8,400 visitors on one day - a record for a Friday we were told.  Queues of cars were stretching from the main entrance, all along the A20 and back to the M20.  On the other days we were getting at least 7,500 people which just goes to prove how popular the jousting tournament was with the public.

Apart from laddering my tights on one day, the other highlights were seeing some old friends who had come to visit during my stay at the Castle.  Anne Crocker and Ben Lyle from Shoreham brought along their lovely daughters Nell and Tilly; an old friend of my Father's, William Brown came along with a section of his immediate family; and on the Sunday the lovely Michelle Coda came along with her Mum and Dad, the indomitable Frank and Debbie, plus her partner and two children - and it was just so nice to see them all!

The whole experience of the jousting tournament has been positive, and I particularly enjoyed the final two shows as Jeremy (who is head of the Royal Knights of England) suggested I keep an open mic in the Royal Box and have some banter with Roland, the announcer.  This was great fun and everyone seemed to enjoy it!  Big thanks to Darlene, Helen and everyone else at Leeds Castle for everything as ever.  Also thanks to Cath and Julian for letting me stay at their lovely house again.

I have a couple of days to recuperate now and then I am off to Thundersley on Wednesday, Lowestoft on Thursday and Canvey Island on Friday.

I Guess You're Joust What I Needed

My son James, looking almost insufferably cute in chain mail in the "Hands on History" tent at the Leeds Castle jousting tournament.

In 2006 I appeared at Leeds Castle for their jousting tournament - it was the hottest weather I had ever experienced whilst portraying Henry and I wasn't really involved with the jousting team.  I just wandered around on the periphery of things and chatted to the punters.  This year however, the sainted Darlene Cavill and her erstwhile assistant, the charming Helen Budd had booked me back for the joust but this time with complete involvement in the show.  It has been great so far.  I do the usual before and after the show stuff of wandering round and chatting to the punters and being photographed, but during the show I get to sit in the "Royal Box" and holler and shout along with the rest of the crowd at the mayhem going on in the arena.  I also have a speech I have to deliver to the Knights before they begin, and I am still reading it off a piece of paper at the moment, but I might have learnt it by the end of the week.  There are other items of interest for the public - the chance to loose some arrows at fake animal targets, firing a trebuchet, hearing talks and trying on armour with the "Hands on History" people (see my son James in full battle gear above), plus there are stalls selling everything from hot chocolate and eccles cakes, through to mini Knight's outfits and cloaks.

We began on Tuesday with a fairly good turnout and some excellent jousting.  Wednesday the weather was awful but luckily many hearty souls braved the elements (My parents, my son James and my sister Cathy included!) but the turnout was a lot lower than had been hoped for, but it was just so cold and wet.  Today, the sun has shone, the clouds have gone and Leeds Castle had nearly 7,000 visitors in!  And it's only going to get better as the week goes on! Watch this space for more soon! 

Exit Smiling and Big Nose Bill!

Just a quickie this posting!  Last night (Friday) I had a splendid evening in Bridport.  I went down to visit my dear old friends Jill and Mark Beed, and after a splendid Cod and Celery free dinner we wandered down to Bridport Town Hall to see a really wonderful new band in concert.  From Burton Bradstock on the coast in deepest darkest Dorset they are called Exit Smiling and are really worth tracking down.  Mostly a quartet, though other peripheral players come and go during a show, they comprise of two older gents (I am sure they won't mind me referring to them in such a way) and two young ladies.  Each and every one of them is blessed with natural musical skill but the young cello player (who also showed amazing skills on keyboards, vocals and even bass) was a real wow.  A wonderful evening of stunning English folk music.  My joy was completed when one of their biggest fans turned up - namely Mr Billy Bragg - aka Big Nosed Bill from Barking.  He joined Exit Smiling on stage for a couple of their numbers and then after the show had finished, I managed to grab a quick conversation with the man himself and he was delightful.  A great evening all round.  To check out Exit Smiling please go to their website at http://www.exitsmiling.org.uk/ and tell them I sent you.

I also add a picture of Billy Bragg.  (This for my sister Sue in Wales and for Jill in Bridport who both go weak at the knees at the mere mention of him). 

TAGGED! An Award for Good King Hal!

I have been, or I should say, my Blog here has been nominated, or awarded, or just plain given the above award - Kreativ Blogger, by the deeply lovely, wonderful and closely related to me, Moonroot! You can check out her extremely funky groovy blog at http://moonroot.blogspot.com/ as it is always fulfilling and entertaining. Apparently what I need to do now is name seven things that I really like, and then list seven other Blogs that I frequently read and nominate them or tag them for the awards. (See? I really don't know what I'm doing. Have pity on a poor old Tudor monarch who has lost his marbles). The problem is I don't read many other blogs so I think I might struggle to find seven I can nominate/tag/hit with a big stick. But what the heck, here goes...

First of all, seven favourite things I like!

1. My son James - who is just so beautiful, gorgeous, fun, cuddly, brilliant and wonderful.
2. The fact that summer is coming. We haven't had a summer for over two years now and despite being someone who usually loves winter, I have had enough. Lets have a proper summer please.
3. Cricket! OH JOY! It is an Ashes summer! Is it too much to hope that we can trounce the antipodean swines again? Probably not, but then it has never stopped us hoping in the past. I personally think the ECB should ponder the idea of stationing a few snipers on the higher parts of the Test ground pavilions. Then should an Aussie batsman start looking a bit tasty someone can give the signal and the marksman can blow his helmet off at 500 yards. (Nasty). But it will take his mind off batting I can assure you. The marksman can also pick off any Australian fielders who look like they might be a bit good as well. Anything to even up the playing field...
4. My family. I don't think my wife, parents, and sisters have any idea how much I love them all, and how important their friendship is to me. They are all wonderful and for once I would like to make public my love of them. (And despite this grovelling I really don't owe them vast sums of money).
5. The group XTC. Just joy, sheer unbridled joy that they existed at all and that they recorded such life affirming clever, beautiful music.
6. Writing and playing music. I have suffered for my music, so I make sure everyone else does as well...
7. Doing the job I do. I am very very lucky - I know that. And I love every single second I am doing it.

Now the tricky bit. Seven blogs to nominate....

1. Order and Chaos. Try it at http://pagangracecat.blogspot.com/
2. Random Thinks is by Liz Bennett the wonderful lady who looks after my main website. You can catch her at http://somerandomthinks.blogspot.com/
3. Giles London is Giles Coren, only funny. Try his outlandish restaurant reviews at http://gileslondon.blogspot.com/ And he and I are not related at all...
4. Have a bash at http://teamspiritnovel.blogspot.com/ which is an on line comedy novel some big ginger bloke is writing. I don't know him at all....
5. Er...
6. That's it.
7. Cont. p.94

Pathetic I know. Sorry. I just don't really have much time for reading blogs. FORGIVE ME!

Chard History Group Annual Dinner

Some time ago, a very pleasant sounding gentleman called Don Stepney contacted me from the Chard History Group, to see if I was available or interested at appearing at their annual dinner in May to be their after dinner speaker. I was more than happy to agree and the date has been on my calendar ever since. All of a sudden it crept up on me and it was THE day itself. The event was to take place at the Lordleaze Hotel in Chard, somewhere I am ashamed to admit I have never visited before. It is tucked away, just off the Forton Road, behind a fairly anonymous looking modern housing development. Without signposts to it, or my sat nav, I don't think I would have ever found it.

The evening got off to a less than auspicious start - I was due at the Hotel at 6.45pm, but I didn't actually get there until about 6.50pm. Not much difference you would think. However, Don Stepney had booked a photographer from the Chard and Ilminster Gazette newspaper, and would you believe it the guy had arrived smack on 6.45pm and was now going into apoplectic rage as I wasn't there and he had booked himself another photo call at 7.00pm at Tatworth. So I arrived at the hotel to be immediately confronted by an irate, and extremely elderly photographer. "Oh, you're finally here" he began through ill fitting gummy false teeth. Great, just what I needed. "How longs it gonna take you to get changed, pal?" Pal. I love it. When I told him it would probably take me at least 10 minutes his crumpled old face nearly folded in half with disgust. "10 minutes?" He squealed. "I've got to be in Tatworth at 7pm!" I kindly offered to tie him to the roof rack of my car and take him there, but he didn't accept. "Can't you just stick a hat on or something?" he gummed at me. And so next week, the good readers of the Chard and Ilminster Gazette (both of them) will be treated to a photo of the officers of Chard History Group standing next to a huge ginger man wearing a t-shirt, jeans and for some unexplained reason, a great big Tudor hat. And with that the ancient miserable snapper departed - and everything got better.

The Chard History Group are lovely! They welcomed me very warmly - I was applauded to my seat on the top table and was then treated to a delightful meal. They had tried to go for a Tudor-ish theme, and so we started with brawn, pickle and toast, which was lovely. This was followed by the main course which was a simply irresistible venison casserole, with a puff pastry lid, roast potatoes and broccoli. The venison had been cooked to perfection by the chef and was succulent, tasty and literally melted in the mouth. For dessert they supplied an apple and cinnamon pie with creme anglais. I was stuffed! And I still had to do my talk. I was fortunate enough to go down a storm - the audience really seemed to enjoy themselves and I got lots of congratulations and handshakes at the end. It was a very pleasant evening all round and I cannot begin to recommend the Lordleaze Hotel highly enough for their food and friendliness. And as for the Chard History Group? What can I say? Marvellous lovely people who know how to have a good time. Thank you for a lovely evening folks!

Little Parndon, Harlow

I have had the pleasure of visiting Little Parndon School in Harlow every years since 2005, so this year was my 5th annual visit. It is always a pleasure to visit this school as everyone there is very welcoming and kind, the children are all fun, chatty and intelligent, and the day always seems to be fun and well received.

It was only a small year group this time around, about 40+ children, but all in superb costumes, particularly one little lad who looked like a leprechaun! One of the teachers was a little embarrassed as she had just noticed that her own Tudor costume was somewhat... ahem...immodest, as it was almost completely see-through and gave a very good idea of her underwear selection for the day. She borrowed a pair of football shorts from one of the male teachers to spare her blushes. Mind you, it was a pair of Spurs shorts which I would have thought was embarrassment enough. Another of the ladies in attendance was an absolute spitting image of Billie Piper from her Rose Tyler exploits in Doctor Who. She was chosen by the kids to go in the stocks later - I urged her to run off to the TARDIS as it would be safer.

The jousting was a deafening experience and was won by a very fine Gents team. On finishing I drove over to my parent's house in Mountnessing for what could be one of the last times (they are hopefully on the verge of a long desired move down to Wales) and Amanda and James were there, as was my sister Cathy, her husband Julian, and their dogs Sam and Muffy. I drove home to Somerset after dinner. Today I have been in to see the Doctor again as my Cellulitus is still playing me up. Perhaps it will make me hobble about like a real Henry VIIIth! I am all for authenticity, but this is ridiculous.

Wootton Basset AND Hever Castle - on a Bank Holiday Weekend?

No need to go overseas today!  After the Isle of Wight jaunt the other day I was up for another early start - today was a trip to Noremarsh Junior School in Wootton Basset in Wiltshire, followed by a breathless dash through bank holiday clogged motorways to the beautiful Hever Castle in Kent.

The early drive to Wootton Basset was relatively easy and the school was a delight - bright and cheerful, full of very nice teachers and with some hilarious and very excitable children.   It was a group of about 90+ children, a mixture of years 3 and 4, and all of them hyper about the prospect of a day with Henry VIIIth!  They showed some great Tudor knowledge in the morning and there were laughs aplenty. They were so loud and excited in the morning I knew that the afternoon was going to be good, and I was right.  The stocks part of the show was riotous, and ended up with Mr Simpson, the head teacher, stuck in the pillory and being booed by the children.  The jousting - wow.  The noise! After several closely fought bouts it was the gentlemen who ran off with the title of champions for the year.  And so I was soon on my way.

This was to be my first appearance at Hever Castle as Henry and I very nearly didn't make it.  On a good day it should take about two and a bit hours from Wootton Basset to Hever in Kent - but this was not a good day - it was a Friday afternoon, of a bank holiday weekend and the sun was shining.  Everything was fine and dandy while I was on the M4 heading east.  I made very good time, but then I got to the M25.  Oh dear.  If you ever needed a more compelling argument for NOT living in the South East of England, then this road takes some beating.  Dragging along, not getting much above 20 mph, everyone fractious and fighting for any limited piece of road space.  It was awful.  My estimated time of arrival at Hever kept getting later and later on my Sat Nav.  But then, lo and behold, the traffic cleared a little and I was suddenly on a back road in Kent and getting very close.  This booking was directly from the show I did at the Excel Arena in London about a month ago - a German company was entertaining all their tour operators who worked in the UK and were visiting various tourist sites in South East England, hence their presence at Hever.  I was greeted at Hever by some lovely people - the staff were incredibly friendly and welcoming.  I was soon changed and meeting and greeting the German group as they finished a tour of this beautiful Castle.  I was photographed by many of the guests and chatted with a lot of them, all of their English being impeccable.  Soon I was leading them down to the banquet suite and then I was finished.  I set off for Essex to stay with Amanda and James in Basildon, and enjoyed another tortuous journey there, but most of that was because my Sat Nav kept taking me down the most ridiculous small tiny back roads and what seemed like circles before I finally found a main road and then the dear old M25 again.

I was possibly working up at the British Library on Bank Holiday Monday, but I am suffering with Cellulitus in my left leg at the moment and it really needs a rest at the moment, so a rest is what it is going to get!  Have a nice weekend everyone.

A Ticket to Ryde

I had never been abroad to be Henry VIIIth before. Someone said to me that the Isle of Wight wasn't officially abroad - I just pointed out that it was very difficult to walk there. I was booked to appear at Haylands School on the outskirts of Ryde on the Island through a Mr Chubb. He had seen me in action as Henry VIIIth some years ago when he worked at Brookside School in Street near Glastonbury. However, he is a Vectis man, born and bred, and had moved back to the island a couple of years ago - but he remembered me, and had consequently booked me for Haylands School.

I knew it was going to be a long journey down to the Isle of Wight, but it was also a long way down to Lymington where the ferry was. I caught the 6.15am ferry and it was lovely to sit on the viewing deck and cast my eyes over the steely grey waters of the Solent. The sun was smudging it's way to the horizon to my left, making vast silhouettes of the petro-chemical works at Fawley. The orange and pink colours of the delicate sunrise flecked the small waves as we slowly steamed out of the harbour. It was a crisp clear brilliant morning and my reverie was only partially ruined by some slack jawed neanderthal suddenly deciding to play the very loud fruit machine just behind where I was sitting. It was obviously a "Carry on" themed machine as there were lots of Barbara Windsor giggles, Sid James guffaws, Swanee whistle whoops and "ber-doing!!!!!" sound effects that obviously appealed to the mouth breather as he played the damn thing for what seemed a lifetime. We soon docked at Yarmouth and I was on my way. You can't go very far anywhere on the island and I was soon approaching Ryde at a rate of knots. I found the school but, as it was still only about 7.30am, the place was still fully locked up. I had just parked up outside expecting a long wait when a car arrived and the driver got out and unlocked the gates before driving in. I followed. It was the head teacher and he couldn't have been more helpful and charming. Haylands School is a very modern welcoming building with excellent facilities. It has the air of a very happy contented school. I was with the year 3 group for the day and was told by Mr Chubb that they were a very excitable group - and boy they were!

We had a lovely day - tremendous group of children, lovely friendly teachers and assistants, and a very nice lunch to boot. Lots of fun and laughter with the children who also showed a very high level of Tudor knowledge. For the final jousting tournament in the hall we invited the year 4 group to come in and join the spectators which certainly added to the atmosphere in the hall. We nearly blew the roof off the place! A thrilling joust final was won by a very competent ladies team, and we then had a fun teachers race which Mr Chubb's team won!

It was a long drive home and a slow ferry, with intermittent heavy rain and then dazzling sunshine. I didn't get back to Crewkerne until about 7.20pm - I was very tired, but happy. It had been a brilliant day.

Friday I am at Wooton Bassett in Wiltshire during the day and then have a mad dash over to Hever Castle in Kent for my first ever work there in the evening. Smashing!

St George's Night Event, Misterton

I had been approached some months back by a lovely lady called Cheryl Newman to see if I would be interested in appearing at the Crewkerne Town Twinning Association's St George's Night Event in Misterton when all their guests from Igny in France would be over. For a while it seemed touch and go as to whether the event would go ahead, but then about a month or so ago it was confirmed. I arrived at the village hall in Misterton, tucked away down a back lane as it is and was delighted by what I found. There is a large open space with a football pitch or two, some other hard court sports areas and a rather attractive looking village hall. Various St George's Crosses were hanging up alongside various tricolours. Long tables had been set up along the hall and a band (called Tease the Cat) were setting up as well. Outside caterers were setting up large hot trays and a bar was being readied for the evening. Cheryl showed me a room at the rear of the hall where I could get ready.

The plan was that everyone would arrive, there would be some speeches, then I would be introduced and I would then appear from my back room to wow the audience. Of course the speeches were twice the length they should be as they all had to be translated, either from English into French, or from French into English. Finally it was my turn. As I emerged from the back room there was applause and a few gasps of astonishment from the French contingent. I quickly checked that I had put my pantaloons on, but everything was in place. The reason for their reaction was that on the trip down to Crewkerne in their coach, they had stopped at Hampton Court Palace and seen lots of pics of Henry - now they were seeing the real thing. The talk went really well, lots of laughs and great audience participation. I finished and was then set upon by photographers - thousands of 'em, it seemed, but I happily posed for all their pictures, and they seemed well pleased. I left the happy people to their party and headed back into Crewkerne, pausing only to buy a Chinese curry and boiled rice.

Today has been nice - a bit of tidying up around the flat and then a long walk over at Barrington Court. Very nice. Tuesday I am in the Isle of Wight for the first time doing a Henry show - it should be fun.

Some Pics from the Best of Britain and Ireland 2009 Show

On the opening day, Henry VIII with, among others, a Beatle, Robbie Burns, Gunnersaurus and a ballerina. There was four more days of this.

Henry with the wonderful lovely people of the Good Food Ireland stand. Officially makers of the 2nd best Tiffin in the world. Check out Sara's Dairy in Ilminster, Somerset for the best.

Henry VIIIth playing "Spot the Ham".

Good King Hal with a fine pair of Fillies.

Good King Hal gurning at some Soda Bread.

Barrington Court - an Apology & BBC Somerset

What a lovely Easter! Amanda and James came down from Essex and the sun shone warmly - we had lots of fun days out to places like Seaton and visited friends, and just generally had a wonderful time.

However, now the bad news. The "Henry's Horrid History" shows scheduled for this Saturday night at Barrington Court has had to be postponed. This is purely down to poor advance ticket sales and I can understand Barrington covering themselves by pulling the plug early. It is a real shame as I was looking forward to performing at this lovely house again, plus I had friends coming down from Sussex for the show, plus several local friends had confirmed they would be coming along. Never mind, we shall try again in September.

Today, I was on BBC Somerset again on the Emma Britton show, originally to plug the show at Barrington but as that had gone round the u-bend we chatted about the 500th anniversary of Henry's ascension to the throne, and I had to give 5 Facts About Henry you Might Not Know! Which was great fun! It was lovely to work with Emma again as she is such a lovely lady and a brilliant presenter. Good fun all round.

So my next Henry outing at the moment will be a St George's Night event for the Crewkerne Town Twinning Association where I will be entertaining the great and good of Crewkerne and Igny the town in France we are twinned with. Parfait!

Kent 2020 Business Expo

After the fun and games of the Best of Britain show at the Excel London arena last week, I had been asked to join the Visit Kent Stand at the Kent 2020 Business Exhibition at Detling Showground midway between Sittingbourne and Maidstone. I was due at the stand at 12 noon and would be finished by 3pm. So not too bad. I stayed the night before at my sister's in Stockbury which is only about a mile or so from Detling as the crow flies. However, as the King trudges it's a bit further as you have to navigate the joys of the dual carriageway on the A249. I had left Somerset the day before basking in beautiful early spring sunshine, so I wore a fairly cool outfit for the morning down to Detling. WRONG! It was like Siberia up on the showground, no sunshine and a howling cold wind. I parked near the main pavilion and then began the "where the hell am I going to get changed" routine. There was a baby changing unit in a portakabin type thing, but it was firmly locked. Eventually I was pointed to the main office for the showground and there was a disabled toilet which proved perfect.

I had a great time wandering round the show, chatting, leafleting, being photographed and spreading the word about Visit Kent. I headed back to the stand and stood by ready to dish out more leaflets when I saw a lady helping herself to some of the free Cadbury's Mini Eggs on our stand - I turned round just as the egg she'd popped in her mouth shot out and landed with a resounding "clang" back in the metal bowl it had come from. She looked at me like an errant school child and a big embarrassed grin on her face. I laughed with her and made a Henry type comment about her fishing it out and don't just leave it there. I also did the usual kissing of the hand and asked her name. She replied "Janet" - and suddenly I recognised her. It was Janet Fielding - JANET FIELDING! Formerly of Doctor Who from 1981 to 1984 where she played Australian air hostess Tegan Jovanka opposite Peter Davison's Fifth Doctor (is my anorak showing now?) I was a big fan of both her and Sarah Sutton in those days as I was aged about 14-16 during that time and they were both drop dead gorgeous and would occasionally interrupt my sleep pattern - but enough of that. She was absolutely lovely and we had a great chat and she revealed she is working hard to get a Ramsgate Arts Festival going. I recommended a one man Henry VIIIth show - she didn't say no. She even didn't mind when I requested someone take a photo of us together - even after we had to have the photo taken three times as they lady who's camera phone we borrowed wasn't entirely sure how it worked.

The afternoon finished and I was a happy man - great company on the stall, lots of nice people to chat to and I had got to meet Janet Fielding. Great stuff. Almost as good as meeting Cherie Lunghi back in 2005 at the Rolf on Art TV programme I was on. But that's another story.

Coming soon - Henry VIIIth is back in "Henry's Horrid History" at Barrington Court on April 18th. Be there!

By the way - hope you like the picture of Janet from 1984.

Best of Britain 2009

I had not done a trade show since my appearance at the Education Show at the NEC in Birmingham in early 2006. However, during a recent visit to Leeds Castle I had been asked to appear on the Visit Kent stand at the Best of Britain and Ireland Show at the Excel London Arena for the end of March. I had travelled up a couple of days earlier as I had a meeting at my son's school and then a lunch time meeting at Leeds Castle with Darlene and Helen, and a chap named Jeremy from the Knights who are hosting the Jousting tournament I am appearing at in May. It was a very helpful meeting and things are looking good for the show.

Thursday. Up bright and early and ready to head up to London. I have to say I dislike London - nothing personal dear capital, but I reckon London is a young person's town. I lived in London from 1986 to 1990 and I loved it mostly. It was exciting and wonderful to be so close to so many happening things. But now I am old and the delights of London just elude me. Everything is so busy, hectic, packed, angry, full, impatient etc. I was really not looking forward to going back there. I wasn't worried about the show, just the travelling. It would be difficult at the best of times, but when carrying a massive great case full of Henry costume and with a silver topped cane in hand... not fun! Anyway, I made it to the arena and an impressive place it most certainly is. I phoned Lynette my contact at the show to see where she was. She answered on her mobile to tell me she was "behind you". Yup, about 10 paces to be precise. The stand looked very good and as soon as I upload the photos from my camera you will be able to see for yourselves! Almost as soon as I arrived I get whisked off for a photo-shoot with a load of other people dressed as characters such as Robbie Burns, an Arsenal supporting dinosaur called Gunnersaurus and some ladies dressed as posh ladies at the Cheltenham races. The Thursday and the Friday are trade days and Thursday is much the busier of the two days. It is a long and hot day and I was more than grateful when it was time to rip off the costume (in private folks, don't worry) and get changed back into normal gear.

Friday. A much quieter day, which made it drag, but thankfully the show closed at 3pm rather than the 6pm of the previous day. However, I met a very nice chap from Warwick Castle who I passed all my details on to, so fingers crossed there, and I also met Terry Thomas - no not some gap toothed cad from a scandalous school, but a charming little West Indian lady who is a photographer for "Visit Britain" and want to do a photo shoot of me. I shall keep you posted on that one. I continue chatting up the lovely ladies from Hever Castle in the hope they will give me some work, and I playfully pester Tamsin from Penshurst Place for some work as well. You never know, it might work!

Saturday. A very bad journey up. For some reason, London Underground has taken it upon themselves to close the Jubilee Line so I can't get to Canning Town from Stratford. I have to take some buses, but as usual they tell you there is a bus replacement service but don't actually put any signs up telling you where the flaming buses are. I eventually found them and get bussed down to Canning Town station. All I need now is a Docklands Light Railway train to Beckton as it is only two stops to the Excel station. I arrive at the platform and it is packed and all the trains listed on the dot matrix board are going to Woolwich Arsenal. Each time one of these trains comes in only about two people get on, and more and more people are arriving from the other platforms. Finally a Beckton train comes in and there is a total bun fight to get on board. I eventually surrender and have to wait for another 9 minutes until another full Beckton train turns up. I fight my way on board and after what seems a lifetime I get to the Excel arena. There are masses and masses of people queued up to get in - how exciting. Only after I am in do I discover that they are all waiting to get into the Dive Show which is on in another hall. It takes me so long to fight my way in that I am ready with apologies for my tardiness - but I soon discover I am the first one there on the Visit Kent stall! It is a great day and I take much delight in chatting up the ladies on the Irish stall, especially Broughaid (I think that's how you spelt it) and my friend Bill on the Portsmouth stall (she is a lady despite that name). There is a great look-a-like on the Bristol stall dressed as Isambad Kingdom-Brunel who is great fun and a bizarre chap from the London Bridge experience dressed as an evil Professor who is 7 feet 4 inches tall. My only complaint is that on the main stage they have frequent - far too frequent for my liking - performances from the cast of "Mamma Mia". Now, how can I explain my feelings about Abba and their music? Well, let me put it this way - I would rather hammer tent pegs through my feet than have to listen to their inane whining, so you can imagine my delight when a load of shouty women then bounce around on stage for what seems like a lifetime screaming out "Mamma Mia" "Honey Honey" and, horror of horrors "Dancing Queen". When they began screeching their way through "The Winner Takes It All" I gave up all ideas of subtlty and took to howling like a wolf. I was delighted to hear various other voices joining in the howling from other stalls in the vicinity. It was good to have friends. "Mamma Mia" are on THREE times. THREE! Rather than face the vagaries of the train service going back I got a cab to Stratford station instead. Expensive but easy.

Sunday. The final day. It is announced that I am possibly to play keepy-up football with Charlie George, legendary lank haired lunatic centre forward for the Arsenal team of the early 70's. He now looks like Andy Pitkin from Little Britain with a bald patch, lank hair and thick glasses. All he needed was to say "I want that one" and he'd have been there. The keepy up never happens. Football does rear it's ugly head as I am asked to take part in a table football tournament with lots of the other costumed characters. We are teamed up with a member of the public and then set out to play each other in a knockout tournament, the winning member of the public then walks off with a luxury holiday for two - very nice. I manage to get through to the semi final before being vanquished, which was pretty good for me. More fun is had with the lovely Irish ladies (hello Josephine!) and the ladies on the Scottish stand. Then Mamma Mia turn up again, so there is more Wolf Howling from me and my friends. Finally it is time for me to go and get changed, but still there is more fun and mishaps to be had. I am getting changed in my tiny little cupboard, surrounded by everyone elses coats and bags etc, when I manage to knock over the big bottle of water I always carry in my Henry bag. It shoots up in the air and then plummets downwards, but somehow manages to miss all the clothes. I am left with a virtually empty bottle but a big suspicious looking wet patch on the floor, and not a dog in sight to blame. I end up mopping at the floor with my dirty Henry shirts from the previous few days. What a way to finish the week. I get another cab back to Stratford and for the first time in the week I can only get a slow train stopping at all stations to Shenfield. At Romford four scantily clad young "ladies" stagger through the train reeking of lager and playing an Ipod with speakers as loud as they possibly can, singing along with various foul mouthed R&B tracks. How lovely.

I will be appearing for Visit Kent again this Thursday at the Detling Showground in Kent. See you there.

St Michael's, Twerton, plus Medieval Midsummer Merriments!

Thursday. Ill. Very ill. No, not just "man flu" but seriously snotty, hot, achy and not feeling good at all. I took me to my bed and lay there groaning. The phone rang. "Yes" I croaked, in a voice more in keeping with someone having their last rites read. "Mike, where are you?" Oh dear, this could be embarrassing. Had I forgotten a school? No I hadn't, but I had forgotten a meeting I had booked with Tricia, a nice lady down in Abbotsbury for their forthcoming Medieval Midsummer Merriment as it is called. I made abject apologies and then sneezed all over the receiver just to prove to her how ill I really was. She believed me and we re-booked the meeting for this Saturday. I went back to bed and awaited a cure or death, whichever was quicker.

I woke up early on the Friday, delighted to find that I was feeling a lot better - still not brilliant, but the temperature had dropped and I was only mildly snotty. This was a vast improvement and meant I was ready to drive up to Twerton and a return visit to St Michael's School there. I had only recently visited this lovely school back in July, but it was good to be back. Just as before, they were a relatively small group, but what they lacked in size they more than made up for in noise. They were at times deafening, never more so than during the afternoon jousting. I felt really lousy by lunchtime, but plodded on with the show, feeling that I wasn't doing myself or the school justice, but the teachers said they were delighted and the children certainly made it clear that they had enjoyed themselves. The ladies stormed to a famous victory in the jousting and at the end of everything else I sold some souvenir Henry VIIIth coins we had minted with our new coin dye. One little boy bought NINE of them! NINE! I was due to go over and see Ali and Ian in Kingstone in the evening for a curry night, but it was sadly postponed at the last minute, so instead I sat in and had a Chinese takeaway.

This morning I drove down to Abbotsbury for my meeting with Tricia about the Medieval Midsummer Merriment. The meeting went well and their plans look fabulous. In the beautiful shimmering sunlight we walked down to the Tithe Barn where the event will be held and it just looked so beautiful. You looked at the green rolling hills speckled with white patches of distant sheep, the clear azure blue sky, the warm yellow sunshine and the rich warm colours of the old stone buildings and you began to wonder if there really was anywhere else in the world as beautiful as England on a spring day like today. With the nunnery on the hill and the rippled landscape scattered with ancient marks that man has made over the centuries you suddenly felt immersed in history. I can't wait for the show in June!

Next I headed up to Barrington Court for a quick meeting with Matthew Applegate about possibly doing some education shows at the Court beginning next January and February. Should be good!

And now, settle me down and watch Wales v Ireland in the Rugby!

Drayton Junior, Norfolk

After my recent visit to Norfolk, what do I need right now? That's right! Another visit to Norfolk! This was another of those re-organised visits from when we were all snowed in. Drayton is a fabulous school and one that I have visited on a number of occasions, so it was a delight to be back there again. Now, you know you are getting old when the head teachers and deputy heads all look like they have just come from a Ralph Reader Gang Show. The Deputy Head at Drayton looks about 12 years old, but he is a jolly nice chap and very welcoming. He has also come fresh foot from seeing Norwich beat Plymouth over the weekend, so he is also a very happy chap as well as jolly.

We had a great day, as usual at Drayton! The kids were fantastic and the teachers were brilliant. The day just seemed to shoot past at an incredible rate. Lunch was perplexing. I would call them meat balls, but they weren't round. They were more like meat hockey pucks. And what meat were they? I ate one. It was chicken, surely. No, perhaps not. It could be turkey. Hang on. No it's chicken. Or is it. No, tell a lie, it IS turkey. Actually come to think of it I reckon it's a combination of turkey and chicken. Turned out it was pork. I just pray that my Rabbi never finds out.

The afternoon joust was fantastic! The ladies built up a massive lead but the chaps started chipping away at the lead and getting closer and closer, but the ladies JUST held on for a famous victory. Drayton as ever was a fabulous school, welcoming, friendly, happy and a pleasure to visit. I can't wait to see them all again next year.

Norfolk In Chance

I had been due for several days in Norfolk back in February, but the weather decided that snow, more snow and even more snow was the order of the day and any chance of driving across country to visit the said schools was about as likely to happen as me winning the 100 metres at the next Olympics. So while I sat steaming and trapped in the far west of England and Wales, the schools had to miss out on their Henry VIIIth days. But we managed to rearrange the dates and here I was now on my way to complete my obligations.

First visit of the two days was at Falcon Junior School in Sprouston, Norwich. This is a lovely school with some very groovy children and lovely teachers. Their hall is a beautiful place to work and has a really nice timeline painted round the walls for the children to look at. We had a great day, lots of fun and some fantastic costumes some of the children were wearing. The teachers and classroom assistants were also well togged out, particularly one of the male teachers whose voluminous pantaloons gave him more than a passing resemblance to MC Hammer. The afternoon was a fun raucous event with a fine jousting tournament in which a good gents outfit just edged out the ladies. It is such a fun school to visit every year, I can't wait to go back and see them all again.

Now instead of my usual long trawl back to either Essex or, even worse, Somerset, all I had in front of me now was a 10 miles drive to Acle and my digs for the night. I was staying at the King's Head Inn and I have to say that my first impressions weren't good. The bar seemed to be hosting a Barfly's Convention with much drunken hubbub and a slurred words between rather flakey looking middle aged men and women. However, after checking in and going upstairs to my small but comfortable room, I came back down to find the bar cleared. I was served a very nice pint of Adnams Bitter (It would have to be at £3 a pint - oh for the days when we served Adnams Bitter in The Hoop in Stock at 90p a pint...) and then perused their very good looking menu. I ordered King Prawns in garlic butter to begin and then chicken breast wrapped in smoked bacon and served on a bed of wild mushroom sauce for the main course. The King Prawns were a huge disappointment. They arrived looking massive and impressive but had been over cooked to the point of virtual disintegration. The chicken was a massive saving grace and was delicious and well cooked. After dinner I moved into the second bar where a massive screen was showing the Manchester United v Inter Milan Champions League match. Naturally, being in Norfolk I was surrounded by Manchester United fans, but they were mostly aged about 12, drunk and not over blessed with brain cells, so it was nice fun to wind them up a little. I lost interest by half time as United were walking the match, and so I retired to bed. Breakfast in the morning was a huge and impressive affair and I left fortified and with arteries hardening by the second.

My second school of the two days was another return visit, and this was to Caister Junior in Caister by Sea. This is another wonderful school that is always a delight to visit. We had another great fun day with a really nice friendly group of children. The costumes for the group were fantastic, the children fun, the teachers charming and the whole day was brilliant. The final joust was terrific fun and close as close can be, but once again the gents team strolled to a good victory. Schools like Falcon and Caister should be cherished for the good work that they do and for the fine children they produce. As endorsed by Henry VIIIth!

I drove home for a weekend in Essex with my family which is going to be nice. I am back in Norfolk again on Monday for another return visit, this time to Drayton School in Norwich, then it will be back to Somerset.

St Michael's School, Wimborne

There comes a point, when you are running a marathon, when you, metaphorically speaking, hit a wall. It usually happens at around the 20 mile mark and leaves the runner exhausted, cramped and with the feeling that he is running through thick treacle, uphill and carrying a big bag or two of shopping. I have a feeling I hit the Henry wall yesterday. It has all been going so well lately, every show has been a winner and I have just sailed through. Yesterday was a fifth return visit to St Michael's School in Wimborne, Dorset and it has always been a favourite of mine to visit, so I was really looking forward to it. So I arrived, set up, got changed, the children came in...and I seemed to hit the wall. I kept fluffing my lines, nothing quite timed and the children seemed very quiet and subdued. It was a such a shame! They had all dressed up in some magnificent Tudor costumes and seemed genuinely enthusiastic, but I really struggled during the morning session. After a nice lunch of chilli con carne I felt I perked up a little and the afternoon seemed much easier. The jousting was great and was won by a superb gents team, two of whom could quite easily have been professional jousters! It was a nice visit to a lovely school and I would love to have been a bit more on the money for the show. The teachers were as kind and friendly as ever. Next year I promise to be better...

After a restfull evening I am now preparing paper work and packing a suitcase as for the next ten days I am up in Essex and Norfolk for a series of shows. Speak to you soon.

Friends and Fire Pits.

How nice it is to visit old friends! This weekend, I have been to Crawley in West Sussex to visit my old friends Viv and John Rich. The main reason for this was that John had built a fire pit in their back garden - a sort of permanent larger chimnea. They had invited many friends, cooked some wonderful food and laid on lots of nice drinks to celebrate this opening of all John's handiwork. And they asked me, as Henry to come along and open the said pit. It was a pleasure, as you can see from the picture above. The mug I am holding has a nice Henry VIIIth logo on it! My lovely sisters Sue and Cathy were there as well, so was Cathy's husband Julian, plus many other guests including John's delightful sister Ann. A really good time was had by all and, despite the early date of the year, we sat outside round the fire pit, nice snug and warm until about 9.30pm. We then sat indoors yarning, laughing and occasionally snoring until about 12.30am. Wonderful.

It has been a pleasure to be surrounded this weekend with such good friends and company. Sometimes you should appreciate this part of your life more often.

Tomorrow I am off to Wimborne in Dorset for a fifth return visit to St Michael's School in Colehill.

BBC Somerset Have Your Say!

Taunton - again! Back on the old A358, there must be a song title in there somewhere. I had been invited back to appear on BBC Somerset with Emma Britton on her morning show, the opening part of the show being called "Have Your Say". It is still much like the format of the old show with Jo Phillips, only now they only have two panel members per session and there is much more participation from listeners phoning in and joining in the discussion. My fellow panel member today was a lovely lady from Bridgwater Amateur Operatic Society who is putting on a production of "Hello Dolly" in the near future. She was terribly enthusiastic and good fun to be with. I hope I was too!

The general topic today was are we more inclined towards closer ties with America or with Europe, which as you can expect we got nowhere near to solving. But it was good to hear other people's opinions on the subject. After I had finished at the radio station I drove over to Street and treated myself to some new clothes and stopped off briefly in Somerton where I treated myself even more with some lovely fish and chips!

I have done little else for the rest of the day aside from convince myself that I need to do a load of tidying up before my sister Susan arrives on Friday. Yes. I really must. Tomorrow probably.

Trull again!

For five years I have been coming to Trull school, but I had never been in quite like this before! My new Sat Nav, still smarting from being out manoeuvred by the elderly Doris yesterday (see previous blog entry), decided to get it's own back on me today. The easiest and most straightforward way to get to Trull is go right through the middle of Taunton and turn off just before you get to the turn off for Musgrove Park Hospital - keep going then turn off to your left and there you find the lovely village of Trull in all it's quaintness. But not today, oh no. My sat nav started squawking about turning off and going another way - I was early and thought what the heck, let's give it a try. It ended up being like a Somerset countryside version of the Paris-Dakkar rally. I went down some of the smallest roads you have ever seen and nearly got wiped out by two insane farmers in their 4x4's. But it did make me appreciate even more than before just how lovely Trull is as a village, and what a fantastic school it is as well.

I was warmly greeted but then had to sit around for three quarters of an hour as their was a school assembly, this eventually finished and we were off and running. It was nice to hear so much enthusiasm and knowledge from the children as the day progressed. They knew a lot of good Tudor stuff! After a first class morning of fun and frolics, I popped up to the little shop in Trull village for some lunch. The choice of food was far superior to yesterday, but then a UNICEF feeding station probably has a better choice of fast foods than yesterday. So I got a nice looking sandwich, a bottle of drink and a pepperami - all going well so far. Would I like a bag to put this all in? Not 'arf! The nice lady in the shop gets out a second hand plastic bag and stuffs my grub in it and hands it over - only for me to discover that the previous contents of the bag seem to have been most world stocks of moth balls. So I got back to the school and moth balls, and ate my chicken sandwich with moth balls, nibbled a pepperami with moth balls and swigged a few mouth fulls of Pepsi Max - now with added moth balls. All that and not a Rock Hyrax in sight.

The afternoon was insane, loads of pictures were taken and a very tightly contested joust was won by the ladies with a quoit or two to spare (and some moth balls).

I drove home in the howling wind and rain and by now, just after eight o'clock, I am ready for bed already. Poor old devil. Tomorrow I am back on BBC Somerset with the lovely Emma Britton on the morning show. Please listen in!

Stawley School, Back of Beyond

Today's subject is geography. Question one: How do you find Stawley School near Wellington? Well, for a start, don't go to the village of Stawley, because it isn't there. Go to a tiny pimple on the map called rather cutely Appley Cross. Question two: How do you find Appley Cross? Not with my Sat Nav that's for sure. I plumbed in the post code of the school, usually more than adequate for my Sat Nav. It just looked at me and went "and....?" It had never heard of it. So I tried typing in Appley Cross. It hadn't heard of that either. Similarly it hadn't heard of Stawley, all points south of Wellington and Rock Hyraxes. In the words of Spike Milligan: What are we going to do now? Drastic measures were needed. This was a job for Doris. Doris is my semi retired and semi knackered old Sat Nav from my previous cars. She only works on batteries now and doesn't last very long when she does. I plugged her in and put in the post code -she found it straight away!

Appley Cross is as sweet and dinky as the name suggests. Stawley School is microscopic - blink and you would miss it, even if you were walking past with both legs in plaster and carrying some phenomenally heavy shopping. However, I was very warmly welcomed. It turned out the day was being shared between two schools, Stawley and Stampford from just up the road - but this still only gave us a grand total of about 30 students. But it was a great day despite the cramped conditions (no school hall so that whole day had to be done in the largest class room in the school). After a fun and frantic morning I wandered to the teeny tiny shop perched by the school gate to get some lunch. Did they have sandwiches? No. Did they have pies or pasties? No. Any cold meat and rolls? No. This was a time to improvise. Therefore my lunch ended up being two bananas, a can of Diet Coke, a packet of Kettle chips and a Twix. I am wasting away now - down to my final few hundred tons.

The afternoon joust was very different. As there was not enough room for two teams to joust at once, we had one team jousting at a time, while being timed on a stop watch. It made for some interesting results. In the main final the ladies went first and clocked a time of 1 minute and 4 seconds. The gents then went and clocked a time of 1 minute and 7 seconds! The ladies triumphed. We then had a teacher's race which saw a teacher's group romp home in just 54 seconds - surely a world record!

I got home and flaked out for the evening. For the following day I was due back at Trull.

Back at Barrington Court

On last Wednesday evening, shortly after buying Matthew Applegate another pint of beer, in a frenzy of bonhomie and beer froth, I offered to come along to Barrington Court the following Saturday for their re-opening day after the winter closure. I would do them a Henry VIIIth walkabout for free as I am such a wonderfully charitable little chap. Saturday dawned nice and bright, and after an early morning trip over to Yeovil to do such boring things as going to the bank, I was on my way to the finest Tudor house in South Somerset for their grand re-opening. I was really looking forward to it.

I got changed and was soon out and about. But where the hell was everyone? It was like a scene from "28 Days Later" to begin with - there was just no one about. But I soon encountered some brave intrepid people who had come to Barrington Court for the day. We had some fun, but despite the weather being so kind, you had to remember it was still only February and there just wasn't going to be masses of people coming in. By 3pm I was flagging and after a quick chat with Matthew I was soon on my way home. I watched the end of the Scotland v Italy rugby match, and then also watched the Ireland v England match. But I had been invited back to Barrington Court for the evening for a soiree celebrating the re-opening. Matthew had intimated that it might not be that much of a success as a bash, but I ventured over there anyway in the hope that something might occur. I was so glad I went. It was a belting evening! It began with Rachel Flynn, Matthew's assistant setting up her Wii console, and various games of Mario Cart, bowling and tennis were played, which became more raucous as the drinks intake level became higher. Then some music was put on and lots of silly dancing and laughing ensued, (see picture above as proof!) none more so than when Matthew Applegate, buoyed by approximately 300 gallons of Barrington cider decided it was time to show us how he could strut his stuff to Fatboy Slim's beautiful ballad that goes "I see you babe, shakin' that ass!" I was crying with laughter as he shuffled about the stage with his bottom sticking out at an acute angle, when it suddenly occurred to me that his dancing prowess showed an amazing likeness to the movements of Mr Jay Kay, aka Jamiroquai. I swear I nearly fell off my chair I laughed so much. The rest of the evening passed in a similar fashion with much merriment, and as I was only drinking orange juice it goes to prove you don't need to be three sheets to the wind to have a good time. But it would appear you do need to be completely shedded to dance like Jamiroquai. Matthew only needed the big furry hat and the likeness would have been complete.

I got home late. What a fantastic evening!